Provider asks for pic of me

[marylander1940]

4 hours ago, Monarchy79 said:

Ironically, I wish providers would post their “preferences”, saves me the time of even contacting them for a booking. 
 

On the topic of a provider requesting pics, he clearly has a “type”, and wants his client base to fit that mold. He’s definitely of the YMMV persuasion.  However, if I wanted to go through the pic-exchange crap, I’d just get on an app.

 

 

 

Good point, I remember ads in the Washington Blade saying "in shape only", I guess back then average meant something else and the word "toned" wasn't used. 

Instead of posting preferences I would rather providers simply asking for stats, unfortunately some clients don't always describe themselves accurately. 

Edited May 1, 2023 by marylander1940

[DWnyc]

15 hours ago, BenjaminNicholas said:

Bottom line, I don't think it's kosher to ask for a pic.  It's problematic for a wide variety of reasons.

However- devil's advocate here- wouldn't you rather an escort say 'no' before the meet, rather than go through with it and have what would likely be a bad experience?  A lot of new escorts use pics as a way to judge their own ability to perform.  Sure, it's unprofessional, but clearly the trend isn't going away (and likely going to get worse).

There's a middle ground here somewhere and it's likely an honest personal description of yourself in the event you're asked. 

Yes, I would, just like I’d rather see if they had a temper or were showed signs of stealing or being violent … before I showed up and experienced it myself.!

To add to the bottom line I’d say let this requirement (often not applied to all) be publicly displayed in their ad, and if it’s not and potential clients start experiencing it, let it be publicized in forums such as this, as the existence of that screener (even if, or specially if selectively applied) is a data point that the provider should be fine dealing with. 

[Jamie21]

On 4/16/2023 at 9:41 PM, DWnyc said:

Part of being the true professional is to be able to service pretty much anyone based on their appearance or demographic.

Those who want to parachute into the industry monetizing their ability to be around people they either find attractive or can tolerate, while being unable or unwilling to provide service to the others, have no business being considered alongside the professionals. 

This 100%.  If you’re enjoying yourself when you book with me then I’m definitely into you. A virtuous circle.

Don’t hire guys who are monetising their sex life. Those are the ones who ask for pics etc. 

[pubic_assistance]

10 hours ago, marylander1940 said:

ads in the Washington Blade saying "in shape only", I guess back then average meant something else a

In North America "average" means FAT (not fit).

[Gandalf]

But what does fat mean?  Because a fit man's fat can be a fat man's average.

[+ BenjaminNicholas]

2 hours ago, Gandalf said:

Because a fit man's fat can be a fat man's average.

This statement is so perfectly Lerner & Loewe, I want to put it to music.

 

[56harrisond]

12 hours ago, pubic_assistance said:

In North America "average" means FAT (not fit).

 

5 hours ago, Gandalf said:

But what does fat mean?  Because a fit man's fat can be a fat man's average.

 

Provide this chart and ask where they fall on it.

[pubic_assistance]

I think the majority of American guys look like the 30% picture.

Its a very obese culture here ..so you see plenty of that plus even bigger and sloppier 40% and up guys when you travel through middle America

[56harrisond]

2 minutes ago, pubic_assistance said:

I think the majority of American guys look like the 30% picture.

Its a very obese culture here ..so you see plenty of that plus even bigger and sloppier 40% and up guys when you travel through middle America

It's much easier, convenient and cheaper to eat unhealthy, processed foods and fast food. A poor diet coupled with a sedentary job, and it's really easy to become that 30%+ picture.

[DWnyc]

Wish the debate wasn’t just about looks but incorporated health risks (heart disease, diabetes etc). Not saying people are doing that here but that’s the cultural bias. 

 

[+ tassojunior]

fwiw- i know enough working guys to where I'm sure much or most of the time this is from a dislike of Indian and South Asian clients. I don't like it at all but it is what it is. Discrimination against them in the gay community is a hidden problem. 

[NyGold]

11 minutes ago, tassojunior said:

fwiw- i know enough working guys to where I'm sure much or most of the time this is from a dislike of Indian and South Asian clients. I don't like it at all but it is what it is. Discrimination against them in the gay community is a hidden problem. 

Do you mean you think they’re asking for photos because they’re trying to make sure you’re not Indian?

Surely that’s a small percentage of potential clients so not worth annoying people just for that group of people? 
 

[Simon Suraci]

On 4/30/2023 at 10:55 AM, BenjaminNicholas said:

However- devil's advocate here- wouldn't you rather an escort say 'no' before the meet, rather than go through with it and have what would likely be a bad experience? 

Solid point. A provider really shouldn’t be in the biz if they can’t see a wide variety of clients, but it’s better to know upfront that the provider is unprofessional and avoid wasting both parties’ time.

[pubic_assistance]

18 hours ago, Simon Suraci said:

A provider really shouldn’t be in the biz if they can’t see a wide variety of clients, but it’s better to know upfront that the provider is unprofessional and avoid wasting both parties’ time.

Although I agree an escort is probably in the wrong business if he's too picky . But at the same time I can understand that there has to be a line somewhere, where you just can't stomach the grotesque possibilities of some humans.

[DWnyc]

1 hour ago, pubic_assistance said:

Although I agree an escort is probably in the wrong business if he's too picky . But at the same time I can understand that there has to be a line somewhere, where you just can't stomach the grotesque possibilities of some humans.

You’re assuming these providers are seeking filters to exclude marginal outliers and that’s likely not what these requests are about.

 

[DWnyc]

19 hours ago, Simon Suraci said:

Solid point. A provider really shouldn’t be in the biz if they can’t see a wide variety of clients, but it’s better to know upfront that the provider is unprofessional and avoid wasting both parties’ time.

And the unprofessional providers should be “outed”. They don’t deserve consideration alongside the majority of providers who are great on that front.

[Simon Suraci]

The outliers aren’t usually physical things. Way more often I screen for other red flags. I can deal with someone’s fat rolls. It would take a pretty extreme rare kind of offensive human being to prevent me from seeing them. You can look like Godzilla, I don’t care. I can’t deal with all the other issues we providers talk about on these forums. Won’t launch into all those again here.

[muscmtl]

On 5/1/2023 at 7:04 PM, BenjaminNicholas said:

This statement is so perfectly Lerner & Loewe, I want to put it to music.

 

Reminds me of

Abs on a skinny guy are like big tits on a fat girl: it doesn't count

[StarQualityLuke]

Has anyone also thought, it could be a good safety measure, that it's not about looks. 

Safety always first. 😁

[+ jessmapex]

On 5/1/2023 at 8:46 PM, tassojunior said:

fwiw- i know enough working guys to where I'm sure much or most of the time this is from a dislike of Indian and South Asian clients. I don't like it at all but it is what it is. Discrimination against them in the gay community is a hidden problem. 

With the Asians enjoying the highest median income in the US, and South Asian Indians being the highest median income earners among Asians (see https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_ethnic_groups_in_the_United_States_by_household_income#By_race_and_ethnicity ), it may be wise for those working guys to lose that dislike sooner than later. 

 

[Luv2play]

On 5/1/2023 at 10:15 PM, pubic_assistance said:

I think the majority of American guys look like the 30% picture.

Its a very obese culture here ..so you see plenty of that plus even bigger and sloppier 40% and up guys when you travel through middle America

I think it depends on the age group. Maybe you are right with guys under 40 but for those over 40, which more closely aligns with the average client, I would guess closer to 35 percent body fat.

[Simon Suraci]

1 hour ago, jessmapex said:

With the Asians enjoying the highest median income in the US, and South Asian Indians being the highest median income earners among Asians….it may be wise for those working guys to lose that dislike sooner than later.

Very good point. I have many South Asian clients and see the full range from higher earning to lower earning. My South Asian clients really like me. Pretty stupid to turn somebody down because they’re some shade of brown. More business for me!

Some (not all) have a great deal of internalized homophobia because of the cultural norms in the countries and families in which they grew up. Seeing me is a safe space for them. I’m glad to make a difference in their lives.

[DWnyc]

46 minutes ago, Simon Suraci said:

Very good point. I have many South Asian clients and see the full range from higher earning to lower earning. My South Asian clients really like me. Pretty stupid to turn somebody down because they’re some shade of brown. More business for me!

Some (not all) have a great deal of internalized homophobia because of the cultural norms in the countries and families in which they grew up. Seeing me is a safe space for them. I’m glad to make a difference in their lives.

And it sounds like you’re one of the “good” ones - perhaps the majority. You likely provide an outlet for some that addresses their mental health as well as other needs. 

But there are plenty of providers out there for it to be a “thing” where dollars and morals aside there is no problem in treating people badly for this type of reason alone. 

I think some gay men get a kick out of  bullying those for whom the journey is / has been tougher.   No different from the bullies in high school. And compensates for their own lack of self esteem and worth. So they don’t think about the loss of income or reputation that can come from bad behavior.

Yet they forget their own history, and what it might have been like had one been born a generation or two earlier, let alone in some of these other worlds even today. 

[+ tassojunior]

2 hours ago, jessmapex said:

With the Asians enjoying the highest median income in the US, and South Asian Indians being the highest median income earners among Asians (see https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_ethnic_groups_in_the_United_States_by_household_income#By_race_and_ethnicity ), it may be wise for those working guys to lose that dislike sooner than later. 

 

100% agree. Indians are not only the wealthiest but the fastest growing population group soaring from 1% to 5% I think in 10 years. And growing faster now. No one in the gay community wants to talk about it but sooner or later that stereotype is going to have to be confronted when they're a large segment of the community. There was even an Indian-American professor who used the stereotype to his Indian students 

[DWnyc]

7 hours ago, StarQualityLuke said:

Has anyone also thought, it could be a good safety measure, that it's not about looks. 

Safety always first. 😁

Depends if it’s before agreeing to an appointment, or not.