NyGold

I tried setting an appt with him and it was impossible. So I gave up. Then the tables switched and he was calling texting all the time. I was so frustrated from before I didn’t respond. He then went into some personal stories that I won’t comment on but they didn’t all seem quite together. wss like today it sounds like you really need money, yesterday you couldn’t care less …

They’d get far fewer bookings.

Glad you are framing situations in this way now 😊 There’s not a right answer and you can choose not to take an appointment on principle or because you just aren’t able but you may miss out on the income. tbh for me hiring is often spur of the moment and making appointments in advance wouldn’t work because I might change my mind by then and it’s not cool obviously to book knowing there’s high probability it won’t happen. I also find many providers who say things like “don’t contact me unless you’re ready to come over right now” etc. so maybe the different attitudes appeal to different needs and all is good.

If it’s a recurring issue - with due respect are you perhaps allowing the bad ones to take advantage of you not protesting / maybe that’s being communicated in your time with them. I’ve had both ends of this causing stress - either feeling shortchanged on time or the provider wanting to keep going (even if not wanting to charge for that) and I’m in a hurry or not really that into it and ready to quit.

It’s kind of like being “naturally str8”

I told one provider (as a compliment) that he must be understating his measurements, he said if he was accurate in listing numbers people wouldn’t believe him and in turn would question the other stats, or that something was wrong with him / he’d had surgery etc.

I’ve been blocked many times by providers and while I can’t know for certain I would think reasons include the following: - provider thought I was a time waster, perhaps asking too many questions instead of booking when they thought I should have enough info - I requested canceling or postponing and they may have thought I was playing games - something came up they weren’t willing to do or offer (eg use condoms) - I indicate whether directly or not that the rate doesn’t work, particularly if they have a round of offering a revised rate and I still don’t accept (since I never counter offer it would only be them initiating new rate discussions) - they don’t have a face pic, I don’t jump to book them asap, so perhaps they take it personally or think I don’t find them a match so what’s the point - they are drunk or high and acting in a way that can’t necessarily be explained logically - I wouldn’t play by their rules that aren’t typical in the hobby - eg provide my “real” number, name or other identifying info or a photo - I do agree to send a photo and … lol then we start overlapping with Grindr rules … Actually apart from the rate discussion most of this is similar to hookup etiquette except you would think providers want to maximize revenue so wouldn’t make it impossible for someone to contact them or behave in a way that damages their reputation Funniest is a provider who blocked me, got a new profile which I checked out, when I realized who it was I told him I remembered him blocking me so no beee to discuss further, he then says that can’t be he never blocks anyone, that’s not the way his mother raised him etc etc, send him a pic or remind him who I am … so I do … and within seconds he blocks me

I assume non refundable deposit?

I fall into the category of it being more common they do come or even express that they want to. I don’t need them to come and sometimes I’m sure they’ve asked “do you want me to …” and my reply is something like “I’m sure you’d prefer to save your energy for other meetings today”. I’ve actually been surprised at how many seem to want it. I doubt it’s being satisfied by me - perhaps more just release of energy and maybe it helps them rest between appointments or before something they actually want to do. More than once I’ve even had providers express frustration if we ended before they climaxed - one guy insisted we keep going so he could come and I assumed he meant pay him for more time … so that turned into a bit of an unpleasant ending as I insisted on leaving and he gave me a dirty look as I walked out!

Actually these requests can come from the higher priced guys too. Price isn’t necessarily the arbiter of quality in the profession but who’s to say anyone individual has a monopoly on determining that

I’ve noticed an increase in providers offering to meet at a sauna / bathhouse / sex party - probably as a means of still getting an engagement if a client can’t host and neither can they. I guess it also reduces risk and preserves address discretion for both parties, and is cheaper than a hotel. However it does make your encounter potentially public (and some would recognize a local provider and see you with them). What do providers think about this - do they prefer it? Do they like staying on after the session is over? And what happens if others try to join given the nature of these places? Would the fees go up? (My personal preference is to avoid such a location for an encounter as I fear I would lose control, anonymity and have to “share” my experience to avoid being anti social)

Unless my disposable income is going up by at least the same amount as inflation … … after paying for higher priced essentials (eg groceries, gas, rent, heating, electricity) … I’m afraid I may have less to spend on a provider Add to that the double down effect of a provider raising his prices when I have less to spend on him … and I’m not sure I’ll be playing as much as I once did

A reminder of what this means. in a world where unpaid sex through hooking up apps easier to find by the day, providers who sit calculating “inflation” without understanding the true implication of what that means, may find, as they themselves age, that they are left with nothing rather then something Quote them whatever you want. Unless you have a gun to someone’s head (do you?), if they don’t want to pay they won’t engage you.

Why should this industry be any different from any other? Together with, often, having to fulfill the unique fetish aspects that come with being allowed to enter the hallowed circles of our demographic.

What do providers lie about? Probably the same things general folks do in hookup posts -— - age (what you can get away with … except many just can’t and still insist on it) - dick size (when fully fully fully hard …and maybe it’s the clients fault he can’t get there 😊) - height (unless your partner is standing next to you and of similar height it won’t really be noticed if it’s an inch or two that’s fudged) - health status (not touching that one given the sensitivity …) - safe sex practices - Pnp comfort - top / btm / vers capabilities and preference (two different things) In short - everything really. oh and photos that are clearly out of date - I laugh whenever I see one provider in my area insist all his photos are from the last 3 months (he looks different if you compare them) and he’s had that up with the same photos for at least 3 years) what was the original question again? 😊 Now if you want to be up for the first screening and not rejected before the potential client has even taken a look at your post, you want to maximize odds - and many if not most use filters - and they cover pretty much all of the above Tbh I can live with the age lie if they can get away with it. Less so on some of the other ones. Each to their own. It’s all a fantasy - I’m not going to seek 100% integrity from a hobby that is built on secrecy and fantasy.

And risk being excluded from the filters that can be set up on many categories including age

New York - a large metropolis with small incestuous pockets

He was alone reading on his iPad - but I thought he may have people join any minute and wanted to spare him awkwardness

Curious … thoughts on etiquette - if you run into a provider outside that context. I was once told by a prominent guy “If we EVER run into each other especially if I’m with other people, remember, we never met”. I’ve remembered that ever since. Ive often seen providers I’ve met at bars, parties and even having coffee at Starbucks. I’ve just ignored and truth is I think they would not recognize me out of context. The other day I realized a guy I’ve seen a couple of times was at the table next to me at a restaurant. We made eye contact for like 2 seconds and I quickly broke and looked away. A couple of hours later, I received an angry text. That I was incredibly rude and hurtful, how it was clear I did not respect him as a person because I looked down on his profession, that I thought I could discard him and didn’t realize he had feelings etc. I was taken aback - and immediately sent an apology and explained I thought he would prefer discretion and assured him if he had approached my table m I would have introduced him to my friends No response, and when I followed up a few days later to see if we were ok I saw he blocked me. Did I really do something so offensive?

Plus just an inability to comprehend how the market measures one’s value. An individual thinking they are good, or the best, doesn’t mean their market thinks so. Deciding to put all sorts of inputs into one’s service - with costs associated -without testing what the market will tolerate, And then using that to justify price, and wondering why that might be surprising to anyone … and why if people spend money on something completely unrelated they can’t or won’t spend on their service … the mind boggles. This is not about an individuals value to society as a human being, self worth, self esteem, to one’s family and friends etc. It’s about capitalist reality.

Together with “everything they told your (ie anyone older than 30) generation about condoms was a lie” The kids today don’t appreciate the medical miracles of Prep and ART - and they also think condoms were some sort of good luck charm used in pagan worship before the arrival of true religion made people realize they were always ridiculous.

And that’s why providers who are clearly 40+ are still 29 on the site ….

I’ve just come to accept that there is less or no space for people like me in the “community” because of this one issue (condoms) - but then again I’m over 29 … so I was due to be put out to pasture anyway.

Let him and anyone else raise their prices, and do a handstand and dance a jig if they want. No one is stopping them, our discussion here doesn’t mean anything. But if they genuinely (and not with faux naïveté) wonder why they can’t just do whatever they want and every client should accept it on a pace they set - after a while there isn’t much to say that’s helpful or supportive. I’ve spent my career in professional services. I know what would happen if I participated in a discussion group including people like my clients expressing surprise and frustration on issues such as “why can’t I raise my prices and have the same or more bookings”, “why don’t my clients want my work exactly as I determine it should be” etc

Agreed