Can One Truly Live Life Happily and Alone?

[+ MysticMenace]

As I am left with my thoughts tonight...trying to go to sleep, I wonder if there is anyone here in the forum that is living life (or has been living life) alone satisfactorily and happily. If so, how does that work?

Just in case a long-term relationship with a partner will not be in the cards for me, with possibly the occasional (or frequent) encounters with providers, can one actually find solace and maybe joy with living life alone?

[+ keroscenefire]

I've been in long-term relationships (longest more than 5 years) and have been alone. That is what I am currently and I would say I am generally happy. There is a freedom in being alone that just doesn't exist in a relationship. Though the trade-off is that intimacy and having that partner in life. I do miss those lazy weekends of sex, cuddling, late breakfasts, going for a walk, just having someone to do things with.

But I do get a lot out of my time with providers and the traveling that I do. I enjoy that I can go exactly where I want with who I want. And I have some amazing friends and family that I can still spend lots of quality time with. I even have a couple of BFEs that I get to share some more intimate time with even some cuddly weekends now and then. 

Truly, I don't think a life alone is necessarily any worse than a life with a partner. They're different with positive and negative things about each. Happiness really comes from within and I know many people happy alone and many people miserable in relationships (and vice versa). 

[Guest]

I've always wanted a lover/partner but I've spent most of my life alone.  I had a relationship for 12 years and he still actually lives with me so I have someone around just not romantically.  I travel alone and go to gay destinations by myself which a lot of people have commented on as being brave but I actually enjoy it.  I see myself living by myself for the rest of my life, I don't think I'll ever have another relationship.

But to answer your question, yes absolutely.  The key is to find good friends.

Edited August 11, 2021 by Woofiecmh

[rvwnsd]

10 hours ago, JoeMendoza said:

As I am left with my thoughts tonight...trying to go to sleep, I wonder if there is anyone here in the forum that is living life (or has been living life) alone satisfactorily and happily.

Yes.

10 hours ago, JoeMendoza said:

If so, how does that work?

Quite well.

10 hours ago, JoeMendoza said:

Just in case a long-term relationship with a partner will not be in the cards for me, with possibly the occasional (or frequent) encounters with providers, can one actually find solace and maybe joy with living life alone?

Yes, one can.

OK, enough with the sarcasm. Yes, it is possible to live alone and be fulfilled and happy. For me, the concept of having a partner has always been much more appealing than the reality. I enjoy my freedom to do as I choose, when I choose, and with whom I choose. That's not to say I am a hermit (far from it). It took a lot of introspection and thinking to realize that I enjoy and like my own company. I'm wired to be more solitary than most. It also took some effort to stop thinking about "living alone" and start thinking about "living with myself." 

Barbara Feldon (Agent 99 on the "Get Smart" series of the 1960's) wrote a book called "Living Alone and Loving It." You should check it out. 

 

[MikeBiDude]

I’ve lived alone more years since I was 20 than not alone. I’m very content alone, happy, I travel alone frequently, don’t mind dining alone, etc.

So I’m beginning to wonder if relationship isn’t for me? Maybe I’m too selfish, too much a control freak, too much non-monogamous? I’m not a shy introvert by any means….but just comfortable with myself.

I get a bit jealous seeing happy couples especially when it’s clear they’re happy life partners, no questions asked. My parents are alive and have happily been married 70 years. My brother and his male partner recently married after 25 years together! But somehow I feel it’s not for me.

So yes  @JoeMendozaI think one can live happily and alone. Neither way is perfect, it’s all a compromise. But it can all be good 👍🏻

[coriolis888]

Rudyard Kipling had one answer - which is not for everyone, but works for many - 

"He travels fastest who travels alone"

"He travels (the) fastest who travels alone"

proverb One can accomplish things faster or more efficiently without the presence or influence of other people or things, especially one's family members or partner.  

 

Then there are those who need to have a relationship.  

 

It is an individual thing.  

[+ Topseed]

Yes.  Happiness has nothing to do with relationship status, imo.

[Smurof]

Avoid going on a game show that has trips for prizes, as they are ALWAYS for two. If you ignore this advice, take me. ; )

[Luv2play]

For me, living alone happily means having an active mental life. If you are dead above the shoulders, I imagine living alone would be deadly. If you are open to meeting new people, entertaining new ideas and confronting new situations, you will have an interesting life.

[+ 7829V]

 

[seattlebottom]

Being alone and being lonely are two different things.  I've never been in a relationship but I've never felt lonely.  On the other hand, I've encountered many lonely people who are in relationships.

[marylander1940]

18 hours ago, JoeMendoza said:

As I am left with my thoughts tonight...trying to go to sleep, I wonder if there is anyone here in the forum that is living life (or has been living life) alone satisfactorily and happily. If so, how does that work?

Just in case a long-term relationship with a partner will not be in the cards for me, with possibly the occasional (or frequent) encounters with providers, can one actually find solace and maybe joy with living life alone?

 

Oh yes!

We can't have everything in life, sometimes we have to make choices and pick what's offered to us or what we can get.

Even in a relationship most gay men still fool around with others.

Every time I walk around DuPont I see gay men with or without a partner who own an entire townhouse. I don't think having of partner (with or without sex) makes much of a difference in their lives but it's becoming a social status, a sign of prestige. 

 

Edited August 11, 2021 by marylander1940

[+ tassojunior]

33 minutes ago, seattlebottom said:

 On the other hand, I've encountered many lonely people who are in relationships.

Indeed. Many of the loneliest people I know are in relationships. They can sometimes be limiting, especially if a bad relationship. I find having several works best for me. 

[jeezifonly]

Learn to enjoy your own company. It makes the rest a lot easier.

[+ RJD]

3 hours ago, seattlebottom said:

Being alone and being lonely are two different things.  I've never been in a relationship but I've never felt lonely.  On the other hand, I've encountered many lonely people who are in relationships.

Exactly.  People often conflate alone and loneliness.  I also know several people who are alone but never lonely and people who are not alone but often lonely. 

We should also be more sensitive to those who long for companionship but don't have it.  It's easy to suggest being comfortable and happy with yourself, but while that may be fulfilling for one person it may not be for another.   We're social animals.  Most of us thrive when there's human interaction.  If the past eighteen months has taught me anything, it's don't take for granted the simple pleasures of a dinner out with friends or a get-together at someone's home.  Those whose bubble included a partner or boyfriend were fortunate.  There are those of us who endured solitary isolation and literally had no face to face interaction with another person for months at a time.  As someone from a close-knit Italian family who saw each other almost every week and regularly saw friends, it was grueling and depressing. 

Edited August 12, 2021 by RJD

[Eleven11]

I live alone.  I have pretty much my entire adult life.  For some reason, I have no issue being by myself.  I can spend days and days never speaking to anyone.   Life through the COVID shut down didn't impact me whatsoever.  Did I "miss" seeing folks more regularly?  Sure.  But I didn't once feel lonely, or even alone.  At the end of the day, we are all just different people with varying degrees of a multitude of traits.  I just happen to be someone who can be alone without being lonely.  In fact, I don't recall ever feeling lonely.

This all said...I'd rather not be truly alone.  I love my friends and family, and I enjoy every minute spent with them.

[+ purplekow]

On 8/10/2021 at 11:47 PM, JoeMendoza said:

As I am left with my thoughts tonight...trying to go to sleep, I wonder if there is anyone here in the forum that is living life (or has been living life) alone satisfactorily and happily. If so, how does that work?

Just in case a long-term relationship with a partner will not be in the cards for me, with possibly the occasional (or frequent) encounters with providers, can one actually find solace and maybe joy with living life alone?

I had been happily involved in a long term relationship and since my wife's death, I have lived alone with my dogs.   It is difficulty to be lonely when one has a dog or two or in my case, at one time, seven.   

I find myself lonely at times but I appreciate being alone quite a bit.   As I age, I wish there was someone around to help me get up off the sofa which seems to swallow me up each time I sit in it.  It would be nice to have someone bring me a cup of tea, even when I really did not want it.  I sometimes long for someone to yell to come see and share something special in life or in the media.  Putting a dirty dish in the sink and coming back 20 minutes later to find it clean and drying on the rack would be lovely.   But mostly, it is nice to live by my own schedule.  I am as happy as I make myself, which is generally quite a bit.  I am as lonely as I need to be or want to be, during those times when life seems a bit overwhelming.  

We play the hand we are dealt, but when you are solo, it is a lot easier to gather the cards and redeal the hand and play that one for awhile.  

If I could have my partner back, I would not hesitate for a second to have her here with me.  But ultimately, that wonderful relationship was not always smooth sailing and there is nothing more lonely than not liking the person you love, even if it is a temporary condition.  

So, live the best life you can.  If you are not loving the hand you are dealt, as you are alone, you can gather the cards, mix them and start with a new hand.  All you need is the true desire to do so.  

You may well start out that new hand by getting a dog, you both will live happier and longer lives if you do. .  

Edited August 12, 2021 by purplekow

[+ azdr0710]

I like running around with friends, hiking, backpacking, watching movies, four-wheeling, little get-togethers, grabbing a Chipotle, what-have-you....

but I LOVE getting back home to my very own place and not having to worry about anybody else at all......

[+ purplekow]

30 minutes ago, azdr0710 said:

I like running around with friends, hiking, backpacking, watching movies, four-wheeling, little get-togethers, grabbing a Chipotle, what-have-you....

but I LOVE getting back home to my very own place and not having to worry about anybody else at all......

So appropriate for you. burning the candle at one end

 

[+ Pensant]

17 hours ago, seattlebottom said:

Being alone and being lonely are two different things.  I've never been in a relationship but I've never felt lonely.  On the other hand, I've encountered many lonely people who are in relationships.

Yes, the loneliest place to be is to be lonely in a relationship.

[+ Pensant]

I love living alone. I was in a ten-year relationship and enjoyed much of it, but was relieved when it ended. I’ve always been a bit of a loner, although I’m also pretty extroverted. I find traveling alone is, for me, a wonderful time to make new friends. At the same time, I cherish my close friends and siblings. I can’t complain in the least about my life.

[+ Charlie]

I have lived with someone in a partnership for the past 57 years (I went directly from a 4 year relationship into one that started 53 years ago tomorrow), but they have worked primarily because I have been allowed to be alone as much as I need to be. Committed relationships can be supportive, but they can also be suffocating if one doesn't also have "alone time." I grew up as an only child, and psychologically I need to have my own space; my partner has understood and accepted that right from the start. When I was younger, sometimes that meant a vacation on my own, or a few months away from home doing something that didn't involve my partner, and on one occasion even a one year separation in different countries. At this point in my life (i.e., old age), a room of my own and a few hours entirely separate from my partner will do the trick. However, it has been such a very long time since I have been truly alone--no partnership as the base of my existence--that I don't know how I will handle it if and when the time comes. I can't say I look forward to it, but I try to be prepared for it.

My parents were happily married for 41 years and never separated for more than a few days. They both assumed that my mother would die first, because my father was younger than she was and perfectly healthy until the last four months of his life. Instead, my mother survived him for 28 years. To her surprise, she found that she managed remarkably well living on her own until she was no longer physically able to do so. She realized that being completely alone offered opportunities as well as losses.

[+ WilliamM]

13 minutes ago, Charlie said:

I have lived with someone in a partnership for the past 57 years (I went directly from a 4 year relationship into one that started 53 years ago tomorrow), but they have worked primarily because I have been allowed to be alone as much as I need to be. Committed relationships can be supportive, but they can also be suffocating if one doesn't also have "alone time." I grew up as an only child, and psychologically I need to have my own space; my partner has understood and accepted that right from the start. When I was younger, sometimes that meant a vacation on my own, or a few months away from home doing something that didn't involve my partner, and on one occasion even a one year separation in different countries. At this point in my life (i.e., old age), a room of my own and a few hours entirely separate from my partner will do the trick. However, it has been such a very long time since I have been truly alone--no partnership as the base of my existence--that I don't know how I will handle it if and when the time comes. I can't say I look forward to it, but I try to be prepared for it.

My parents were happily married for 41 years and never separated for more than a few days. They both assumed that my mother would die first, because my father was younger than she was and perfectly healthy until the last four months of his life. Instead, my mother survived him for 28 years. To her surprise, she found that she managed remarkably well living on her own until she was no longer physically able to do so. She realized that being completely alone offered opportunities as well as losses.

@Charlie living in different countries sounds wonderful!  You both apparently did well.

[+ Oliver]

I was married to my best friend for 42 years until she died at an entirely too young age.  We had three children and I now have five grand children and two great-grandchildren.

I have been alone for 22 years, but I would not say I am lonely.  It was difficult to begin with - it was very quiet.😥  I had to learn how to do ordinary everyday things, because I was a cosseted husband (I prefer that to "spoiled" 😄).  But I did learn and also that I didn't have to do them as she had, but in my own way.  Now, however, I would find it very difficult, if not impossible, to live with someone.  I like doing things when and how I wish to, or not doing things, as I wish to.  To adapt to the ways of another person does not appeal.

Edited August 13, 2021 by Oliver

[+ MysticMenace]