Clients/Providers: Have either side ever "fallen" for someone?

[Dginnz]

What was the result? Have you ever fallen for a client/provider?

 

How did the other side handle it?

 

Any lessons learned/interesting story?

 

Consistently seeing the same person and being intimate with that person may understandably lead to blurred lines. How did you handle that?

 

Thanks

[big-n-tall]

Some of my regular providers have told me about their dating of clients. So, yes, clients and providers have fallen for each other. I don't know what the overall percentage is of this occurring. Nor can I tell you how well these relationships work out. I do think the overall percentage of clients/providers being in serious relationships with each other is relatively small.

 

One provider told me he dated a client for years before they split. I can't recall why he said they broke up. There was a posting by one forum member (in the Lounge section) talking about how he fell for a provider and he documented a lot of the relationship which didn't end well.

 

In my case, I have fallen for a provider. I have talked about it multiple times on the forum before. He and I aren't dating per se, but we talked about it a lot. There are a few obstacles in the way before we could really start dating earnestly. However, we are both open to seriously giving it a go. He made the first move in terms of moving the relationship beyond being in just a client/provider relationship. At first, I was kind of skeptical. Although, I was clearly falling for the guy. I knew he was serious when he began refusing to take a fee for meetups (we spent hours and sometimes half a day or night together with no money exchanged) and when he told me I was no longer his client. He even said he hadn't thought of me as a client for some time. We talk multiple times a week and sometimes daily. We are going slow and I don't know where this dance will end. I told him the most important thing is to remain friends, whether we date or not. He agreed.

 

I think we both understand we need to sort some things out (i.e. distance from each other) before we could be official. I haven't seen him consistently like I have seen other providers. So I can't say why we connected the way we did. There aren't any lessons learned yet, but I think the approach we are taking works for us.

Edited May 4, 2020 by big-n-tall

[Guest Cayden]

I’ve never.

[+ Snbrd]

Did you ever have to use the new word in a sentence during vocabulary class? For example, "The client falling in love with the provIder was a scam."

[FilmGeek]

The short answer is yes to both. It got to where he wouldnt charge me for weekends I was in town, and to me, he was exactly what I wanted personality wise, physically, as well as in bed. We were even close to the same age.

 

Then one time together, he told me he was thinking of quitting escorting to take school seriously. I offered for him to move in with me, and I would help him with school. He was excited about the idea, and we spoke about it often over the next few weeks, and then his phone number was disconnected and he disappeared.

 

Then, he contacted me. It was 6 or 7 years later. He said he had fallen on hard times, and was wondering if the offer was still available. I told him that a lot of time had gone by, but let's meet and catch up. We arranged a dinner date next time I was in town, and he had grown a substantial pot belly, lost his hair, hadn't showered in a while, and was obviously high. He wouldn't tell me what had happened, just kept trying to get me to take him to my room so he could convince me we should move in together. I felt bad for him. I offered to help him go through rehab, and told him if he could stay clean for 6 months, we would discuss it. He got mad, called me a bunch of things, and stormed off. That was the last I heard of him.

[Dginnz]

The short answer is yes to both. It got to where he wouldnt charge me for weekends I was in town, and to me, he was exactly what I wanted personality wise, physically, as well as in bed. We were even close to the same age.

 

Then one time together, he told me he was thinking of quitting escorting to take school seriously. I offered for him to move in with me, and I would help him with school. He was excited about the idea, and we spoke about it often over the next few weeks, and then his phone number was disconnected and he disappeared.

 

Then, he contacted me. It was 6 or 7 years later. He said he had fallen on hard times, and was wondering if the offer was still available. I told him that a lot of time had gone by, but let's meet and catch up. We arranged a dinner date next time I was in town, and he had grown a substantial pot belly, lost his hair, hadn't showered in a while, and was obviously high. He wouldn't tell me what had happened, just kept trying to get me to take him to my room so he could convince me we should move in together. I felt bad for him. I offered to help him go through rehab, and told him if he could stay clean for 6 months, we would discuss it. He got mad, called me a bunch of things, and stormed off. That was the last I heard of him.

 

Wow. That's quite a story, and I'm sorry to hear that "something" caught him. I think sometimes we forget some of the precarious situations providers can find themselves in. The work isn't easy, and it's easy to stray...

 

Has that relationship impacted how you handle relations with other providers?

[Dginnz]

Did you ever have to use the new word in a sentence during vocabulary class? For example, "The client falling in love with the provIder was a scam."

 

Not to be combative, but what makes you think that's the case all the time?

 

I think it's perfectly possible, but I also think any relationship that begins with money/access/items/etc. in exchange for time has an inherent imbalance that, to me, seems unfulfilling and unsustainable unless addressed honestly.

[marylander1940]

The short answer is yes to both. It got to where he wouldnt charge me for weekends I was in town, and to me, he was exactly what I wanted personality wise, physically, as well as in bed. We were even close to the same age.

 

Then one time together, he told me he was thinking of quitting escorting to take school seriously. I offered for him to move in with me, and I would help him with school. He was excited about the idea, and we spoke about it often over the next few weeks, and then his phone number was disconnected and he disappeared.

 

Then, he contacted me. It was 6 or 7 years later. He said he had fallen on hard times, and was wondering if the offer was still available. I told him that a lot of time had gone by, but let's meet and catch up. We arranged a dinner date next time I was in town, and he had grown a substantial pot belly, lost his hair, hadn't showered in a while, and was obviously high. He wouldn't tell me what had happened, just kept trying to get me to take him to my room so he could convince me we should move in together. I felt bad for him. I offered to help him go through rehab, and told him if he could stay clean for 6 months, we would discuss it. He got mad, called me a bunch of things, and stormed off. That was the last I heard of him.

 

He missed the chance of a lifetime to move in, study a career, get his life together, etc.

 

Sad story but not uncommon!

[NikoLeto]

Wow. That's quite a story, and I'm sorry to hear that "something" caught him. I think sometimes we forget some of the precarious situations providers can find themselves in. The work isn't easy, and it's easy to stray...

 

Has that relationship impacted how you handle relations with other providers?

 

Precarious is definitely the word. A short dry spell timed poorly with an emergency can derail years worth of plans and make it difficult to continue working (imagine a broken arm or leg) and impossible to recover.

 

For my contribution to the thread's original topic: I've had four clients over the ~6 years working fall for me. I've been able to carefully manage the situation so that only one of them stopped being a client, but worth noting, not by leading them on. In each case, I told them that it simply wasn't in the cards. I have responsibilities they aren't privy to and can't afford to chance messing up what I've got going on to pursue a relationship.

[tenderloin]

There was a young latin guy I saw regularly in NYC (more than 15 times over two years). He was an NYU student and he had some pretty significant mood disorder issues (deep depressive swings) and a tough life over all. He used to hang out post-coitus and we had lovely long chats, and sometime he just talked and talked and cried (and no, he didn't charge me for the time - I should have charged him LOL). One day he texted me that he was in desperate need of about $200 for some school books, and coupled it with saying that he was no longer going to escort but that he wanted to see me from time to time just to hang out. I venmo'ed the money and he immediately stopped returning texts and phone calls. It wasn't a big financial loss, but it stung. I felt foolish. Lesson learned.

[Rod Hagen]

It's funny, my friend had a client fall in love with him when he was escorting in his mid-30s. At the time my friend thought the client, 14 years older, divorced and with children seemed to be from another planet. Well, fast forward. Now my friend is 61, his partner, the former client, is 75, they've been married for years, and their families couldn't be happier.

Edited September 21, 2020 by Rod Hagen

[sincitymix]

Yes, but once I realize what’s happening I back the fuck off and give myself a liberal reality check and then all is right in the works again.

 

 

Admittedly I had to learn this the hard way after spending high 5 figures on someone who strung me along.... not an escort though.. wish it was then I’d at least would have gotten something out if it lol

[+ BenjaminNicholas]

Not so much fell for as landed solidly on top of

[asianmusclebttm]

I think this kind of thing is inevitable, afterall a good escort will want their client to feel amazing. Plus sex is a gateway to deeper connection.

 

But this is also where I think being business-headed is important - afterall its a transaction for a service. Sometimes the escort may be giving it their “all” and isn’t like that normally. Or an escort could be blinded by money, since its heavily linked with feelings of caretaking. So basically in my opinion, boundaries are important!

 

I actually love escorting because I can put in 100% intimacy and I know the session has an end. Whereas I have to be careful with hookups because people can get attached quickly when neither party means to.

[OrBlanc]

Yes, twice in this journey I've felt a chemistry that went beyond normal service or even hookup feelings.

 

First was with a guy who I hired at a very emotional time and obviously him being the absolute charmer he is, identified I probably needed a little talking to, we ended up extending past the paid for time and had a bit of a therapy sesh and yeah, it was hard to go at the end of it, but I made it a point to just keep that as a special night and went months without seeing him again, just to keep it simple.

 

The other was more of a quid pro quo situation, not explicitly with a provider, so the line was already blurry to begin with. Also a charmer who was probably happy to be taken care of if only for a moment and yeah it's taken all of my willpower not to see him again, to be fair I was forewarned that he elicits strong feelings from past sexual partners, I just thought I was immune to that type of thing.

 

I actually love escorting because I can put in 100% intimacy and I know the session has an end. Whereas I have to be careful with hookups because people can get attached quickly when neither party means to.

 

Usually this is my policy, find it very easy to just let go and be fully trusting and intimate with a provider, knowing it's very transactional and it's just two people making the most of a moment in time. Makes for better experiences in general, which is mostly what clients are after, right?

[RandyVue]

I hire now, but when I was a working boy, I wouldn’t say I fell in love, but I was smitten with a client. He was a good looking actor and very sexy, but he had a girlfriend, so I kept that crush I had in check.

[Muscleking]

Never... I try and keep my guys at bay..but some of them it’s hard but I don’t ever get close to an escort.. I did once never again.. I learned my lesson

[guru68]

I'm a fan of the BFE, but I'm not sure i want the Husband Experience.

[Storm4U]

Never

[+ JEC]

I had a provider (sort of) fall for me. Said he was crushing on me, when I said I was married his response was "I like a challenge". I put serious brakes on this boy. Things have worked out, I still see him occasionally, but the crush phase is over

[urbanfetish]

I had a thing going about 10-12 years ago with a masseur. He worked out of his apt and gave nice sensual massages. After a few sessions, the massages always led to us having sex. That went on for a year or so. I gave him an inexpensive Christmas present (it maybe cost about $30). While every session was paid for, I don't think he considered the sex part of the session. (I booked an hour and got an hour's massage; the sex was always afterwards, for example.) Towards the end, I started getting lots of "I want to see you again soon" texts from him, and several times those texts happened when I was in his neighborhood. Maybe it was just a coincidence, but I would always be a little startled and look around to see if he was nearby. I was not looking for anything more than FWB at most, but he seemed to be getting more clingy so I stopped seeing him all together.

[cany10011]

I had a thing going about 10-12 years ago with a masseur. He worked out of his apt and gave nice sensual massages. After a few sessions, the massages always led to us having sex. That went on for a year or so. I gave him an inexpensive Christmas present (it maybe cost about $30). While every session was paid for, I don't think he considered the sex part of the session. (I booked an hour and got an hour's massage; the sex was always afterwards, for example.) Towards the end, I started getting lots of "I want to see you again soon" texts from him, and several times those texts happened when I was in his neighborhood. Maybe it was just a coincidence, but I would always be a little startled and look around to see if he was nearby. I was not looking for anything more than FWB at most, but he seemed to be getting more clingy so I stopped seeing him all together.

Most people would be happy to be the subject of someone’s attention like that I would.

[urbanfetish]

Most people would be happy to be the subject of someone’s attention like that I would.

Not if you are in his neighborhood with your bf and you don't want the two to meet! lol

I hire because usually it means less complications than hook ups. I tried Craigslist/Grindr hook ups but more often than not the other guys wanted more than just a FWB situation.

[spider]

I had an awkward moment. I guy I’d hired several times ended a session with “love ya dude”. I closed my texted “thanks for a great session” message with “love, Spider.” I got back a rather short “dude I’m partnered” response.” I saw him a couple times since but the magic was gone.

[Geriatric Otter]

One of my regular guys in Boston hired another escort. They're now married, and we have some great times together...