Escorts Say the Darndest Things

[+ glutes]

After being quoted $350/hour:

 

"I am a high end escort, I don't need to be doing this."

[LaffingBear]

"That sore on my dick is from a spider bite."

[+ FrankR]

"That sore on my dick is from a spider bite."

Right...because that happens to me all the time.

[Blade9]

Right...because that happens to me all the time.

It happened to me once. Not pleasant.

[Rod Hagen]

How to kill a boner - "I could be your dad!"

 

If you've seen my dad you'd know why this would not be a boner killer. He's got a smile and guns like no other 80 year old I know. And, now it's hard to talk about anything lightly because I'm watching Notre Dame burn down.

[MikeBiDude]

And, now it's hard to talk about anything lightly because I'm watching Notre Dame burn down.

OMG +1 I’m so upset ?

[+ Tygerscent]

"I only do penetration on Overnights"

 

"I am going to the gym now so I can look hotter for you"

 

"I don't post a face picture because it affects my brand"

Hahahaha... So funny~

Other favorites:

"I only kiss with my boyfriend"

[marylander1940]

A few weeks ago I shared my nasty and not so good experience with an escort in DC (pre COVID) - he had a nice photo on RM but when he appeared on my door, Lo and behold, a totally different man.

 

I forgot to mention another one who was very rude, picky on what kinda oil and condom he wanted to use and the list goes on. Meanwhile he was supposed to bring all these gear with him.

 

During the massage, he even mentioned that he would go get his gun to shoot a client who did something wrong to him - I just didn’t want to ask him the details- I wanted him to finish his massage and get out of my place. Who would want a relaxing massage with a freakin weirdo like that. Shame he’s got good looks but his attitude is so fucked up.

 

Well you know what to do if you wanna know more.

 

I just thought it might be a good idea to post your thread on here and bump this wonderful thread. I hope it's ok with you...

[bendable2019]

I just thought it might be a good idea to post your thread on here and bump this wonderful thread. I hope it's ok with you...

 

You’re jewel @marylander1940 ❤️❤️❤️

[rustyrex]

1. I commented on his ad in Rentmen and he said "Yeah, that's my draw, I don't actually do the stuff I advertise" WTF
   
2. I top my hire and it starts smelling like shit. I ask after the smell starts getting stronger "Do you need to go to the bathroom?" He says "I'm clean! I cleaned myself before you got here!" He then proceeds to shit all over me and the bed.
   

[+ oldNbusted]

I top my hire and it starts smelling like shit. I ask after the smell starts getting stronger "Do you need to go to the bathroom?" He says "I'm clean! I cleaned myself before you got here!" He then proceeds to shit all over me and the bed.

 

 

Mr Hanky will not be denied!

 

Sorry that happened to you.

[+ jeezopete]

I top my hire and it starts smelling like shit. I ask after the smell starts getting stronger "Do you need to go to the bathroom?" He says "I'm clean! I cleaned myself before you got here!" He then proceeds to shit all over me and the bed.

 

Oooooh, I could've gone through this entire pandemic isolation without reading that! But I didn't......

So sorry for you. I don't know how one recovers from a situation like that.

[marylander1940]

In my opinion it’s detrimental to have people in your life that listen.

 

That was it...

 

Share some of your favorites if so inclined.

 

https://rentmen.eu/ClayTonKelly

[Otto]

This is about the funniest thread I've seen here. Some real jewels to chuckle at.

[marylander1940]

This is about the funniest thread I've seen here. Some real jewels to chuckle at.

 

and one of the most informative and educational too, it's always a pleasure to bump it! Makes me wonder how many Sheldon's are out there escorting...

 

Thank you @Oaktown !

 

here's another post I brought from a recent thread by a newbie.

 

This year, more than ever, escorts have given me some grief or guilt about booking appointments that interfere with their personal plans. For example, I have an appointment scheduled tonight, and the guy commented "I was supposed to go with my friends to Rehoboth this weekend" but we are meeting any way.

 

Is this just me or is it happening to other guys?

[marylander1940]

https://rentmen.eu/Jax_official

 

As of now the text says:

 

"6”3 , alpha male, built like a Greek god. IM VERY charming, charismatic, and sweet, but won’t be taken advantage of. 9.5 inch dick."

[MscleLovr]

https://rentmen.eu/Jax_official

As of now the text says:

"6”3 , alpha male, built like a Greek god. IM VERY charming, charismatic, and sweet, but won’t be taken advantage of. 9.5 inch dick."

 

Yet when he filled out the Info section earlier, he was 1 inch taller. Invariably I find that a man who describes himself as “very charming” turns out not to be.

[craigville beach]

Yet when he filled out the Info section earlier, he was 1 inch taller. Invariably I find that a man who describes himself as “very charming” turns out not to be.

 

i have the same issue with people who continue to tell us how smart they are and yet they continue to fuck up (tRump).

[Ryan Roman]

I think clients say the darnedest things too:

 

When it's late - "It's 2am, how soon can you get here?"

When it is literally too late - "Does it hurt when I bite it like this?"

How to kill a boner - "I could be your dad!"

 

OMG yes: the "It's 2am, how soon can you get here?" along with "Does it hurt when I bite it like this?"

 

Um, at 2am, I'm not going to be there in a hour... And yes, it does hurt when you bite my pierced nipples. As for "I could be your dad!"... Come here daddy and your boy will show you what he's got ?.

[marylander1940]

"HIV in the 80's killed a lot of folks that would have been my clients now..."

 

I won't repeat with him again....

[Luv2play]

1. I commented on his ad in Rentmen and he said "Yeah, that's my draw, I don't actually do the stuff I advertise" WTF
   
2. I top my hire and it starts smelling like shit. I ask after the smell starts getting stronger "Do you need to go to the bathroom?" He says "I'm clean! I cleaned myself before you got here!" He then proceeds to shit all over me and the bed.
   

Well, shit happens.

[Gymowner]

Well, shit happens.

is that what that hole is there for? i never knew that!

[Wolfer]

Escort lists himself as "vers/bottom"

 

When I enquire about a meeting he says:

"Sorry, I prefer to top"

[+ harey]

1. I commented on his ad in Rentmen and he said "Yeah, that's my draw, I don't actually do the stuff I advertise" WTF
   
2. I top my hire and it starts smelling like shit. I ask after the smell starts getting stronger "Do you need to go to the bathroom?" He says "I'm clean! I cleaned myself before you got here!" He then proceeds to shit all over me and the bed.
   

OMG. I’m so sorry.

[+ harey]

“Do you mind if I bring my 50 lbs dog to your hotel room? She’s a really sweet pit bull and usually stays off the bed.”