What / When is considered loss of virginity for a gay man?

[Wings246]

Sorry for asking such a childish question.

It's easy for heterosexual people to declare when they lose their virginity (i.e. when a penis penetrates a vagina, then both parties have lost their virginity).  But for gay men, when or after what action(s) would you define that virginity is lost?  Would it be the completion of a mirror-image  equivalent activity (i.e. when a penis penetrates an anus/rectum)?  Even so, do you have to be a top AND a bottom (i.e. to penetrate and to be penetrated) for the checkbox to be checked off?

I know there is no single standard "scientific" answer.  The easiest or perhaps the best answer is that it is whatever and however you want it to be defined.  Regardless, I just want to hear other people's opinion on this.

[+ Vegas_Millennial]

5 minutes ago, Wings246 said:

But for gay men, when or after what action(s) would you define that virginity is lost? 

[Wings246]

@Vegas_Millennial: are you a stand-up comedian?  If so, I'd definitely buy tickets to see you perform.  You crack me up more often than you can ever imagine.

Edited 21 hours ago by Wings246

[+ Vegas_Millennial]

Just now, Wings246 said:

@Vegas_Millennial: are you a stand-up comedian? 

No, I'm sitting in a chair at present. 🪑 

[BigDMike]

I was younger than the age of consent...the other guy was.  I was a very willing participant and still reminisce about him today

[Nue2thegame]

32 minutes ago, Wings246 said:

Sorry for asking such a childish question.

It's easy for heterosexual people to declare when they lose their virginity (i.e. when a penis penetrates a vagina, then both parties have lost their virginity).  But for gay men, when or after what action(s) would you define that virginity is lost?  Would it be the completion of a mirror-image  equivalent activity (i.e. when a penis penetrates an anus/rectum)?  Even so, do you have to be a top AND a bottom (i.e. to penetrate and to be penetrated) for the checkbox to be checked off?

 

I think it’s when a penis penetrates the rectum for the first time and just as cis heterosexual couples, either the top or bottom may lose their virginity. One might speak of losing their virginity as a top or a bottom at different times.  For me, the latter came much later, as may be the case for many. 

[marylander1940]

53 minutes ago, Wings246 said:

Sorry for asking such a childish question.

It's easy for heterosexual people to declare when they lose their virginity (i.e. when a penis penetrates a vagina, then both parties have lost their virginity).  But for gay men, when or after what action(s) would you define that virginity is lost?  Would it be the completion of a mirror-image  equivalent activity (i.e. when a penis penetrates an anus/rectum)?  Even so, do you have to be a top AND a bottom (i.e. to penetrate and to be penetrated) for the checkbox to be checked off?

I know there is no single standard "scientific" answer.  The easiest or perhaps the best answer is that it is whatever and however you want it to be defined.  Regardless, I just want to hear other people's opinion on this.

Penetration as a top or a bottom. 

[Charlington]

21 minutes ago, Nue2thegame said:

I think it’s when a penis penetrates the rectum for the first time and just as cis heterosexual couples, either the top or bottom may lose their virginity. One might speak of losing their virginity as a top or a bottom at different times.  For me, the latter came much later, as may be the case for many. 

I disagree. By that definition I would be a virgin 😝. I have pretty much always been an oral/rimming only or side type of guy. Never had the desire to fuck a guy anally, and have tried but been unsuccessful at bottoming. It doesn’t give me pleasure. Though I like watching other guys do it.

Not that I’m an expert on the subject area, but lesbians generally don’t have to penetrate to constitute having sex either. I would assume most of what they do is oral based.

Edited 20 hours ago by Charlington

[Nue2thegame]

1 minute ago, Charlington said:

I disagree. By that definition I would be a virgin 😝. I have pretty much always been an oral only or side type of guy. Never had the desire to fuck a guy anally, and have tried but been unsuccessful at bottoming. It doesn’t give me pleasure. Not that I’m an expert on the subject area, but lesbians generally don’t have to penetrate to constitute having sex either. I would assume most of what they do is oral based.

Valid and meaningful. Not sure if your unsuccessful attempt at bottoming makes you a non virgin or not. I was just addressing “virginity” but maybe my definition is too restrictive. At the end of the day, in the absence of a standard definition in this context, it’s what we choose to say it is. 

[Wings246]

I realize I forget to share my own perspective: virginity is lost after giving and receiving anal actions.  I've only received and thus, I'm still a 50% virgin!   😂

[JayCeeKy]

Interesting question, one that's actually crossed my mind in the past. I asked my friendly neighborhood ChatGPT the question:

 

What do gay men consider "losing their virginity?"

There isn't a single definition. Among gay men, just as among heterosexual people, "losing your virginity" is often a personal, cultural, or social concept rather than a medical one.

Some common ways people define it are:

• First experience of anal sex (either as the insertive/"top" or receptive/"bottom" partner). This is probably the most common traditional definition among gay men.
• First mutually consensual sexual experience with another man, regardless of the specific act. Some people consider oral sex, mutual masturbation, or other intimate sexual activities to be the point at which they are no longer virgins.
• First emotionally meaningful sexual encounter. Some people don't count a casual hookup but do count their first sexual experience within a relationship.
• Not a useful concept at all. Many LGBTQ+ people reject the idea of virginity because it was historically defined around heterosexual vaginal intercourse. Instead, they simply talk about their "first sexual experience" or "first time having anal sex," "first time giving oral sex," and so on.

Why there's no universal definition

The traditional concept of virginity was built around penile-vaginal intercourse. That framework doesn't translate neatly to same-sex relationships, so many gay men define it in ways that reflect their own experiences rather than a cultural rule.

[Danny-Darko]

1 hour ago, Wings246 said:

Sorry for asking such a childish question.

It's easy for heterosexual people to declare when they lose their virginity (i.e. when a penis penetrates a vagina, then both parties have lost their virginity).  But for gay men, when or after what action(s) would you define that virginity is lost?  Would it be the completion of a mirror-image  equivalent activity (i.e. when a penis penetrates an anus/rectum)?  Even so, do you have to be a top AND a bottom (i.e. to penetrate and to be penetrated) for the checkbox to be checked off?

I know there is no single standard "scientific" answer.  The easiest or perhaps the best answer is that it is whatever and however you want it to be defined.  Regardless, I just want to hear other people's opinion on this.

Interestingly, I was just discussing that with a therapist a few weeks ago. We were discussing gay sex and the conversation came around to my coming of age (no pun intended), and he asked when did I lose my virginity. I asked what he meant by "losing virginity" exactly for a gay man? He answered, "what did losing my virginity mean to me"! So the answer is relative. It can mean different things to different people especially for gay men! 

[TonyDown]

I rarely heard the term virgin discussed in my circles. 

I did hear the reference "cherry" but not often, meaning a young gay guy that had not bottomed. (Still had his cherry.)

From old French, virgine meant

 pure, fresh, and untouched maiden.  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited 19 hours ago by TonyDown

[nate_sf]

This would be my definition:

19 minutes ago, JayCeeKy said:

• First mutually consensual sexual experience with another man, regardless of the specific act. Some people consider oral sex, mutual masturbation, or other intimate sexual activities to be the point at which they are no longer virgins.

But I wouldn't say just making out would count as losing virginity. So maybe it would be the first time you got into each others' pants... 

[mtaabq]

Great topic. For me “losing my virginity” would be that first time I was completely naked with another man and he kissed me and consensually brought me to orgasm. I can still remember it; early 80’s, I was 17, he was much older … it wasn’t great (Christian guilt weighed heavy on me then) but it wasn’t terrible. One week later I penetrated him (we used Elbow Grease I recall - that stuff was hard to wash off), and one week after that I penetrated a (much older) woman. After that there was no stopping me. I lost my “butt cherry” - several times - in San Francisco in May 1982. I feel that whatever constitutes  “losing your virginity” for gay men is whatever you want or consider or need it to be.

[+ SirBillybob]

Penetration into a stretchy moist cavity with no actual tearable part in the least. 

Edited 18 hours ago by SirBillybob

[+ Charlie]

I would agree with those who say there is no specific physical action comparable to heterosexual "loss of virginity," which usually is defined as vaginal penetration. Most gay men would think of their first consensual physical interaction with another male that involved the penis--whether it be sucking, getting sucked, fucking or getting fucked--as loss of virginity, but others would think that even passionate kissing would count. Loss of virginity for gay men has more to do with the reason for the physical interaction than the physical specifics. Some would even include mutual masturbation if it is motivated by sexual attraction to the other male.

[Nue2thegame]

17 hours ago, Wings246 said:

I realize I forget to share my own perspective: virginity is lost after giving and receiving anal actions.  I've only received and thus, I'm still a 50% virgin!   😂

We might call you a “half-assed virgin” then, or is that something else?

[Rod Hagen]

For me I think of my first passionate makeout rolling around on the floor, clothed with lots of groping as virginity 1, Getting Blown V 2, Fucking V 3, getting fucked Virginity 4.   I took SO MANY men's Virginity 1, 2, and 4, and I'm very very glad I could do that for them.  That is the greatest privilege I found in escorting: that I had a solid reputation as perfectly-suited for a man's First Time.

Edited 54 minutes ago by Rod Hagen