*Scammed today

[redbottle]

2 hours ago, DunwoodyGuy said:

Yeah. Don't do what you did. It was stupid. Even if you did it once before, it was still stupid. Maybe stupider.

There. Was that more useful?

Not particularly. Why is this more of a risk than any other escort? Any escort could do this to you. Even escorts with reviews.
 

My main stupidity was giving him the money up front, I think. Though apparently with straight escorts that is standard practice. 

[redbottle]

52 minutes ago, DenverDad said:

He told you he was 17 AND his father was outside and you didn’t kick him out immediately?  JFC. 

He told me that AFTER he took my money, which he demanded first. 

[redbottle]

1 hour ago, TBD said:

this was actually the most useful comment on this thread and it went way over your head. 

Yeah, I can tell from your eye roll emoji how full of wisdom you are too

[DMonDude]

4 minutes ago, redbottle said:

He told me that AFTER he took my money, which he demanded first. 

That doesn't change that you still should have immediately kicked him out soon as he said it. That's the kind of thing where you immediately cut your losses and you get him out instead of trying to haggle to get your money back still because if he was willing to lie about that at all, he may have been even younger for all you knew and still lying. So just would have been best to immediately eject from the situation by telling him to just get out.

Also, random forum tip, you can quote multiple comments in the same post so you don't have to reply to everyone individually back to back to back.

Edited 23 hours ago by DMonDude
clarity/typos/forum tip

[DunwoodyGuy]

[redbottle]

24 minutes ago, DunwoodyGuy said:

And I guess the same is true of assholes being assholes

[+ PhileasFogg]

44 minutes ago, redbottle said:

It’s a good question. The thing is other scammers ask for a deposit. In this he came all the way to me and met me in person on my turf. I honestly didn’t think scammers would take that kind of risk. 
 

I didn’t report him to Grindr because it probably would have gotten my profile banned too. 

I’d argue they’re more likely to do it on your turf.  They have leverage on personal info then   

I’d still report him to Grindr.   I’m guessing you’d be able to make a new profile.

About the age thing.   If they look young, I don’t hesitate to ask for ID even on RM.  I like young men but not boys.  He represented himself as 21.   Before he suggested otherwise, I’d have asked for verification even if his thumb covered the address. 

[+ Vegas_Millennial]

17 hours ago, redbottle said:

He came over, asked for the money before we began -- I gave it.

Is your "Question About Hiring" what to do if someone demands payment upfront? 

Answer: Walk away and ask him to leave.

[DMonDude]

12 minutes ago, redbottle said:

And I guess the same is true of assholes being assholes

If you can't handle criticism/being made fun of for doing something stupid, that you yourself admitted you knew was stupid, why'd you make the post and what were you hoping to hear instead?

[redbottle]

7 minutes ago, DMonDude said:

If you can't handle criticism/being made fun of for doing something stupid, that you yourself admitted you knew was stupid, why'd you make the post and what were you hoping to hear instead?

Some thoughtful feedback. You and many others gave it. Just being a piece of shit and stepping on someone over and over again is totally uncalled for. 

[redbottle]

12 minutes ago, Vegas_Millennial said:

Is your "Question About Hiring" what to do if someone demands payment upfront? 

Answer: Walk away and ask him to leave.

Yeah, now I know. But again I guess this is where straight and gay norms differ since straight women escorts apparently always demand payment upfront. 

[Cooper]

Administrator’s Reminder

Gentlemen, You know our policy. Attack the issue, not the person. Stop with the personal attacks. 🙏

[+ José Soplanucas]

@redbottle, I am sorry you went through this situation. I have not read thoroughly the thread, so I apologize if I am repeating what other posters said, but if you are someone who has something to lose you should never meet for the first time an online hookup, from any platform, at your place.

As I also like very young men, and I used to live in DC when I was using Grindr, I would always set a first date at a known bar, where I knew that they cared about their liquor license and therefore would ask for ID to every single customer. This safety measure is not infalible of course, but it would significantly reduce the risk of ending in an underage situation.

I do not know if someone else shared that advice. I do know many shared this one, and I will repeat it again: YOU SHOULD NEVER PAY IN ADVANCE to someone you never met before. The few times I sent a deposit or paid in advance was to a regular, someone I knew and trusted.

Good luck in future hook ups. If you are not a hopeless dummy, you are wiser now. 

[+ PhileasFogg]

@redbottle, we’ve all made mistakes.  I can only wish mine were only a few hundred $.  You made it clear you’re owning it, you’re learning, you’re moving on.  Good for you!

[hungry4darkmeat]

To be totally honest I have given so much money away to either scammers or desperate guys who I rationally know are not going to meet me and yet I still send them something and I just figure it’s good for my karma. But in hindsight it is a bit excessive on my part and I need to do better. I am not captain save a ho.

[+ PhileasFogg]

2 hours ago, hungry4darkmeat said:

To be totally honest I have given so much money away to either scammers or desperate guys who I rationally know are not going to meet me and yet I still send them something and I just figure it’s good for my karma. But in hindsight it is a bit excessive on my part and I need to do better. I am not captain save a ho.

The guy(s) you were trying to help were not a “ho”…they were someone you saw as a deserving human being in need.     What they do with the grace you offered determines whether or not they’re really a “ho.”

Edited 10 hours ago by PhileasFogg

[+ Pensant]

21 hours ago, FrankR said:

The word you are looking for is “hookup”! 😉  

Thanks! I edited my comment accordingly!

[+ SirBillybob]

I’m in a Nordic Model context. Let’s back this up to the first risky steps. Those are the stages that at a legal level predetermine, override, any subsequent stages that yield harsh life lessons such as money lost. In my jurisdiction there is no “who blinks first” MAD option; the payee possesses impunity.

Either way, reciprocal lawbreaking as potential ammunition (or not) when threatened, why leave texting tracks that implicate oneself? Even codified language such as “gen” is up for prosecutorial evidentiary value. We know this, for example, from criminal charge affidavits and pre-sentencing reports in which abbreviations, letters and numbers, even ‘Imma devilish badass’ emojis are deemed to be recognized as shorthand code and are interpreted as intent.

Short of stings by real law enforcement officers that show up and apply handcuffs when an exchange is confirmed on the spot, almost everything these days is based on what you texted. Wasn’t that the central grift in the OP’s account?

Beware writing your sexual actualization rights away by pre-texting your guilty plea. Especially since there’s no shortage of content (erm, everywhere) that can school scammers on finessing swindles. 

Edited 4 hours ago by SirBillybob

[Wings246]

On 3/29/2026 at 9:42 PM, redbottle said:

Then he claimed to be 17, and was this ok with me?

Disclaimer: I have never been into younger guys.  So luckily, underage concerns do not apply to me at all.  Just brainstorming here: the next time you meet with someone who appears too young, would you consider asking him for an ID as a backhanded compliment by saying, "Oh, you look WAY younger than the age you claim, can I see your ID to confirm?  I don't want to break any laws because our texts can all be used as evidence."  If he refuses or reacts strangely, then you'd know what to do.