Getting tired of Flakes

[Sam Lankton]

I'm a provider and I have to be honest one of the worst parts of doing this is the consistent leading on and fake-outs. How are you going to talk to me for over an hour about making plans, then talk to me the entire way through the douching process, and then go MIA the second you're supposed to come over. I'm confused, is it to embarrass us or waste our time? Is it malicious? I don't get it. I'm exhausted. I'm douching my ass out, like that isn't a natural bodily process I really try not to do it unless I have to. 

Either follow through or don't waste provider's time. It's cruel. If you aren't ready to actually meet up with a provider please stop putting us through this.

Edited 3 hours ago by Sam Lankton

[hungry4darkmeat]

You’re not wrong. I’m a pretty reliable regular client but freely admit to having flaked on many dates both professional and not- and feel terrible about it. I’m not actually an asshole (which is what an asshole would say right) but do have some relativrly serious health issues plus I’m married and discreet so it’s not always easy for me to make everything work despite my best intentions.

I’m known for sending providers a generous cancellation fee but it’s still fucked up. No excuses definitely doing better now but it’s been a long road. 

I probably flaked on someone here and many more  out there in the universe, and sincerely apologize for being that guy.  In fact let me apologize for all the other flaky clients who  probably never intended  to disrespect you, waste your time or lead you on, but end up doing exactly that. 

karma sorts it all out - having personally paid karmically and financially for my past violations, and having made substantial progress in not being flaky by being honest and upfront about my situation with potential providers and making all plans a couple days in advance (which some providers seem to hate but works better for me). When I book a date a couple days beforehand it gives me the time to get myself together without having to rush, and since my dates usually involve me getting a room,  can take a couple hours to get myself ready. It’s just easier for me with a few days notice.

Btw If more providers could host in the city it would be a game changer but back to the topic.

Should someone build a website that allows everyone who uses hookup sites or adult services to rate their experience with other users anonymously so you can lookup their username from any site like Adam sniffies friendboy or rent men and see legit feedback from others who have been with them? Can it use photos as well so changing names won’t be like starting over?

anyway sorry to all the providers for the punks like me who talk you up and then leave you hanging. Don’t take it personal cause it’s not - they feel bad but if it’s not gonna work then there’s no arguing with the truth. I’ve flaked on providers before and then subsequently hired them for multiple sessions and tipped them well for being patient or forgiving, so you never really know. Just something to consider.

[+ PhileasFogg]

I can’t tell you how many times I hear of this happening.  I would never do that to someone - frankly, I don’t have the time to waste even thinking about it.   But I think there’s a more pervasive psychological issue here because it’s not limited to escorting.   I’ve experienced it in spades in activities as mundane as selling on FaceBook Marketplace.   Someone comes on hot and heavy wanting to buy something, beg you to ‘take it off the market,’ only to ghost you when it’s time to complete the sale.

Here’s the reality, people sometimes say “yes” in low-friction online spaces because the commitment costs them nothing in the moment.

• Low accountability: No deposits, no contracts, no face-to-face interaction.
• Present bias: They want to “lock it in” while the excitement is fresh, but when the time comes to follow through, effort or logistics outweigh the initial desire.

This is why some providers ask for deposits. While I’m generally unwilling to make a deposit,  I do try to be sensitive to the reality of a provider’s concern. This is also why I nearly always try to arrange a video call in advance of committing to an appointment.  There’s something about eye to eye contact that validates legitimacy or suspicion. 

And BTW, welcome to the forum!  Having providers here helps us all!

Edited 2 hours ago by PhileasFogg

[+ Jamie21]

1 hour ago, Sam Lankton said:

I'm a provider and I have to be honest one of the worst parts of doing this is the consistent leading on and fake-outs.

It’s the worst part. But you can learn to spot the signs of a flake. They all have them. Long chats for over an hour on the plans is a definite red flag for flakiness. If the chat goes on for ages about what they want to happen then basically I discount the booking as being unlike happen and I won’t do anything to prepare or commit to it. When the time comes to commit (last minute to douche or travel or whatever) I send a message asking him to confirm and if I get no response then I take it as a cancellation. Nothing lost on my side except the time chatting. 

What happens is like @PhileasFoggsays. They book when horny. When the time comes they’re no longer horny and the prospect of a real situation freaks them out. It’s usually guys on the down low. They watch porn, think it will be fun, build up a fantasy while booking and then come the day it’s all too much so they go quiet and ignore you like you’re just some loser who doesn’t deserve the respect of a message saying ‘sorry I changed my mind’. I keep their number, because sure enough in a years time they’ve forgotten, it all happens again and this time when they message me I can say ‘last time you no showed so I’m not dealing with you, goodbye’. 
 

[mike carey]

14 minutes ago, PhileasFogg said:

And BTW, welcome to the forum!  Having providers here helps us all!

I second that, @Sam Lankton. It's always good to have providers weigh in here, especially when they don't have to come here only to call out disrespectful clients. It's good for some of us to hear your advice, and your reflections on things that make interacting with clients a happier experience than the ones you cite above.

The interactions you receive here will probably be similar to those that we see other providers receive, they can be petty, judgmental and condescending. But they can also be warm, empathetic and encouraging. Ignore the bad, engage the good. You don't owe trolls a reaction.