How to teach a provider how to top better?

[DMonDude]

I have a provider i hire regularly who is insanely attractive and very my type, but he doesn't top me the way i need him to because i think he just doesn't know how to... He's like a lot of a certain type of dom top who just pound hard and fast at one speed and they think that's kinda all they have to do 🫣. I know that works for a lot of bottom guys cause they more so are into the aggression vibe of it i feel. But i need a top who can go slow or fast and use different rhythms and angles. When they go fast and just that speed the whole time, i kinda just go numb to it after a while and it never gets me off. I'm feeling incredibly awkward about how best to approach talking to this provider about how to top better/differently without it being insulting or feeling like I'm telling him how to do his job. How would you guys approach this?

Edited Saturday at 11:20 PM by DMonDude
typos

[Nightowl]

I would probably just try the direct approach and ask him to thrust more slowly and suggest that he vary his position while he’s inside you.  Positive reinforcement as the activity progresses would let him know what’s working and what’s not.  If you can find a position that allows you as much movement as him, you might be able to show him what movements work for you.  I agree, there’s nothing worse than being pounded into numbness with no control over your own pleasure.  “Hey, how do you feel about trying something different?” might be a way to open the discussion.

[Heart It Deep]

I agree with @Nightowl, communication and interaction during sex helps.  Tell him what you need, and when it's the right spot/angle tell him to keep doing that until you need something else.

[+ ApexNomad]

1 hour ago, DMonDude said:

I have a provider i hire regularly who is insanely attractive and very my type, but he doesn't top me the way i need him to because i think he just doesn't know how to... He's like a lot of a certain type of dom top who just pound hard and fast at one speed and they think that's kinda all they have to do 🫣. I know that works for a lot of bottom guys cause they more so are into the aggression vibe of it i feel. But i need a top who can go slow or fast and use different rhythms and angles. When they go fast and just that speed the whole time, i kinda just go numb to it after a while and it never gets me off. I'm feeling incredibly awkward about how best to approach talking to this provider about how to top better/differently without it being insulting or feeling like I'm telling him how to do his job. How would you guys approach this?

Over the years I’ve learned that being direct about your needs is never an insult IF it comes from a place of clarity and kindness. You’re not telling him he’s bad at his job; you’re showing him how to make you a satisfied repeat client, and that’s valuable information. One way to do it without it feeling awkward is to show as much as tell: get on top of him and ride him slow, let him see how that pace feels good and how much you enjoy it. Compliment him while you’re doing it, then suggest a change, something like “I’d love to be under you going at this pace” or “you feel incredible when you move like this.”  Positive reinforcement goes a long way.

Remember too, providers want repeat clients, so telling him what works for you isn’t just personal, it’s professional. You’re helping him give better service.

This is a provider you’ve hired regularly, and I’d be hard-pressed to think he wouldn’t be open to making your experiences exactly what you want them to be.

Best of luck to you. 

[+ Jamie21]

Kiss him. 

[Nightowl]

13 minutes ago, Jamie21 said:

Kiss him. 

With or without tongue?

[hungry4darkmeat]

I’ll be honest with you it’s not easy but I have done this for a few tops especially when I was younger and they were young and inexperienced. My current master was great when we met but has made a conscious effort to get better at meeting my specific needs and fulfilling my fantasies and in doing so he has become a much better top. I’ve spent a good amount of time with him explaining the psychological dynamics of being a dom top and - since he’s young- he’s been able to repeatedly step up his game over the past couple years and now he delivers exactly what I need every time I see him. 

[+ JamesB]

Communication, communication, communication! Don’t be shy, tell him what you like, steer him in the right direction, guide him and let him know what’s working (and what’s not). Think of it as giving him the cheat codes to make the session a win-win.

[+ nycman]

Lay back and think of England.

grin

[mike carey]

28 minutes ago, nycman said:

Lay back and think of England.

grin

Anyone in particular in England?

[+ Jamie21]

1 hour ago, Nightowl said:

With or without tongue?

It’s not kissing without tongue. Kiss properly or not at all. 

[liubit]

1 hour ago, Jamie21 said:

It’s not kissing without tongue. Kiss properly or not at all. 

Yes, kissing without tongue is a total turn-off, a deal-breaker. To me, no tongue is no kissing, and no kissing is no sex. 

[Simon Suraci]

Send him to me. I’ll teach him. 😉 

But seriously though, bottoming is crucial to learn what feels good so that a top can become excellent. Just like giving head, it takes practice.

Also, there’s the subtle art of reading your bottom’s cues, reactions, expressions, and being sensitive to his particular needs. The bottom can tell his top to do these things, but it takes a true pleaser top and an empath to develop excellent topping skills.

[Nightowl]

14 hours ago, mike carey said:

Anyone in particular in England?

@Jamie21?

[jeezifonly]

Is this provider the only provider in your area? 

What about this particular provider would you miss the most if you found another one who might be missing some of 'type' but intuitively had a broader repertoire in the thrust department? 

Remember, time the client spends retraining the provider up to basic standard of service is time the client is also paying for...

 

 

[+ Jamie21]

1 hour ago, Nightowl said:

@Jamie21?

I’d say me tbh. It’ll take your mind off the sex 😂

[hungry4darkmeat]

Also helps to teach them to enjoy the actual fuck knowing that the orgasm is guaranteed and not the goal but the result of a successful session 

[DMonDude]

I appreciate the responses here, thanks everyone 🙏. I'll give the direct communication, as well as some positive reinforcement during, a go and see how he does next meet up.

[+ Vegas_Millennial]

On 9/20/2025 at 7:37 PM, Nightowl said:

On 9/20/2025 at 7:23 PM, Jamie21 said:

Kiss him. 

With or without tongue?

 

 

[soloyo215]

On 9/20/2025 at 7:19 PM, DMonDude said:

I have a provider i hire regularly who is insanely attractive and very my type, but he doesn't top me the way i need him to because i think he just doesn't know how to... He's like a lot of a certain type of dom top who just pound hard and fast at one speed and they think that's kinda all they have to do 🫣. I know that works for a lot of bottom guys cause they more so are into the aggression vibe of it i feel. But i need a top who can go slow or fast and use different rhythms and angles. When they go fast and just that speed the whole time, i kinda just go numb to it after a while and it never gets me off. I'm feeling incredibly awkward about how best to approach talking to this provider about how to top better/differently without it being insulting or feeling like I'm telling him how to do his job. How would you guys approach this?

I think I understand. I relate to that situation. That is one of the main reasons why I rarely bottom. Very few tops (in my experience) are not that great at taking the time when someone is not into the power top or aggressive top thing. Some of us have to be led to like it, and some tops are just not that experienced in that.

I agree about communicating that with him, especially now that you have had encounters with him. I'd suggest that you can frame it as trying something different or new, as expanding your range of activities. No need to mention anything about him not knowing how to do things. He actually might know and he's just not sure what approach works best for you. You can use your history to improve your encounters. If he's a young man, chances are that he's still in the learning curve of the business. Properly communicated, he can become the top of your dreams.

Aside from just communicating what/how you prefer, how you present it can also help it become a better way of connecting with him. Turn the negative into a positive.

Best.

Edited Monday at 04:08 PM by soloyo215

[GentJ]

The more you tell us, the better we can do! Not everyone likes the same thing, so the term 'better' is a bit subjective.