What is it with unsolicited groping among gay men?

[+ PhileasFogg]

2 hours ago, soloyo215 said:

Assault? Sounds a little dramatic. Unwanted advances, boundary crossing, poor judgement, harassment, not respecting personal space maybe, but assault? To me assault involves a level of aggressiveness where you need to physically defend yourself, not fend off unwelcome touch.

REGARDLESS, I agree that it could be quite uncomfortable. However, if I could ask, had there been instances when you have welcomed such "approach"? I ask since this has been the topic of many conversations I've had with friends, family and in many other social settings for decades. The thing is that the vast majority of the time the person complaining does so only when they feel the touch and groping is unwanted, neglecting to recognize the other times when the same touching and groping has been welcome and wanted. Of course, I don't know you, which is why I inquire. Every time I have a conversation about this, that's my starting point.

Many times we focus on the touch we don't welcome, neglecting to recognize that the same approach is used with the touch we have welcomed from other people.

Just my thoughts, not law.

As I said, I’m not trying to blow my personal experience out of proportion BUT, yes, lack of consent constitutes assault in most places according to my research.

Maybe it’s a surprise to some - but times have changed.   If you haven’t heard, “Baby It’s Cold Outside” was blacklisted by #MeToo for glamorizing date rape.

And I will say that the two advances I’ve described were completely unsolicited and unwelcomed and, given their degree of intimacy, would have met the standard to constitute a crime.

so, pray tell, how is anything I’ve described different from this:

https://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-45958023.amp

[jeezifonly]

In a public social situation where rules of conduct aren't enforced, use humor to deflect. Nothing too bitchy, but if privately blocking his progress with your hand hasn't been heard, engage your inner Dorothy Zbornak.

[+ nycman]

5 hours ago, PhileasFogg said:

I’m not trying to blow my personal experience out of proportion BUT…..

Edited 2 hours ago by nycman

[+ Pensant]

I wouldn’t dream of touching somewhat like that; however, if a cute guy pinched my muscular ass, I’d invite him to continue!

[+ PhileasFogg]

1 hour ago, Pensant said:

I wouldn’t dream of touching somewhat like that; however, if a cute guy pinched my muscular ass, I’d invite him to continue!

Maybe that’s the problem…they weren’t cute 😂😂🤠.  But seriously, if it were a cute guy, I’m sure the signals would have been there 

[+ PhileasFogg]

1 hour ago, nycman said:

Tell me why this is right and proper behavior and I’ll concede that point.  But so far, all I’m hearing is justification for why it’s acceptable bad behavior.   And if you don’t see the difference, then I hope you don’t try it with the wrong young man or you might find yourself in cuffs of the involuntary kind 😉

[+ nycman]

6 minutes ago, PhileasFogg said:

And if you don’t see the difference, then I hope you don’t try it with the wrong young man or you might find yourself in cuffs of the involuntary kind

 

[+ Vegas_Millennial]

7 hours ago, PhileasFogg said:

Maybe it’s a surprise to some - but times have changed.   If you haven’t heard, “Baby It’s Cold Outside” was blacklisted by #MeToo for glamorizing date rape.

This is so sad.  Do ya'll carry a consent form that must be signed and notorized before ya'll begin flirting with a stranger?  Can't wait for the pendulum of society overreaction to swing back to sanity.

[+ Vegas_Millennial]

41 minutes ago, PhileasFogg said:

Tell me why this is right and proper behavior and I’ll concede that point.

You're asking a group of men who hire masseurs specifically to grope them and receive groping in return, who hire and sell sex with strangers, and who discuss which steam rooms in public gyms have the most action, to condemn a flirtatious grope while you were naked in the pool!  Most all here think the existing laws regarding prohibiting sex or public sex are overreaching.  So while quoting what a law book says about sexual harassment/abuse might earn you points with the #MeToo crowd, you're not going to get sympathy from the majority of men here who would visit Hacienda and Island House looking for such activity.

You're like a guy standing at the gym's steam room door with a whistle trying to call out and stop any sexual activity that's going on in there.  While the law may be on your side, public opinion on among the Company of Men is not.

My favorite gay men's hotel starts with a penis measurement by the owner upon check-in.  The owner offers 1% off the price of the room per inch upon check-in.  Besides offering a discount, the act of the owner fondling the customer to get an exact measurement sets the mood for the property that flirtatious touching is normal and to be expected.

BTW, "Baby It's Cold Outside" is still on my Christmas playlist.

Edited 17 minutes ago by Vegas_Millennial