Making new friends get harder as you age

[panpanda]

Hi y'all. Does it get more difficult to make new friends as you get older? Most of my friends have gotten married and moved to the suburb. We still talk every once in a while, but it's not the same. I've been trying to make new friends but haven't had much luck. Any ideas/thoughts would help.

[Nightowl]

It does get harder.  When I was young, friendships formed with people who were all in the same situation as I was.  College, job, you name it.  We bonded out of common interests and difficulties.  Finding people with the same interests later in life has been more difficult.  It’s compounded by my disinterest in bonding over “things”—sports, superhero movies, etc—and my desire to form connections over common feelings, attitudes, and, yes, emotions.  Joining clubs related to hobbies won’t necessarily provide that.  Mens groups geared toward inner thoughts and desires might help but those are hard to find. Sorry, I realize I’m just commiserating….

[56harrisond]

A kind of related friends discussion

 

[+ purplekow]

I packed up and move across country, single and with only a few social connectiona where I now live.  It has been 6 months and in that time I have made a few acquaintances who may become friends.  Most of these have beenat the gym I attend which has a predominantly gay clientele.  The people have been very friendly, but ultimately, they all have their own circle of friends and so for the most part, I think I will meet people who are open to the idea of adding to their social group or men in the same situation as I am.  I try to be outgoing and strike up converations wherever I go.  When I started at the gym, I wore a multicolored fedora, not only because I looked damned good in it, but it also gave people something by which they could recognize me and something which might spark a conversation,   I had good results with that.  The people at the bank and the grocery store recognized me by the second or third visit and the people. At the gym several people came up to me and said they had noticed my efforts, most because of the hat but one said no it was not the hat but the belly.  They had been overweight and lost weight by going to the gym and he wanted to encourage me to keep up the work.  So my advice is either join a gym, wear a brightly colored hat, or be noticeably obese.  I chose all three.  

You have to recall that not everyone is looking for friends and their is no hanky code to identify who is and who is not.  

 

[+ Just Sayin]

If you are a reader, you may look around for a book group.  About 6-8 of us meet more or less monthly in the homes of each other for a meal and discussion; yes, we actually discuss the books, but we also discuss life as it unfolds for each of us; I find myself being energized after our gatherings.  And, we are multi-generational gay men, ranging from late 30s or early 40s to late 70s; the younger guys pick books that I would have never read on my own, but it stretches my mind a bit and I find it delightful.

This group was formed by invitation; a couple of us recruited guys we thought might be interested, and it has been ongoing for several years now; I suspect a local library or LGBTQ+ community center may know or even sponsor a group.

[+ jimbosf]

I lived and worked in the SF Bay Area for most of my adult life, so my network of friends is basically there.  After retiring, I moved to Denver as that is where what little family I have is located.  Other than family, I did not know a single person here.  I decided to get involved in the local senior center, and have made quite a few new friends there.  I volunteer a couple of days each week for a few hours, sign up for various bus trips of interest, attend informative classes, and play a variety of games.  It keeps me both social and active.  There is also a gay community center in Denver that offers a variety of activities for seniors.  I have also met a few persons that way as well.  The senior center is 5-6 minutes from my house, so much more convenient for me to participate there several times a week, meet people for lunch or dinner, or just to hang out at the park and engage in conversation.  The gay community center is about 45 minutes by car, so not nearly as convenient.  

[+ Pensant]

I continue to make friends of all ages. I sat next to a friendly guy on the flight to Seattle who was with his young son for summer visitation. We plan to do a hike in the Cascades this coming Saturday. He’s straight. Most of my friends are, strangely enough.

[+ Charlie]

One of the things that has affected people of all ages who are interested in making new friends is the development of social media, like the site on which you raised this topic. More and more people are sitting at home in front of their computers rather than physically interacting in person. Most of the people on this site who I think of as "friends," because I interact with them online regularly and know a lot about their personalities and beliefs, but I don't even know their real names and could walk past them on the street without recognizing them.  I don't want to deny the importance of this kind of friend, but it is not the same as a friend whom I could call to get together for lunch or ask for a ride to the doctor. Going to a movie with a friend and discussing it afterwards is not the same as commenting about it here, although both may be satisfying experiences. When I moved to a strange new place where I knew no one, I found the best way to make new friends was to join groups where I could interact with others who had a similar interest. For my spouse it was volunteering at a place which helped people who were recovering from a stroke, an experience which he could understand. For me it was joining a tennis club and learning how to play a sport which I had never tried before. We all need real friends as much as, or even more than, Internet friends.

[+ SirBillybob]

Who knew that ‘making new friends get harder as you age’ [sic] is a thing? If we could only convince the younger prospective friends. 😏

Edited September 2 by SirBillybob

[theplayerking]

I’ve read that men bond through activities while women bond through talking. That certainly aligns with my experience. It’s hard for guys to keep up friendships just by talking on the phone. As the other guys have suggested, it’s best to join in person groups. 

[+ purplekow]

As a director of a training program, when people would join the program in a group and then again when they left, I always advised them to cherish the interpersonal relationships of this training.  From grammar school to professional training and post graduate training in fellowships,  the peer groups get smaller and the common bonds become with older friends become looser.  You need to work to maintain friendships and the make new ones.  Those relationships have made my golden years shine a lot brighter.  

 

In my case, I have friends from each level of education except, oddly enough college.  Those relationships readily melted away with the playing of Pomp and Circumstance.  Most of my friends only know each other through my relationship with them.  So although they hear about one another, they do no have much of relationship with one another.  

[jeezifonly]

When you're a young adult bitching about everything it's easy to bond with other malcontents with similar frustrations. But common joys in sports, music, games, movies and the pursuit of love take over the bitching to form friendships. 

Then for decades, the commonality of having children becomes the driver of bonds, with parents mutually bitching about their kids.

No kids? No joyful interests? All that's left is bitching. 

It's harder as we age, but if we find even one common joy with someone else, it can be the springboard for the broader conversation we need to sort friends from acquaintances. Effort is the key for me. 

 

[+ JamesB]

When you’re young, school and college make it easy to meet people and build friendships. As adults, though, life looks different. Work isn’t always the best place to form close bonds, and free time is limited with careers, family, and responsibilities pulling us in different directions. On top of that, most of us get pickier with age, we’d rather have a few solid friendships than a crowd of so-so ones. The catch is that real friendships take effort and consistency, which isn’t always easy to give. And let’s be honest, putting yourself out there feels riskier as you get older, rejection stings more, and it’s harder to trust people’s intentions.

[CuriousByNature]

I find it easier.  Particularly to keep friends.  When I was younger all of us were at a similar stage in our lives.  Then some friends went to college, others to university, others to work.  We became more dissimilar, and this continued as some got married, and others got married and had kids.  The common bonds were harder to retain.  But now I tend to form friendships with other singles, or with couples where I meet both partners at roughly the same time.  I'm friends with them as a unit and as individuals - not just friends with one half, who happens to have a spouse I otherwise wouldn't be friends with.  It's a different dynamic.  I know the friendships I make with younger people today may change as their trajectories become more different than my own, but that's okay. 

[Nikba]

True, for social life in general as we aged. At 50 plus Top, I have a lot of fun with much younger guy in their early twenties, almost every week. Keeping myself fit, and maintaining my diet helped.  

[Rod Hagen]

Nearly all my adult friends came to me through sports or escorting.  Recently, client-friends died one after the other.  Also, as I age, one by one I will shed the sports, and presumably the associated-friends, I enjoy.

[+ glutes]

Get a dog, great way to meet people, and exercise.

Join a book club.

Volunteer in something you like. 

[Rod Hagen]

Not to repeat myself, but there are many reasons not to get a dog and if the primary reason to do so is that occasionally it might make you feel better, you probably shouldn't.

[theplayerking]

On 9/5/2025 at 11:23 AM, Rod Hagen said:

Not to repeat myself, but there are many reasons not to get a dog and if the primary reason to do so is that occasionally it might make you feel better, you probably shouldn't.

On the other hand, dogs are a great icebreaker, especially among gay men. Hookup culture is so pervasive in the gay community that many guys feel nervous about striking up a casual conversation with other gay guys. Having a dog is a way a connecting with other people. 

[+ purplekow]

While it is true that a dog may be an icebreaker, if you do not have a lifestyle conducive to have the responsibility of a pet, then you probably should not get one.  However, volunteering as a dog walker at an animal shelter might serve two masters in giving you an outlet to meet people who also volunteer and also people who will break the ice with a guy walking a dog.  

[Rod Hagen]

7 hours ago, theplayerking said:

On the other hand, dogs are a great icebreaker, especially among gay men. Hookup culture is so pervasive in the gay community that many guys feel nervous about striking up a casual conversation with other gay guys. Having a dog is a way a connecting with other people. 

Though it applies to the topic of this thread, meeting people, that's on the "what can this dog do for me" side of the column and that doesn't seem like a good reason to get one.