Paying An Escort to Sleep and Exercise

[FaustOust]

I have hired a provider to go away with me, and we have done a few weekend trips together previously.  When we travel together,  I find that he sleeps in every day and upon waking leaves to spend hours at the gym or wherever.  He usually says he’ll be right back, but I may not see him for hours until the afternoon, which troubles me as a morning person.  He told me that I should know that he needs his personal time.  Although I recognize that when traveling people may need time on their own or may need to attend to things, but  if he got up earlier maybe half the day (which he is charging me for) wouldn’t be lost with his sleeping and exercise, especially on a trip that only lasts a weekend.  Is this a reasonable expectation? Is he just trying to spend as little time with me as he thinks he can get away with while enjoying a free vacation?  How should I broach the subject further or should I just move on?

Edited August 24 by FaustOust

[+ sync]

Your synopsis suggests you already know your best option is to engage a more compatible provider.

[+ KensingtonHomo]

It's a bit hard to say as we don't know what kind of trip it is. Are you at a resort? Are you seeing a new city? If it's the former, I can see sleeping in as that's a relaxing trip. There's probably not a lot on your agenda. If it's the former, he would be holding you back from seeing the sights. 

I somewhat agree with @sync that this provider may not be a suitable travel partner. It's also possible that there's a lack of communication regarding your expectations. If you are at a resort, do you go for breakfast? Do you expect him to go with you? 

From the tone of your post, I don't think you're upset about the money so much as being left to your own devices. If you're paying for companionship and not getting it, you probably feel lonely too. 

If you really enjoy this provider, you can have a conversation with him about your expectations and carve out reasonable time for him to workout, be on his own, etc. Even if you decide to go with another provider, I believe you would have to set expectations. Otherwise, how does a provider know what you're looking to get out of the trip? 

 

[+ KensingtonHomo]

PS: I'm at a point in my life where I cannot sleep in, so I would also probably be jealous of a provider who could snooze till noon. LOL 

[Ali Gator]

He's there to be your companion during your trip, plain and simple. You have hired him to do so and you're paying all expenses. You are paying for both his time and his presence during your weekend excursion, whether he realizes this or not. BTW, this is usually spelled out in every single Rentmen ad: Payment is for time and companionship ONLY (what may go on between the two of you during that time is agreed upon by two consenting adults). His companionship is being paid for the full weekend - not the time on 'his terms'.

Remember: You are not traveling as friends, this is a business arrangement and money is being spent on him. The agreement is not for just having dinner and sex - it's for him to keep you company.  (If you were traveling with a friend, and the friend was paying his own expenses, then he would have the option to do whatever he feels like for the weekend, and not follow instructions from you).

If you want to lounge by the pool from morning to noon, he should be by your side doing the same thing - not left behind in the hotel room sleeping until noon. You are paying for his time to be with you - not leave you alone. If he wants to go to the gym, fine (I'd want my escort to be in top shape with his clothes off, too!) but agree on the time he leaves and when you expect him back - he's working for YOU. If you want to go to the deck and have lunch at 1 pm, he goes with you (whether he's hungry or not) - he's there to keep you company. You don't allow him to say, 'I'm not hungry. You go have lunch and I'll meet you later." He goes with you and sits at the table with you, whether he eats or not (he can sit and have a lemonade and watch you eat a lobster).

IF the provider has any problems with the above, then he should not have taken the job in the frst place since he can't fulfill the requirements of the position - and yes, this is a weekend job, no matter how you slice and dice it. He's getting paid. At the end of the excursion, if he seems like he wasn't enjoying himself YOU DON'T HIRE HIM AGAIN. Move on to someone else who understands the job.

I'm telling you this now, so I don't have to tell you this again. ☺️

[+ JamesB]

As with most situations, clear communication is the key. Ideally, both your expectations and his should have been discussed openly and agreed upon before the trip even began. That way, you both would have been on the same page and able to enjoy the experience without frustration. Since that didn’t happen this time, consider it a learning experience to keep in mind for the next provider you hire. Next time, talk through details in advance, what you’re looking for, what they’re offering, and any boundaries or preferences, so everything is clear and enjoyable for both sides.

[+ ApexNomad]

9 hours ago, FaustOust said:

I have hired a provider to go away with me, and we have done a few weekend trips together previously.  When we travel together,  I find that he sleeps in every day and upon waking leaves to spend hours at the gym or wherever.  He usually says he’ll be right back, but I may not see him for hours until the afternoon, which troubles me as a morning person.  He told me that I should know that he needs his personal time.  Although I recognize that when traveling people may need time on their own or may need to attend to things, but  if he got up earlier maybe half the day (which he is charging me for) wouldn’t be lost with his sleeping and exercise, especially on a trip that only lasts a weekend.  Is this a reasonable expectation? Is he just trying to spend as little time with me as he thinks he can get away with while enjoying a free vacation?  How should I broach the subject further or should I just move on?

I’d say your expectations are completely reasonable. If you’re paying for companionship, you’re not being picky in wanting to actually spend time together on the trip. Everyone needs personal time, but disappearing for half the day, especially on a short weekend, sounds more like he’s maximizing his own vacation rather than prioritizing you.

Communication is key. You’ve already done a few trips together, so this really should have been addressed the first time around, not several trips in. This is exactly why you need to be clear about expectations up front. No provider should be telling you on a trip you’re paying top dollar for, “I need my personal time.” That kind of comment is a big turn-off. At the end of the day, you’re paying for a fantasy, not their reality.

So approach it directly but calmly: tell him mornings matter to you and ask if he can adjust so the time feels balanced. If he pushes back or minimizes it in anyway, that’s your red flag. Honestly, that alone tells you what you need to know, you’re not getting what you’re paying for, and it may be best to move on. You’re a repeat customer and deserve better.

[+ SirBillybob]

The only good reason for his extended gym time is that you would be gazing up at his bulging crotch while he spots your bench press. 

Edited August 24 by SirBillybob

[LookingAround]

2 hours ago, JamesB said:

As with most situations, clear communication is the key. Ideally, both your expectations and his should have been discussed openly and agreed upon before the trip even began. That way, you both would have been on the same page and able to enjoy the experience without frustration. Since that didn’t happen this time, consider it a learning experience to keep in mind for the next provider you hire. Next time, talk through details in advance, what you’re looking for, what they’re offering, and any boundaries or preferences, so everything is clear and enjoyable for both sides.

This. He's not a robot you turn on and off. But this should have been agreed upon in advance. Next time come to agreements before the engagement begins. 

[maninsoma]

I agree with the others saying that all of this needs to be negotiated before the engagement, not during.  Since you didn't give specifics but rather generalities, it's hard to know if the escort is being unreasonable or you are.  I'm a morning person, and by that I mean that I typically get up before 5 a.m. even if I have been up relatively late (for me) the night before.  If I view an escort staying in bed to get a more normal amount of sleep as "sleeping in" then maybe I could get annoyed, but I certainly wouldn't fault someone for wanting closer to 8 hours of sleep even if they are on a paid weekend with someone.  If you don't want to pay someone to sleep, then don't travel with a paid companion and rather just have hourly or multi-hour appointments at your destination.  The way overnights and longer engagements typically work, however, is that the overall rate is much lower than if you hired multiple guys to spend an hour or two with you during the same travel period.  I also think that an escort wanting some gym time during an appointment is reasonable as long as it's not longer than an hour to 90 minutes.  One way to change this from being a "I'm not getting what I paid for" moment to something more pleasurable is for you to go to the gym with him.  If you're not inclined to actually work out, maybe you can walk on a treadmill and watch him lifting weights, enjoying the scenery.  

All this isn't to say that maybe this particular escort doesn't have unreasonable expectations for alone time when he's working.  If he wants to spend 10 hours sleeping and three hours of gym time I could see how most clients would find that annoying.  But, again, discussing expectations in advance is key to avoiding a situation where you have hired someone whose priorities don't match yours.

[Ali Gator]

From reading this thread and other  threads about provider / client relationships, something tells me that many clients don't communicate with the provider.

Is it intimidation ? Are clients intimidated by the gorgeous muscle guy on the other end of the phone and afraid to speak up and let them know what they are hiring him for ? (Maybe the provider is using his looks / body purposely to distract or intimidate and take over the dynamics of the arrangement ?)

Is it assumption? Do most clients 'assume' the provider knows what is expected of him during the appointment ?

Is it inexperience? Are most clients not experienced in doing business one-on-one and speaking up for what you need ? (And I mean one-on-one with any guy in business for himself:  providers, trainers, housepainters, landscapers, etc.)

Remember - you are the one with cash in your hands, and they're the ones providing a service which you want. All and any of the above can be overcome, so you take control of any situation.

 

[+ ApexNomad]

1 hour ago, Ali Gator said:

From reading this thread and other  threads about provider / client relationships, something tells me that many clients don't communicate with the provider.

Is it intimidation ? Are clients intimidated by the gorgeous muscle guy on the other end of the phone and afraid to speak up and let them know what they are hiring him for ? (Maybe the provider is using his looks / body purposely to distract or intimidate and take over the dynamics of the arrangement ?)

Is it assumption? Do most clients 'assume' the provider knows what is expected of him during the appointment ?

Is it inexperience? Are most clients not experienced in doing business one-on-one and speaking up for what you need ? (And I mean one-on-one with any guy in business for himself:  providers, trainers, housepainters, landscapers, etc.)

Remember - you are the one with cash in your hands, and they're the ones providing a service which you want. All and any of the above can be overcome, so you take control of any situation.

 

Interesting observations. I think for newer hires, yes, there most certainly can be an intimidation factor. And not just about someone’s looks, but the setup as a whole. That’s where providers really need to step in and make the prospective client feel comfortable because not everyone has hired before. It can be very difficult for some people to articulate what they want, and this isn’t the same as doing business with a landscaper or house painter. There’s a layer of vulnerability here, and for many, expressing needs without fear of judgment or ridicule is incredibly hard. Being vulnerable is never easy, and for some personalities, voicing what you need is one of the hardest things to do.

[FaustOust]

1 hour ago, maninsoma said:

Since you didn't give specifics but rather generalities, it's hard to know if the escort is being unreasonable or you are.

I normally get up between 7 and 7:30AM.  I don’t think that is particularly early. I don’t expect that he get up at 7, but he usually sleeps until about 10 or 10:30, goes to the gym and we might not start our time together until noon or even 1 o’clock.   Sometimes I go out or exercise myself and return to him still asleep. Never has he awoken before me.

We did discuss this, but it never occurred to me that I should have to put him on an hourly schedule.  Of course, I agreed that he should be able to sleep at night and have personal time in the gym, but I didn’t think that personal time would consistently take up an entire morning.

[Ali Gator]

9 minutes ago, FaustOust said:

I normally get up between 7 and 7:30AM.  I don’t think that is particularly early. I don’t expect that he get up at 7, but he usually sleeps until about 10 or 10:30, goes to the gym and we might not start our time together until noon or even 1 o’clock.   Sometimes I go out or exercise myself and return to him still asleep. Never has he awoken before me.

We did discuss this, but it never occurred to me that I should have to put him on an hourly schedule.  Of course, I agreed that he should be able to sleep at night and have personal time in the gym, but I didn’t think that personal time would consistently take up an entire morning.

So your day doesn't begin until 1:00 with him, even though you're ready to start your day 6 hours earlier. He's working for you - he needs to start his day with you at 7 am. This is not an ongoing position, it's one weekend or so. He can make the adjustment.

The situation you describe sounds like he's in charge - and he shouldn't be.

 

[Occasional]

1 hour ago, maninsoma said:

I also think that an escort wanting some gym time during an appointment is reasonable as long as it's not longer than an hour to 90 minutes.  One way to change this from being a "I'm not getting what I paid for" moment to something more pleasurable is for you to go to the gym with him.

... especially if, as part of the repeatedly-suggested advance communication with the escort, you make it clear that his gym time is to be spent flaunting himself dressed in short lycra tights with no more than a four-inch inseam, skin-tight crop top and knee-length white socks, so you can discreetly work up a lust for him stretching and bending as he lifts weights

[maninsoma]

3 hours ago, FaustOust said:

I normally get up between 7 and 7:30AM.  I don’t think that is particularly early. I don’t expect that he get up at 7, but he usually sleeps until about 10 or 10:30, goes to the gym and we might not start our time together until noon or even 1 o’clock.   Sometimes I go out or exercise myself and return to him still asleep. Never has he awoken before me.

We did discuss this, but it never occurred to me that I should have to put him on an hourly schedule.  Of course, I agreed that he should be able to sleep at night and have personal time in the gym, but I didn’t think that personal time would consistently take up an entire morning.

That wouldn't be acceptable to me, either, unless you're keeping up until 3 or 4 in the morning in bed.  

[+ PhileasFogg]

Details like this should be discussed in advance to assure expectations are in sync.  If you can’t agree, don’t move forward.

But if it’s a trip of a few days (as in, more than a weekend) I think some personal time - within reason - is reasonable for him to expect. 

[rvwnsd]

It sounds like you and the escort aren't a match as travel companions. Time to move on,

[Nightowl]

Everything he does during your contracted time together is on your dime.  If he wants to do something that you don’t, ask him to reimburse you at his hourly rate.

[FaustOust]

8 hours ago, maninsoma said:

Since you didn't give specifics but rather generalities, it's hard to know if the escort is being unreasonable or you are.

I normally get up between 7 and 7:30AM.  I don’t think that is particularly early. I don’t expect that he get up at 7, but he usually sleeps until about 10 or 10:30, goes to the gym and we might not start our time together until noon or even 1 o’clock.   Sometimes I go out or exercise myself and return to him still asleep. Never has he awoken before me.

We did discuss this, but it never occurred to me that I should have to put him on an hourly schedule.  Of course, I agreed that he should be able to sleep at night and have personal time in the gym, but I didn’t think that personal time would consistently take up an entire morning.

[FaustOust]

I appreciate your responses in helping me put this situation in perspective.   Sometimes, one feels like he is hiring in a vacuum.  The providers usually have more experience generally in the hiring situations than I have, and I can easily be gaslighted into believing that I am either being unreasonable or that their behavior and expectations are quite the norm, as they take advantage of my mindset that I am fortunate to have them or as they exploit my avoidance of conflict out of fear they will move on.

[Thelatin]

I found myself sitting by the pool alone one morning years ago as he slept in and then did the gym, same story.  As I sat there I started chatting with a different provider on RM.  This will be our 3rd trip to PS together.   I look back now and that provider basically dictated everything we did, and then would tell me how lucky I was to have him lol.  I was very naive at the time, and smitten.  

Edited August 25 by Thelatin

[Spikeguy]

I think even a fit guy can skip the gym for two days on occasion.  

[Rudynate]

On 8/24/2025 at 12:42 AM, FaustOust said:

I have hired a provider to go away with me, and we have done a few weekend trips together previously.  When we travel together,  I find that he sleeps in every day and upon waking leaves to spend hours at the gym or wherever.  He usually says he’ll be right back, but I may not see him for hours until the afternoon, which troubles me as a morning person.  He told me that I should know that he needs his personal time.  Although I recognize that when traveling people may need time on their own or may need to attend to things, but  if he got up earlier maybe half the day (which he is charging me for) wouldn’t be lost with his sleeping and exercise, especially on a trip that only lasts a weekend.  Is this a reasonable expectation? Is he just trying to spend as little time with me as he thinks he can get away with while enjoying a free vacation?  How should I broach the subject further or should I just move on?

I guess this shows us that these things need to be negotiated in advance.  Disappearing for hours at a time suggests that the provider lacks the attention span for anything longer than an overnight.

[Rudynate]

I may have to start thinking about these issues.  After 20+ years in this game, I have met a guy I'm thinking about an overnight or a weekend with.   He kind of got underneath my skin.