Old gay friends living together

[foxy]

This is not about the tv show Mid Century Modern but it’s somewhat adjacent. 
I’ve been texting with a lady friend about my age who has been looking at potential assisted living places in North Carolina. 
While I don’t think I’m quite there yet, it’s not too too far off in the future. I have no children and my husband of 42 years died 10 years ago. I’ve been living ok by myself and am fortunate that I have good friends and family members who would help me if needed. But I’m still independent and hate asking others for help. 
I can afford a decent assisted living place but the thought is somewhat depressing. 
Years ago with some friends we talked about buying a big house together where we would all take care of each other. As we died off we’d bring in a younger older person. It never happened and 2 out of the 4 of us have died. 
I can think of all sorts of reasons why this might not work but somehow the idea still has a certain appeal. I have this fantasy that there was a sort of an agency that could put like minded people together for such an arrangement. Like a real estate agency with benefits. I’m sure there would be lots of legal hoops to jump through and personality clashes. But still I wonder. 
Is this really too crazy? 

[+ purplekow]

Roomates like the Golden Girls.  I think it could work.  Making the azrrangements would be difficult.  On the other hand. as the population ages and the number of people who are single increase and the number of childless persons increases, the idea of such an agency may be a wave of the future.  Different from assisted living in that it would be smaller, more intimate and ultimately more like a family.  

 

[mtaabq]

No, it’s not too crazy. (At least, I don’t think so.) I rather like the idea. It would take a lot of planning but your plan has merit. 

I truly believe there is a market for senior living just for us gay folk. It probably already exists somewhere. (Florida? California?) 

[Nightowl]

I can see myself going for something like this.  If the house is big enough, each person could have their own space when they want privacy. Having the companionship of like-minded men as I wait for the lights to go out has a certain appeal.  If I survive my current partner I’m not sure I’d want another relationship anyway, just good company.

[+ ApexNomad]

3 hours ago, foxy said:

This is not about the tv show Mid Century Modern but it’s somewhat adjacent. 
I’ve been texting with a lady friend about my age who has been looking at potential assisted living places in North Carolina. 
While I don’t think I’m quite there yet, it’s not too too far off in the future. I have no children and my husband of 42 years died 10 years ago. I’ve been living ok by myself and am fortunate that I have good friends and family members who would help me if needed. But I’m still independent and hate asking others for help. 
I can afford a decent assisted living place but the thought is somewhat depressing. 
Years ago with some friends we talked about buying a big house together where we would all take care of each other. As we died off we’d bring in a younger older person. It never happened and 2 out of the 4 of us have died. 
I can think of all sorts of reasons why this might not work but somehow the idea still has a certain appeal. I have this fantasy that there was a sort of an agency that could put like minded people together for such an arrangement. Like a real estate agency with benefits. I’m sure there would be lots of legal hoops to jump through and personality clashes. But still I wonder. 
Is this really too crazy? 

I’m sorry for your loss my friend. What a blessing to have 42 years though. 

I like your idea. Crazy, yes. LOL but we’re entitled at our age. 

[ReynST]

Stonewall Gardens

WWW.STONEWALLGARDENS.COM

---

LGBT assisted living retirement community in Palm Springs, CA

Like this?

 

 

[foxy]

Well that’s a good example and shows promise. Hoping the idea catches on. 

[ketut]

My friends and I have talked about buying a place together where we'd be equal owners and live together or buy some land and build a small compound with separate sleeping quarters (bedroom, bath, sitting room) but a shared common space (kitchen, living, game room etc). Sorta an updated Golden Girls arrangement.  So, not a crazy idea.

[CuriousByNature]

I haven't been to it, but maybe the Palm Springs weekend will transition into long-term supportive living some day - lol.   And also like the Golden Girls but with a house filled with Blanches and devilled eggs...  

Edited May 2 by CuriousByNature

[Guest]

Taking care of older people is long, grueling work. A facility with multiple caregivers would be ideal. I checked out Stonewall Gardens (in ReynST's link), and a facility like that would fit the bill.

[d.anders]

16 hours ago, foxy said:

Is this really too crazy?

It's not too crazy. I enjoyed a similar concept in the movie Quartet. If I had tons of money, I would enjoy working on a project like this for gay seniors. When one is quite old, it's no fun to be alone. Companionship is vital to our health. It's not easy for a lot of older folk to get out and meet people, even people our own age. A beautiful, well-run community home can be a very rewarding experience, especially if the details are master crafted.

[maninsoma]

7 hours ago, ihearttwinks said:

Taking care of older people is long, grueling work. A facility with multiple caregivers would be ideal. I checked out Stonewall Gardens (in ReynST's link), and a facility like that would fit the bill.

My now deceased father had a younger wife who helped him as he aged and got more health issues.  He was able to remain living in a private residence with her until the last couple of months of his life.

One of my exes' parents moved into an assisted living community in their 80s.  The wife (who needed more assistance) wanted this but the husband was reluctant.  Once he was there, however, he was happy as a clam since living in a community setting allowed him to make a lot of friends.  I never visited where they lived, but it sounded like a good situation to me.  They had their own townhouse with the ability to be as independent as they wanted to be (e.g., cook their own meals instead of going to a dining hall), but obviously support was available to those who wanted or needed it.

While I've long thought that a Golden Girls type of situation would be a fun way to live my older years, as I approached that age I began to see all of the potential downfalls.  An actual assisted living community sounds a lot more appealing than living in a private residence with a few friends.

[+ Vegas_Millennial]

2 hours ago, maninsoma said:

While I've long thought that a Golden Girls type of situation would be a fun way to live my older years, as I approached that age I began to see all of the potential downfalls.  An actual assisted living community sounds a lot more appealing than living in a private residence with a few friends.

The Golden Girls characters (except Sophia) were all in their 50s through the series.  This type of living situation might not be as rosy in their 80s or 90s.

Source: 

How Old Were the Golden Girls Supposed to Be?

WWW.CBR.COM

---

After endless speculation, the real ages of Dorothy, Blanche, Rose, and Sophia have been revealed, and...

 

Currently, I live with 2 housemates, both men and both straight.  But one is military and occasionally walks to the kitchen in his underwear, so it's a plus for me 😍.

When I enter my Golden years in my 50s, I forsee still renting the rooms in my house to two men.  Maybe they are both gay, maybe one or both is straight.  As long as the youngest keeps walking to the kitchen in his underwear, I will continue to offer an active military discount in my rent 😁 

Edited May 2 by Vegas_Millennial

[foxy]

Wait! Did you say Golden Years in your 50’s???? I guess that makes me platinum. 

[d.anders]

16 minutes ago, foxy said:

Wait! Did you say Golden Years in your 50’s???? I guess that makes me platinum. 

Hell, I was still passing for 40 in my 50's. Hardly would call those my "golden" years. 80 is more golden these days, since so many are living to 100. It's those last 20 years that are the most challenging.

[jeezifonly]

If I were to approach this arrangement seriously, a 3-4wk vacation together would have to be successful twice before signing papers. Expose those flaws that remain out of sight as a sole home occupant. Change is hard at our age, and the life experience we’d be bringing in has fraternal compatibility as friends, but when living together 24/7, being blind to unacceptable behavior might lay traps down the road. 

Thank you for bein’ a friend. 

[Lotus-eater]

1 hour ago, Vegas_Millennial said:

The Golden Girls characters (except Sophia) were all in their 50s through the series.  This type of living situation might not be as rosy in their 80s or 90s.

Source: 

How Old Were the Golden Girls Supposed to Be?

WWW.CBR.COM

---

After endless speculation, the real ages of Dorothy, Blanche, Rose, and Sophia have been revealed, and...

 

Currently, I live with 2 housemates, both men and both straight.  But one is military and occasionally walks to the kitchen in his underwear, so it's a plus for me 😍.

When I enter my Golden years in my 50s, I forsee still renting the rooms in my house to two men.  Maybe they are both gay, maybe one or both is straight.  As long as the youngest keeps walking to the kitchen in his underwear, I will continue to offer an active military discount in my rent 😁 

 

Then hurry up and retire in FL so that we can move in before being sent out to pasture to Shady Pines.

 

[+ Charlie]

"Golden Boys" sounds like a great premise for a sitcom, but in reality, when Rose develops advanced Alzheimer's, Blanche has breast cancer, and Dorothy can no longer drive, the fun is over. Eventually the individuals will age out of being responsible for themselves, much less for one another, and someone else will have to move in to take care of them, or they will have to move on to some other housing arrangement.

When Stonewall Gardens first opened, we went to visit, but my spouse and I could still take care of ourselves, so we decided it wasn't for us. Now that I am alone, I am starting to reconsider. I have been told by someone whose job is finding housing for seniors that it really is a good place for older gay men, with all the services--dining, transportation, socializing, etc.--that gay men look for. However, it still lacks the final stage service that a traditional "three tier" retirement complex offers: independent living, assisted living, and nursing care.  We may not like to think about the third tier, but many of us will need that at the end of our lives, and we probably won't be able to arrange for it on our own. A "Golden Boys" housing arrangement with gay male friends might be an enjoyable situation for a few years, but unless you all remain healthy to the end of your lives (and all die at about the same time), it is bound to be a temporary arrangement.

[foxy]

I have another idea which I think is perfect. You find a beautiful young man. You bring him in to take care of you. You tell him you will sign over your house to him and he will inherit everything in it after you die. That night he smothers you with a pillow and you no longer have to worry about anything. It’s a win win. 

[+ Vegas_Millennial]

5 minutes ago, foxy said:

I have another idea which I think is perfect. You find a beautiful young man. You bring him in to take care of you. You tell him you will sign over your house to him and he will inherit everything in it after you die. That night he smothers you with a pillow and you no longer have to worry about anything. It’s a win win. 

For this reason, I remind my boyfriend that my biggest financial asset is my pension.  When I die, so does my pension.  So, my young man will have an incentive to keep me alive as long as possible.

[+ azdr0710]

11 hours ago, Vegas_Millennial said:

Currently, I live with 2 housemates, both men and both straight.  But one is military and occasionally walks to the kitchen in his underwear, so it's a plus for me 😍.

 

boxers or briefs?.......or boxer briefs?........or?

[Lotus-eater]

10 hours ago, Charlie said:

"Golden Boys" sounds like a great premise for a sitcom, but in reality, when Rose develops advanced Alzheimer's, Blanche has breast cancer, and Dorothy can no longer drive, the fun is over. Eventually the individuals will age out of being responsible for themselves, much less for one another, and someone else will have to move in to take care of them, or they will have to move on to some other housing arrangement.

When Stonewall Gardens first opened, we went to visit, but my spouse and I could still take care of ourselves, so we decided it wasn't for us. Now that I am alone, I am starting to reconsider. I have been told by someone whose job is finding housing for seniors that it really is a good place for older gay men, with all the services--dining, transportation, socializing, etc.--that gay men look for. However, it still lacks the final stage service that a traditional "three tier" retirement complex offers: independent living, assisted living, and nursing care.  We may not like to think about the third tier, but many of us will need that at the end of our lives, and we probably won't be able to arrange for it on our own. A "Golden Boys" housing arrangement with gay male friends might be an enjoyable situation for a few years, but unless you all remain healthy to the end of your lives (and all die at about the same time), it is bound to be a temporary arrangement.

It's surprising that they haven't expanded to nursing care when they would seem to have a customer base with the money to afford it.

[pubic_assistance]

18 hours ago, Charlie said:

We may not like to think about the third tier, but many of us will need that at the end of our lives, and we probably won't be able to arrange for it on our own

I have been helping a former client of mine. Who had retired a few years ago and now finds himself alone, and unable to care for himself. A gay man with no husband, and no family remaining. His friends who he relied on, all died before him.  

It's a LOT of work managing end of life care for someone. If he hadn't reached out and asked me for help a few years ago,  I have no idea what hellscape he would be facing right now. I got him into a good Assisted Living Facility and more recently, his failing health required moving him to a nursing home for more advanced care. All of this requires a tremendous amount of paperwork and MONEY and its all coming at you while you're slipping into dementia and you can't do any of it for yourself. You never know at what age that's going to hit.

[d.anders]

44 minutes ago, pubic_assistance said:

his failing health required moving him to a nursing home for more advanced care. All of this requires a tremendous amount of paperwork and MONEY and its all coming at you while you're slipping into dementia and you can't do any of it for yourself. You never know at what age that's going to hit.

Exactly why I believe Euthanasia should be legal. Single people with no friends or family should not have to endure the money-grabbing madness of today's fucked-up health care. When faced with so many obstacles, especially incurable, painful disease, we humans should have the legal right to say when we quit.

[+ nycman]

16 hours ago, Vegas_Millennial said:

So, my young man will have an incentive to keep me alive as long as possible.

That’s not a good thing. Trust me, I’ve seen this movie and it doesn’t end well for the pensioner.

Put another way, death is not always the enemy.