I fucked up, help me fix it?

[Guest]

Hey!  So I need some help. 

To keep life interesting, I added a line to my seeking profile that if someone could guess where I wanted to travel to, I'd take the person.

I got over 150 guesses, and finally a correct one.  As luck would have it, the kid that guessed it is well traveled, beautiful, my type, but inexperienced in arrangements.  We've been talking a lot since this went down two weeks ago.  Tomorrow, we both head to Buenos Aires in route to Antarctica.  We'll be traveling together for a little over 2 weeks.

Here's where the mess up is.  We haven't settled on a fee for him yet.  I don't usually let things get this messy, but this time I did.

I THINK he thinks his compensation is mostly the trip, but then something additional if I'm happy with the level of intimacy we enjoy.  I know I'd have a better time asking for more intimacy if there was some time compensation component that we both agreed to before hand.  Each time we've had this talk over the past two weeks, we end up at him wanting me to tell him what his time is worth to me.  I get it, he doesn't want to overshoot and start with a bad taste, or undershoot and leave money on the table.  I keep encouraging him to just tell me what he thinks is fair. 

He's an expatriate from the Mormon church living in Mexico.  An experience like this has never fell in his lap before and I KNOW he's appreciative.  He's been gracious, and he's run all the charges by me for approval before he books things.  

Here's how I left it, which is even more messy and unfair, and the only part of this that's been stressful.

I told him, let's table the conversation for now.  When we get back to Buenos Aires on the return portion, you tell me how much you want to be paid for traveling with me.  I said that whatever it is, I will pay it.  However, if I feel like it is unfair, we just won't take another trip together.  It sounded better in my head, but that was a lot of pressure to put on a kid that hasn't been a paid travel companion before, and wildly unfair.  I feel responsible for fixing this, but for the first time in years, I'm at a loss.

Thanks fellas!

[Pd1_jap]

A good problem to have.

[Cretus]

Edited response once I confirmed that he wanted *you* to be in control of the price you give him:

 

I think a good course of action would be to think about what you would give a US-based, experienced provider for a spectacular 2 week companionship stint.

Keep that donation amount in your head, and pay him that amount in the end. 
 

Honestly, since he is offering you the prerogative of determining his payout ,I don’t think you would be wrong for paying around what you would “typically pay” for such an arrangement.

I wouldn’t lowball him though (that is, go significantly lower than the default amount iyou would pay for this experience). You never know what his reaction might be, and he may come to expect a lot from you after seeing your spending patterns during the trip.

Edited December 23, 2024 by Cretus

[56harrisond]

Could you give him what he normally earns for two weeks of work, or use that figure as a base compensation and go up from there if he exceeds your expectations?

[Passionproject]

You’re over thinking this. To make this simple. There are ppl that hire for an hour or 2 or even an overnight. That market is established and the power dynamic is usually with the provider. He commands the price and terms. In an arrangement situation like yours, where the client has an abundance of resources, the power dynamic can get flipped. Especially in this situation, based on what you described the power dynamic is very much with you. You’ve done this before, you’re experienced in these arrangements. If the intimacy is defined and lines have been drawn between what you plan to or don’t plan to engage in, then you can tell him in addition to covering costs I’d like to pay you $x per day. You’ve had enough of these to know what’s fair. If he exceeds those expectations you give him a tip.
 

[Passionproject]

3 minutes ago, 56harrisond said:

Could you give him what he normally earns for two weeks of work, or use that figure as a base compensation and go up from there if he exceeds your expectations?

This doesn’t take into account the trip he gets to go on. Which he otherwise wouldn’t be able to. Nor the expenses that likely are covered. It should be some sort of retainer for the day. 

Edited December 23, 2024 by Passionproject

[Bokomaru]

Dammit. I was going to guess Antarctica! I know I’m not your type, but still. 
🤣

[Passionproject]

Alternatively, ask him what he’d make otherwise in a given day and what he’s forgoing by going on this trip.  In Mexico, I can’t imagine more than 1-2 booking per day on average for an hour.  That should give you a marker to work with. 

[MikeBiDude]

33 minutes ago, Coolwave35 said:

I THINK he thinks his compensation is mostly the trip,

This has been my experience with seeking.com guys, I give them a little something extra but a first class travel experience usually satisfies, at least for mine so far.

Seeking.com “allowances” don’t relate to RM providers daily/overnight thinking.

 

EDIT: but I’ve never done a travel meet with a seeking.com guy until we’ve spent some time together, including at least one overnight.

[SirBillybob]

The opening narrative suggests the foregone conclusion of a slipping up. Life. Nobody can say they have never fell before. 

Edited December 23, 2024 by SirBillybob

[Cretus]

Seeking.com

Just now, sfhairyman415 said:

Totally OT but “seeking profile”?

 

[+ Jamie21]

You decide what you think is fair for the first week (don’t tell him the amount, just put the number in an envelope and seal it). He does same for what he wants to charge you for the second week. He also writes it in an envelope and seals it. You swap envelopes and open them together. The total is what you pay. 

 

[marylander1940]

42 minutes ago, Coolwave35 said:

seeking profile

 

I know I'd have a better time asking for more intimacy if there was some time compensation component that we both agreed to before hand. 

I see 2 problems on here, looking to hire from seeking and nothing clear about his compensation and what he's supposed to do. 

[+ purplekow]

This is very sloppy and it is your doing.  Give him a generous amount and call it a day.  You have made it clear that money is not a problem for you, so why are you making it a problem.  If you overpay, consider the additional money for the lesson learned.  18000 for two weeks work comes to $1285/day or so.  If you think he deserves more after the trip, then you can give him more.  If he is not worth that amount, pau him, no tip and don't screw it up next time.  

I would make it clear that you expect him to be available to you for a certain number hours per day and that he should have a certain number of hours free time.  

Edited December 23, 2024 by purplekow

[Simon Suraci]

I would approach it differently depending on the kid’s motivations. Ask: is he an escort? The decision chart diverges from there. 

If his intent in using seeking is to benefit from the experiences he has, that is his compensation. Does he have experience escorting? Does he know how to do this professionally? If not, demanding a professional’s fee for the work of an amateur seems silly to me.

If his intent is to make a living or supplement his income doing the professional work of an escort, then he should be determining his own fee and asking for it before taking the trip. The fee is also a condition for agreeing to take the trip with you.

Travel expenses are not compensation for an escort. Any enjoyment an escort has in a meal, a gift, a first class flight, is incidental. These are all things provided to the escort ultimately for the client’s own gratification. You pay an escort his fee whether you want to take him to a bowling alley for an evening or on a luxury cruise for a week.

@purplekow makes a reasonable suggestion. Pay the guy something in the range of what you would normally would expect to pay a professional and move on. Next time, be clear upfront before agreeing to any trips or time together about his intentions and his compensation (if any).

As always, communicate your expectations regarding intimacy, dedicated time per day vs free time, what you will be doing together, any special accommodations either of you need, and establish any rules important to either of you.

[samhexum]

Offer him anything at all then toss him overboard the night before you leave Antarctica.

[aiseeya]

30 minutes ago, purplekow said:

  18000 for two weeks work comes to $1285/day or so.  

Honest qs here, is this a market rate? 

[+ azdr0710]

23 minutes ago, aiseeya said:

Honest qs here, is this a market rate? 

Seeking rates are all over the place. Much more so than "Rentmen"-type rates. There is barely a market rate in this vague business, but that daily 24 hr rate is near average for a provider (not for a "seeker"). 

[aiseeya]

2 minutes ago, azdr0710 said:

Seeking rates are all over the place. Much more so than "Rentmen"-type rates. There is barely a market rate in this vague business, but that daily 24 hr rate is near average for a provider (not for a "seeker"). 

Thanks....was asking solely bcs no provider ever quoted me 1k+ for a 24ho hire. Lowest was north of 3,5k. 

[+ ApexNomad]

1 hour ago, Simon Suraci said:

I would approach it differently depending on the kid’s motivations. Ask: is he an escort? The decision chart diverges from there. 

If his intent in using seeking is to benefit from the experiences he has, that is his compensation. Does he have experience escorting? Does he know how to do this professionally? If not, demanding a professional’s fee for the work of an amateur seems silly to me.

If his intent is to make a living or supplement his income doing the professional work of an escort, then he should be determining his own fee and asking for it before taking the trip. The fee is also a condition for agreeing to take the trip with you.

Travel expenses are not compensation for an escort. Any enjoyment an escort has in a meal, a gift, a first class flight, is incidental. These are all things provided to the escort ultimately for the client’s own gratification. You pay an escort his fee whether you want to take him to a bowling alley for an evening or on a luxury cruise for a week.

@purplekow makes a reasonable suggestion. Pay the guy something in the range of what you would normally would expect to pay a professional and move on. Next time, be clear upfront before agreeing to any trips or time together about his intentions and his compensation (if any).

As always, communicate your expectations regarding intimacy, dedicated time per day vs free time, what you will be doing together, any special accommodations either of you need, and establish any rules important to either of you.

To build on Simon and Purplekow’s advice, I would also recommend documenting the agreement. Once the terms have been finalized, I would memorialize them in writing. While it doesn’t need to be overly formal, a simple written confirmation—such as via text or email—explicitly stating, “I agree to the financial terms outlined, in the amount of $X… ” can help avoid any ambiguity or misaligned expectations.

[Guest]

3 hours ago, 56harrisond said:

Could you give him what he normally earns for two weeks of work, or use that figure as a base compensation and go up from there if he exceeds your expectations?

I’m answering without reading the rest of the replies yet. I like this a lot as a good base to start. 

[Guest]

2 hours ago, MikeBiDude said:

EDIT: but I’ve never done a travel meet with a seeking.com guy until we’ve spent some time together, including at least one overnight.

This will be my third trip that was wildly spontaneous with someone I barely know, so I’m hoping for equally positive results as the others. I like that your experiences match mine with the trip being the compensation. 

[Guest]

2 hours ago, Jamie21 said:

You decide what you think is fair for the first week (don’t tell him the amount, just put the number in an envelope and seal it). He does same for what he wants to charge you for the second week. He also writes it in an envelope and seals it. You swap envelopes and open them together. The total is what you pay. 

 

Ok this is pretty cool too. 

[Guest]

Thanks guys.

I think the core issue is that I am thinking I should value his time like he’s a professional escort, and he isn’t. 

I think his issue is that he can’t get the trip cost out of his head and can’t separate a charge for himself apart from the cost of the trip.  I also think he’s taken aback by the thought of compensation on top of the trip and he probably didn’t even consider it until I asked. 

If I have a good time, this will be moot because I’ll pay him enough to get a commitment from him to accompany me on future travel. 

If the intimacy component sucks, that’s when this becomes a bigger issue because I don’t want him to feel financially punished for not connecting with me sexually, even though he invested the time with me ya know?  Ugh. 
 

 

[Guest]

2 hours ago, Simon Suraci said:

Next time, be clear upfront before agreeing to any trips or time together about his intentions and his compensation (if any).

Yah. I won’t make this mistake again.  I’m used to dealing with escorts who share their price upfront and I get to say yes or no.