Providers/Masseurs having partners - how do they / you feel?

[Callas]

When providers / masseurs have partners, how could they still provide great service?

i had an excellent time with a provider until he told me he has a partner… i felt like i was a “Tuesday” (3rd person in a 2-person relationship) —— really killed my mood.

 

How could you adjust your guilty feeling to enjoy the experience?

[mike carey]

The framing of your question is interesting. You ask 'How could they still provide a great service', but then you said that you didn't like it when they revealed they had a partner.

So your summary question, 'How could you adjust your guilty feeling to enjoy the experience?' captures what you are actually asking. It's not how they can do it but how can you manage your feelings about it.

My answer to the whole question is that if a provider has a partner, they are already dealing with how to manage it. They may still be coming to terms with it and their relationship, or they may have a settled routine and a partner who understands and accepts (at least to a point) their work commitments. Clients probably should not fret about how the provider manages it, and allow them the space to manage their lives as they wish. Providers perhaps need to be judicious in whom they tell as they cannot be sure whether it would be an issue for a client.

Whether a client can deal with the idea that their provider is 'cheating' on a partner is something for the client to deal with (and it's really none of their business whether the provider and their partner think they are cheating). If the client can't deal with any feelings they have about a partnered provider, that's an issue for them to resolve, not the provider. But in the end, if a client can't come to terms with the idea they can walk away.

[+ FrankR]

23 minutes ago, Callas said:

When providers / masseurs have partners, how could they still provide great service?

i had an excellent time with a provider until he told me he has a partner… i felt like i was a “Tuesday” (3rd person in a 2-person relationship) —— really killed my mood.

 

How could you adjust your guilty feeling to enjoy the experience?

Honestly, you may just have to get over it. He isn’t your boyfriend; he isnt “cheating” on you.  You are both consenting adults so be a good customer and let them be a good provider without attaching emotional or societal baggage that adds no value to either of your lives.  🤓

[soloyo215]

6 hours ago, Callas said:

When providers / masseurs have partners, how could they still provide great service?

i had an excellent time with a provider until he told me he has a partner… i felt like i was a “Tuesday” (3rd person in a 2-person relationship) —— really killed my mood.

 

How could you adjust your guilty feeling to enjoy the experience?

One of my favorite providers in Mexico has a partner, and what's more, according to him, his partner is not fully aware of what he really does for a living. I also know providers who have children and girlfriends. It's their lives and their prerogative to decide what to do with them.

I think it's a little naive to expect that providers are these lonely people or single men who don't have a life and love outside of their business. People are people. Furthermore, why being a provider should be a source of guilt? And why should that be my business as a client?

Speaking of clients, how many clients aren't out there who have partners, children, wives, or belong to conservative organizations that go against what they are doing with a provider? The heart and soul of this business is precisely around things that people do "on the side".

Like others mentioned, I'd look into why knowing the provider having a partner makes your react. No judgement (ok, some judgement), but not meant to be an attack to you, more as some insights on this topic.

[+ KensingtonHomo]

I've seen a lot of providers who have partners. In fact, some of them are both sex workers. 

It does seem to be that you're harboring some puritanical judgment here, which is not unusual for most Americans. I agree that looking into what this bothers you and seeing if it's just a holdover of a value you don't really hold is worthwhile. 

[Occasional]

7 hours ago, Callas said:

i felt like i was a “Tuesday” (3rd person in a 2-person relationship) —— really killed my mood.

Was it that becoming aware of your hire's partnered status shattered your feelgood-fantasy of the provider being 100% committed to you for the time you were with him?  As in, your blown-away assumption that 'both of us are fully available and present for each other - body, heart and soul - for the next hour or two"?

Nothing wrong with that fantasy.  It's what providers provide (good ones, anyway).  Maybe you felt that, after the disclosure, your hire simply couldn't be in a position to provide it.

Developing the theme, you weren't actually "the 3rd person in a 2-way relationship"  - you weren't actually inside the provider's relationship at all.  It's one thing to be part of a threesome where you're part of the mix as 'third wheel' but after the session, they've got each other and you have neither of them.  Quite another not to even be part of the mix at all.

 

[+ BenjaminNicholas]

7 hours ago, Callas said:

When providers / masseurs have partners, how could they still provide great service?

i had an excellent time with a provider until he told me he has a partner… i felt like i was a “Tuesday” (3rd person in a 2-person relationship) —— really killed my mood.

How could you adjust your guilty feeling to enjoy the experience?

This is your hangup, not theirs.

The question is really, how do 'I' deal with a neurotic issue that's problematic for 'me'

An escort's personal life is not your concern. 

That said, until you actually know someone, I'd suggest any escort not divulge too much about themselves.

[+ keroscenefire]

I think quite a few escorts have partners. I don't think that is unusual at all and in fact I would in fact assume most do. Gay men often have "open" relationships even in very long-term and supportive relationships. I think you should assume that most of the escorts/masseurs you're seeing have someone at home. And many clients do too!

[pubic_assistance]

10 hours ago, Callas said:

I had an excellent time with a provider until he told me he has a partner… i felt like i was a “Tuesday” (3rd person in a 2-person relationship) —— really killed my mood.

You aren't in the relationship at all. You're a paying customer. Period.

Sounds like you enjoy the fantasy of the potential for a provider to pick you as his favorite hang n bang. or maybe even leave the business for you, because you're just so perfect. That's all well&good but an emotional slippery slope if you struggle (as you most certainly are) separating your fun-fantasy from reality.

[Luv2play]

One of my favourite providers has a wife and he told me so on our first session, which was an overnight. She actually provided him the drive to my place which is how I found out since I asked him who his driver was.

I t doesn’t bother me at all as he holds nothing back when we are in bed and we do things which I imagine he doesn’t with her. So all good from my viewpoint. 

[+ Kevin Eagle]

My husband knew I did this from the first day we met, and he knew I was proud of my ability to do this. To him, it's just a service I'm providing, and I am not going to be romantically involved with my clients. 

[BaronArtz]

How is him having a partner different from him seeing 4 other customers the same day?  You are not unique and neither is he exclusive to you.

The more interesting question is, what if the partner is an escort that you may find 'hot'?  Would you tell the escort that you intend to hire the partner?  I am sort of ambivalent on this.  

I am currently working with a masseur that I am very happy with.  His partner is an escort/masseur that I find hot but have not yet hired.  For the sake of transparency, I explained this to both of them - they both work out of the same apartment and I didn't want there to be any issues.  They both said it was OK - they frequently refer clients to each other.  Yet, I feel that the first guy may feel that somehow I am not entirely happy with him.  It sort of is a fine line.  I just don't want to ruin a good thing.

 

Edited December 22, 2024 by BaronArtz

[+ JamesB]

13 hours ago, Callas said:

When providers / masseurs have partners, how could they still provide great service?

i had an excellent time with a provider until he told me he has a partner… i felt like i was a “Tuesday” (3rd person in a 2-person relationship) —— really killed my mood.

 

How could you adjust your guilty feeling to enjoy the experience?

 

I don’t understand. Why would it matter if he has a partner? Would you feel the same way if he had several regular clients he saw weekly? Why should this be an issue? Does he concern himself with whether you have a partner, spouse, significant other, FWB, or even other providers? What he does outside the time you’ve hired him for isn’t your business.

[+ StLouisOct]

Several of my favorites have partners and in two cases the partner is also an escort. In one case, I know that they don’t discuss their clients with one another so they never know when I’m with their partner. The experience is the same regardless of their status - hot sex with a nice guy. Their relationships are interesting and I’m happy they have someone special. I always know I’m not going to be anything other than a good and thoughtful client. With that in mind, I don’t (and shouldn’t) care who or under what circumstances they’re fucking someone else.

[polythome]

Also, let's not forget the case of couples who are both escorts and who offer their services together as a "4-hand combo". In those cases, I'm sure they've worked out their model of how to deal with clients.

When I had a session with one such couple, I did find it interesting and cute that they are comfortable doing this together despite e.g. their different "receptiveness" to clients -- one clearly will have a slightly stronger "preference"/"willingness"/"commitment to service" than the other and I also take it this changes with their chemistry with the client.

I didn't feel unwelcome knowing that they were a couple but the slight tilt in sexual energy was definitely interesting.

[MikeThomas]

My go to escort in a city a I used to live in has a partner who is also an escort. They have a nice home, travel and seem quite happy. They clearly have a very healthy attitude towards sex.  Usually the partner was gone when I came over. One time he needed to stay. My escort cleared it with me first. After we were done, I met the partner had a nice chat. He asked if his partner did a good job. I found that hot!

[Whippoorwill]

For a number of years I had two separate boys, each of whom I was madly "in love" with, and told them so. And I frequently talked about my home life and ky own bf with each of them. The fact that there were two, and they knew each other, and I told each of them about my feelings for the other as well as about them, kept my irrational "love" in check, as we all knew these were fundamentally business relationships. They were happy to humor me for 90 minutes and X-hundred $$. At one point, boy #1 got a boyfriend, who tried to control what his partner did in sessions. Boy #1 was unhappy with this controlling behavior (especially since he was the meal ticket for the bf). I counseled him to just not tell the whole truth to the bf. He was so young and naive it never occurred to him he could have secrets from his lover. Problem solved. He has subsequently moved away and I am still seeing (and "in love") with Boy #2. He does not have a bf but I encourage him to. He is a great guy, drop dead gorgeous, talented, hot, and great husband material. The husband market needs him, IMO, and I want him to have genuine love in his life. Why ever would this bother me, his customer?

[+ ApexNomad]

41 minutes ago, MikeThomas said:

My go to escort in a city a I used to live in has a partner who is also an escort. They have a nice home, travel and seem quite happy. They clearly have a very healthy attitude towards sex.  Usually the partner was gone when I came over. One time he needed to stay. My escort cleared it with me first. After we were done, I met the partner had a nice chat. He asked if his partner did a good job. I found that hot!

That’s really nice and considerate that he cleared it with you. For me, though, in this instance, I’d honestly find it a bit awkward. To be clear, I don’t care about a provider’s personal life unless they choose to share it—it’s none of my business.

But being in the house with their partner present in another room, and then being asked afterward if they did a good job, would feel a bit much for me. The reason is more mental—I think I’d feel less inhibited without their partner in such close proximity.

I paid for the provider, and whatever fantasy I have is with him. I’d worry the partner down the hall might cramp that. Again, I don’t care about their personal life—whether they’re married or partnered doesn’t matter to me. But unless I paid for a duo, I’d prefer the other person not to be there.

[MikeThomas]

2 minutes ago, ApexNomad said:

That’s really nice and considerate that he cleared it with you. For me, though, in this instance, I’d honestly find it a bit awkward. To be clear, I don’t care about a provider’s personal life unless they choose to share it—it’s none of my business.

But being in the house with their partner present in another room, and then being asked afterward if they did a good job, would feel a bit much for me. The reason is more mental—I think I’d feel less inhibited without their partner in such close proximity.

I paid for the provider, and whatever fantasy I have is with him. I’d worry the partner down the hall might cramp that. Again, I don’t care about their personal life—whether they’re married or partnered doesn’t matter to me. But unless I paid for a duo, I’d prefer the other person not to be there.

I totally get what you are saying, but for me it was kinda of hot knowing the bf was down the hall.  

[+ Jamie21]

13 hours ago, BaronArtz said:

.  Yet, I feel that the first guy may feel that somehow I am not entirely happy with him.  It sort of is a fine line.  I just don't want to ruin a good thing.

I would suggest you don’t worry about that. I know regular clients of mine see other providers (either I’ve referred them or they mentioned it to me or the other provider did). I don’t think they’re unhappy with me. I think ‘great! I hope he’s having fun’.

All the providers I know have no concerns about clients shopping around. It’s kind of expected…‘he’s hired me so why wouldn’t he be hiring others?’. Fair enough to tell your regular guy that you’re hiring his partner if you want to but I’m confident neither of them would be upset about it. Guys don’t do this job to be precious about who hires them. If they’re proper professionals they want everyone and anyone. 

[+ Jamie21]

11 hours ago, MikeThomas said:

I totally get what you are saying, but for me it was kinda of hot knowing the bf was down the hall.  

Yes! Similarly, I have clients who bring their partner to watch. It’s a thing. 

[SirBillybob]

Parting with cash makes me the parter. 

Edited December 23, 2024 by SirBillybob

[mike carey]

4 minutes ago, SirBillybob said:

Parting with cash makes me the parter. 

Only if you leave the cash, if it leaves you it is the parter.

[SirBillybob]

11 minutes ago, mike carey said:

Only if you leave the cash, if it leaves you it is the parter.

Either way nonstarter.

[SirBillybob]

The majority of guys I hire seem to be in stable opposite-sex relationships, sometimes with one or more young children. I don’t choose them on that basis but that grounding goes some distance in bypassing the craycrays. 

Edited December 23, 2024 by SirBillybob