Masseurs who stand you up

[fancyboot]

Has anyone had a masseur who stood them up, or canceled last minute for a flimsy reason? I swear one guy saw me waiting by the door to his apartment building, didn't like what he saw, and ghosted me.  Actually this probably happened twice to me.  

 

[hrlmguy]

I’ve been getting massages maybe for the past 5 years or so and only been stood up once happened once.

I arrived at the hotel at the agreed time.
I sent a text and he gave me the room number.  I made it to his room and knocked….I actually heard him to come to the door…..and NOTHING. I knocked once more. NOTHING. A bit surprised/shocked..I sent a text….NOTHING. 

I will admit in the moment I felt a way but reminded myself this is all apart of the game/experience. And 30 mins later I found another masseur in the SAME hotel on a different floor. 😫😬🙃

[BigNoiseDallas]

3 hours ago, fancyboot said:

Has anyone had a masseur who stood them up, or canceled last minute for a flimsy reason? I swear one guy saw me waiting by the door to his apartment building, didn't like what he saw, and ghosted me.  Actually this probably happened twice to me.  

 

I've been stood up at least once -- a traveling masseur who was here for some event that he helped organize. I showed up at his hotel room a few minutes ahead of the scheduled time, knocked at least twice, then texted once or twice before leaving (spent about 10-15 minutes loitering in the hall). Turns out he was out late the night before for something related to the event and slept through our appointment. Very frustrating.

[Ichabod]

It has happened to me a couple of times. Once, the guy was supposed to come to my hotel - never showed, never replied to me later, still advertises. Another time, I went to the guy's apartment and rang the bell, called, and texted. Turned out he had fallen asleep and didn't hear me. He got mad at me initially for not wanting to wait around another half hour out on the street while he pulled himself together, but he eventually apologized. I was still out the cab fare to his inconvenient Queens neighbor hood, but that's the way it goes.

[Moke]

Happens occasionally. Heath of Heathbar did this to me once. I went to his hotel and everything. 

[Lotus-eater]

Once so far. Guy gave me the address to his apartment complex which had a manned security booth at the entrance. He didn't give me his full name or apartment #, so I couldn't get in. I texted him, waited 20 minutes and received no answer, so I left. He texted me later but I told him that I wasn't willing to sit in my car waiting for him.

[jharrison10343]

Only once. He was a travel-only masseur and he didn't show up for our scheduled appointment, so I texted him to ask where he was and he responded two hours later saying he had some fake-sounding pet emergency and had to rush to the vet, and gave me a spiel about how dedicated he is to his clients and almost never misses appointments. We rescheduled and he showed up that time, and he was fine. Two months later he hits me up asking if I want to rebook, and I say sure, why not. He doesn't show up for the scheduled time and I text him to ask where he is and no response. I finally hear from him months later, and he claims he couldn't pay his cell phone bill and it got cut off, and asks if I want to rebook. I feel kind of bad for him and say sure. He doesn't show up again for our appointment and I don't even bother to ask where he is. Fine, don't take my money. He disappeared from all of the masseur sites shortly after that. Hmm I wonder why. 

Edited December 10, 2023 by jharrison10343

[maninsoma]

Unfortunately it has happened to me several times.  I've had guys no-show who were supposed to come to my place, and typically when someone doesn't show up they just don't bother to respond to texts asking where they are.  One guy had the nerve, however, of replying that he was on his way to visit his family for the holidays and questioning why I would think it was okay to make an appointment right before Christmas.  Uh, because you agreed to said appointment?  Seemed obvious to me that if the guy didn't want to schedule something on December 24th he could have just said so.  The funny/awkward thing is that I frequently saw him at my gym after that.  Hot looking guy but because of his rudeness I always just ignored him.  Another time I traveled to the hotel where some guy said he would be staying because we had an agreed-upon appointment time and he said he would give me his room number after he checked in.  Didn't hear back from him before I traveled to his hotel, didn't hear back from him when I was outside his hotel; in fact, he never responded. 

It's bad enough to stand someone up, but one would think that at least a simple acknowledgement/apology would be in order. 

[Silver Spring]

All of these stories seem like great examples of dodging a bullet. Be thankful. 

[JamesB]

I have had only one no show so far. He was supposed to come to my hotel. I texted him 15 minutes after the agreed time and no answer. After over an hour, he texted me saying that he could be at my hotel in 10 minutes, no explanation, no excuse, no nothing. I just said: no thank you.

[Rudynate]

16 hours ago, fancyboot said:

Has anyone had a masseur who stood them up, or canceled last minute for a flimsy reason? I swear one guy saw me waiting by the door to his apartment building, didn't like what he saw, and ghosted me.  Actually this probably happened twice to me.  

 

Never that I can think of.  One time an escort stood me up.

[dcguy20]

It has happened several times over the course of hiring. Most recent was last month. He even confirmed the appointment, too. Heard from him 2 hours after said appointment, and said no thanks when he offered to come by. They never get a second chance. 

[d.anders]

I've never been stood up or canceled, but being honest, I do a lot of research and I don't hire based on looks alone. I care more about their dedication to massage. Communication matters to me, so I'm not a good fit with the iphone/text-only types. They get discarded immediately. I don't own a smartphone, and I don't know how to text on my flip-phone. I actually hate cell phones, and I only carry mine for emergencies. Too many guys on these gay massage sites are only looking for easy sex and money. A true massage professional is not likely to judge you based on your looks or your body type. It's not realistic to expect these HE guys to behave like true professionals. They are in a class by themselves.

[+ DrownedBoy]

19 hours ago, fancyboot said:

Has anyone had a masseur who stood them up, or canceled last minute for a flimsy reason? I swear one guy saw me waiting by the door to his apartment building, didn't like what he saw, and ghosted me.  Actually this probably happened twice to me.  

 

Yes, and it was a part of a scam.

Latino guy arrived at the door of my condo, then he ghosts me for 30 minutes. Eventually, he shows up at my door, and says his phone went out of power. Then he told me that 30 minutes counted towards my session, unless I paid him an extra 50.

I lost 30 minutes. He lost some stars. What a dimwit...

Edited December 10, 2023 by DrownedBoy

[+ nycman]

19 minutes ago, DrownedBoy said:

I lost 30 minutes. He lost some stars. What a dimwit...

Wait, you still when through with it???

I’ve been ghosted a few times, and certainly had several episodes where the escort showed up late. Now, if it’s more than 15 minutes past the appointed time with no communication, I just assume it’s not gonna happen and I move on. Strangely enough the worst city for me was Toronto (Vegas is a close 2nd). Had several no shows or "I’ll be there in 15 minutes" (which was always the first communication over 1 hour after we were supposed to meet). All the late guys were pissed off when I told him I had already made other plans. I thought it was hilarious that they expected me to sit around and wait. Anyone who treats their customers that way won’t be in business long. 

I’ve been hiring long enough that the first sign of shenanigans gets shown the door immediately. I’ve never regretted it.

That said, I’ve waited over two hours for a guy who seemed sincere and kept communicating the whole time. It was worth it.

For the record, the most professional/reliable city for me is London.

[Marc in Calif]

2 hours ago, d.anders said:

I've never been stood up or canceled, but being honest, I do a lot of research and I don't hire based on looks alone. I care more about their dedication to massage. Communication matters to me, so I'm not a good fit with the iphone/text-only types. They get discarded immediately. I don't own a smartphone, and I don't know how to text on my flip-phone. I actually hate cell phones, and I only carry mine for emergencies. Too many guys on these gay massage sites are only looking for easy sex and money. A true massage professional is not likely to judge you based on your looks or your body type. It's not realistic to expect these HE guys to behave like true professionals. They are in a class by themselves.

Do you communicate with masseurs only via email? RentMasseur messaging?

[jmichaeliii]

I usually start there, and if things move ahead, switch to texting.  Certain providers don't check their RM messages so then you need to decide if you want to use text or phone.  I only do that if I see several good reviews about the provider.

[Simon Suraci]

13 minutes ago, jmichaeliii said:

Certain providers don't check their RM messages

It’s true. I check mine only a few times a day, or every hour when I’m really on top of things and less busy. Or more frequently when I have an active conversation going and expect more back and forth. I wish RM Messenger would send me push notifications, but it won’t no matter ho many times I put the setting to send me the notifications. Texting is best because I actually see it and respond as soon as humanly possible.

Escorting is less than 50% of my work. It’s mostly massage so I pay more attention to my other platforms. A lot of my escort clients start seeing me for that service after they’ve had a massage from me and ask for more. That’s way more successful for my business than a cold call on RentMen, but I get plenty of those too.

[Simon Suraci]

We talk a lot about no-shows and ghosting and being late, both clients and providers.

How often does this happen to you? 1%, 5%, 20%, 50%? Or more? I’m just curious how pervasive the problem is. Do we talk about these things because they bother us SO much (even though it only happens once in a while) or do we talk about them because they are truly that common in your hiring experiences?

[+ Vegas_Millennial]

28 minutes ago, Simon Suraci said:

We talk a lot about no-shows and ghosting and being late, both clients and providers.

How often does this happen to you? 1%, 5%, 20%, 50%? Or more? I’m just curious how pervasive the problem is. Do we talk about these things because they bother us SO much (even though it only happens once in a while) or do we talk about them because they are truly that common in your hiring experiences?

Great point.

Over my 15+ years in hiring and 100s of massages, a masseur cancelled on me without notice only once.  Whereas I am guilty of falling asleep and missing a massage appointment twice.

Both of these are infrequent occurrences, occurring less than 1% of the time.

[JamesB]

46 minutes ago, Simon Suraci said:

We talk a lot about no-shows and ghosting and being late, both clients and providers.

How often does this happen to you? 1%, 5%, 20%, 50%? Or more? I’m just curious how pervasive the problem is. Do we talk about these things because they bother us SO much (even though it only happens once in a while) or do we talk about them because they are truly that common in your hiring experiences?

In my experience about 20% are 10 or more minutes late. I have only had 1 no show so I´ll take it as a 1%. Full disclosure: I´m a little obsessive with punctuality.

[d.anders]

3 hours ago, Marc in Calif said:

Do you communicate with masseurs only via email? RentMasseur messaging?

I have no problem expressing my needs to a massage therapist and talking about money. I also respect privacy and boundaries. However, these days communication is a toss up. There is no perfect solution. For security purposes, land lines are the safest, so it boggles my mind why any of these guys want text messages, since they are the least safe. Everyone got rid of their landline to save money, which then left everyone more vulnerable. Cell phone calls are no safer, either. All these digital devices are so easy to record. How can anyone expect a private conversation about private matters to remain private in the realm of digital? It's not so easy for certain groups to record a land line conversation.

I don't mind talking to a provider over a phone. Good luck finding any of these gay massage guys who have a landline, or would commit to a phone conversation. Private email can work really well, especially if you want to send photos and speak freely, without fear of nerves or intimidation. A lot of the HE guys don't want anything to do with email. Some can't write in English.

So I begin with RM Messaging. I don't book last minute, so I don't mind if it takes a day or two for someone to get back to me. I could see texting being good for last minute appointments, if that's your style. If a guy doesn't get back to me after two days, then I move on. Either a man is serious about making money, or he's not.

[Simon Suraci]

23 minutes ago, d.anders said:

Good luck finding any of these gay massage guys who …. would commit to a phone conversation.

I like phone calls, as long as they are short and stick to relevant info, and I am expecting the call. I avoid the “clients” wanting free phone sex to engage their fantasies. I provide that service, but I charge for my time.

Text is by far a masseur’s most preferred way to communicate. Security aside, in practical terms you can’t reasonably expect a masseur to answer an unexpected phone call at any time, from anyone, especially when that caller is not already a trusted contact. At the moment you call:

1) he may be working on a client. This is why many of us keep the ring on silent/vibrate most or all of the time.

2) he is not in a private quiet place able to talk to a client who may want to discuss explicit details, services, pricing, personal information, etc.

3) he is driving or in a situation where he can’t safely take a call, or sleeping, or busy engaging in another conversation, or many other scenarios.

I’m happy to have a phone conversation, but I need the client to request a call via text or other means first so that I can give that client a block of my undivided attention in a safe private place with enough time to patiently answer all their questions.

I’m not going to pick up my phone every time it rings. I have no receptionist and without a text all I have is a missed call - 95% of the time from a telemarketer or wrong number or scam - which makes me extremely unmotivated to call anyone back or even pick it up in the first place…. UNLESS the client leaves a voice message.

A voice message I can work with because, like a text, it functions like a screening tool to tell me it’s a client and not the other 95% of calls I don’t want. Missed calls without a voicemail may as well go into a black hole. 🕳️ 

A text we will see and respond to when we are available. We can also copy and paste repetitive info like rates and service descriptions into texts. This aspect is convenient for the client to be able to reference the information later. Sometimes I have a few seconds to respond quickly to a text but not several minutes right at that moment to take a call.

[soloyo215]

On 12/9/2023 at 6:05 PM, fancyboot said:

Has anyone had a masseur who stood them up, or canceled last minute for a flimsy reason? I swear one guy saw me waiting by the door to his apartment building, didn't like what he saw, and ghosted me.  Actually this probably happened twice to me.  

 

Yes. No big deal for me since when I choose a provider I have been looking at a list of providers I'm interested in. I've never look at only one provider when I'm looking for a new provider. I just book the next in line.

As for the reasons for them to cancel at the last minute, they could be any, and in all honesty, neither reason or excuse matters. Life if too short and there are plenty of providers to choose from.

Edited December 11, 2023 by soloyo215

[d.anders]

11 hours ago, Simon Suraci said:

Security aside

Well, that's the thing. It's difficult for me to wrap my brain around running a questionable business, possibly illegal, out of your home, and taking security for granted. My dad sold 8mm porno films in the 70's out of our suburban home as a side business. I guess he taught me not to trust anyone. As for cell phones, big tech dominates our culture and our decisions, and here we are. By not having a smartphone, or texting, I realize I am an outlier. I feel that often. But guess how much of my Social Security money I save a year by not locking myself into a Verizon plan? I'd rather spend that money on massage. As you said, Simon, there are many reasons why text is more convenient for the provider. When you're operating a service business, you have to figure out a way to manage your time, communicate with customers, and build and nurture a loyal following. If you choose to do this alone, the work is not easy. That's why many prefer to be in a commercial spa environment. The owner hires people to do the grunt work. For those solo providers who are serious about making money, they find a way to make it all work. Some people thrive when working alone, others not so much.