Contact Person: What If?

[Cooper]

As we approach the 2nd Anniversary of @Guy Fawkes passing it’s a good time to ask yourself the question: If anything happened to me, who would know? 

@Guy Fawkes lived alone. No neighbor or friend knew he was in need of help. After not hearing from him for a couple of days, the police were called to do a Wellness Check. Sadly, he was found on the floor barely alive and, a month later, passed away  

The outcome might have been different had he been found sooner. For those of you who live alone do you have a contact person who would realize something might be wrong if they didn’t hear from you? If there is one thing we can learn for this loss its the importance of having that contact person. 

RIP: @Guy Fawkes

 

 

[pubic_assistance]

I don't live alone myself. But I do a daily check of my (favorite) elderly neighbors.

I did help save one who fell on the stairs while headed to bed one night and I missed seeing her the next day. She didn't pick up the phone when I called so I contaced the fire department who broke into the house and found her alive but in bad shape, with broken ribs and badly dehydrated.

This is a custom I brought from my childhood where my mother would always check in on all the elderly widows in our neighborhood to see if they needed anything while she was out running errands. I do miss the days when people were more community minded.

I did lose one friend who had become a bit of a recluse in his late 50s. Like @Guy Fawkeshe lived alone and didn't keep up with many friends or family. Sadly he was discovered by a neighbor who saw him slumped over in a chair (writing at his desk as he always was) in the evening and again the following morning. She realized it was too many hours to be sleeping like that. I was supposed to be having breakfast with him that morning but he never showed up. Very sad.

We are only blessed that these people leave the fruits of their work behind and in that way we gladly memorialize their passing and thank them for giving us these gifts to enjoy.

Rest in Peace

 

Edited March 12, 2023 by pubic_assistance
grammar / spelling

[dbar123]

That’s one of the best features of Wordle. If I don’t get the daily text from my older friends, I know something is wrong

[Lookin]

Just for grins, I checked to see if there were a check-in service for seniors, and I found this website: Daily Check-In Services for Seniors Living Alone.

There are smartphone apps, and free services offered by local fire and police departments.  There are also private companies that offer this service for a fee, including Amazon's Alexa Together service.

The perfect solution, for me anyway, would be the one provided by @pubic_assistance and his mother, which was offered with kindness as part of being a caring community member.

I've got friends and family who stay in touch, but not on a daily basis.  I'm not even sure I'd want anyone checking in on me every day.  But it's worth thinking about and I'm grateful to @Cooper for asking the question. 👍

[Luv2play]

The thought has occured to me every once in a while that since I live alone in a house in a small town, if I suffered an health incident where I lost consciousness, who would find me and how soon.

I will look into getting a medic alert even though I might not fit the profile, not having had a heart attack or stroke (yet). My father was in his mid 80's when he had his first heart attack but was able to tell his wife to call 911.

I'm only in my mid 70's but still. I used to worry when I had 2 dogs that if something happened to me they would probably eat my face, trying to revive me. Don't laugh. I have heard it happening. But now I am really alone with no pets.

I had a college buddy who 20 years ago suffered what happened to Daddy. He was found a day later in his kitchen having suffered a stroke. In his case he lived another 10 years but in a wheelchair.

Edited March 12, 2023 by Luv2play

[BuffaloKyle]

A friend of the family she is in her 90's and lives alone. She has one of those life alert things she wears. It does work because she accidently hit it without knowing while taking a shower. She got out of the shower to her door being kicked in by firefighters. They must have been banging and knocking while she was in the shower and got worried with no response.

[CuriousByNature]

2 hours ago, BuffaloKyle said:

A friend of the family she is in her 90's and lives alone. She has one of those life alert things she wears. It does work because she accidently hit it without knowing while taking a shower. She got out of the shower to her door being kicked in by firefighters. They must have been banging and knocking while she was in the shower and got worried with no response.

It sounds like they both got the surprise of their lives...  sorry, couldn't resist.

[BuffaloKyle]

7 minutes ago, CuriousByNature said:

It sounds like they both got the surprise of their lives...  sorry, couldn't resist.

She was indeed so embarrassed she said to them finding her in her towel. 

[Guest]

6 hours ago, BuffaloKyle said:

A friend of the family she is in her 90's and lives alone. She has one of those life alert things she wears. It does work because she accidently hit it without knowing while taking a shower. She got out of the shower to her door being kicked in by firefighters. They must have been banging and knocking while she was in the shower and got worried with no response.

What do those Life Alert things do that a cell phone can't? I guess women who carry their phones in their purse may not always wear them, but can't men keep their cell phones in their pant pockets?

[pubic_assistance]

6 hours ago, Unicorn said:

can't men keep their cell phones in their pant pockets?

In your house ? I keep my phone in my back pocket when out-n-about, but when I'm home that would be uncomfortable while sitting on a chair or sofa, so it's most often on a table somewhere beside me. On a daily basis, I get up to do something and leave it there, sometime for hours until I get a call and I hear the faint ringing from another part of the house.

Apple makes a smart "watch" with an emergency feature. I think for an elderly home-alone this product is the most practical, as you don't have to carry it around, or wear it around your neck (in a somewhat ridiculous manner) like the First Alert alarm.

[+ nycman]

6 hours ago, Unicorn said:

What do those Life Alert things do that a cell phone can't?

You have seen elderly people try to operate a cell phone….right?

Now imagine that person with a broken hip trying to operate a cell phone.

The problem with life alert systems is many elderly don’t like them.
They won’t wear them because it makes them feel "old".
Usually, a cold night helpless on the bathroom floor fixes that problem. 

[BtmBearDad]

While a sad anniversary, this is an important topic I believe too many ignore. Thanks for starting this conversation, @Cooper👍🏻

This was something I never gave much thought to, particularly when I was younger. Like @pubic_assistance, checking in on or noticing when you haven’t seen elderly neighbours was something I grew up with, but that was only for “old people”, or so I thought. 

About 15 years ago this guy we all knew to varying degrees, was found dead after a fall in his shower. He had been there for over a week. He was a little older than me, so about 40 at the time, and he lived alone. He wasn’t missed at first by anyone as he worked remotely most of the time, and had a trip planned to FL. It was only after being a no show at a dinner in FL, and when his friends looked for him the next day at the hotel only to find he never checked-in did the calls start, eventually leading to a wellness check by NYPD, and the discovery. 

Around the same time there was a piece in the NYT about a gent who had been found dead in his apt in the boroughs after a neighbour’s daughter who was NYPD, recognised the odor in the hallway. 

Since then, even though at the time we were all only in our 30’s, we’ve all fell into the habit of checking in with each other daily. That habit was solidified during the whole corona lockdown. 

As a single gent on the shady side of 50, who lives alone, some practices in addition to the daily check ins that I’ve adopted to hopefully avoid going undiscovered when I’m gathered to my forebears, and laying on a slab in the ME’s office are:

• Keep a list of emergency contacts on your fridge door - doctor, lawyer, medical POA - so if you’re discovered incapacitated or dead, the authorities know who to contact right away. A friend has an envelope taped to the back of his front door labeled “In Case of Emergency” with the same, and additional information. 
• If you don’t have a medical POA, get one! Even if you’re in a long term partnership, if you’re not legally married, neither of you have rights when it comes to medical care. Even if you are married, it’s a good idea to have that back up medical POA just in case. 
• Get a POA as well for everything else. God forbid you’re hospitalized, unconscious, or otherwise incapacitated, bills still need to be paid. 
• If you don’t have a Will, get one! Make sure you tell the person you are making them executor in your Will, and give them a copy of the Will. Recently, a friend found out she was made executrix for an elderly neighbour, but the neighbour never told her. Go over exactly what you want done when the time comes too - funeral, memorial, burial, cremation, etc..
• Have a list of who to contact for your medical POA and executor in case of hospitalization or death. The last thing that person needs to be doing is tracking down names, numbers to notify. 

Hopefully, none of this will matter for quite some time, touch wood, but knowing it’s all set in place if something does happen is a bit of a comfort. 
 

BBD 

[craigville beach]

1 hour ago, pubic_assistance said:

In your house ? I keep my phone in my back pocket when out-n-about, but when I'm home that would be uncomfortable while sitting on a chair or sofa, so it's most often on a table somewhere beside me. On a daily basis, I get up to do something and leave it there, sometime for hours until I get a call and I hear the faint ringing from another part of the house.

Apple makes a smart "watch" with an emergency feature. I think for an elderly home-alone this product is the most practical, as you don't have to carry it around, or wear it around your neck (in a somewhat ridiculous manner) like the First Alert alarm.

i am 72 y/o with a heart condition,  i have an apple watch.  

[pubic_assistance]

40 minutes ago, craigville beach said:

i am 72 y/o with a heart condition,  i have an apple watch.  

II bought them for my parents who don't live "alone"... they live together, but my 83 year old father has a habit of falling over and my mother tries to catch him. I worry that they are both going to knock each other down and break something and not be able to get up. My mother still does the shopping so my father is sometimes alone for a couple hours. They don't need to think about it with the watch on their wrists and it also alerts them when they have a message etc.  Reasonable user-friendly for older people who may not be tech-savvy.

[Rudynate]

I have a mobility impairment that I hope is going to go away eventually.  My husband won't allow me to leave the house without my phone, calls me during the day.  Our neighbors have started keeping an eye on me.  I'm really touched by the concern people show.

[Lookin]

I live in a semi-rural area with spotty cell phone coverage.  My best bet is being discovered by some locals.  

🌲  🌲  🏡  🌲  🌲

 

[acks0104]

I'm on the younger side but funny enough it's something I thought a lot about during the pandemic, not even for myself, but because I have a dog and would hate for him to die from starvation or thirst if I was to die and no one checked in. 

[+ Pensant]

I keep in regular touch with close family and friends. I’m also close with my neighbors, so they’d notice something amiss. Just reviewed the trust and pour-over will with my lawyer yesterday afternoon, so this conversation is timely.

[+ KensingtonHomo]

I live with my husband and we live in a co-op with some elderly neighbors. I try to keep an eye out for them. 

[Cooper]

Thanks guys for the great replies. Much appreciated and helpful. 👍🏼

Q. @WilliamM , a regular/daily contributor to the site, hasn’t checked in for 2 weeks. I sent him an email but didn’t get a reply. Has anyone heard from him? 

[+ Charlie]

I believe that William lives alone. I haven't heard from him recently, and don't know how to get in touch with him outside the site.

I have lived alone only once in my entire life, for 6 months in my early 20s, so I never worry about something happening to me without anyone knowing it for days. But I do live in a gated 55+ community, where I interact with several of my neighbors every day, and if they didn't see me or my spouse, I'm sure they would inquire, just as I would if I didn't see one of them.

Edited March 15, 2023 by Charlie

[Cooper]

Good news! I heard from @WilliamM. He’s fine just taking some time off. 🙏

[+ José Soplanucas]

On 3/13/2023 at 9:14 AM, pubic_assistance said:

In your house ? I keep my phone in my back pocket when out-n-about, but when I'm home that would be uncomfortable while sitting on a chair or sofa, so it's most often on a table somewhere beside me. On a daily basis, I get up to do something and leave it there, sometime for hours until I get a call and I hear the faint ringing from another part of the house.

Apple makes a smart "watch" with an emergency feature. I think for an elderly home-alone this product is the most practical, as you don't have to carry it around, or wear it around your neck (in a somewhat ridiculous manner) like the First Alert alarm.

Additionally, we may be unable to ask for help even if we have a phone in our pockets. Also, it is sad to read that someone's neighbors learned about their death because of the smell. 

[+ sniper]

It's much easier to push a single button than to read a cell phone screen and push multiple buttons on a touch screen. Especially given that a number of things that could go wrong could make you unable to read the screen or take the dexterity needed to navigate menus away from you.

The home alert systems are usually paired with a speakerphone type device that's both very sensitve to sound and loud when they're talking to you. Surprised the woman in the shower didn't hear the security people calling her. They wouldn't just send the emergency people without trying to speak to you first.

I'm only 52 and not currently living alone, but if I were I'd seriously think about it.

Edited March 20, 2023 by sniper

[+ APPLE1]

For many years, I have had a couple of elderly neighbors who turn their porch light on in the morning when they get up and off when they go to bed. The neighborhood knows they system, and it has worked to save at least one gentlemen in distress.

During the height of covid, and since, a number of young people on the block have engaged in the same system.