I had an escort flake, and it kind of let me down.

[+ haring222]

So I had to go to a tedious wedding over the weekend in Chicago (well, lovely and so well thought out, but weddings are not my thing) and I reached out to an escort to actually be my date. Nice young guy, well reviewed. I let him know it was really an escort situation, no one on one time was required....and when I found out he did not have an appropriate dark suit offered to pick up the cost for that.

 

We had three days of good back and forth texting, initiated by him as I am not the type to take folks time. I was really looking forward to it, and the day we were to go and grab an outfit for him...nothing. No responses to my reaching out. And the next day I ended up going to the wedding alone, which was sucky. And reached out again to see if I had somehow done something wrong.

 

The guy did research on me, read a profile on me that was in the new york times and researched my company and made some sincere compliments about me being under 40 and moderately successful. I play with an open book and just assume others to do the same, so this 'ghosting' really made me sad.

 

Does anyone have an idea why folks do this? I can deal with someone getting a better offer from some other guy or whatever, but to just not answer is so weird to me.

[+ nycman]

People are people.

 

And sometimes some people are assholes.

 

Don’t overthink it. Sounds like you’re a nice guy.

Don’t stop being a nice guy because sometimes

some people are assholes...including you and me.

 

At then end of the day it’s a random dude who doesn’t

really know you and doesn’t really care about you.

It still sucks....but it’s not really that big of a deal.

 

Chalk it up to experience.

[RyanDean]

I hear you, @haring222. So sorry this happened.

 

I've had two ghostings in the last month. One which turned out great, when the gent reactivated the conversation in the nick of time. And another, just last week, when things went silent abruptly right at the moment of day-of confirmation. In the first situation, I really took it personally, for reasons I still don't understand, so was super-relieved when things got back on track. With last week's, it didn't get to me in the same way (even when I saw the gent's profile go active on one of the apps), though it did make me sad to write him off because -- by all indications on his social media/etc -- he seems like a nice guy.

 

So, yeah: like @nycman says, people are people. Sometimes they're assholes. Sometimes they're nice guys who get cold feet or shy or intimidated or overwhelmed or whatever. But...yeah.

Edited June 12, 2019 by RyanDean

[alrajee]

Unfortunately, there will always be people who have no concept of courtesy. The best thing anyone can do is to just shrug and let it go--but never stop being courteous.

[+ tassojunior]

Nope. No sympathy. Depending on an escort for such an important date was the mistake. If you read this blog much you'll see that the #1 complaint of clients is no-shows. Often it seems they no-show as much as they show. Yes=Maybe. Plenty of clients with confirmed and reconfirmed dates and times get stood up. (I am sorry for your disappointment).

[Walker1]

Must be a very open group to take an escort to a wedding?

[+ robear]

Purely speculation here -- we can only know the real situation from the man himself. However, the prospect of functioning in social environment might have been intimidating to him. We know that escorts are rarely called upon to actually, well, escort someone, and doing so calls on an entirely different skill set. The fact that he didn't even own appropriate clothing for the occasion tells you right there that this isn't something he's prepared to do. Experienced pros often specifically mention wardrobe in their ads.

 

That said, he was of course wrong to ghost you, when he should have simply declined the date with sufficient time for you to rebook. I think if I were doing something like this, I'd be sure to hire someone I had already seen in person and knew well enough to know he was right for the role.

[+ FrankR]

 

Does anyone have an idea why folks do this? I can deal with someone getting a better offer from some other guy or whatever, but to just not answer is so weird to me.

Sorry this happened to you - I am pretty confident in saying “something like this has happened to all of us”.

 

I am curious - when you selected this guy, did you go with the “tried and true” or the “brand new”? You are likely to have a better experience with a pro that is well reviewed on Daddy’s site... You did say ‘well reviewed’, but not sure if that means Daddy’s or Rentmen.

[+ glutes]

"Everything happens for a reason, you don't know what it is at the time."

[hypothetically]

So I had to go to a tedious wedding over the weekend in Chicago (well, lovely and so well thought out, but weddings are not my thing) and I reached out to an escort to actually be my date. Nice young guy, well reviewed. I let him know it was really an escort situation, no one on one time was required....and when I found out he did not have an appropriate dark suit offered to pick up the cost for that.

 

We had three days of good back and forth texting, initiated by him as I am not the type to take folks time. I was really looking forward to it, and the day we were to go and grab an outfit for him...nothing. No responses to my reaching out. And the next day I ended up going to the wedding alone, which was sucky. And reached out again to see if I had somehow done something wrong.

 

The guy did research on me, read a profile on me that was in the new york times and researched my company and made some sincere compliments about me being under 40 and moderately successful. I play with an open book and just assume others to do the same, so this 'ghosting' really made me sad.

 

Does anyone have an idea why folks do this? I can deal with someone getting a better offer from some other guy or whatever, but to just not answer is so weird to me.

 

From an escort’s perspective. The less I know about a client, the better, whether it be good or bad. Your successes or shortcomings serve no relevance to our time together. I remember when I was just starting, I was fearful of meeting the Park Ave’s and the super successful for fear of them being pretentious and disrespectful. Very nice text exchanges didn’t alwyas pan out in person and there were a lot of uncomfortable power play moments. You requested he be your date for the wedding. Sounds simple on your end, but could potentially be a little stressful on his. He’s your date, you’re clearly well established from what I gathered from your post. It doesn’t just require the escort to be your date but to be social, entertain questions and be pleasant in front of a plethora of others. You’re essentially hiring him and putting him on stage. It’s easier to just have sex, truthfully. But again, this is just speculation. I wouldn’t get sad, it’s seldom personal. Sometimes it just doesn’t feel right or we don’t feel comfortable. I always kindly communicate when I feel like this as I think transparency is important. Not so easy for others to elaborate, remember that.

[+ VictorPowers]

Please do not get too hung up over this. You didn’t do anything wrong. It’s his loss as you sound like a pleasure to spend time with.

[rogerG]

A gentleman professional would have had an honest conversation with you, telling you that after some thought he had a change of heart. It's too bad the escort wimped out and lacked good manners, but the fact that he did not own proper attire should have raised red flags. There are a number of guys in this business who don't take the business side of escorting very seriously. You don't want to invite these types to a wedding. He probably did you a favor by not showing.

 

Attending a wedding as someone's paid guest is no easy job. Weddings can be a tough social call, even for immediate family members. Figuring out what to wear checks only one box. I can think of 9 more boxes to check before I would say yes to such an invite.

[+ Charlie]

If there was anything you did wrong, it was probably not meeting him in person beforehand to make sure that (a) he was who he represented himself to be, and (b) you were comfortable with one another in a social situation. If you had a dinner date or even a coffee date first, I think he might have been less likely to simply flake on the wedding day.

[+ BenjaminNicholas]

Holy shit, some of these responses. Easy to be cavalier when you're faceless and hiding behind a keyboard, eh?

 

First off, I'm sorry about what happened. It's shitty, but clearly you got through it. I just hope it wasn't a cash bar at the wedding.

 

In the future, don't let this experience stop you from hiring, but use it as a litmus test. As was said earlier in the thread, people are people. The advantage you have in this niche is that you can choose to see highly-reviewed people that you can get a feel for before meeting. In reading between the lines, you can figure out if someone is a fuck-and-go kind of guy or someone who works well socially, sexually and for longer stretches of time.

[hypothetically]

Holy shit, some of these responses. Easy to be cavalier when you're faceless and hiding behind a keyboard, eh? .

 

[Aaron_Bauder]

It happens, but as I keep saying, we don't know what people are going through. Maybe he's an asshole. Maybe his mom died. Maybe someone else offered him a bunch more money. Maybe he was a fake. Maybe he was in a terrible accident. Maybe he realized he'd know people at the wedding. There is no way of knowing, and thus it's not worth speculating about.

 

These things happen, and it's sad and upsetting. And sometimes we never know why. Best not to internalize too much or take it personally, and move on.

[+ BenjaminNicholas]

 

 

If ya wanna be somebody, if ya wanna go somewhere... You better wake up and pay attention.

[+ haring222]

Reading all of your opinions, made me realize a couple of things...

#1, I assumed that the most of the fellows on here who complained about escorts 'ghosting' them had done something to annoy the escort or the escort assumed it was a time waste. I now totally realize that I was wrong with that.

#2, I never thought about it from the escort's opinion or viewpoint...that going to a wedding might be nerve wracking and that some folks would rather just quietly play hide the pickle instead of making small talk.

#3, someone should really put together a 'real' escort service. Reasonable rates for an attractive, personable, appropriate person to take with you if you are dateless. No naughty times. But again, I might be the only person who would be into that :-)

#4, youngsters should realize that it's better to just share the reality. If this guy had said that he was nervous, or got a better offer, or had whatever issue and was not going to go it would have been annoying but just a fact. This disappearing into Narnia thing he did was just...rude.

#5, I found out that the bride spent over $200 grand on a wedding for 80 people. I wish she had just written me a check for $2500. Why in the world do people do that!

[rogerG]

#3, someone should really put together a 'real' escort service. Reasonable rates for an attractive, personable, appropriate person to take with you if you are dateless. No naughty times.

I'm game, but some naughty would need to be included.

 

#5, I found out that the bride spent over $200K on a wedding for 80 people. I wish she had just written me a check for $2500. Why in the world do people do that!

Great parties tend to cost a lot of money. Some people believe the more you spend, the more fun for the guests. High wedding budgets don't guarantee a good time. However, I'd much rather attend a party that cost 200G then go to a family wedding that cost $15K. At the very least, you might get better food and better looking waiters.

[+ friendofsheila]

 

Does anyone have an idea why folks do this? I can deal with someone getting a better offer from some other guy or whatever, but to just not answer is so weird to me.

 

"Chickening out at the last minute" comes to mind. So does "being a coward about facing up to being a jerk." I had a couple of them do that.

 

And I was sensitive enough I was disappointed a little more than just losing out on the "transaction." I hope I'm not anymore.

[MscleLovr]

I'd much rather attend a party that cost 200G then go to a family wedding that cost $15K. At the very least, you might get better food and better looking waiters.

 

I so agree @rogerG When I was single, I enjoyed fancy parties as I used to chat to any young handsome waiter who ‘caught my eye’. It was a surprisingly easy way to find a date for later ;-)

[MscleLovr]

If this guy had said that he was nervous, or got a better offer, or had whatever issue...it would have been annoying but just a fact. This disappearing...was just...rude.

 

I agree @haring222 as I dislike the social phenomenon of ghosting. My guess is that guys are nervous about being direct/honest and seek to avoid confrontation by being silent.

 

I’m not sure I’d term it ‘rude’, however, as it was a commercial arrangement but I certainly consider it unprofessional. I commend your restraint for not ‘naming and shaming’ the individual in question. All you can do is seek another provider.

[LaffingBear]

#1, I assumed that the most of the fellows on here who complained about escorts 'ghosting' them had done something to annoy the escort or the escort assumed it was a time waste. I now totally realize that I was wrong with that.

Happened to me often... no unpleasantness whatsoever, not even awkward questions. Just plain ole ghosting or unexplained non-responsiveness. Not just in this industry. Its just the world as it now conducts itself:

• I've had contractors and/or servicemen do the same, even with signed work orders
  
• Had it happen socially with acquaintances
  
• Hired new employees, only to have them no-show first day, no-call, and no response to my calls, texts and/or emails.
  

Ghosting is the new norm to communicate "changed my mind," or "not interested."

 

#5, I found out that the bride spent over $200 grand on a wedding for 80 people. I wish she had just written me a check for $2500. Why in the world do people do that!

You're going to waste alot of energy if you're wondering why people do things you wouldn't do.

Edited June 15, 2019 by LaffingBear

[+ BenjaminNicholas]

If you're going to play in a big boy world, act like an adult. I don't buy 'chickening out' for a second.

 

Be straight-forward. Be honest. If you can't do it, just say so. Don't be a fucking schmuck.

 

We're dealing with people here. People have emotions and concerns. It's not rocket science.

[+ friendofsheila]

Ghosting is the new norm to communicate "changed my mind," or "not interested."

 

 

Very sad to hear that people seem to be getting further apart.