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Aaron_Bauder

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Everything posted by Aaron_Bauder

  1. A preference is "I like X, but I enjoy Y" more. Not "I won't even consider X." That's total exclusion, not preference. Writing off and excluding entire races based on race is racialized exclusion. White supremecy is still a major thing among Americans and American gays, especially ages millennial and up, who were brainwashed by Sean Cody, Bel Ami, and Corbin Fisher to only find white jocks with abs attractive. But American gays love to think of themselves as open-minded, progressive, LoveIsLove stans so they try to sugarcoat social segregation as "preference" and delude themselves that if they're just nice about it and hide it, that makes it okay. Whatever. I guess it's progress from the gross NO BLACKS NO ASIANS days. The sexual thing is meh (fuck whomever you want) but I'm disturbed that in the US, even in diverse cities like Los Angeles, *friend* groups are racially segregated. It's changing with Zoomer gays, who actually are as open-minded and non-racist as millennial gays pretend to be. In the meantime, I suggest black providers travel internationally where the white supremacy thing is less prevalent. There still, but as bad. For Asians, I dunno. Even in my extensive travels I've seen and heard too much derogatory anti-Asian crap. I don't know where in the West that Asians can escape the hate, but for hot black America gays/providers: go to Europe. You get treated there the way mediocre white gays get treated in America.
  2. I'm a provider who participates under a pseudonym. I also don't participate as much as in years past. One, my honest answers drew negative attention, with some clients here saying things about me and my profile that were false and thus damaging to my brand. Two, after nearly a decade working I think many if not most clients posting here are not a representative sample, but rather a self-selected sample. Much of the conventional wisdom around here does not reflect my experience, in ways both positive and negative. Positively, clients here generally seem more savvy at effective communication with providers, compared to most who reach out to me. Negatively, clients here also seem generally more high maintenance than my real-world client base. Not all, but speaking in general terms. Thus posting here is not as useful to me as I felt it might be when I joined. Would love to join a provider-only forum.
  3. My ad states that I may ask a client to send an Uber/Lyft for outcalls, depending on the distance and situation. It's not an issue. Rarely a client asked to do this won't do it, and c'est la vie. On to the next.
  4. Okay, thanks! It's 55523-- Hey! Wait a minute....?
  5. Odd. There's tens thousands of dollars in my bank account, via the debit card that was connected to that RM account. So I don't know why there would have been a chargeback. But okay lol
  6. Never worked CPAC, but the Republican convention was traditionally a great event for providers, full of the typical sexually repressed, wealthy, country club hypocrites who demonize gays, blacks, and libertines publicly while privately trolling for black cock and gay sex. That has changed in the GQP's Trump era. The country clubbers have been replaced with truly dangerous right wing extremists, who've also driven away the Young Republicans and with it the once-legendary fratboy party scene around conservative events. I think I saw a headline about CPAC's dwindling youth attendance over the past few years. Subtraction is no way to win elections, if you ask me.
  7. Rentmen has a monopoly. They know it. And their arrogant customer service reflects their dominant market share. It is what it is.
  8. Very poorly. Jerry Falwell, Jr. is preoccupied with damage control elsewhere this year, Miss Leningrad Lindsey actually has to campaign in South Carolina against a well-funded challenge, and Don Jr and his girlfriend have bought up the local cocaine supply like toilet paper in March. That's a cool 60% of the potential market share, gone.
  9. This. Ask, and if he isn't amenable to it, find another provider.
  10. And hardly any provider has a problem with this. Claiming that providers get upset when asked "questions to determine compatibility" is a combination of two logical fallacies: 1) reduction to the absurd and 2) strawman argument. Providers don't get irritated about mere "questions," it's about the type and volume of questions. For example, peppering a provider with 25 different obvious and repetitive questions that can be answered by reading the profile and reviews, rather than asking for clarification/elaboration on a handful of salient points. Acknowledging that requires a balanced, nuanced look at how we each can improve our interactions on all sides for everyone's benefit. But it's easier to introduce an absurd fake argument no one is actually making and argue against that instead, in this case to portray clients as blameless victims and providers as hostile and unreasonable.
  11. Why I wrote "Reducing it all to a mere transaction is icky, whether done by providers or by clients." I don't think this website is any more inordinately critical of clients than it is of providers. This website and its affiliate are primarily dedicated to judging and critiquing providers after all. Much of that judgment is critical, and much of that criticism based on assumptions, prying/spying, one-offs, generalization, extrapolation, and commodification. Most clients posting here get to stay anonymous. Providers here regularly get named, exposed, and picked apart whether they wish to participate here or not. That comes with the territory. So to me, providers or clients who can't handle criticism, or who only see criticism, should probably avoid this website. This section, however, is called "Ask An Escort" not "Get An Escort To Tell You Only That You Wish To Hear." We could all just be phony robots here, but I doubt that would be illuminating or much fun.
  12. No, what I think is that people should not make assumptions, as I wrote earlier. Plumbers are important. So are escorts. So are IT guys. So are nurses. And a plumber is still not an escort is not an IT guy is not a nurse. Just because they're all important doesn't make them the same, and they should not be treated the same. That has nothing to do with whether or not they're important.
  13. I'm going to assume we're being cutesy here and do not actually believe all services are equal, and that none of us would seriously regard someone who is providing us with sexual intimacy the same as we would treat a plumber. If there is such a thing as a bad client, it would be those who do not consider the delicate implications and complexities of eroticism and who treat those who work in eroticism as disposable. A hospice nurse is not the same as an IT guy. Getting up close and personal with human sexuality (often under the umbrella of illegality and stigma) is not the same as fixing a leaky pipe, puns aside. The flip commodification that happens sometimes in these forums has driven providers I know away from this website. Reducing it all to a mere transaction is icky, whether done by providers or by clients. Off this website where sex workers encounter that attitude, it has made some suspicious and even hostile. Instead, we all need to be thoughtful, because this transaction requires care and thought. There's a reason serial killers often target sex workers. That's an extreme version of a bad client, but it all starts with disregard and disrespect. So let's not even hint in that direction, please. When you hire someone for intimacy, you should not treat him like just any plumber (cue the puns).
  14. Again, we who weigh in here should remember we are a self-selecting sample, and not a statistically sound one. After 7 years in the biz, I've come to learn that the folks who participate here do not represent the average escort or client -- and certainly not majority opinion among escorts or clients. Much of the consensus opinion around here is either unknown to or would be laughed at by most clients and providers I've encountered, across states, borders, and cultures. I don't personally know a single colleague who regularly participates here, although I know a few who once did, found it insufferable, and left. Others of us participate cautiously and sparingly. And I can count on one hand the number of clients I've had from here, out of multiple hundreds. So let's keep our egos in check and not make assumptions about silence or non-participation. The "risk of speaking for others" in this case is a risk best left alone.
  15. Yes, obvi. I have on occasion declined a donation from guys I would have hooked up with on my own accord. Usually they've insisted on donating anyway. This has occasionally been problematic and amusing with guys (sometimes other escorts) who assumed, wrongly, that I'd find them super hot. It's like they're waiting for me to agree to meet them no charge, and then get confused and/or bitter when I politely inform them they're not my type. There's a couple of looks in the gay community that nearly everybody swoons over that I'm just not into. I have a super l sexy massage client who I am super into and who I would leave the industry for immediately. Our sessions started as an hour massage and have gotten more and more intense each time, finally culminating July 4th weekend with an entire night of making out, edging, and frottage -- in addition to our usual long conversations. I could tell he was shaken up by it, and he has been radio silent since. Two weeks ago, I refunded every penny he's ever given me with the message "No charge." There is a serious connection there, but I think he's troubled at the thought of seriously dating a (former) sex worker.
  16. Also my experience in SFO, guessing it has to do with a combination of 1) extra disposable income among Asian tech bros and 2) the racialized rejection many Asians face from gays who fit the status quo Sean Cody / Bel Ami litmus test of "hot" that conditions the (American) gay community to value one type of look. So you get these beautiful Asian boys hiring to get a taste of that which normally rejects them.
  17. False assumption, blanket statement, and mind reading in one sentence is pretty impressive lol
  18. But why are they fringe? Are they fringe just because people aren't using them? I recall that Rentmen was pretty fringe until Rentboy crashed and burned.
  19. Do escorts use Rentmen because that's where the clients are, or do clients use Rentmen because that's where the escorts are? Why not Friendboy, Mintboys, or Hunqz...or do in-the-know providers/clients use those websites as well? Rentmen's monopoly is a bit frightening. Lack of robust competition does not strike me as good for an industry -- we all saw what happened due to the over-reliance on Rentboy. Rentmen's customer service is often non-responsive, and certain features, like RM Messenger, are pretty botched. I also find it scary for (most) providers that one website can control their livelihoods. Am I the only person who is wary of this website -- and its global collection of personal data and financial information from legally-vulnerable populations?
  20. I am very high tolerance. If I allowed passive aggressive, rude, or otherwise irritating people to bother me, I'd spend all day being upset and I don't have room in my life or psyche for negativity. Too many real problems in the world for me to let an irritating text message exchange ruin my day, this is ultimately small stuff. He wanted my full address including apartment number before even confirming an appointment (or providing any details about who he was and what he wanted) and I refused, for my safety. He said other providers willingly give him this info, and I wished him a good time with those other providers. Simply means he and I are not a match because our respective expectations are not compatible. I've endured real and serious life setbacks; this 5 minutes out of my day was not one of them.
  21. True, but this is still an example of what President Dubya famously called "the soft bigotry of low expectations" in his 2006 NAACP speech. Reminds me of an interview I saw with Justice* Gorsuch earlier this year, in which his response to citizen complaints about America was "Well, where else would you rather live?" I was disturbed a Supreme Court justice would promote such lame, basic reasoning. First, yes, I'd much rather live in Australia or Western Europe and would have relocated years ago if I weren't the youngest child of aging American parents with whom I have a close relationship. Second, I don't believe being better than low standards is good enough. Rentmen being better than other garbage websites is nothing to brag about. Rentmen's monopoly is still a) dangerous for the health of the industry and b) likely the reason for Rentmen's arrogantly poor customer service. I really hope Friendboy, Hunqz, and Mintboys pickup market share. Or, better, that an escort-driven site emerges.
  22. I agree Rentmen's monopoly is troubling, hence why their customer service is crap. It's also bad for the industry. If Rentmen ever goes down, that will be very disruptive. Never good to have so many eggs all in one basket.
  23. My two best friends call me, "He From Whom No Secret Escapes." I believe my discretion has allowed me to maintain a good reputation with people in all areas of my life, including clients. For me, that includes allowing clients whatever degree of anonymity they want, as long as I feel safe. If I feel unsafe I trust my gut and move on -- declining, ignoring or blocking as warranted. I'm not offended when clients do the same when it comes to me, in fact I tell them to. Sometimes I misjudge them and miss out, sometimes they misjudge me and miss out. Unavoidable, as everyone has different biases and boundaries, and sometimes these conflict. I've lost clients because there's certain nights when I don't feel safe doing outcalls, or because there's certain information I withhold until we confirm, or because there's certain communication methods I require to pass what I consider to be sensitive info. Most of it is basic stuff that nearly all serious clients don't think twice about, but some don't like it and that means we're not a match. Oh well. On the flip side, a client canceled today because I refused to provide him with information he says his other hires readily give. I responded, "That's good, it means you have many other options and will be fine. So do I and so will I." He thanked me for being direct and wished me a nice day. It's all good! I would never want the drama of blackmail in my life. Before we meet I usually only have a (possibly fake) phone number and go on to learn nothing more than clients tell me, definitely nothing about their finances. All emails and text messages sent and received are eventually deleted, and only a handful of consistent regulars are even saved phone contacts. My good reputation is such that I think I'm doing something right, but holding boundaries regarding my own privacy does come with a cost.
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