Aaron_Bauder

Yeah, the flakes and fakes and timewasters are getting worse, exponentially so. The landscape for certain escort demographics has never been great relative to others, and it's getting worse. I've decided it's time to prepare to move on from this industry, and I'm taking steps in that direction. I'll miss meeting people but otherwise not too sad about it, though I have regulars who will be. Not having to deal with stigma, not having to lie to people about what I do, being able to date "civilians"...I feel good about it. Maybe that's a potential course of action for the OP.

Sunday Funday is still big at the gay bars in Los Angeles too. The narrative is gay bars are dying, but L.A. still has a thriving bar scene. Three new ones -- Rocco's, Beaches, and Hi Tops -- recently opened in West Hollywood and are busy. On Fri-Sat nights, WeHo tends to be overrun by straights, very young 21-25 year old gaybys, and tourists. Sunday post-brunch is when most gay locals hit the bars. If you're visiting for the weekend and leave Sunday morning or afternoon, you'll miss the fun. Also, gays in bigger cities have relocated to speciality parties on a lot of weekends, either the festivals/circuits/prides that now run year round worldwide, or local alternative parties/events, which arose to provide exclusively-gay spaces now that our bars have gone mainstream. For example, in WeHo on Thursdays and Fridays, the main bars most guys go are in less trafficked areas of WeHo a visitor wouldn't frequent, away from the mainstream gay bars. And on 2-3 Saturdays a month, there are gay parties at queer underground parties at theaters and warehouses in other parts of town -- Silver Lake, Downtown, near LAX etc. This is true in a lot of bigger cities, and some smaller ones (e.g. Salt Lake City has a lively once-a-month gay warehouse party/rave). Wherever you are, if looking to meet guys in person, check the local gay events calendar not just the gay bars. Gays visiting L.A. often head straight to The Abbey and its sisters and end up disappointed finding only newbie twinks or straight girls and their boyfriends. I've had visiting friends express disappointment in the main Santa Monica Blvd bars, and I tell them, "Mickys was a straight bar this Friday because all the gays were [in Chicago for yyy circuit party/out in the desert for zzz festival/were at aaa gay event on La Cienega/were at 456 underground party Downtown]. You should have asked around. Or hung around till Sunday late afternoon."

Question for other escorts/masseurs -- thoughts on late night and super late night appointments? Love them and want more? Hate them and refuse them? Hate them but view them as a necessary evil? I'm considering limiting late night incalls and banning late night outcalls altogether. But the entrepreneur in me hesitates, wondering if I'm losing focus businesswise. I feel guilty giving up that money. I am a natural night owl, so when I first started I always made myself available late night. Pretty lucrative, if exhausting and unhealthy. Lately, I've been making less money, so sat down to debrief my business practices. I realized: amongst other gaps in service, I've been taking fewer and fewer late night appointments over the past year. In the past year, I really buckled down on tracking nutrition, steps/activity, and workouts. I now workout first thing upon waking up, translating to more daytime activity and productivity in general, and sometimes two-a-day workouts. I had a good body before; now I get nonstop compliments. I've also become more confident and popular socially -- more hookups, more getting hit on and picked up, more social invites, and growing circle of friends etc. Predictable outcome in hindsight, though I didn't anticipate it. Kinda sad, in a way, thinking how body type influences ability to make even platonic friends, but it is what it is. So I've gradually become less available for post-11pm appointments. One, because increased daily activity has translated to earlier sleepiness and bedtimes. Two, because I'm more likely to have a full social calendar on weekend nights and Sunday Funday. It used to amuse me how my phone would be silent all day on a Saturday to all of a sudden receive a flurry of post-midnight messages, now it's frustrating. Either because I'm sleeping and missed the texts/calls, or because I have to decide whether to ditch an outing with friends -- or a date -- to get myself in provider mode. My quality of life is much better now having a social life and sleeping when the body was meant to sleep EXCEPT for increased financial struggles. I don't miss the anxiety that doing an outcall to a stranger's apartment at 3am provoked. But I have some clients and potential clients who are now frustrated. Is this a dilemma for anyone else? Are late night appointments the general rhythm of this business for everybody? Would you or do you choose to sacrifice your social life (and sleep) to focus on the monetary gain? Or would you sacrifice the money for quality of life? I guess it ultimately depends on what's important to each of us, and I'm clearly picking quality of life side: I'm now looking for flexible day gigs for extra income as opposed to going to back to graveyard shift sex work.

There are GAYS here???! Deleting. I'm too masc to tolerate this.

Problem, as always, is the clients who need these lectures aren't on these forums. Clients here mostly have it together. Mostly. There is a bit of crass commodification that too frequently crosses over into dehumanization of providers. Their service is the commodity, but the provider is still a human being and deserving of consideration, care, and respect. Unfortunately, that is often overlooked.

Problem, as always, is the clients who need these lectures aren't on these forums. Clients here mostly have it together. Mostly. There is a bit of crass commodification that too frequently crosses over into dehumanization of providers. Their service is the commodity, but the provider is still a human being and deserving of consideration, care, and respect. Unfortunately, that is often overlooked.

You're completely full of shit. You have some gall giving lectures about pretense pretense that your crass speculation is some noble attempt to save lives is complete and total bullshit, and you know it. This thread is not going to change anything nor save anyone's life, nobody is curing cancer here, spare me the holier-than-thou bs. You people don't give a damn about Jules, and you have zero respect for him. If you did, then you would stop pouring salt on our wounds when those of us who are grieving him have asked you to FUCKING STOP spreading lies and disinformation when you don't know what the fuck you're talking about. I knew him. You did not. To shit on our grief and remorse as "pretense" is just another example of truly evil, selfish, and nasty you commodifying scumbags are. It has nothing to do with political correctness, it has everything to do with the fact that you are a vile and disgusting piece of shit, and it starts with vulgar pathological lying birther bigot Trump, from whom you obviously take your cues. You don't get tolerance because you don't fucking deserve it. Mean and evil people should not be tolerated and won't be by decent human beings. Go to hell you selfish, arrogant, disrespectful fuck. R.I.P. Julian.

I've inquired with other escorts about off-clock play, and gotten a yes because they found me mutually attractive Hired other escorts (not often, a few times when traveling) I've asked escorts for off-clock play, and been turned down (no more upsetting than being turned down anywhere else) Played off-clock with other escorts I first connected with via a client who put together a group session (so, so hot) Turned down escorts I've met in a client-organized group, who were convinced by my in-session acting/performance that I was super duper into them when I wasn't really (awkward) I've been contacted by other escorts for off-clock play, and turned them down because they're not my type (some get really offended I'm not automatically into them, which is hilarious) Hooked up with guys, then later found out they escort, then worked together All sorts of scenarios happen. I would love to date another escort, active or retired, because sex work is a barrier to dating the kind of Ivy League/military "I work a desk job" boy next door type I'm drawn to. But I wouldn't date someone who's not my type just because he escorts too. Very few would turn down a free hookup with a guy they find really hot.

Everyone knows the likely cause of Jules's tragic passing from this earthly realm (Godspeed to this wonderful young man in the next), that goes without saying. We know the probabilities; we aren't stupid. That still doesn't make crass speculation and disinformation before his body is even cold any less vulgar and inappropriate, when sincere condolences and expression of shock/remorse are all that's needed until details flow in to confirm suspicions. But this is Trump's America for the time being. Crass, tacky vulgarity, and total lack of respect, decency, and manners (under the lame and lazy cover of political incorrectness) is the going thing at the moment.

He didn't "suddenly collapse at Pride" or "drop dead" at Pride or anywhere else. Pride ended Sunday, and Jules was (outwardly) fine and (almost certainly) happy and (outwardly) healthy to all of us who saw him and spoke to him and laughed and danced and had fun with him over the weekend. Whatever precipitated his coma appears to have happened Tuesday or Wednesday, and he lingered before being allowed to pass on. We are feeling awful out here in West Hollywood and waiting for more details. This was one of the most cohesive, communal, integrated, and hopeful Prides ever; to have it followed by such a tragedy is a jarring reality check. Anxiety and grief are high; in a town full of fake assholes, shallow bigots, and mean girls, Jules and Ryan are genuine, friendly, and consequently very well-liked. Given the situation, premature speculation and disinformation of this kind is pretty tacky, classless, and inappropriate. But par the course for a minority on this board who have no compunction about treating sex workers like disposable commodities with no humanity. I understand the impulse to jump to conclusions: 27 year-olds do not (typically) just die. However, I should like to think that adult men could exercise some sensitive restraint and impulse-control, pending additional info.

It happens, but as I keep saying, we don't know what people are going through. Maybe he's an asshole. Maybe his mom died. Maybe someone else offered him a bunch more money. Maybe he was a fake. Maybe he was in a terrible accident. Maybe he realized he'd know people at the wedding. There is no way of knowing, and thus it's not worth speculating about. These things happen, and it's sad and upsetting. And sometimes we never know why. Best not to internalize too much or take it personally, and move on.

Oh, I wasn't seeking approval or validation lol. I know what I said it true and happened exactly as I described it. If others don't buy it or don't believe it then that means...they don't buy it or believe it. It's not the end of the world, it doesn't change the reality I lived or make my description of it any less true, and it doesn't affect me at all. People can believe or not believe what they want, who cares really? Life goes on. And yes they took the offer, and the twin I know promptly squandered his half on bs. You can spend $25k really, really quickly anywhere, but especially living in California. Facts. But some of these guys I reference, though, demand $400-$500 a pop and get it. It's incredible to me that people pay this, but they do. Most clients here are apoplectic about those amounts, but every now and again I see a comment indicating that for certain guys, even our picky clients posting here would pony up. So there is a very high end market, and the reality is it is almost all white dudes. Getting paid multiple $1000s just to *travel* as eye candy with no sex (a straight friend of mine); there's another bodybuilder guy I know who gets close to a $1000 a pop from certain clients in Los Angeles just to be sucked off (and this provider is known to clients here, although he does not sell that as a regular rate). I'm not so much bitter and jealous as I am stunned and amused. Watch whiteness work, as they say. It is what it is.

Based on the number of prolific bareback porn star / OnlyFans escorts I know who either travel publicly with -- or are kept by -- fantastically wealthy regulars, the answer is yes, emphatically. It's not a small number, and it's growing not shrinking. It's a legit underground economy at this point, with New York, London, Dubai, California, and Zurich as the major players. The truth is a hot face, dick, and body will almost always trump all other concerns, x1,000,000 if that hot face/dick/body belongs to a youngish white or white-ish guy. The "hottest" guys (where "hot" is based on the standard of the average wealthy older gay male client) don't have to do much to live comfortably, and I could name names but I won't lol I'd steer clear of Twitter porn because if you have the look clients want, nowadays you can get the same result from Instagram alone without the baggage/stigma of having their identity attached to porn. The "hottest" Instagays and Insta-gays-for-pay are making a killing in their private messages. I know a guy and his twin, not escorts or porn stars, who got offered by a Silicon Valley exec $50k for a threesome. And they are nice-looking twins, but maybe 7s based on what I see clients here calling "hot." Do the math and imagine what those 8-10s get; they do very well, bareback porn or not.

Contact him for a meeting (be direct, without extraneous thank yous and small talk and I'm hurt you haven't responded etc). If he answers, great. If he doesn't, also great. Move on. You never know what people are going through. He could be ignoring you, yes...or he could be distracted with serious financial problems or health issues, or dealing with death in the family, or having legit phone glitches/text receipt issues. All of which are real life scenarios I discovered after weeks/months of being upset at someone not responding, based on my (wrong) assumptions and lack of info. I learned to stop internalizing the non-responsiveness: when you don't know, you don't know and that's it, period. Part of my growing up was accepting unknowns / lack of closure and moving on. Instead of assuming it's about me -- which was really a commentary on my insecurity and narcissism I needed to fix.

I get a full panel every 1-2 months.

I get a full panel every 1-2 months.

A missed connection is a non-appointment who hasn't responded in 48-72 hours. Could be a cancellation, someone with whom I've communicated extensively, or someone who called or texted once then ghosted. Either way, I will usually swing back around once in the next few gays to gauge interest. If still no response, DELETE DELETE DELETE This is the trade-off I talk about. I'm 100% certain I've deleted, blocked, or otherwise dismissed a potential client who would have worked out had I put in a lot of effort. However, I've learned I can't invest that kind of time and energy 24/7 into everyone who reaches out. It's draining. So I accept that boundaries I need to protect my health and quality of service may lead to collateral damage. A client may come across as entitled and high maintenance not because he's an a-hole, but because he's a newbie who doesn't "get it" yet. A client may flake multiple times not because he's rude, but because he's scared (and not out). With some guidance and patience, these scared newbies could become lucrative regulars. But I can no longer exhaust myself mentally, wading through all the bullshit to separate the jerks from the legit. So that means my blocking and deleting is likely losing me some business. But the trade-off in improved quality of life is worth it.

Protecting my mental health in client cultivation, from most important to...nearly as important: 1) Use canned response app 2) Keep initial interactions energetic but direct/dispassionate 3) Move on when clients won't close; don't donate too much free time 4) Develop and nuture regulars 5) Block at first sign of drama / high maintenance 6) Take a self-care day once a week: off-grid, no notifications 7) Clean inbox frequently, deleting missed connections 8) Stick to my bedtime most days 9) Vaping and edibles 10) Use app with separate number, setup for business texting, with auto responses as needed My balanced, can't-have-it-all approach. Downside is some income loss: a few legit clients end up as collateral damage, lost to my days off, (relatively) early bedtimes, and block-happy trigger finger. But I had to make the trade off. Engaging 24/7, fully invested, with *every* prospect no matter who, when, how, or what created super high levels of anxiety and burnout.

A discreet, member's only phone number or email review site for verified escorts would be amazeballs.

Nobody has posted a thing about it, I guess it's past its sell-by date? The big cities (LA and New York) will be having their own weekend mini-circuit parties, there's MAL in D.C., the "upscale gays" are at Aspen Gay Ski Week through the weekend, and many of the "regular gays" will be in Vegas, yes, but for the Sin City Shootout, so I'm guessing this was not the best weekend for Hustlaball? Is Hustlaball still a thing? I was intrigued by the closing party theme (sports gear) but I don't think anyone will be there.

I'd say send three short texts: 1) Hi, I'm JohnDoe, discreet married 60ish (or any relevant indentifying info), got your info from yyy.com. Hot zzz! 2) Are you available now/later/00.00pm for incall/outcall at [insert location]? 3) I'm a top/bottom/oral only/vers/etc looking for [insert a few details here]. Thanks! Emphasis on brevity, clarity, normalcy.

I've never done well in Vegas. Seattle was a bust for me. Miami was meh too. Will try Miami again. Seattle maybe, I've heard it's better in summer. Vegas, I'll go again, of course, but not for work.

And for the love of gawd, if you're bottoming, douche.

It all boils down to respect. Disrespectful clients are the absolute worst. I'm sure clients feel the same about disrespectful escorts. 1) Follow instructions. If he asks you to give an ETA when you leave your place to head over, give an ETA when you leave to head over. Not 30 minutes after you leave, not when you're 5 min away. If he says to call when you park, don't just show up at his door, do what he asked you to do. If he asks you to text not call, text, don't call. If he asks to call not text, call, don't text. Not following instructions is my #1 client pet peeve. Besides that, 2) being respectful of time is key. Flaking is terrible. Assuming he has unlimited time for endless small talk, or to text or chat with you while you make up your mind is also very bad. Ghosting after exchanging a ton of messages is rude. Hitting up an escort to meet with the expectation that he doesn't need any prep time is something the worst clients do. This assumption that some have that providers have no life outside of escorting and no resaponsibilities besides catering to one guy's needs is very off-putting. 3) And lastly, a related to all of the above, please don't treat providers like they're stupid or unworthy of respect. That's a big no-no. If he's giving you instructions, there's a smart reason for them, show respect by following them. Respect his time. Don't talk down to him. Use complete sentences -- he's not an idiot. Don't order him around (unless that's part of the scene). Don't force him to drink alcohol if he doesn't want, don't push/pull him around etc. 4) Be clear, concise, and direct about your needs and expectations. That solves a lot of problems. Do not force him to probe and drag it out of you what you're looking for, when, where, concerns, needs, expectations, etc. Just spit out. Tell him. It's so much easier for all involved than a neverending series of hellos, his, how/where are yous, wyd, and i like your pictures/reviews. Kindness and respect go a long way. Unfortunately, the clients and escorts who need to hear this aren't on this forum.

Yeah, I just don't get the gay guys' bizarre and bigoted bias against vers guys at all. It makes no sense. I don't understand why people cannot be accepted for who they say they are, especially in a community that should know better. What exactly is wrong with being a vers top?