Aaron_Bauder

Low expectations and a gym membership.

This. It's a little too glib to say "well if escorts had setup like a proper business they'd be better off." One, the legal issues, fluctuating demand, and lack of support for sex work and workers reflected in the Rentboy and FOSTA attacks place barriers to business incorporation. Two, small businesses of all kinds are struggling right now, not just sex workers. Unemployment is going broke and unemployment systems are crashing, affecting all unemployed workers. In addition, most non-W2 workers are waiting for the new unemployment process specific to them. Not just sex workers. Due to the 2008 crash, our current economic safety net was redesigned to quickly help Wall Street financial markets and large corporations, but we still have not created a way to quickly help Main Street shops. The IRS is overwhelmed with stimulus and tax chaos, so banks were used as a middleman to help the SBA rush out loans. Banks didn't stop to consider the money wasn't meant for the "low-risk," high-capital, large-profit applicants banks prioritize in normal times. Thus most freelancers, sole proprietors, independent contractors, and mom-and-pop businesses with less than 100 employees ended up shut out of SBA Round One, not just sex workers. And outdated SBA rules from decades ago excluded "purient" adult entertainment businesses (sex shops, strip clubs, porn studios etc) and their employees (porn stars, strip club waitresses/doormen/bartenders, porn actors and admin staff) from SBA and PPP. Traditional corporate structures did not help them. I *am* one of the ones setup fairly professionally as a sole proprietorship and have, for years, paid taxes accordingly. The small business Facebook groups I'm in have frustrated people across industries. I agree though on learning the "diversify income streams, spend less, and save more" lesson. I was already stepping in that direction due to the post-Rentboy, post-FOSTA/SESTA recession. Those steps are the only reason I'm not starving rn. I'm seeing why my Depression-bred grandparents were so frugal and savings-obsessed.

I was wondering what happened to Alec. We used to hookup and workout together back in the day (like 4-5 years ago).

Disgaree with every word. (Except enjoying the video of Vermont Jesus having to renege on his overpromising.) Banks and corporations have the same social responsibilities as every other individual and entity in society. The jig is up. They cannot argue to courts that they are allowed to flood elections with money and lobby politicians for favorable regulations like people, run to taxpayers for bailouts, use the roads and infrastructure society has built, then claim they have zero responsibility to anything but their own bank account. That outdated Reaganite Boomer philosophy has failed and been exposed. We don't live in a Vulcan society, but we don't live in a purely Darwinist one either. The American constitution is a social contract; it opens with "We the People" and starts off talking about "a more perfect union," "common defense," and "general welfare." It's not either/or, it's both/and. The needs of "the People" and the rights of individuals both have value and need to be respected, and no individual or incorporated entity operating under our constitution is exempt. The zero sum game Ayn Rand bullcrap era is over. We have two very distinct parties. One wants to do something about climate change, the other denies climate science. One is controlled by a rage tweeting, pathological lying birther bigot leading a white identity politics and white grievance cult; the other reflects the diversity of America. One is arguing in court that businesses be allowed to cherry-pick from the Bible to discriminate against gays in commerce and employment, the other is fighting to protect US elections from foreign meddling. One wants tax cuts for billionaires and unrestricted gun violence; the other wants universal healthcare and sensible gun reforms. The only people who pretend not see these differences are those whose privilege means they are fine no matter who is elected. Fortunately, an increasing majority of voters knows better, which is why one party has lost 7 of the last 8 popular votes, can no longer rely on vote suppression and the electoral college alone to win, and will soon have to start working for the people if it wants to continue to exist.

Except for giant banks or other huge "essential industry" corporations who invest extra cash in stock buybacks and exorbitant executive salaries instead of in their customers, workers, communities, and rainy day funds. They don't need to save, they can always come running for no-strings taxpayer bailouts when something unexpected happens. Only workers living paycheck-to-paycheck are expected to bootstrap in times of crisis. #Merikkka

THIS. One of the few threads where everyone makes solid points, but Stu synthesizes all the emotional intelligence shown by many others here. Ya, rescheduling happens all the time, but not 'on-the-fly' for professional appointments like, say, for a dentists' appointment or a job interview. Many forget escort/masseur appointments are similar because the service provided is intimate and the communication informal. You don't get to text your doctor an hour before your 5pm, "Hey, can we do 30 minutes early?" then "Actually, 40 minutes early." You might check in, but you likely wouldn't ask to be seen 30 minutes early, then just announce "I'll be there at 4:20" as if assuming they should be ready. A 40 min difference in prep time *might* be the difference between you having a good and a crap one, depending on what else if going on in the escort's day that you don't know about. Good providers give professional service in an personal way *that hides the professionalism* and the transactional reality of this service. If meeting at 5, there's a list of things to do -- hidden from the client -- to create conditions for magic to happen: showering, cleaning up, meditating, Viagra timing, erasing from your psyche the weirdo you met with earlier...whatever. On top of day-to-day responsibilities, errands, and self care (like eating lunch). And as Stu points out, Rentmen don't have waiting rooms, receptionists, and assistants to help out. We do it all. Most try to be accommodating, but in a poor moment I've gotten snippy with a well-meaning client who was the last straw in a pile of flakes, time wasters, and others who constantly devalue our time. That reaction is not okay; patience is required for this work, period. I just wish more clients were mindful that, like any other livelihood, our schedules are not endlessly flexible and the magic usually doesn't just happen out of thin air even when the best make it seem so. Probably most who need to hear that aren't on this forum. I also agree with those who think sharing the alleged verbatim contents of a private escort interaction is inappropriate and unnecessary. It's dangerously close to a review, which is not allowed here.

I'm certain I'm misunderstanding this, because I *know* you wonderful humans are tipping your deliveryfolk well given that they are 1) taking time to deliver your food/goods, 2) costing gas and vehicle wear and tear to do so, 3) essential workers putting themselves at risk, and 4) probably not wealthy, hence why they are taking the risk. I'm guessing the actual meaning here is that you good folk are tipping some other amount, just not 20%. Right?

I was told there would be a hot one...

Welcome to the world of escorting, trying to be Goldilocks for hundreds of different personalities a year. Can't be too eager, can't be too distant. Can't be too expensive, can't be too cheap. Can't be too niche, can't be too vague. Be into me, but don't lie to me. Know what you're doing, but don't seem like you have too much mileage. Be professional, but don't be transactional. Be a sex god hooker, but be the boy next door. Give me exactly what I want, but read my mind. Everybody is a critic. C'est la vie.

I prefer passenger pigeon. They have gone extinct, so text is second-best. For those who dislike texting, a phone call is fine. I find that clients who follow good text/phone etiquette (polite, succinct, clear, direct) are most likely to actually book. Bad texters (demanding, long-winded, those who want me to recite my ad again through texts, pic collectors) rarely follow-through with booking, phone call follow-through is also spotty, I wonder if my voice is too intimidating or if its because the clients who call me are typically the most paranoid, an observation based on voice tone. I can usually tell within minutes of texting or talking whether we'll actually meet or not.

Where is the sign-up sheet? lol

No, but asked a massage client to hang out as a friend, no strings attached. He wasn't interested, probably because he knows I'm attracted to him and doesn't want to go down that path, even though the feeling is somewhat mutual (physical only on his end).

Any more details? Is he straight? Gay? Does he top or bottom? Suck? Or is he more of the flex and receive oral only gay for pay type? What kind of price are we talking? DM me if you don't want to put it here.

He danced at the Adonis nude party in Los Angeles two weekends ago, I think. May I ask how you know he escorts? Does he advertise, or have you heard word-of-mouth?

That was pretty much the point I originally made; I never assumed otherwise, as you falsely insinuated I was doing. I don't believed deductive reasoning and blanket assumption are the same thing, so my original point stands: clients would probably be wise to avoid clients who would shave off a good percentage of their price out of desperation alone, but should not merely assume out of hand that someone willing to do so would automatically provide crap service. I don't understand why this a controversial point in any way.

Your example is not "out of desperation" and not applicable to my statement. I didn't say, "No client wants an escort who will shave $100+ to provide a simpler service." I typically ask clients what they're into and whether they want full escorting or something else. If my escort rate seems exorbitant for the "something else," I do offer a massage-type rate instead. Not out of desperation, or even just fairness alone: many of these clients are now more reliable regulars, meaning I end up with more donations overall. Goes back to the original question of smart/good business practice. I know some escorts think being flexible on rates is a dead end slippery slope, but it works for me. Again, sometimes I'm not in the mood, and no I don't ever sell myself too short or sacrifice my dignity, but why settle for 0% instead of 70%? I have a favorite local healthfoods grocer that noticed I was visiting less and less after a competing big box chain opened up nearby. Owners offered me their pretty significant employee discount. Wasn't until budgeting months later I realized I was spending more there with the discount than I ever had before. Clever!

Assumptions are almost always a dead end, especially ones based on fear. The way to turn it around is to stop assuming all escorts will feel cheated and resentful by negotiations. As usual, vet the reviews. If an escort has 30+ good reviews, really think *none* of those five star encounters involved some price variation? Unlikely. A good escort will provide good service, negotiation or not. Someone who cares enough about their reputation to seek reviews is not going to cheat you out of a good experience over a few Lincolns. Many providers won't negotiate, period, so don't bother to. Many others have some wiggle room, so wiggle. Obviously, no client should want a guy who's going shave $100+ off his rate out of desperation. But if client is 80% there, are most non-desperate, solidly-reviewed escorts *really* going to settle for 0%? Then be resentful and petulant over the cost a few Starbucks trips? Please. Fortune favors the bold folks. Stop letting fear and false assumptions dictate.

Fear of haggling is another of example of these forums being a self-selected minority sample that differs from the majority of clients/escorts who don't post here. Most of my clients don't have a problem with it. I feel it's best, if you have a budget, to be upfront. But I think it's best to give as much info as reasonable in the first 1-2 texts: "Married, discreet, 60s here. Looking for bf experience, you top. Available tonight 9pm, my hotel in Tribeca? Can do 280 roses for hr of your time. Privacy/discretion important. Thanks." The who/what/when/where/how is thus out of the way, and now you can do the personality and compatibility dance for a bit before confirming. Don't understand why w can't just save everybody's time and energy by being direct, clear, concise, and complete. Radio silence is perhaps the worst form of this poor communication, both rude and unclear at the same time. I block clients who do it, and have had some circle back months to years saying, "Been texting and calling, can't get through." When I tell them they were blocked because of having ghosted, then it's "Oh, didn't mean to, something came up." Okay, well just send a text saying "No longer interested, maybe another time" or "No longer available, will check you next trip." How hard is that?

I'm vers, and I present myself as vers, because I am vers. If I was a bottom, I'd say I'm a bottom. I say I'm vers because I'm...wait for it...vers. I don't understand why folks make this so much more complicated than it is. Just identify what you are and accept people how they identify lol

I will be forever confused as to why some people find this confusing. When I encounter tops, vers tops, vers bottoms, and bottoms, I personally have zero confusion about that person's role based on these various labels.

Are we back to pretending profiles matter and not just picking up random Grindr guys on the cheap?

It is refreshing to hear you talk about what you like. Interior design sounds great! It's demanding I hear, but in the fun way, according to those who love it.

Yes, obviously exactly the same thing, with the exact same psychological impact, fraught history, social implications and constellation of issues. Very smart, clever, and sane comparison. Good job.

Thanks for the luck and prayers lol People are different. I once told a friend who kept demanding another friend come out to certain people to please stop it. I explained why it was not safe (physically, financially, and socially) for said friend to come out yet, or maybe ever depending on certain variables. I counseled him to have the maturity to know that not every gay man enjoys the exact same privileges as he and I did, to live openly. I have made the choices on what's best and what's right for me and my background and circumstances, with relative success -- recognizing that there are gray areas and no perfect choices. I'm talented, smart, and blessed to be good at many things and great with people. I'm excited to be old enough now to trust my decision-making ability, and I am fully confident that I will thrive. Thank you for the well wishes.