Aaron_Bauder

How many fairies can fit on the head of needle? - A Dissertation

This book is, was, and always will be phenomenal. #threadwinner I think most people's preferences are too subconcious to be described as racist in the way we think of active racism. However, it's obvious that preferences are affected by culture. Think of the doll tests, where children of all races as young as 2 describe white dolls as "pretty" and "smart" and an identical doll with brown skin as "ugly" and "stupid." That shows that our kids are bombarded with racist messages from birth in was we cannot even imgaine. American gays grow up in a racist culture. Of course, what we find attractive is going to be affected, how can it not? Preferences are what they are -- are they racist in and of themselves? Probably not. But let's stop denying they aren't influeced by racism in American culture. It just is what it is. Integration is the key to breaking this conditioning, but many gays are fine leading segregated lives, where they interact with one race 99% of the time. If that's your cup of tea, fine, but let's stop pretending to be so inclusive and #LoveWins and progressive when our interpersonal relationships look like a Hitler Youth meeting. I mean, come on.

There are thousands of ways to add value to one's life and self-image, and international travel is as good as any. Disappointing experiences are also often learning experiences that add value. I can certainly see the value in African-Americans learning they are a unique people, distinct from Africans, however intially disapppointing such a revelation may be.

"go to Asia, go to Africa." We always prefer to ignore that which does not fit with our preferred narratives, don't we? Young gay black men, who are routinely devalued and invalidated by whites first beauty standards in Trump's America, should defintely travel the entire world to discover a broader pool of individuals who value them as attractive human beings with something to contribute. Absolutely 100% they should.

Anti-black racism exists in all Western cultures, but it's exponentially worse in America due to our rather strained racial history. Children are culturally conditioned by subtle messages in media and culture from birth to find whiteness and white traits more desirable and attractive, and of course anyone who grows up in a white supremacist culture is going to subconciously internalize this. So of course black guys are devalued and underappreciated in American gay culture relative to other places. Gays are not immune from this conditioning. It's very sad as, again, gays love to promote themselves as champions or freedom and equality while leading social lives that look like something out of the segregated south. It does not compute. Some places are much worse than other -- L.A. gays are probably the absolute worst of the bunch when it comes to their secret WHITES ONLY parties and gatherings while parading around publicly as champions of liberalism. I recommend black guys save up and travel. Go to Europe, go to Australia, go to Asia, go to Africa. Then you can find out your true value. The same perfectly goodlooking black guy who gets shunned and ignored in Los Angeles can go to Berlin and be treated like a God. I wish all black guys could afford to travel. Many are very, very attractive but virtually ignored in the states. Please get out of this insane country as often as possible and find some gays who are actually as progressive and open-minded as American gays pretend to be, when we are really blinded, brainwashed and made stupid by white supremacist conditioning.

And if the response is a lie then you've actually increased your risk, as a liar is much less likely to be responsible and trustworthy in general about protecting his health and that of others. Self-report is a notoriously unreliable data collection method. But what you do is your business, you're right on that.

And just because they say no you believe them and proceed? lol I love the false sense of security people get from these kinds of questions, when fact is anybody could be lying to you at any time. Everyone should be doing what is necessary to protect his or her own health. Just because someone tells you they don't bareback or tells you they're neg or regularly tested or whatever is ocmpletely and totally meaningless.

Not at all when he's already been there once before and waiting in freezing rain for 15 minutes, only to have the client no-show. I fail to see what's sketchy about escort's communication. He said explicitly, "Come now or wait till 11:30?" He was told to "come now." He did that. He texted, "Here." He got no response from a dude who'd already flaked on him before. No, it's not his responsiblity any more at that point to beg and plead with the client to meet him. Sorry, but no. It's called boundaries. At some point, enough is enough. As to cheerleading, I don't know James XL and don't want to know him. Not defending him based on any personal relationship. Also I don't find the veiny, cartoon muscle look attractive, so not defending him based on my loins either. My assessment is based purely on the known facts. Now if he had Pietro Boselli's body or Cam Newton's face, then maybe yeah, I'd be biased. As it is, no.

Being so entitled that you think you have the right to decide for others whether waiting in the cold for 15 minutes is a big deal for them or not. Character indeed. I was just in New York for New Years. I know how cold it's been there; more than once my fingertips were frozen solid way more quickly than anticipated on what I thought would be a 20 minute walk, forcing me to call an Uber after ten minutes of walking to finish my trip. No, I'm not waiting around in the cold for anybody for 15 minutes -- let alone freezing rain -- and I don't expect anyone else to do so either. Get over yourselves.

Entitled nonsense. Still making excuses, and why I say escorts need our own forum where we can review clients. Clients here have routinely ruined escorts' business with badmouthing and one-sidedness, and thank goodness there was someone here to flesh out the whole picture. "Why would I him drive all the way over here to just play around with him?" Like it hasn't been done before lol You wasted this dude's time, not once, but TWICE. Was he supposed to come around a THIRD time and wait in New York winter cold AGAIN to try to find out if you were legit and not playing games? Get over yourself. You lied about the amount of the deposit, claiming it was $100 when it was really $75. You lied by omission failing to note you'd already made him wait in freezing cold rain. You lied by omission failing to note you threatened the dude with bad reviews. You lied by omission failing to note you harrassed the dude with texting and demands. You still haven't told the truth about what was happening during the 15 minutes he waited for you a second time. Brushing teeth does not take 15 minutes. Why should anyone trust or believe you? In a fair and just world, escorts would be writing reviews telling other escorts to steer cleer of you. I'm sure James XL is not perfect -- nobody is -- but you *really* need to check yourself. There's a reason why lots of guys don't have all five star reviews. Sometimes it's because they're not five star escorts. Other times it's because of rude, arrogant, dishonest clients. There's a reason why James XL took of with $75 dollars of your money, and the reason is you.

P.S. No one can say with 100% certainty they will connect with someone they don't know. Impossible. It's fair to expect your chosen guy to be present and energized, but there's no way to predict the future and guarantee you'll get everything you want, even if you text back and forth and speak on the phone. So, please, do *not* demand such a guarantee. If you have been doing so, that's a valid reason to be blocked. A good escort is not going to knowingly overpromise. I would self-check make you aren't accidentally flashing "control issues" when expressing your needs, because control issues are one of the worst red flags. You and he can only promise to put your best selves forward, but if you can't accept risk and relinquish some level of control, hiring is not for you. I enjoy the risk as an escort; I sometimes take on...difficult clients for the personal challenge and professional growth. Being able to will myself to perform and satisfy and end up geniuinely enjoying myself and connecting where others could not gives me a rush. But even the best escorts have an occassional dud, and it's nobody's fault. If you are anxious, do your due diligence in picking somone who has a track record of leaving clients satisfied in the way that you are looking for, then relinquish control, jump in, and let the chips fall where they may. Clearly, hiring a hot-looking rookie with no track record is not the best idea for you yet, but that also means you're going to be dealing with escorts whose patience with your worries will have tighter limits. I believe providers have a duty to be polite and friendly to all inquiries, but within reason. A new client looking for just an hour probably won't get an excess of unpaid-for time and attention from an escort with competing priorites and several other potential hires. Just sayin.

It's okay to be sad, but speculation is not good, even though we can't help it. You just don't know what's going on with people. I've known of suicides where everyone was blindsided -- there was no indication of depression. Could be family issues, mental health issues, trauma issues that resurfaced, money problems, housing problems, physical problems, a significant other that said "never contact that client again I don't like you getting that close," or maybe he was never into it. We really just don't know what's going on with folks, and there's too many possible scenarios to worry about them all. Grieve the loss of a special relationship but try not to take it personally, and try to move forward. Loss is inevitable.

x100 Sounds like the OP is fine until he starts communicating his needs/expecations. That is when he gets blocked, indicating that what you are saying in that space is the dealbreaker. OP, try to listen the collective wisdom so far: you may be exhausting the escort with a laundry list of rules and requirements, making you seem high maintenance and needy. Are you texting long, detailed prose with a romance novel of expectations? If so stop. One, it's not working. Two, it's not necessary. You can express, succintly, that you're not looking for disconnect wham-bam-goodbye and desire some level of intimacy, care, and connection (and by the way, this is a fair quest). It doesn't take a whole lot of back-and-forth. And if you've done your due diliegence and are contactng a popular, well-reviewed escort, chances are he's a people person who knows what he's doing and doesn't have problems connecting and bonding with clients. You don't need to choreograph for him how to do his job; nobody likes being micromanaged. He'll know what you're getting at. And I'd suggest reflecting on feedback about adjusting expections. The post reminding clients that they are not the center of the escort's world -- that he has other legitimiate responsibilities and priorities -- was spot on. Your response -- that a pro should be able to make you feel like he is the center of the world when he's with you -- is true, but think about what you're saying. You want the escort to center you *before* he's with you. As has been pointed out, this is not fair, and even if it were, it's not really possible for a guy that's in-demand due to that thing called time. Some clients seem to forget, or not care, that we too have to eat, sleep, groom, medicate, socialize, call mom, workout to keep that rockin body you expect, run errands, do household chores, work on life goals, AND be emotionally present available for our already-scheduled appointments. Expecting an escort to *also* commit emotionally to the demands and small talk of the army of complete strangers texting and emailing him daily is disrespectful, especially when experience has taught him that 90% of them are flakes, weirdos, and/or pic collectors. I think most mature, well-adjusted adults can understand that. And a popular, seasoned escort is not going to, and doesn't have to, waste energy on those who can't.

Are disclaimers a guarantee you're all clear? Obviously not. But giving your potential future defense attorney at least something to work with by refusing to directly promise sex acts in exchange for money is better than freely giving a prosectuor all he needs to convict. Good defense attorneys have gotten guilty parties off on legalese, wording, and semantics. Words, letters, and the letter of the law actually do matter in court. A good defense attorney will not let insinsuation and suggestion alone be enough to convince 12 people beyond resonable doubt you broke laws. Disclaimer or no, if the prosecution has foolproof evidence you've engaged in illegal acts, you will likely be convicted. So why provide such evidence to them freely? This risk comes with the territory, hence why clients should think twice balking what escorts charge. This is risky business, not a free for all. And all escorts should have a legal defense emergency fund, just in case.

I've done it. It works.

I have a Milah cut, meaning I'm not intact, but I do have enough foreskin to protect the head of the penis. That may be what your friend is referring to, but I don't know.

Spacey was being whispered about back when I was a kid working on a studio lot. That was a long time ago. Clinton was President. So Netflix got out of dodge before the shoes started dropping, and it's all very predictable.

Are there escort bars in Los Angeles? Or places where LA boys typically pickup gentlemen in person?

Depends on which Bette you mean. Not liking Davis is a betrayal of America, not just the community. Not liking Midler, meh.

If I was texting a stranger I'd never met, and they started calling be by a name which I had not given them, I would be momentarily/temporarily taken aback. And I don't just mean regarding escorting. Until anyone gives me their name, it seems quite socially awkward to just start dropping their name as if we've met before no matter how I know it. For example, a lot of us young gay guys have a very big social media footprint. I've hooked up with guys who are pretty well-known through social media, Instagram-fame et cetera. Obviously, they know that information is out there: they're psuedo-public figures. However, I've never ever let them know that I know any more about them than they've decided to disclose to me one-on-one, unless I've noted "Oh yeah, I've actually followed you on Instagram for years." To just start dropping knowledge about them ("How was your trip to Europe you took last month? Your cousin's wedding in Napa looked really fun. Is your best friend Kyle single?") without disclaimer or prompting in our very first conversation ever? Awkard, and doubly so if the conversation is not face-to-face. If someone is using an alias and hasn't given a name yet, that's probably not a random choice. Escorting is, after all, still illegal -- however unjust and ridiculous it is. So I assume everyone involved, client or escort, wants a level of privacy about that which they have not disclosed until trust is built and otherwise noted, or until specific disclosures are asked for.