Loneliness... Depression and Anxiety

[CuriousByNature]

2 hours ago, pubic_assistance said:

Rituals are part of human civilization.

Keeping a routine, following traditions and maintaining relationships daily ( even if it's with your favorite barista) work as emotional anchors to counterbalance the emotional chaos that can lead to depression. 

Of course all the other suggestions above have merit as well. But a reliable schedule has a surprisingly positive effect when implementing those other tactics.

Agreed - focussing on maintaining a routine, even if it may seem mundane, can really help bring a person out of a spiral and help prevent descending into one.  One of the symptoms of depression I have seen is the abandonment of routines, or at least the abandonment of healthy routines.

[Rod Hagen]

On 12/4/2021 at 5:46 PM, Ryan Wolff said:

Hey guys: I was wondering how those of you manage your depression when you're already doing all of the right things like a) taking your meds, and/or b) in talk therapy.  Oddly (or maybe not), being a service provider helped quite a bit with my depression in a couple of different ways.  But, since COVID began, and only having a few clients in the last 18 months, that 'depression relief valve' isn't really there. I've always been a lone wolf, so I don't have a circle of friends or 'tribe' like others do.  On top of that, my professional identity was shattered a month ago - just as I was entering the final stretch of my PhD. I still have a job, but it's not the job that I always strived towards.

Its been tough on everyone over the last 18 months... I'm curious how those who suffer from clinical depression have found outlets that helped mitigate those feelings. 

Thanks guys... Cheers!

 

Very sorry to hear you're seriously struggling Ryan.  I remember when I discovered my studied field, environmental engineering, looked like it was never going to be what I hoped.  It was difficult.

But you were already having difficulties, and as you know, the blow to your identity just compounded the problem.  You're doing all the right things, so, have you tried medication?  If so, how was the expereince?  If it was bad, or unhelpful, would you consider trying another one?  Remember anti-depressants and anti-anxiety medications are temporary, so consider considering them if you haven't.  

[Rudynate]

On 12/8/2021 at 10:21 AM, pubic_assistance said:

Rituals are part of human civilization.

Keeping a routine, following traditions and maintaining relationships daily ( even if it's with your favorite barista) work as emotional anchors to counterbalance the emotional chaos that can lead to depression. 

Of course all the other suggestions above have merit as well. But a reliable schedule has a surprisingly positive effect when implementing those other tactics.

Genius.

[Ryan Roman]

On 12/8/2021 at 3:38 PM, Rod Hagen said:

Very sorry to hear you're seriously struggling Ryan.  I remember when I discovered my studied field, environmental engineering, looked like it was never going to be what I hoped.  It was difficult.

But you were already having difficulties, and as you know, the blow to your identity just compounded the problem.  You're doing all the right things, so, have you tried medication?  If so, how was the expereince?  If it was bad, or unhelpful, would you consider trying another one?  Remember anti-depressants and anti-anxiety medications are temporary, so consider considering them if you haven't.  

I am on medication, and it's been invaluable for someone with a history of clinical depression.  Along with talk therapy, it's been very helpful.  My advice to anyone - have a genetics test done (they're $300) prior to going on an antidepressant.  I suggest that because physiology can vary so widely that some antidepressants (or any drug) my not be properly absorbed by your body.  The sudden loss of an identity I strived for years to earn and maintain, and was the proud of, is something I'll just have to work through overtime. The upside is I have more time to see clients, which is something I still enjoy. Thanks for your other suggestions - some are things I really should be doing, as well as getting my dissertation finished by the end of Spring.

[+ bashful]

21 hours ago, smormardko said:

After some turmoil in my life, I developed an anxiety disorder. This disease may seem silly and frivolous, but it directly affects you, your life, and the perception of everything that happens. The first time I hooked on marijuana, it helped me a lot. Then I started to increase the dosage, afraid I might become addicted to it. Then, on the advice of another, I turned to https://fherehab.com/anxiety/treatment/ to seriously address this problem and cure my anxiety disorder if possible. I had no idea this disorder could be treated, and I was excited about the prospect.

It's very real, and I used to drink to self medicate, and even after going on meds, continued to drink.  Now, still  on meds (Lexapro), and I feel they are now working well.  Haven't had a drink in over a year.  

[TorontoDrew]

I'm just coming off 12 years of Cipralex.  It got me through some tough times.  I had gotten to the point where I was crying in my car after work.

I also made some other changes.  I found a less stressful job, mostly quit drinking (never at home and only go out occasionally).  I also started eating well and exercising regularly 

I had come off right before the pandemic hit and was so stressed by it I went back on.

I made the decision to come off the drugs as they were contributing to a problem with restless legs and they killed my libido.

I am hoping to stay off them but won't hesitate to go back on them if needed (at a lower dose).  They made a huge difference in my quality of life.

One thing to consider.  Coming off anti-depressants is not easy.  The side effects can be brutal.  Just make sure you taper down the dose slowly.  I did it half as fast as my doctor recommended. 

Get help when you need it.  Communicate clearly with your doctor.  Every drug can be different.  If yours isn't working, ask for a change.

No shame in asking for help!

[Pittlookalike]

Interesting points of view.   After spending way too much on massages with extras or just having sex often causes depression afterwards.  What I really crave is intimate emotional affection.   Searching for that in massages has been a waste of time and money and left me feeling sad after those experiences. 

[ICTJOCK]

I would say I am very normal or typical with this topic.   We all have times we suffer from depression related challenges.    I seem to allow myself a little time,  then I get busy and I mitigate the circumstances  (unless a death of a family member or the like).

I have found that being productive is essential in getting things back on a positive track,  but again,  I don't suffer from any serious issues.   Clinical depression is something I've not experienced and would rather not.

Being an optimist is where I'm comfortable.

[+ keroscenefire]

I've started to return to therapy as well. I really do not like antidepressants because they mess up my sex drive and kinda make me feel "numb." 

But my therapist thinks regular talk therapy should be enough and making sure I keep up the swimming and other exercises. We forget how much that can help with mental as well as physical health.

[+ augustus]

I've never suffered from depression except when a close family member died.  That hits you hard.  But I know people are who do (or did) suffer from it.  One co-worker who did was told by his doctor that social isolation makes the condition more severe.  One solution is to join a group devoted to something for which you have a strong interest or passion like the other people in the group.  Volunteering at an animal shelter if you like animals for example.   It gives you a sense of purpose and you're with like-minded people.  

[Welshman]

I experienced undiagnosed clinical depression from December 5th 2021 until around March 15th 2022, when following an agreement by myself and my uncle (confirmed by the local state government) that my uncle would take over the 16 years of caring duties in October 2021, he e-mailed me to say "I have placed your grandmother in a care home", without any form of consulatation with myself. Back then I didn't have access to AI to help me try and find my words to express my raw anger at that decision and therefore wasn't able to reply, but what really topped things off was him arriving unannounced at my house, luckily the day after having a flu vaccination and so therefore I was able to fob him off with a "Self isolation for 14 days advice" because I didn't want to see him, and he told me completely casually as an after thought that my grandmother had died in the care home just as I had finished making a hamper for her birthday three days previously.

[ArmyHands]

On 12/4/2021 at 5:46 PM, Ryan Roman said:

Hey guys: I was wondering how those of you manage your depression when you're already doing all of the right things like a) taking your meds, and/or b) in talk therapy.  Oddly (or maybe not), being a service provider helped quite a bit with my depression in a couple of different ways.  But, since COVID began, and only having a few clients in the last 18 months, that 'depression relief valve' isn't really there. I've always been a lone wolf, so I don't have a circle of friends or 'tribe' like others do.  On top of that, my professional identity was shattered a month ago - just as I was entering the final stretch of my PhD. I still have a job, but it's not the job that I always strived towards.

Its been tough on everyone over the last 18 months... I'm curious how those who suffer from clinical depression have found outlets that helped mitigate those feelings. 

Thanks guys... Cheers!

 

What worked for me was playing on  my VR Game System .. pick games with MULTI-PLAYER  then you get to play and talk with soo many people all over the world.... during the COVID lockdown I was on this non-stop DAY / NIGHT.....

 

[marylander1940]

I'm glad I searched before posting! 

Seoul is spending $327 million to fight loneliness as middle-aged men die ‘lonely deaths’ | CNN

WWW.CNN.COM

---

Every year, thousands of South Koreans – mostly middle-aged men – die quietly and alone, cut off from their family and friends. It sometimes takes days or even weeks...

Are we next? I see similar situations in big cities of all possible places. 

[samhexum]

BUY A ROLL OF SCOTCH TAPE...

Most sunfish spend their days swimming slowly through the world’s oceans, feasting on jellyfish or soaking up the sun near the water’s surface. In the wild, these behemoth creatures—which can tip the scales at 6,000 pounds—are typically spotted alone.

But at least one of them seems to appreciate a little company. In Japan, an ocean sunfish appeared “lonely” after its aquarium shut down for renovations, staff said—so they created human cut-outs to cheer the animal up, reports the Guardian’s Justin McCurry.

In February last year, the Kaikyokan aquarium in Shimonoseki got a sunfish from the southern coast of Kochi in the Pacific Ocean. The goofy-looking, 60-pound creature—with its round body, gaping mouth and large eyes—quickly became a hit with aquarium visitors.

For months, the sunfish—nicknamed “Mambo”—seemed to be adapting to its new life in captivity. Mambo was known to swim up to the side of its tank when humans approached and generally seemed curious about its new human companions.

But, in December, the aquarium closed for a six-month renovation project. Not long after, staffers noticed the sunfish seemed unwell. The creature no longer wanted to eat its provided jellyfish and began rubbing up against the tank windows.

At first, they suspected the fish was suffering from digestive issues or was bothered by the loud noises and vibrations coming from the construction work. But then one caretaker suggested the sunfish might simply be lonely. Without visitors stopping by its tank throughout the day, the solitary creature might have begun feeling a little blue.

Though the aquarists were initially dubious, they decided to take a chance and run with the theory. They taped photos of human faces to the side of the fish’s enclosure, then hung up some uniforms to create the illusion of visitors.

Now, it seems their quirky solution might have worked. The next day, the sunfish began eating again and seemed more content overall.

The aquarium’s social media posts about this unusual remedy have racked up millions of views, likes and comments.

“We were skeptical but decided to do anything we could,” Moe Miyazawa, an aquarist at the facility, tells the Associated Press’ Mari Yamaguchi. “I knew [the sunfish] was looking at us when we were placing them, but I never thought it would start eating the next day.” Staff have also been making an effort to visit the sunfish more frequently and offer some friendly waves through the windows.

Humans are far from the only creatures that feel lonely or benefit from social interactions. In 2023, scientists made headlines after they taught solitary pet parrots to video chat with each other—and revealed that the birds seemed to love the social interactions. And, during the Covid-19 lockdowns, the Sumida Aquarium in Tokyo put out a call for volunteers to video chat with its spotted garden eels, which had reportedly grown shy from the lack of human interaction.

As for Mambo, caretakers hope the fish will cheer up for good once construction wraps up and visitors are allowed to return this summer.

“I hope many people take interest in the sunfish, and when the renovation work is finished, I’d like visitors to wave to it in front of the tank,” Mai Kato, a staff member at the aquarium, said.

Edited January 25 by samhexum
just for the hell of it

[pubic_assistance]

1 hour ago, samhexum said:

As for Mambo, caretakers hope the fish will cheer up for good once construction wraps up and visitors are allowed to return this summer.

I want to go visit Mambo now. Poor thing.

[samhexum]

A North Merrick woman has gone above and beyond to unite lonely older strangers on Long Island — by creating a “friendship circle” with nearly 850 members.

“Four years ago, I put out online that I was looking for friends that I could call my family,” the group’s founder, Ester Horowitz, 68, told The Post, adding that her motivation came from a shrinking sphere of companionship because of age and COVID.

“The reaction was about 300 responses. It made me realize how many of us were feeling isolated,” she said. 

Now the widely popular group of women over 55 — with their spouses also invited to certain events — has genuinely brought a shine to their golden years. On any given day, a member posts on their closed Facebook channel to seek out a buddy to join them for a walk, meal or other activity. 

“I probably know at least 50 new people now” through the group, longtime member Toni Smith, 68, of Bellmore told The Post.

The group also holds more extensive planned events such as excursions to theatrical plays, museums and game nights at restaurants. Some members are mulling over the idea of a group cruise, too.

“It feels like the new version of being a neighborhood kid and knocking out the door to see if somebody can come out to play,” said Horowitz, who explained that the circle grows when its members invite their outside pals.

The founder, who initially felt embarrassed to ask for new friends online in 2021, has even gathered the gals for important talks on Medicare and cybersecurity. She also organized an upcoming three-and-a-half-hour defensive-driving course, a hot ticket for the circle.

“Life is better with friends,” member Jenny Jardine, 65, of Wantagh, told The Post.

The connectivity was on display last week during one of their larger get-togethers — an evening of card games including Mahjong and Italian food at Patrizia’s of Hicksville.

 

[Jiminy]

On 9/6/2022 at 1:25 PM, Pittlookalike said:

Interesting points of view.   After spending way too much on massages with extras or just having sex often causes depression afterwards.  What I really crave is intimate emotional affection.   Searching for that in massages has been a waste of time and money and left me feeling sad after those experiences. 

I'm at this stage right now. It's really tough finding a connection enough to get to this.

[Twinkslover]

On 8/31/2017 at 12:07 AM, Mo Mason said:

Is this common among us? I suffer.

 

How do you deal with it? Other than hiring. Personally, I self-medicate with beer - a lot of it. Probably enough to kill me by the time I'm 50.

 

(it sucks, you guys... I don't have friends. Even my family doesn't like me)

 

I don't really want to kill myself, but it does tend to make the most sense....

This is the problem in our world . As our behavior changes.  I would do just keep telling yourself I am the best. First me and myself before others.  You need to be happy everyone. When we die we die alL alone. Try not to be dependent and not to be expected anything. Same time do not  complain. You will be happy. Stay away from  alcohol . 

[Twinkslover]

Advice  to all - keep your health and happiness top priority. Rest all are second. 

[Rod Hagen]

On 6/7/2025 at 5:28 AM, Twinkslover said:

This is the problem in our world . As our behavior changes.  I would do just keep telling yourself I am the best. 

Isn't that the new big problem in our (western) world: everyone telling themselves, often at the top of their lungs, they're the best?

[CuriousByNature]

2 hours ago, Rod Hagen said:

Isn't that the new big problem in our (western) world: everyone telling themselves, often at the top of their lungs, they're the best?

And here I've been telling myself I'm a German sausage.  I'm not the best. I'm the wurst.

[Rod Hagen]

21 hours ago, CuriousByNature said:

And here I've been telling myself I'm a German sausage.  I'm not the best. I'm the wurst.

clever.  somewhere between the two might be a good place to start.

[Rod Hagen]

Probably 90% (more?) of negatively-valenced emotions aren't rooted in the present.

It confounds me how resistant people are to meditation. 

Meditation is a significant tactic in a strategy to feel better. And it's the most effective if you are plagued with intrusive thoughts of what you did and didn't do, what you must do, and what others did, or didn't do.

Therapy is great.  Long-term, meditation is perhaps more helpful than therapy. While your brilliant therapist is with you once a week for 50 minutes, and you will take his advice and insights with you between sessions, your mind is with you every moment of ever day, which doesn't have to be a curse.  It is possible to get a handle on intrusive thoughts, but YOU have to train your mind.  You. It's your brain dude.

The thing to understand about meditation, is that once you've been doing it for awhile, you'll find that even when you aren't sitting quietly, you'll recognize, more often not always of course, when you're mind is going down a dark path.  You'll acknowledge it, and redirect your thoughts.  Fairly easily. It does take time.  It's well worth the effort.

But it's easier to go to therapy than it is to also meditate.   Just like it's easier to get a massage than it is to warm up and cool down and incorporate stability (flexibility and balance) training into your life.  Just like it's easier to watch a video than it is to read. 

Good news is that there are THOUSANDS of short guided meditations on Youtube.  Hopefully eventually you'll be able to sit and focus on your breathing and awareness for an hour or more.  WAY down the road.  For now, you can keep it short.  Enjoy

 

Edited July 10 by Rod Hagen