Loneliness... Depression and Anxiety

[Walker1]

I think the western world seems to have been dragged deeper and deeper into materialism. Tech does not help at all. We have lost meaning. Before you had family, had to struggle for money and to feed your family, were tied to community and had a shared purpose.

 

Nowadays you can do what you want. I as a single gay man had children without ever having sex with a woman. We can fly around the globe , do anything we want and those of us in America are blessed with a lot of money-when compared to the rest of the world. But what does it all mean when there is no common shared belief anymore? If anyone is free to do anything-well what is life then? Is everything an illusion ? We are here and then we die -it maybe today or it maybe 6 decades from now.

 

In the old days religion explained it for us. But now with the advancement of technology -those old religious concepts-simply don't hold up. So what else is there to explain life and why we live the way we do? Nothing makes sense . You can self medicate-drugs, sex, food, alcohol, work-in a way a busy family/work life is somewhat similar. But what exactly is life-what is good/bad-what difference does anything you do make in the grand scheme of things -if we are going to end up dead anyways?

 

I think this void where nothing makes sense pushes us into despair as we can't function from an idea/belief anymore.

Edited April 6, 2021 by Walker1

[Ryan Roman]

Hey guys: I was wondering how those of you manage your depression when you're already doing all of the right things like a) taking your meds, and/or b) in talk therapy.  Oddly (or maybe not), being a service provider helped quite a bit with my depression in a couple of different ways.  But, since COVID began, and only having a few clients in the last 18 months, that 'depression relief valve' isn't really there. I've always been a lone wolf, so I don't have a circle of friends or 'tribe' like others do.  On top of that, my professional identity was shattered a month ago - just as I was entering the final stretch of my PhD. I still have a job, but it's not the job that I always strived towards.

Its been tough on everyone over the last 18 months... I'm curious how those who suffer from clinical depression have found outlets that helped mitigate those feelings. 

Thanks guys... Cheers!

 

[Guest]

23 minutes ago, Ryan Wolff said:

... I've always been a lone wolf, so I don't have a circle of friends or 'tribe' like others do..... I'm curious how those who suffer from clinical depression have found outlets that helped mitigate those feelings. 

Thanks guys... Cheers!

 

Well, when one is depressed, one doesn't feel like doing much, but ironically, exercise is one of the best antidepressants, so even if you feel like just rotting on the couch, it's really important to push yourself to exercise. It looks as though you live in Canada, so I'm thinking one would have to go to a gym to exercise, as I'm not sure what else one can do in Canada during your long Winter (can one cross-country ski in the parks? Maybe Canadian members have a better idea of how to exercise in Canada). 

Obviously you should try to cultivate some friends. Most of my friends go back to a time when one would either meet in a social group such as LGBT Sierrans (though I don't suppose one can hike this time of year in Canada), or via LGBT centers, bars, or classifieds. My partner "Chris" has actually met a lof of his friends through "Grinder," though I've never loaded that ap myself. Maybe others can suggest better aps. "Chris" has tons of friends. 

[+ bashful]

On 12/4/2021 at 7:46 PM, Ryan Wolff said:

Hey guys: I was wondering how those of you manage your depression when you're already doing all of the right things like a) taking your meds, and/or b) in talk therapy.  Oddly (or maybe not), being a service provider helped quite a bit with my depression in a couple of different ways.  But, since COVID began, and only having a few clients in the last 18 months, that 'depression relief valve' isn't really there. I've always been a lone wolf, so I don't have a circle of friends or 'tribe' like others do.  On top of that, my professional identity was shattered a month ago - just as I was entering the final stretch of my PhD. I still have a job, but it's not the job that I always strived towards.

Its been tough on everyone over the last 18 months... I'm curious how those who suffer from clinical depression have found outlets that helped mitigate those feelings. 

Thanks guys... Cheers!

 

Many of us struggle off and on throughout our lives.  Seems to run in my family.  Father, who said he thinks his mother had it, two brothers on meds, and another brother who I think should be.

Finally faced it again, and I’ve been taking Lexapro since early spring, with some improvement. Took longer than I expected, or hoped, but my symptoms became worse this fall.

After my annual physical, where my TSH was elevated for a second time, and I talked to him about my physical and mental symptoms, my doctor began prescribing Synthroid for sub clinical Hypothyroidism.  The combination of the two have helped.  Think he needs to adjust the dosage when I see him at the end of the month since improvement seems to have plateaued.

We’re all different, and what works for one may not work for another, that’s why there’s so many damn pills out there.  Talk with your doctor.  It may be more than needing an outlet.  It may be physical, or meds have pooped out, and different meds needed, or both.  

Edited December 6, 2021 by bashful

[Rod Hagen]

You won't want to do any of these things if you are anxious/depressed.  But they'll help.

Improve your sleep hygiene.

Daily DAILY Exercise

Daily gratitude journaling, even if you eventually find yourself repeating the same gratitudes.

Meditate daily, that means spending time NOT thinking about the horrible shit, or good shit, but just focus on the breathing.  There are TONS of guided meditations on youtube.

Online therapy.

Online Group Therapy

Do NOT get a fucking pet.

Don't be afraid of Wellbutrin and/or Lexapro, they can help.

As things improve, maintain the exercise, maintain the good sleep hygiene, continue meditation, you can drop the gratitude crap, consider dropping therapy (therapy is meant to be temporary), talk to your doctor or psychiatrist about tapering off Wellbutrin/Lexapro, and only when you are feeling much much better should you consider a pet.  

Edited December 6, 2021 by Rod Hagen

[Jamie21]

Everything is connected. Your body can affect your mind and vice versa. Work on the things you can control, like rest, no alcohol, eat well, exercise, meditate. After a while things begin to align. I believe medication should be temporary and only to give you the window to regain control. Best wishes to you. 

[Guest]

26 minutes ago, Rod Hagen said:

...

Do NOT get a fucking pet.

....  

Although I agree that pets should be spayed or neutered, I don't think that's what you meant by a fucking pet. Data have suggested that pets are beneficial for people with depression. Have you seen data to suggest otherwise? I remember seeing a study a while back that dogs were more beneficial than cats--maybe because dogs force you to go on walks. 

https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.2752/175303707X207954

"Five studies were identified for analysis. The aggregate effect size for these studies was of medium magnitude and statistically significant, indicating that AAA/AAT are associated with fewer depressive symptoms."

https://mental.jmir.org/2017/4/e53/

"Growing evidence suggests that dog ownership reduces the likelihood of depression and, therefore, may confer long-term health benefits on PLHIV"

"Noncurrent dog owners had 3 times higher odds of depression in comparison with current dog owners: odds ratio 3.01; 95% CI 1.54-6.21."

Edited December 6, 2021 by Unicorn

[Rod Hagen]

36 minutes ago, Unicorn said:

Although I agree that pets should be spayed or neutered, I don't think that's what you meant by a fucking pet.

Pets are a responsibility, not a life-hack.  There are LOTS of effective things people can do to improve their own mental and emotional health short of acquiring a pet. People can wait until they are mentally and emotionally equipped to make the pet, not themselves, the priority.  Shelters are full of people's selfish decisions.

Mild depression or loneliness are another matter, then definitely get a pet.  I was talking about, but I wasn't clear that I was talking about, heavier cases, cases where I've seen people get a pet, and said pet ends up in the fucking shelter or becomes some other friend/relatives responsibility.

Edited December 6, 2021 by Rod Hagen

[+ Lucky]

@Rod HagenSo it's a "fucking" pet and a "fucking" shelter? You a little fixated?

[Rod Hagen]

24 minutes ago, Lucky said:

@Rod HagenSo it's a "fucking" pet and a "fucking" shelter? You a little fixated?

I don't want to see pets pawned-off or in shelters, because owners, depressed or otherwise, bit off more than they can chew, as is most often the case with discarded pets.

I also touched on working on improving sleep, exercising, considering therapy, not discounting medicine, and other options, admittedly without swearing.  I apologize if my dirty mouth offended.    

Edited December 6, 2021 by Rod Hagen

[+ BenjaminNicholas]

1 hour ago, Rod Hagen said:

I don't want to see pets pawned-off or in shelters, because owners, depressed or otherwise, bit off more than they can chew, as is most often the case with discarded pets.

I also touched on working on improving sleep, exercising, considering therapy, not discounting medicine, and other options, admittedly without swearing.  I apologize if my dirty mouth offended.    

This is a board that talks about paid sex.

I'm sure we can all gird our loins and handle a solid fuck now and then.

Keep your filthy mouth filthy, goddammit.

[+ WilliamM]

2 hours ago, Unicorn said:

Although I agree that pets should be spayed or neutered, I don't think that's what you meant by a fucking pet. Data have suggested that pets are beneficial for people with depression. Have you seen data to suggest otherwise? I remember seeing a study a while back that dogs were more beneficial than cats--maybe because dogs force you to go on walks. 

https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.2752/175303707X207954

"Five studies were identified for analysis. The aggregate effect size for these studies was of medium magnitude and statistically significant, indicating that AAA/AAT are associated with fewer depressive symptoms."

https://mental.jmir.org/2017/4/e53/

"Growing evidence suggests that dog ownership reduces the likelihood of depression and, therefore, may confer long-term health benefits on PLHIV"

"Noncurrent dog owners had 3 times higher odds of depression in comparison with current dog owners: odds ratio 3.01; 95% CI 1.54-6.21."

I am delighted one doesn't have to take cats for walks in the snows of Winter here in Pennsylvania. My cat Stella is delighted as well - more time to  sleep!

[CuriousByNature]

5 hours ago, Rod Hagen said:

You won't want to do any of these things if you are anxious/depressed.  But they'll help.

Improve your sleep hygiene.

Daily DAILY Exercise

Daily gratitude journaling, even if you eventually find yourself repeating the same gratitudes.

Meditate daily, that means spending time NOT thinking about the horrible shit, or good shit, but just focus on the breathing.  There are TONS of guided meditations on youtube.

Online therapy.

Online Group Therapy

Do NOT get a fucking pet.

Don't be afraid of Wellbutrin and/or Lexapro, they can help.

As things improve, maintain the exercise, maintain the good sleep hygiene, continue meditation, you can drop the gratitude crap, consider dropping therapy (therapy is meant to be temporary), talk to your doctor or psychiatrist about tapering off Wellbutrin/Lexapro, and only when you are feeling much much better should you consider a pet.  

I'm not familiar with Lexapro, but I understand that Welbutrin has caused more people to spiral compared to some other medications.  Something to be mindful of if your doctor recommends switching to it.

[Rod Hagen]

2 hours ago, CuriousByNature said:

I'm not familiar with Lexapro, but I understand that Welbutrin has caused more people to spiral compared to some other medications.  Something to be mindful of if your doctor recommends switching to it.

Given that Wellbutrin is not an SSRI, its lack of sexual side effects make it useful for gays.

[+ Lucky]

6 hours ago, Benjamin_Nicholas said:

This is a board that talks about paid sex.

I'm sure we can all gird our loins and handle a solid fuck now and then.

Keep your filthy mouth filthy, goddammit.

I simply don't like dogs being called f-----g dogs. So bite me.

[+ BenjaminNicholas]

1 hour ago, Lucky said:

I simply don't like dogs being called f-----g dogs. So bite me.

Yeah. No. 

[+ bashful]

9 hours ago, CuriousByNature said:

I'm not familiar with Lexapro, but I understand that Welbutrin has caused more people to spiral compared to some other medications.  Something to be mindful of if your doctor recommends switching to it.

 

6 hours ago, Rod Hagen said:

Given that Wellbutrin is not an SSRI, its lack of sexual side effects make it useful for gays.

All meds affect each of us in different ways.  

Wellbutrin was about the 2nd one I tried, and it wasn’t so good on helping the mood, but it was good at turning up the libido.  I was in my mid 50s and would wack off (or is it whack off) twice a day on the weekends.  I eventually stopped taking because it was not helping with the depression.  That was many years ago.

This year, my new doctor suggested Lexapro, a SSRI.  I was hesitant because of the side effects I had with Zoloft (also a SSRI) which was mostly diarrhea for days.  He said Lexapro had a better record regarding side effects, so jumped in at 10 mg a day.  Some diarrhea, and awful farts.  They were so stinky I was afraid my neighbors down the hall could smell them.  Stopped.  

After a while, I began to think I didn’t hang in there long enough for the Lexapro to work, so asked for a 5mg script to start slow.  Side effects were same, just less intense, so hung in there, and it took a while, but they eventually went away.  After some months, went to 10mg, and some effects came back, but it was tolerable.  Now I have none. 

I didn’t experience the sexual side effects for which other SSRIs are known for, and my libido actually improved somewhat, but I wasn’t horned up to begin with given my mood.  A pleasant side effect for me is delayed ejaculation.  Not so much of a quick shooter any more.  Some of those videos get boring when you watch them too long.  

I don’t know if it’s coincidental, given I only began taking it a few months after I began 10mg Lexapro, but it seems as though Synthroid has really helped my libido.

 

Edited December 7, 2021 by bashful

[Rod Hagen]

9 hours ago, bashful said:

I don’t know if it’s coincidental, given I only began taking it a few months after I began 10mg Lexapro, but it seems as though Synthroid has really helped my libido.

 

Very glad it helped you and you stuck with it.  I'm a huge fan of both Wellbutrin and Lexapro.

It's wonderful the Lex side effect of delayed ejaculation, was not on the negative side for you :-)  For others, that can be horrible because they don't reach orgasm.  It can actually feel a bit scary, because the horniness may remain, but the gun won't shoot.  One "remedy" for that is incorporating heavier than usual dose of ED medication such as Viagra.  It seems to help SSRI-induced anorgasmia and/or delayed ejaculation. 

Of course, a high dose of Viagra can be a bit uncomfortable (when I tried vitamin V years ago it gave me such a headache, I haven't dared try it again, and I'm not a pussy when it comes to pain), but that's the 7-headed hydra of medication for you.

 

Again, good on you for not giving up on a medication that could, and happily did, help you.

Edited December 7, 2021 by Rod Hagen

[Rod Hagen]

14 hours ago, Lucky said:

I simply don't like dogs being called f-----g dogs. So bite me.

Since people are unable to Pre-read your mind in order to avoid offending you, how do you cope?

Edited December 7, 2021 by Rod Hagen

[Rudynate]

On 4/6/2021 at 10:28 AM, Walker1 said:

I think the western world seems to have been dragged deeper and deeper into materialism. Tech does not help at all. We have lost meaning. Before you had family, had to struggle for money and to feed your family, were tied to community and had a shared purpose.

 

Nowadays you can do what you want. I as a single gay man had children without ever having sex with a woman. We can fly around the globe , do anything we want and those of us in America are blessed with a lot of money-when compared to the rest of the world. But what does it all mean when there is no common shared belief anymore? If anyone is free to do anything-well what is life then? Is everything an illusion ? We are here and then we die -it maybe today or it maybe 6 decades from now.

 

In the old days religion explained it for us. But now with the advancement of technology -those old religious concepts-simply don't hold up. So what else is there to explain life and why we live the way we do? Nothing makes sense . You can self medicate-drugs, sex, food, alcohol, work-in a way a busy family/work life is somewhat similar. But what exactly is life-what is good/bad-what difference does anything you do make in the grand scheme of things -if we are going to end up dead anyways?

 

I think this void where nothing makes sense pushes us into despair as we can't function from an idea/belief anymore.

Since none of the received explanations of the meaning of life work for you, it is incumbent on you to find your own meaning in life.  If the universe is empty of meaning you don't HAVE to react with horror, as in "The Scream," or with Sartrian existential despair.   Zennies posit that meaning is found in the living of everyday life and not speculating on the unseen and unknowable, "chopping water and carrying  wood."  That's my approach - I don't even speculate on why I'm here.  I get up every day and do the best I can.  I'm not delirious with bliss but one day follows another and I'm always eager for the next day.

[+ Lucky]

21 hours ago, Rod Hagen said:

Since people are unable to Pre-read your mind in order to avoid offending you, how do you cope?

I always expect posters here to have values and a mindset that we should not resort to the lowest form of the language,

[Deadlift1]

37 minutes ago, Lucky said:

I always expect posters here to have values and a mindset that we should not resort to the lowest form of the language,

We can't always get what we want.  So change the channel.

Edited December 8, 2021 by Deadlift1
Grammar correction

[+ BenjaminNicholas]

1 hour ago, Lucky said:

I always expect posters here to have values and a mindset that we should not resort to the lowest form of the language,

Rod, you are to stay here for the next six months learning to speak beautifully, like a lady in a florist's shop. At the end of six months you will be taken to an embassy ball in a carriage, beautifully dressed. If the king finds out you are not a lady, you will be taken to the Tower of London, where your head will be cut off as a warning to other presumptuous flower girls! If you are not found out, you shall be given a present of... uh... seven and six to start life within a lady's shop. If you refuse this offer, you will be the most ungrateful, wicked girl, and the angels will weep for you.  ---  Lucky

[pubic_assistance]

Rituals are part of human civilization.

Keeping a routine, following traditions and maintaining relationships daily ( even if it's with your favorite barista) work as emotional anchors to counterbalance the emotional chaos that can lead to depression. 

Of course all the other suggestions above have merit as well. But a reliable schedule has a surprisingly positive effect when implementing those other tactics.

[+ Tygerscent]

4 hours ago, Deadlift1 said:

We can't always get what we want.  So change the channel.

A stones song right~?