Two Down, One To Go

[BasketBaller]

An overdue update. As of last week, all three are at home, We picked up Navy twin when he returned from sailing up the East Coast last week. He had an awesome time, and his favorite part was helming the sailboat in the middle of the night during a raging storm. Just what dad likes to hear.

 

Older bother has a part time job and DePaul twin a full time one, so Navy twin is home alone a bit-- he says he doesn't mind but is happiest when we're all there. Me too. Of course, his gf is back in DC too so he's out a lot in the evening. Having taken a break, DePaul twin and his gf are back together for the summer, and older brother is pining away for his gf in Boston, and talks to her every day.

 

Both twins have grown, so all three are the same height now. Older brother has grown more mature in demeanor, perhaps because life after college is approaching. The twins, once away from Annapolis, quickly resumed being goofballs. We have Navy twin for only a few more weeks, but for now the house feels like the old days.

[rvwnsd]

Thanks for the update. That's exactly what we were hoping to hear.

[BasketBaller]

And now, the summer starts to recede. We took Navy twin back to the Academy yesterday, where he met the new Plebes. As a sophomore (known as "Youngsters"), he'll be given a Plebe to mentor, and he can't wait, his experience with his Youngster last year was very positive. He has briefings all weekend, and classes start Monday.

 

The population of the house is back down to three. The goodbye was easier for us all, last year there was so many unknowns. Soon I'll repeat the trip from last summer, driving DePaul twin to Chicago and Fordham brother to New York.

 

The boys seemed so mature to me these past weeks, yes goofy sometimes but also responsible and hard-working. One surprise is that hundreds of miles apart with totally different lives, the twins both had added some muscle but still have identical builds. DePaul twin says he knew Navy twin was being physically challenged all the time and so he challenged himself to keep up. They arrived home at different parts of the summer with the exact same haircut. Older brother even said, "How do you do that?" They responded in unison, "Skype," and he rolled his eyes. Some things never change, I guess.

[Epigonos]

Yes Basketballer fortunately you are correct some things never change and isn't it wonderful that they don't.

[liubit]

I can’t say it enough: I love reading your stories, @BasketBaller. You are a great person and so are your boys. Thank you for sharing your life with us, and for writing it so beautifully.

[mike carey]

Older brother even said, "How do you do that?" They responded in unison, "Skype," and he rolled his eyes. Some things never change, I guess.

Yup, it ain't rocket surgery, as they [don't] say!

[rvwnsd]

Reading the stories of you and your boys always warms my heart. Thank you so much for sharing them.

 

PS: According to my mom, they will always be your boys.

[+ Funguy]

This thread has been a wonderful look through a window into your life.

Once you finally come out to them, you must print this entire thread (your posts AND replies) and make it into a book. I think, perhaps, you will be surprised at the response.

[+ honcho]

This thread has been a wonderful look through a window into your life.

Once you finally come out to them, you must print this entire thread (your posts AND replies) and make it into a book. I think, perhaps, you will be surprised at the response.

 

While I've been an avid reader of the thread, and while basketballer has been certainly been doing due diligence about protecting his , and his sons, identities, I could understand how they might not be entirely happy about having their intimate interactions laid out for everybody to read in a published book.

[+ Funguy]

While I've been an avid reader of the thread, and while basketballer has been certainly been doing due diligence about protecting his , and his sons, identities, I could understand how they might not be entirely happy about having their intimate interactions laid out for everybody to read in a published book.

 

Of course - only with their permission.

[BasketBaller]

A disgracefully long time since I updated, but nothing much has changed in the boys' lives as their college time moves on. My oldest is applying to grad schools, and his girlfriend is applying to law schools. He's only a few months younger than I was when he was conceived.

 

Yesterday was a virtual replay of last year. I picked up older brother at the BWI train station, DePaul twin flew into BWI, bringing his Irish roommate home for Thanksgiving, then we picked up Navy twin in Annapolis and then, home. This morning the twins are cooking side dishes for my folks' dinner, and older brother and I are watching the Macy's parade and trying to explain it to Irish roommate.

 

I'll try to update more often, but in the meantime, Happy Thanksgiving, everybody.

Edited November 22, 2018 by BasketBaller

[rvwnsd]

While I've been an avid reader of the thread, and while basketballer has been certainly been doing due diligence about protecting his , and his sons, identities, I could understand how they might not be entirely happy about having their intimate interactions laid out for everybody to read in a published book.

 

Several years ago a colleague's daughter wouldn't poop. She was probably three years old. It was the talk of the office. At the time my colleague commented that her daughter would be horrified knowing her toilet habits were the subject of office conversation. Fast-forward ten years and said daughter is thirteen and competing in track. The colleague and I work together again and we were discussing her kids when she mentioned "last time we talked at length about [older daughter] she didn't want to poop!"

 

A disgracefully long time since I updated, but nothing much has changed in the boys' lives as their college time moves on. My oldest is applying to grad schools, and his girlfriend is applying to law schools. He's only a few months younger than I was when he was conceived.

 

Yesterday was a virtual replay of last year. I picked up older brother at the BWI train station, DePaul twin flew into BWI, bringing his Irish roommate home for Thanksgiving, then we picked up Navy twin in Annapolis and then, home. This morning the twins are cooking side dishes for my folks' dinner, and older brother and I are watching the Macy's parade and trying to explain it to Irish roommate.

 

I'll try to update more often, but in the meantime, Happy Thanksgiving, everybody.

 

Happy Thanksgiving to you too!

[LivingnLA]

A disgracefully long time

 

Yes! You've been a naughty disgrace. It's okay though, Daddy loves you and will help you let go of your guilt and shame.

 

 

Thanks for the update. It's always wonderful to hear from you. Happy holiday!

Edited November 23, 2018 by LivingnLA

[BasketBaller]

My friends, hold onto your hats. I think this is the one you’ve been waiting for.

 

As usual, we had Christmas dinner at my folks’ house with other family members there. This year Navy Twin wore his uniform without argument. We always get sent home with tons of leftovers, and for years, on the 26th, we have a second Christmas dinner with just us. This is a time when we often talk about the boys’ mom and their memories of her. The twins barely remember her, and I suspect Older Brother remembers less than he implies, but they love going over what they do recall, asking me for details they’d forgotten, etc. We do this in the dining room, instead of at the kitchen table, and some years we bring out our wedding china- “Mom’s dishes,” they call them. Older Brother was across from me, Navy Twin on my left, DePaul Twin on my right.

 

We talked about her for a while, and I brought up how young we were when we got married. They know that I think she changed my life, and while they don’t have all the details, are aware that I don’t think I was an especially respectful young man with women before I met her. I’ve never told them the extent of my promiscuity but they know I hoped they’d treat women better than I had, and I believe they always have. So the talk turned to their relationships—Older Brother’s obviously very serious girlfriend, DePaul Twin’s on-again-off-again one, Navy Twin’s long-distance romance that seems to be working okay. DePaul Twin asked his older brother if he thinks he’ll marry this woman, and he looked down for a moment, then said, “Yes, I think so.” The twins whooped, and he added, “Not soon though!”

 

The laughter died out and there was a pause, after which Navy Twin took a deep breath, looked at me, and said, “What about you, Dad? Do you think you’ll ever get married again?” I think they had decided to bring it up at some point on this visit home, and they were very quiet once he said that. And, of course, it was the opening I had hoped for.

 

I told them how happy I had been with their Mom, and opened up about what a hound I’d been, with a reputation so bad she almost refused to date me. (Very wide eyes at that). I told them that when she died, I had no interest in other people at first, and I knew they thought it was because of them, but really, I was just grieving too deeply to think about dating. That I even knew they eventually wanted me to, but I just wasn’t ready. That after a long time it began to feel possible, but they were so close to leaving home by then I kept it to myself, which maybe was unfair, and that I had begun, not dating exactly, but “socializing.” (Big smiles).

 

Wait, I said. I told them that I had come to realize my sleeping around was a way of denying part of who I was. And that I fought for a long time to avoid the fact that, while I did truly love women, I was always also attracted to men. That I accepted that while their Mom was still alive, because I had no more intention of acting on it than I did of cheating on her with a woman. Without giving much detail about timeline, I said it took a while for me to be comfortable admitting it to myself, but I can’t lie to myself, or to you, any more. I know you don’t want me to be alone any more, but you deserve to know that it might be a man who ends that.

 

Pause. Both twins turn to look at their brother. He abruptly stood up, and for a split second I thought he was going to storm out of the room. He swept around the table and from behind my chair wrapped his arms around me and put his head on my shoulder. I think he was trying not to cry. Navy Twin was looking at me with a grave expression, but DePaul Twin was looking down at his plate—and grinning broadly. No one says anything for a long time, and finally Navy Twin asks why I didn’t tell them. I said, honestly, first I didn’t know (or was in denial, at least), then I didn’t know what it would mean, and ultimately, I wasn’t ready. Not ready and not willing to say something until I was. Older Brother squeezed harder at that but didn’t say anything. Navy Twin says, with a trembling voice, “We’d have understood,” but was interrupted by the voice of Older Brother, muffled by his face being pressed into me, saying, “Shut up.” He stood up and went back to his chair, and his eyes were red (no tears, though).

 

After a pause, Navy Twin said, “We just want you to be happy. Nothing else matters. We need you to do whatever makes you happy,” and of course I remembered his parting words on his first day at the Academy. “Be happy.” I asked them if they’d ever suspected and they said no. I asked the twins why they had looked at their brother when I told them, and they said back when they were trying to get me to date women, my oldest apparently made a joke about me wanting a boyfriend instead, and the twins had gotten mad at him.

 

My oldest said none of them could care less, and asked if it had been hard keeping it to myself. I told them I had spoken with their uncle about it a while ago, and Navy twin said , “Oh, that was a good idea.” Older Brother said “Don’t tell us if you don’t want to, but is this just an idea, or have you…?” And I interrupted to say don’t expect any details, but yes, I’ve had some experiences. (Once again, very wide eyes.) OB then leans across the table and grinning says, “You are being careful, right?” To which I responded that I believe I had given them the talk about precautions years ago, hadn’t I? And they all laughed.

 

And after that, it was all okay. A long conversation followed, but pretty relaxed (and no sexual details asked for or given). I told them about the gay basketball group I’ve been hanging out with. DePaul Twin hadn’t said anything but had been smiling the whole time. It turns out this was the second coming-out he’d heard this year. His Irish roommate brought a number of girls to the room so my boy had to clear out, but this year he occasionally brought a guy! He asked my son if he minded, and DePaul Twin said who cares? His roommate told him he was bisexual but preferred women. And I said I didn’t know what label fits me, but I suppose bisexual is the place to start. (Nods from all)

 

While each of them has separately come to me to talk a bit about it, that was mostly that. I have heard them talking in one of their rooms a few times and I imagine this is the topic, but they’ve treated it as no big deal, as some of you predicted. Tonight they’re all out on dates, and as they were getting ready to leave Older Brother asked if now they should start suggesting men for me to date. I said give me a chance on my own first but if I’m not having any luck, feel free. I hope I don't regret that!

Edited December 31, 2018 by BasketBaller

[+ azdr0710]

23 months and 19 pages to get here!!.......thanks, @BasketBaller , for your time with this story......do you feel a tremendous amount of "relief" now or sorta just business as usual??.......

[BabyBoomer]

None of your boys may have cried, but I just did while reading this. I'm glad it went well.

 

~Boomer~

[+ Gar1eth]

My friends, hold onto your hats. I think this is the one you’ve been waiting for.

 

As usual, we had Christmas dinner at my folks’ house with other family members there. This year Navy Twin wore his uniform without argument. We always get sent home with tons of leftovers, and for years, on the 26th, we have a second Christmas dinner with just us. This is a time when we often talk about the boys’ mom and their memories of her. The twins barely remember her, and I suspect Older Brother remembers less than he implies, but they love going over what they do recall, asking me for details they’d forgotten, etc. We do this in the dining room, instead of at the kitchen table, and some years we bring out our wedding china- “Mom’s dishes,” they call them. Older Brother was across from me, Navy Twin on my left, DePaul Twin on my right.

 

We talked about her for a while, and I brought up how young we were when we got married. They know that I think she changed my life, and while they don’t have all the details, are aware that I don’t think I was an especially respectful young man with women before I met her. I’ve never told them the extent of my promiscuity but they know I hoped they’d treat women better than I had, and I believe they always have. So the talk turned to their relationships—Older Brother’s obviously very serious girlfriend, DePaul Twin’s on-again-off-again one, Navy Twin’s long-distance romance that seems to be working okay. DePaul Twin asked his older brother if he thinks he’ll marry this woman, and he looked down for a moment, then said, “Yes, I think so.” The twins whooped, and he added, “Not soon though!”

 

The laughter died out and there was a pause, after which Navy Twin took a deep breath, looked at me, and said, “What about you, Dad? Do you think you’ll ever get married again?” I think they had decided to bring it up at some point on this visit home, and they were very quiet once he said that. And, of course, it was the opening I had hoped for.

 

I told them how happy I had been with their Mom, and opened up about what a hound I’d been, with a reputation so bad she almost refused to date me. (Very wide eyes at that). I told them that when she died, I had no interest in other people at first, and I knew they thought it was because of them, but really, I was just grieving too deeply to think about dating. That I even knew they eventually wanted me to, but I just wasn’t ready. That after a long time it began to feel possible, but they were so close to leaving home by then I kept it to myself, which maybe was unfair, and that I had begun, not dating exactly, but “socializing.” (Big smiles).

 

Wait, I said. I told them that I had come to realize my sleeping around was a way of denying part of who I was. And that I fought for a long time to avoid the fact that, while I did truly love women, I was always also attracted to men. That I accepted that while their Mom was still alive, because I had no more intention of acting on it than I did of cheating on her with a woman. Without giving much detail about timeline, I said it took a while for me to be comfortable admitting it to myself, but I can’t lie to myself, or to you, any more. I know you don’t want me to be alone any more, but you deserve to know that it might be a man who ends that.

 

Pause. Both twins turn to look at their brother. He abruptly stood up, and for a split second I thought he was going to storm out of the room. He swept around the table and from behind my chair wrapped his arms around me and put his head on my shoulder. I think he was trying not to cry. Navy Twin was looking at me with a grave expression, but DePaul Twin was looking down at his plate—and grinning broadly. No one says anything for a long time, and finally Navy Twin asks why I didn’t tell them. I said, honestly, first I didn’t know (or was in denial, at least), then I didn’t know what it would mean, and ultimately, I wasn’t ready. Not ready and not willing to say something until I was. Older Brother squeezed harder at that but didn’t say anything. Navy Twin says, with a trembling voice, “We’d have understood,” but was interrupted by the voice of Older Brother, muffled by his face being pressed into me, saying, “Shut up.” He stood up and went back to his chair, and his eyes were red (no tears, though).

 

After a pause, Navy Twin said, “We just want you to be happy. Nothing else matters. We need you to do whatever makes you happy,” and of course I remembered his parting words on his first day at the Academy. “Be happy.” I asked them if they’d ever suspected and they said no. I asked the twins why they had looked at their brother when I told them, and they said back when they were trying to get me to date women, my oldest apparently made a joke about me wanting a boyfriend instead, and the twins had gotten mad at him.

 

My oldest said none of them could care less, and asked if it had been hard keeping to myself. I told them I had spoken with their uncle about it a while ago, and Navy twin said , “Oh, that was a good idea.” Older Brother said “Don’t tell us if you don’t want to, but is this just an idea, or have you…?” And I interrupted to say don’t expect any details, but yes, I’ve had some experiences. (Once again, very wide eyes.) OB then leans across the table and grinning says, “You are being careful, right?” To which I responded that I believe I had given them the talk about precautions years ago, hadn’t I? And they all laughed.

 

And after that, it was all okay. A long conversation followed, but pretty relaxed (and no sexual details asked for or given). I told them about the gay basketball group I’ve been hanging out with. DePaul Twin hadn’t said anything but had been smiling the whole time. It turns out this was the second coming-out he’d heard this year. His Irish roommate brought a number of girls to the room so my boy had to clear out, but this year he occasionally brought a guy! He asked my son if he minded, and DePaul Twin said who cares? His roommate told him he was bisexual but preferred women. And I said I didn’t know what label fits me, but I suppose bisexual is the place to start. (Nods from all)

 

While each of them has separately come to me to talk a bit about it, that was mostly that. I have heard them talking in one of their rooms a few times and I imagine this is the topic, but they’ve treated it as no big deal, as some of you predicted. Tonight they’re all out on dates, and as they were getting ready to leave Older Brother asked if now they should start suggesting men for me to date. I said give me a chance on my own first but if I’m not having any luck, feel free. I hope I don't regret that!

 

I'm so happy for you, @BasketBaller

 

Gman

[+ nycman]

I’m sitting in some random hotel room in the middle of nowhere....crying.

 

You fucker!

 

I’m ecstatic that it went well. Although we all knew it would.

You’ve obviously raised amazing young men....congratulations

to you all.

[+ purplekow]

It never really seemed that this story would go any other way, at least to us here on the forum. I imagined you considered just about every way it could go and so I only can imagine your trepidation at the onset and your relief at the end. I am glad that the conversation started with a confirmation of your love for their mother. That seems to be a critical factor to me. In any case, this is only the end of the beginning, Next, the next chapter or your life and hopefully as uplifting an outcome.

By the way....DC meeting.....Friday at the IML. Come for a drink, stay for the entertainment.

[BasketBaller]

23 months and 19 pages to get here!!.......thanks, @BasketBaller , for your time with this story......do you feel a tremendous amount of "relief" now or sorta just business as usual??.......

Relief, for sure, especially since, as I said in my other thread, I'm "out enough" now that the boys might have heard from someone else and I knew the time had come to tell them. But also maybe back to a more normal relationship since I freely admit I was hiding something from them, and I wasn't happy about that.

[BasketBaller]

I'm so happy for you, @BasketBaller

 

Gman

Thank you, my friend!

[BasketBaller]

I’m sitting in some random hotel room in the middle of nowhere....crying.

 

You fucker!

 

I’m ecstatic that it went well. Although we all knew it would.

You’ve obviously raised amazing young men....congratulations

to you all.

Sorry!

 

But yes, I too never really thought they'd take it badly-- even though I did have a moment when I thought my eldest was going to storm out. I just needed to be ready to take this step and it probably could have happened a while ago. Remember, I'm the guy who spent over a decade denying any attraction to men, so obviously I need more time than most people to admit the truth.

[BasketBaller]

It never really seemed that this story would go any other way, at least to us here on the forum. I imagined you considered just about every way it could go and so I only can imagine your trepidation at the onset and your relief at the end. I am glad that the conversation started with a confirmation of your love for their mother. That seems to be a critical factor to me. In any case, this is only the end of the beginning, Next, the next chapter or your life and hopefully as uplifting an outcome.

By the way....DC meeting.....Friday at the IML. Come for a drink, stay for the entertainment.

Right, I was standing on the diving board trying to gather my resolve to jump, and once I did, it was fine.

 

But just like last year, I have a business trip every January and I won't be in DC that weekend! Palm Springs is more likely. Fingers crossed!

[rvwnsd]

I am very happy that your coming out to the boys went well. Never had a doubt that it would have gone otherwise. You are a good man, a good dad, and you raised good boys.

 

Congratulations.

[mike carey]

None of your boys may have cried, but I just did while reading this. I'm glad it went well.

Me too. I'm so happy that it worked out as it did. As I've said before you have kept us entranced since you started this thread and today was no exception. I hope that you do make it to Palm Springs.