Two Down, One To Go

[+ purplekow]

One might arguably say four.

Actually several men on this forum have gotten raised by basketballer even though they have never met.

[+ WilliamM]

This was difficult to read because my best friend in high school also lost his wife at a young age. He raised his daughter and his special needs son on his own. But, his children had first cousins close by. That allowed him to explore his sexual feeling for men sooner than most.

 

But, it was never easy, his older brother, a drunk driver, was killed driving in the wrong direction on a major highway. Two people were killed in the other car. His mother never recovered from that accident.

[RM]

Wow! I retired last week after 44 year but I've never seen this thread. I spent today reading it all. I am a fraternal twin. Our parents wanted us to be separate persons, so we were only together in fifth grade, eighth grade, and very few high school classes.

[+ WmClarke]

I’ve been away from the forums for a bit; glad I was able to find my favorite thread quickly.

 

Congrats @BasketBaller - glad it went so well for you!

 

My boyfriend met my children, my in-laws, my parents, and my siblings & nephews last year. Now I am out to all of them. And I met his mother at Christmas. So I know it can be nerve-wracking.

[BasketBaller]

As I was saying...

 

Well, actually, I haven't said anything lately, have I? So sorry for the long gap. @gallahadesquire checked in to see if I was okay (thanks, you guys are great!) and that reminded me that while the coming out saga was a big part of my story it isn't all of it. And my job has been insane all year. So, a quick update--

 

On May 18, my oldest son graduated from Fordham, Navy twin could not be there because of training duties, but otherwise the whole family was there. He's got an internship here in DC for the summer, then needs to decide what to do vis-à-vis job/grad school. Interesting wrinkle, his gf will start at GW law school here in the fall, and I suspect that may inform decisions. They are still serious and I would say are engaged in all but name. He's older than I was when he was born!

 

DePaul twin will be home next week so I'll have two in the house for the summer. He has indeed entered the 5 year BS/MS program and loves Chicago. He and his gf have, I think, finally called it quits, amicably, and he was seeing a girl at school but says it's not serious.

 

Navy twin is in San Diego, poor kid, for a training program called "Protramid," or Professional Training for Midshipmen, He'll spend weeks with Surface Warfare, Submarines, Aviation, and the Marines so can get an idea of where he'd fit best. Right now he says Navy pilot but is keeping an open mind. He and his gf are still making it work.

 

After I came out to them there were quite a few talks, and eventually a few questions along the lines of "How long have you known?" "Did you always feel this way?" etc. I later learned that each of them, separately, contacted my brother-in-law, their uncle, to talk about it. He was very amused.

 

And me? Well getting more comfortable, have gone out with a few guys but not rushing anything. The boys did come play basketball and were a big hit even though they murdered us, as I predicted.. Driving home I asked what they thought of the group, and DePaul twin said, "They're cool, but you can do better." Wait, what?? His eyes flew open and he said, "I mean you could find better PLAYERS!!"

 

Anyway, one at home, soon to be two. With Older Brother's gf coming to DC he may stay in town, although I suppose that might mean them moving in together. Anyway, life marches on.

[+ azdr0710]

As I was saying...

 

Well, actually, I haven't said anything lately, have I? So sorry for the long gap. @gallahadesquire checked in to see if I was okay (thanks, you guys are great!) and that reminded me that while the coming out saga was a big part of my story it isn't all of it. And my job has been insane all year. So, a quick update--

 

On May 18, my oldest son graduated from Fordham, Navy twin could not be there because of training duties, but otherwise the whole family was there. He's got an internship here in DC for the summer, then needs to decide what to do vis-à-vis job/grad school. Interesting wrinkle, his gf will start at GW law school here in the fall, and I suspect that may inform decisions. They are still serious and I would say are engaged in all but name. He's older than I was when he was born!

 

DePaul twin will be home next week so I'll have two in the house for the summer. He has indeed entered the 5 year BS/MS program and loves Chicago. He and his gf have, I think, finally called it quits, amicably, and he was seeing a girl at school but says it's not serious.

 

Navy twin is in San Diego, poor kid, for a training program called "Protramid," or Professional Training for Midshipmen, He'll spend weeks with Surface Warfare, Submarines, Aviation, and the Marines so can get an idea of where he'd fit best. Right now he says Navy pilot but is keeping an open mind. He and his gf are still making it work.

 

After I came out to them there were quite a few talks, and eventually a few questions along the lines of "How long have you known?" "Did you always feel this way?" etc. I later learned that each of them, separately, contacted my brother-in-law, their uncle, to talk about it. He was very amused.

 

And me? Well getting more comfortable, have gone out with a few guys but not rushing anything. The boys did come play basketball and were a big hit even though they murdered us, as I predicted.. Driving home I asked what they thought of the group, and DePaul twin said, "They're cool, but you can do better." Wait, what?? His eyes flew open and he said, "I mean you could find better PLAYERS!!"

 

Anyway, one at home, soon to be two. With Older Brother's gf coming to DC he may stay in town, although I suppose that might mean them moving in together. Anyway, life marches on.

 

Always great to read your posts. By the way, there's this forum meetup every April in California..........

[mike carey]

As I was saying...

 

Well, actually, I haven't said anything lately, have I? So sorry for the long gap. @gallahadesquire checked in to see if I was okay (thanks, you guys are great!) and that reminded me that while the coming out saga was a big part of my story it isn't all of it. And my job has been insane all year. So, a quick update--

 

On May 18, my oldest son graduated from Fordham, Navy twin could not be there because of training duties, but otherwise the whole family was there. He's got an internship here in DC for the summer, then needs to decide what to do vis-à-vis job/grad school. Interesting wrinkle, his gf will start at GW law school here in the fall, and I suspect that may inform decisions. They are still serious and I would say are engaged in all but name. He's older than I was when he was born!

 

DePaul twin will be home next week so I'll have two in the house for the summer. He has indeed entered the 5 year BS/MS program and loves Chicago. He and his gf have, I think, finally called it quits, amicably, and he was seeing a girl at school but says it's not serious.

 

Navy twin is in San Diego, poor kid, for a training program called "Protramid," or Professional Training for Midshipmen, He'll spend weeks with Surface Warfare, Submarines, Aviation, and the Marines so can get an idea of where he'd fit best. Right now he says Navy pilot but is keeping an open mind. He and his gf are still making it work.

 

After I came out to them there were quite a few talks, and eventually a few questions along the lines of "How long have you known?" "Did you always feel this way?" etc. I later learned that each of them, separately, contacted my brother-in-law, their uncle, to talk about it. He was very amused.

 

And me? Well getting more comfortable, have gone out with a few guys but not rushing anything. The boys did come play basketball and were a big hit even though they murdered us, as I predicted.. Driving home I asked what they thought of the group, and DePaul twin said, "They're cool, but you can do better." Wait, what?? His eyes flew open and he said, "I mean you could find better PLAYERS!!"

 

Anyway, one at home, soon to be two. With Older Brother's gf coming to DC he may stay in town, although I suppose that might mean them moving in together. Anyway, life marches on.

Great to hear the latest instalment of this evolving story.

[mike carey]

Always great to read your posts. By the way, there's this forum meetup every April in California..........

Nice try, AZDR, but I suspect you'll find that Navy Twin is only in San Diego for summer or part thereof, and that he'll be back in Annapolis in April.

[MikeBiDude]

Nice try, AZDR, but I suspect you'll find that Navy Twin is only in San Diego for summer or part thereof, and that he'll be back in Annapolis in April.

I assumed @azdr0710 was hinting that @BasketBaller should come to Palm Springs Meet, not his son ?

[mike carey]

I assumed @azdr0710 was hinting that @BasketBaller should come to Palm Springs Meet, not his son ?

Oh, that's exactly what he was doing, but I thought @azdr0710 was using @BasketBaller's son's presence in California as a pretext for him to attend.

[liubit]

Great to hear from you, @BasketBaller. I missed you and your stories.

[+ nycman]

Sounds like everyone is doing great!

 

Thanks for the update.

[TruthBTold]

As I was saying...

 

Well, actually, I haven't said anything lately, have I? So sorry for the long gap. @gallahadesquire checked in to see if I was okay (thanks, you guys are great!) and that reminded me that while the coming out saga was a big part of my story it isn't all of it. And my job has been insane all year. So, a quick update--

 

On May 18, my oldest son graduated from Fordham, Navy twin could not be there because of training duties, but otherwise the whole family was there. He's got an internship here in DC for the summer, then needs to decide what to do vis-à-vis job/grad school. Interesting wrinkle, his gf will start at GW law school here in the fall, and I suspect that may inform decisions. They are still serious and I would say are engaged in all but name. He's older than I was when he was born!

 

DePaul twin will be home next week so I'll have two in the house for the summer. He has indeed entered the 5 year BS/MS program and loves Chicago. He and his gf have, I think, finally called it quits, amicably, and he was seeing a girl at school but says it's not serious.

 

Navy twin is in San Diego, poor kid, for a training program called "Protramid," or Professional Training for Midshipmen, He'll spend weeks with Surface Warfare, Submarines, Aviation, and the Marines so can get an idea of where he'd fit best. Right now he says Navy pilot but is keeping an open mind. He and his gf are still making it work.

 

After I came out to them there were quite a few talks, and eventually a few questions along the lines of "How long have you known?" "Did you always feel this way?" etc. I later learned that each of them, separately, contacted my brother-in-law, their uncle, to talk about it. He was very amused.

 

And me? Well getting more comfortable, have gone out with a few guys but not rushing anything. The boys did come play basketball and were a big hit even though they murdered us, as I predicted.. Driving home I asked what they thought of the group, and DePaul twin said, "They're cool, but you can do better." Wait, what?? His eyes flew open and he said, "I mean you could find better PLAYERS!!"

 

Anyway, one at home, soon to be two. With Older Brother's gf coming to DC he may stay in town, although I suppose that might mean them moving in together. Anyway, life marches on.

 

What a nice life! Having people you care about and care for and watching them grow and flourish. I am sure it is frustrating watching them make mistakes but I am sure in some ways your life makes you understand how you can take a path that you detour from and then go on from there. It is great.

[BasketBaller]

@BabyBoomer wished me a Happy Father's Day, which was kind of him. I thought a quick report was in order.

 

It was a great, quiet day. Older Brother mowed the lawn and did yard work (Yay!) and DePaul Twin made a great dinner like last year. No word from Navy Twin today but he'd warned us he'd be at sea with spotty email access. After dinner we were going to watch a movie, and we browsed Netflix, we came across "Queer Eye." I have watched it a couple of times but none the latest season. They both said EVERYBODY at school watches this! So, a little nervous, I agreed, and we watched an episode, Lost Boy, about the scraggly camp counselor who wanted to make a place for him and his son. The situation is nothing much like ours but enough so that we laughed a lot. They started teasing me about which cast member I was most like. I stayed out of this conversation but they settled on Karamo, personality-wise. (Okay, I'll confess, I was hoping for Antoni, but whatever they say.)

 

Never in a million years would I have imagined this conversation last year. Happy Father's Day to all the fathers here. And the sons and daughters. And the "Daddies" too!

Edited June 17, 2019 by BasketBaller

[TruthBTold]

@BabyBoomer wished me a Happy Father's Day, which was kind of him. I thought a quick report was in order.

It was a great, quiet day. Older Brother mowed the lawn and did yard work (Yay!) and DePaul Twin made a great dinner like last year. No word from Navy Twin today but he'd warned us he'd be at sea with spotty email access. After dinner we were going to watch a movie, and we browsed Netflix, we came across "Queer Eye." I have watched it a couple of times but none the latest season. They both said EVERYBODY at school watches this! So, a little nervous, I agreed, and we watched an episode, Lost Boy, about the scraggly camp counselor who wanted to make a place for him and his son. The situation is nothing much like ours but enough so that we laughed a lot. They started teasing me about which cast member I was most like. I stayed out of this conversation but they settled on Karamo, personality-wise. (Okay, I'll confess, I was hoping for Antoni, but whatever they say.)

Never in a million years would I have imagined this conversation last year. Happy Father's Day to all the fathers here. And the sons. And the "Daddies" too!

 

I get so heartened (particularly in these rather desperate of times) that things can change and get better. It may be slowly and it may take a lot of work on all sides but it does get better. Love is not a steamroller we would like it to be but molasses that spreads out and gets the work done, sometimes without us knowing it. Again, congratulations on a wonderful Father's Day. You deserved it.

[LivingnLA]

Happy father's day to all! Like @TruthBTold, I can become very frustrated by how screwed up everything is in the USA and around the world. But, after spending some time with my kids, I always feel better. They're so passionate, thoughtful, and engaged that I have hope for the future. I just hope the country is in good enough shape for them to take over and save all of us from our greed, lack of compassion, and shortsightedness.

[rvwnsd]

@BabyBoomer ...After dinner we were going to watch a movie, and we browsed Netflix, we came across "Queer Eye." I have watched it a couple of times but none the latest season. They both said EVERYBODY at school watches this! So, a little nervous, I agreed, and we watched an episode, Lost Boy, about the scraggly camp counselor who wanted to make a place for him and his son. The situation is nothing much like ours but enough so that we laughed a lot. They started teasing me about which cast member I was most like. I stayed out of this conversation but they settled on Karamo, personality-wise. (Okay, I'll confess, I was hoping for Antoni, but whatever they say.)...

 

If you want to be Antoni, then you had better start handing out Philips infra-red grills like the ones he has a propensity to dole out on the show.

 

You may start doling them out with me. No need for the one with the rotisserie attachment, but the one with the wire and cast aluminum grates would be nice, thank you.

 

@BabyBoomer ...Never in a million years would I have imagined this conversation last year. ...

Can't speak for others, but I am not the least bit surprised. I knew it would happen sooner or later. And it was sooner! So much better than later!!

 

So-o-o-o-o-o happy you had such a wonderful Father's Day.

 

@BabyBoomer ...Happy Father's Day to all the fathers here. And the sons and daughters. And the "Daddies" too!

Thank you for the well-wishes.

 

You will be happy to know that my furry little boys took good care of me. They let me sleep in, then they let me give them belly rubs (being the gentlemen they are they understood there are plenty of hands to go around), they snuggled in with me for a nap, we played "catch the imaginary mouse," we snuggled in for another nap. and then we enjoyed dinner. They did not do any yard work, but they DID clean up some food scraps that fell on the kitchen floor.

[BasketBaller]

Navy Twin got home for a month's leave last week, so the gang's all here and I'm very happy. Older Brother has a full-time internship on the Hill until the end of the year, and DePaul twin has a part-time job for the summer. We fall right back into our old routines, it seems. For once, the twins do not have identical haircuts.

 

Navy Twin had an awesome time in San Diego, but is still very undecided about what he wants to do in the service. He'd been leaning toward aviation but he really liked the Marines as well. He won't have to decide for over a year, and even then, it's not guaranteed he'll get his first choice.

 

I had wondered how, if at all, things would change now that they know about me. Each seem to deal with my revelation in his own way, but nothing has really changed. Older Brother regards it as none of his business, it's a done deal. Navy Twin is more of an advocate, as before, that I should do whatever makes me happy. DePaul Twin is more interested in my journey and what it was like along the way. He and I have talked quite a bit about the stages of my life, my years of denial, my acceptance, and finally my decision to tell them. I think he's interested in part because of his Irish roommate's admission of being bi, although as near as I can tell without probing, that means he lets guys give him a blow job when he can't find a girl to fuck. It feels good to talk to DePaul Twin about it all and I appreciate the chance. All three are curious about the social activity, and I tell them what there is to tell. I've gone out a few times since the summer started and of course,, they greet me with "How did it go?"

 

I had also, maybe foolishly, wondered if my coming out would make them uncomfortable changing and showering with me at the gym and pool. They've done that with me since they were little, and I suppose because it's so familiar, nothing about it seems to have changed, no awkwardness or reticence. It probably was a stupid thing to worry about, but I did.

 

Anyway, about three more weeks together and we'll make the most of it. Older Brother is pining away for his girlfriend; Navy Twin and his gf are ecstatic to be in the same city for a while; DePaul Twin has again taken up with his ex "for the summer."

[+ purplekow]

Glad you have s summertime family reunion. These will likely become more and more rare, so it is good that you are enjoying it. Nice to hear that the journey so far has been a smooth one. Have your sons informed their girlfriends? I suppose that would be a conversation that would naturally be had with someone you are seeing regularly, but perhaps they feel it is your story to tell.

[mike carey]

Have your sons informed their girlfriends? I suppose that would be a conversation that would naturally be had with someone you are seeing regularly, but perhaps they feel it is your story to tell.

An interesting question indeed. While @BasketBaller's coming out to his sons was understandably challenging I doubt that them disclosing to their girlfriends would be fraught in any way. My impression is that for that generation being gay is a complete non-issue. They may be interested in how he came out but not that he is gay.

[BasketBaller]

Glad you have s summertime family reunion. These will likely become more and more rare, so it is good that you are enjoying it. Nice to hear that the journey so far has been a smooth one. Have your sons informed their girlfriends? I suppose that would be a conversation that would naturally be had with someone you are seeing regularly, but perhaps they feel it is your story to tell.

Yes, the girlfriends know. Back in December I told the boys they could talk it over with anyone they felt comfortable with, and I know DePaul Twin discussed it with his roommate. As with the boys, each gf reacted in her own way. Older Brother's gf took it in stride, DePaul Twin's gf was surprised but accepting, and asked how HE was taking it. Navy Twin's gf is the one we've all known the longest, a wonderful young woman. She reacted with sympathy, and even sadness that I'd been alone, holding it back, for so long. She wrote me a lovely email saying she was glad to know and hoped that this would make life easier for me. I think we all know by now that she's going to be part of the family someday, so it's nice to know she's supportive.

 

I haven't made any big announcement, and probably won't, but I have spoken to my brothers and my sister. Slight concern from all of them about what this would mean, but nothing really negative. My oldest brother thought I was joking, and my sister kept asking "Are you sure?" My other brother is kind of a stoic, and his immediate response was "Didn't see this coming. Nope." Which you may remember is pretty much what my brother-in-law had said when I told him!

Edited August 1, 2019 by BasketBaller

[+ purplekow]

Yes, the girlfriends know. Back in December I told the boys they could talk it over with anyone they felt comfortable with, and I know DePaul Twin discussed it with his roommate. As with the boys, each gf reacted in her own way. Older Brother's gf took it in stride, DePaul Twin's gf was surprised but accepting, and asked how HE was taking it. Navy Twin's gf is the one we've all known the longest, a wonderful young woman. She reacted with sympathy, and even sadness that I'd been alone, holding it back, for so long. She wrote me a lovely email saying she was glad to know and hoped that this would make life easier for me. I think we all know by now that she's going to be part of the family someday, so it's nice to know she's supportive.

 

I haven't made any big announcement, and probably won't, but I have spoken to my brothers and my sister. Slight concern from all of them about what this would mean, but nothing really negative. My oldest brother thought I was joking, and my sister kept asking "Are you sure?" My other brother is kind of a stoic, and his immediate response was "Didn't see this coming. Nope." Which you may remember is pretty much what my brother-in-law had said when I told him!

It is clear you have surrounded yourself with good people which always makes life easier.

[BasketBaller]

In the "conversations I never thought I'd have" category--

 

With everybody home we manage to have dinner together at least a couple of times a week. Other meals are catch-as-catch can, everybody on his own, usually. But this past Saturday we were all home with no plans until afternoon, so the twins spontaneously decided to make a huge breakfast of eggs, sausage, biscuits from scratch, juice and coffee, and we all sat down together to eat. We were sitting in the same configuration as my post-Christmas coming out.

 

A very casual morning lots of idle talk about what's going on with everybody. Somehow or other the topic turned to the friends of the various girlfriends, and what they thought of them. Whose friends were pretty, or funny, or vain, etc. More than once one of the boys referred to someone as "Pretty, but she's not my type."

 

DePaul Twin, who as I said seems the most interested in my experience, asked smoothly, "What about you, Dad? Do you have a type? What kinds of guys do you like?" And three pairs of eyes were looking at me curiously. And with no real embarrassment, I answered as best I could. I said I'm not sure I really have a "type" but I do like guys-next-door with a positive personality, sense of humor and kindness. Navy Twin said, "What about looks?" I said nothing is set in stone but I kind of like guys who are tall and lean, and that I have always been partial to blonds, even when I was seeing women, but that's not so important. As I said here once before, I kind of am attracted to guys like me, and joked that I guess that makes me a narcissist.

 

They laughed and nodded and the conversation turned to other things. It was so matter-of-fact, so simple, but what a topic for me to discuss! I of course, left out that my type is really an imaginative top with lots of stamina, and I'm not going to share that...

[sincitymix]

In the "conversations I never thought I'd have" category--

 

With everybody home we manage to have dinner together at least a couple of times a week. Other meals are catch-as-catch can, everybody on his own, usually. But this past Saturday we were all home with no plans until afternoon, so the twins spontaneously decided to make a huge breakfast of eggs, sausage, biscuits from scratch, juice and coffee, and we all sat down together to eat. We were sitting in the same configuration as my post-Christmas coming out.

 

A very casual morning lots of idle talk about what's going on with everybody. Somehow or other the topic turned to the friends of the various girlfriends, and what they thought of them. Whose friends were pretty, or funny, or vain, etc. More than once one of the boys referred to someone as "Pretty, but she's not my type."

 

DePaul Twin, who as I said seems the most interested in my experience, asked smoothly, "What about you, Dad? Do you have a type? What kinds of guys do you like?" And three pairs of eyes were looking at me curiously. And with no real embarrassment, I answered as best I could. I said I'm not sure I really have a "type" but I do like guys-next-door with a positive personality, sense of humor and kindness. Navy Twin said, "What about looks?" I said nothing is set in stone but I kind of like guys who are tall and lean, and that I have always been partial to blonds, even when I was seeing women, but that's not so important. As I said here once before, I kind of am attracted to guys like me, and joked that I guess that makes me a narcissist.

 

They laughed and nodded and the conversation turned to other things. It was so matter-of-fact, so simple, but what a topic for me to discuss! I of course, left out that my type is really an imaginative top with lots of stamina, and I'm not going to share that...

 

Hmmm.. sounds like the kids might try a hand at matchmaking lol

[BasketBaller]

Hmmm.. sounds like the kids might try a hand at matchmaking lol

I believe that may be in the cards!