Two Down, One To Go

[+ Charlie]

One of my friends, a good ole boy from rural Tennessee, had two male partners, each of whom died, before he married a woman and fathered two daughters. He is now a loving 80 year old grandfather, but he and his wife divorced when the girls were teenagers, and he now is married to another 80 year old man (who has a middle-aged son). One of the daughters married a Mormon and has three young children, while the other daughter is single, but recently carried a child as a surrogate mother for a Chinese-American couple. Those old Norman Rockwell magazine cover families are gone for good, I think.

[LivingnLA]

Those old Norman Rockwell magazine cover families are gone for good, I think.

 

His "4 Freedoms" series, which are what many people think of, especially Freedom from Want, wasn't ever real. They were his romanticized images of these claimed American values. It's much better that they're "gone for good" than people still believing they're real and hating themselves or their families for not measuring up. Though, I really wish his stunning Golden Rule was real life. Our world would be a much kinder, gentler, and more generous place if it were true.

Edited December 21, 2017 by LivingnLA

[+ Gar1eth]

@BasketBaller, thank you for sharing so much so thoughtfully. I am proud of you and look forward to hearing more about your journey. I am also glad things went so well with your "B-I-L."

 

One thing I would suggest for your consideration: don't worry too much about labels. Those of us over 30 have been acculturated to really care about labels and categories around identity and sexual orientation. They definitely have some value, but for many of us, they are more "straitjacket" than something that sets us free.

 

Decades of research are beginning to support the notion that we're frequently biologically bisexual but acculturation shapes us into the hetero/homo binary. I have had relations with many women for many years. My marriage is more solid than ever because my wife and I "get each other" and support each other as we try to be the best we can be for each other, our kids, and in our lives. None of that changes my activities or feelings with men.

 

I might be one of the fabled unicorns then. Decades of research can show whatever it wants, I am here to proclaim that I am gay, I’ve always been gay, and I don’t remember the thought or sight of a female ever causing me to have an erection (Muscular good looking guys are another story).

 

I am gay, gay, gay, gay, gay-and I’m not even that crazy about being gay. In my mind, I sometimes wonder what it would have been like to be bisexual and able to marry a woman. But I know that not all bisexuals are able to reconcile both sets of feelings successfully. So if I can’t be straight, I’m probably better off as I am.

 

Gman

[LivingnLA]

I might be one of the fabled unicorns then. Decades of research can show whatever it wants, I am here to proclaim that I am gay, I’ve always been gay, and I don’t remember the thought or sight of a female ever causing me to have an erection (Muscular good looking guys are another story).

 

I am gay, gay, gay, gay, gay-and I’m not even that crazy about being gay. In my mind, I sometimes wonder what it would have been like to be bisexual and able to marry a woman. But I know that not all bisexuals are able to reconcile both sets of feelings successfully. So if I can’t be straight, I’m probably better off as I am.

 

Gman

 

Gman, absolutely! There are real life gay human beings. They're not unicorns, though they are special and worth being cherished and loved by anyone lucky enough to know them. They're real and walking among us. That's what's so wonderful about humanity. We have such diversity. I have no doubt you're 100% gay as you say you are because I believe you.

 

The only reason I said what I said to @BasketBaller, was that I detected hints of conflict in his words that suggested he was worried about being gay now if that current self-conception would some-how weaken or make questionable all that he had with his wife. I may have completely misread him, but that was my sense so I felt compelled to respond the way I did.

[rvwnsd]

Lord...Finally!....I had to pick myself up off the fucking floor....TWICE!

 

My adopted gay father...comes OUT!

 

(I may have forgotten to tell you that you're adopting me BTW...and I'm pretty sure that I'm older than you....but that's a mere technicality....DAD!)

 

Let me gather my thoughts.....ok...here we go!

 

 

 

Don't worry baby....none of us like him...you tell your story.....your die hard fans are waiting!

 

 

 

Funny how hard it is to say "I'm a FAGGOT" to someone else for the first time....isn't it?

 

 

 

Jesus...I wish my friends served "good wine" at their "coming out" announcements....

Of course I should talk....I think I came out to my best friend over Slushies from Sonic......

I guess there ARE some benefits to coming out later in life!

 

 

 

"I'm a FAGGOT"....lord we make it soooo complicated...don't' we? Come on Dad....SPIT IT THE FUCK OUT!

 

 

 

True...time to focus on "queer dad"! The boys can take care of themselves....no more excuses!....SAY IT!

 

 

 

You better go SOMEWHERE...or he's going to think your talking about....yep...too late....he thinks it's about your wife!

Oh no...buddy B-I-L....hang on to your boot straps...it's about sooooo much more than that....JUST WAIT!

 

 

 

Oh yes you do need to say something.....wait for it.....WAIT FOR IT....!

 

 

 

This is where I passed out the first time......the tension is KILLING me!

 

 

 

Which is Basketballer for...."I'm a FAGGOT"....just in case the audience needs help with the translation. Thankfully, I am fluent in Basketballer.

 

 

 

We were first....woot!....WE WERE FIRST....And yes, I passed out again here!

 

 

 

Aren't we though? A collection of online faggots....who hire hookers....and want a Dad like you.....we're a funny lot!

 

 

 

I LOVE him!.....sooooo much!

You big ol' bottom....you better be careful....or I will KICK YOUR ASS!....

and I will bring your big ass bear B-I-L along to help hold you down while I do it!

(yes....I'm a great dad too....I just never fucked a woman...that's all!)

 

 

 

THAT he probably knows.....grin

 

 

 

Please....give us a chance to BREATHE!...... I don't know how much more my heart can take!

 

In all seriousness bro, congratulations.

It's an amazing moment you will never forget and never regret.

Thank you so much so sharing it with us all.

Love, nycman

I must say, @nycman, you have the parsing routine down. I'm impressed. Glad to see someone has been paying attention.

 

That said...it would not surprise me if @BasketBaller's brother-in-law has no clue about his sexual position. Friends are typically shocked when they learn that I am a bottom. An ex told me that I am a top who wants to get fucked.

[BasketBaller]

I have no idea how to label myself, and am not too worried about that right now. Certainly I'm not straight, but I remember being genuinely attracted to women, fantasizing about them when I jerked off, having sexual dreams about them. A girl I was attracted to would turn my dick hard with a look. My sex life during my marriage was active and satisfying, so that while I started acknowledging other interests I never considered acting on them, I thought of myself as "bi-curious" and that was all. In the end stages of my wife's illness, and after her death, I had no strong sexual urges at all, and when I masturbated after her death, I was thinking about her. When I began to watch porn, at first it was straight porn, but I began to pay more attention to the guys. Then bi porn, then gay porn, and that got me curious enough to finally try the real thing, to "get it out of my system." That didn't work.

 

So here I am, bisexual or gay? If I go by the numbers, I've had sex with more women than men. But I can't remember the last time I fantasized about a woman, or got hard at the sight of one, whereas a hot guy with his shirt off can make my dick spring to attention. (I do think about my wife and can remember the passion we had for each other, and that will give me a hard-on.) My brother-in-law's point, that I may be avoiding women in misguided grief that I haven't dealt with, is possible, but it doesn't really change anything.

[+ WmClarke]

Yep. Labels are meaningless.

[rvwnsd]

...So here I am, bisexual or gay? If I go by the numbers, I've had sex with more women than men. But I can't remember the last time I fantasized about a woman, or got hard at the sight of one, whereas a hot guy with his shirt off can make my dick spring to attention. (I do think about my wife and can remember the passion we had for each other, and that will give me a hard-on.) My brother-in-law's point, that I may be avoiding women in misguided grief that I haven't dealt with, is possible, but it doesn't really change anything.

 

Well, it sounds like you are "you." Skip the labels for now and it will work out exactly how it is supposed to. If/when you decide to tell the boys you will have to figure out what to say. However, you are an intelligent man so you will do just fine. If your discussion with them is slightly choppy you will have taught them that less-than-perfection is OK, even when discussing life events.

[gallahadesquire]

Well, it sounds like you are "you." Skip the labels for now and it will work out exactly how it is supposed to. If/when you decide to tell the boys you will have to figure out what to say. However, you are an intelligent man so you will do just fine. If your discussion with them is slightly choppy you will have taught them that less-than-perfection is OK, even when discussing life events.

 

As Oscar Wilde said:

 

Be yourself. Everyone else is taken.

[LivingnLA]

I have no idea how to label myself, and am not too worried about that right now. Certainly I'm not straight, but I remember being genuinely attracted to women, fantasizing about them when I jerked off, having sexual dreams about them. A girl I was attracted to would turn my dick hard with a look. My sex life during my marriage was active and satisfying, so that while I started acknowledging other interests I never considered acting on them, I thought of myself as "bi-curious" and that was all. In the end stages of my wife's illness, and after her death, I had no strong sexual urges at all, and when I masturbated after her death, I was thinking about her. When I began to watch porn, at first it was straight porn, but I began to pay more attention to the guys. Then bi porn, then gay porn, and that got me curious enough to finally try the real thing, to "get it out of my system." That didn't work.

 

So here I am, bisexual or gay? If I go by the numbers, I've had sex with more women than men. But I can't remember the last time I fantasized about a woman, or got hard at the sight of one, whereas a hot guy with his shirt off can make my dick spring to attention. (I do think about my wife and can remember the passion we had for each other, and that will give me a hard-on.) My brother-in-law's point, that I may be avoiding women in misguided grief that I haven't dealt with, is possible, but it doesn't really change anything.

 

Your B-I-L is a smart guy. It's not "misguided" though if that's your choice. Again, you are you, and no one can tell you what's the "right way" to honor your life with your wife and how to build your future. It's all up to you and so long as you aren't being self-destructive or committing crimes, who cares? Live your life as you wish and live it well.

[+ purplekow]

I have no idea how to label myself, and am not too worried about that right now. Certainly I'm not straight, but I remember being genuinely attracted to women, fantasizing about them when I jerked off, having sexual dreams about them. A girl I was attracted to would turn my dick hard with a look. My sex life during my marriage was active and satisfying, so that while I started acknowledging other interests I never considered acting on them, I thought of myself as "bi-curious" and that was all. In the end stages of my wife's illness, and after her death, I had no strong sexual urges at all, and when I masturbated after her death, I was thinking about her. When I began to watch porn, at first it was straight porn, but I began to pay more attention to the guys. Then bi porn, then gay porn, and that got me curious enough to finally try the real thing, to "get it out of my system." That didn't work.

 

So here I am, bisexual or gay? If I go by the numbers, I've had sex with more women than men. But I can't remember the last time I fantasized about a woman, or got hard at the sight of one, whereas a hot guy with his shirt off can make my dick spring to attention. (I do think about my wife and can remember the passion we had for each other, and that will give me a hard-on.) My brother-in-law's point, that I may be avoiding women in misguided grief that I haven't dealt with, is possible, but it doesn't really change anything.

 

I cannot remember ever being as happy for someone I do not actually known. I mean, I have been happy for those families who who have military member surprise them at a graduation. I have been happy for those homeless individuals who get a makeover on a TV show and who then return to a different kind of successful life. I have been happy for mothers whose children have been rescued from wells and land mine fields and alien abductions. However, I can never remember being this happy for someone else's coming of middle age story.

 

Perhaps it is because our back stories are very similar. We have both been married to the great love of our life. Eventually after the death of that loved one, we grieved for a long celibate period. Once we finally began to fully live again, we acted on clearly long repressed sexual feelings for men while occasionally having sex with women. The sexual feelings for men were surprising in their existence, as they had been held hostage and labeled as curiosities. Then even more surprising was the intensity of those feelings once they were acted upon. Then came the realization that by god, I really like cock, I may like to like it a lot more.

 

Sp then, I played around with trying to label myself. Saying I was gay seemed to detract from the intense love I had and have for my wife. Saying I was straight seemed a bit ridiculous as I was sucking another man's hard dick. Saying I was bisexual almost fit, but that term seems to suggest a static unalterable attraction to both sexes and that certainly is not my case. My attraction to each of the sexes has been more sinusoidal, a rollercoaster ride in which I am at one peak, hot for mama and then at another peak, hot for papa and then suddenly there is a turn and a climb of anticipation and then a drop of exhilaration and then a turn and who knows where I am going or which I prefer.

 

Anyway, what I have chosen to do is not label myself at all. I am a man who has sex with men. I am a man who has sex with women. So, if asked about my sexuality, and as I have said before, at my age people do not ask as they do want to even briefly consider that I might be having sex lest that image get seared into their brain, I simply smile and say: "yeah sex, I remember it well." To my inner self , I say: I am a man who likes sex, what do you have in mind.

Edited January 1, 2018 by purplekow

[+ purplekow]

Yep. Labels are meaningless.

That kind of thinking resulted in my having dog food for lunch. It was surprisingly delicious.

[MikeBiDude]

Yep. Labels are meaningless.

+1

[rvwnsd]

That kind of thinking resulted in my having dog food for lunch. It was surprisingly delicious.

Come to think of it, after eating that canned liver pate my coat has been shinier and the cats have been giving me funny looks. Hmmmm.

[+ sniper]

Bump...

Any updates?

[BasketBaller]

I'll post a rundown of the holiday break this evening!

[BasketBaller]

My happiest moments during the boys' holiday break were every morning, waking up, and hearing the shower running. As I posted before, the quiet house in the morning is hard, but I would get up to the sound of running water and murmuring voices and know that we were together. Some snapshots--

 

Getting ready to go to my folks' for Christmas dinner, Plebe twin comes downstairs in civilian clothes. Older brother tells him to wear his uniform, everyone will really like that. PT replies, "I have to wear it at school, I don't want to war it at home!" Heated argument ensues, which I stayed out of. Finally DePaul twin, who's been playing a video game, quietly interjects, "You should wear it." At which point PT heads upstairs to change. Everyone loved seeing him in his Service Dress Blues.

 

A funny discussion about roommates one evening. DT's Irish roommate and he get along great, but the guy is apparently quite the ladies' man, and twin spends a lot of time in the dorm lounge while the room is occupied-- "sexiled," he says. PT's two roommates have never shared a room with anyone before, and are having to get used to it. One of them changes clothes in the shower (each room at the Naval Academy has a shower stall and sink), and they are amused at how comfortable twin is about dressing etc in front of them. He shared a room and a bathroom with his brothers all his life, and there were times that end of the hall was pretty uncivilized, so that's no surprise. "He's naked again" has been proposed as the room's motto. Older brother has a great roommate and they've joined others in a four-man suite, so they have their own bathroom and a little living room. I believe it's his roommate getting sexiled more often.

 

Plebe Twin is honest about how hard it is, and had the most anecdotes. Of course, I've been able to see him a good deal, but he regaled the other two with the rigors of Academy life. He got very quiet, maybe wistful even, listening to his twin talk about how unstructured and free his life is, with parties and exploring Chicago. I don't think there are second thoughts, but the depth of his decision is sinking in.

 

Each separately asked me about being alone, and I told them some of what I told you-- that it's a learning curve but I'm doing okay. That eating alone and waking up to a silent house are no fun, but there are trade-offs. No coming out talks yet, although I told them I've been playing basketball, and that I went out a couple of times to play darts or shoot pool. Just not where.

 

Both twins spent a lot of time with the girlfriends, and they all seem to be handling the long distance thing fine. Older brother missed his girlfriend a lot and there was much skyping-- I think they're really serious. He's about the age I was when we got engaged, and not much younger than I was when he was conceived. Oy.

 

Everyone's been back for a while now, and the goodbyes were not too bad. DePaul Twin was the first to leave and he and his twin had another long hug at the airport, that separation will always be hard. One day I came into the den where they were watching football on the couch with their arms around each others' shoulders. I almost envy having that kind of bond with someone.

 

I am on a trip for work right now, which is why I sadly missed the DC gathering. I'll have a quick stop in Chicago so I'll check in on DT and his roomie, take them to dnner maybe. And perhaps I'll hire while I'm there-- recommendation of Chicago tops, anyone?

Edited January 17, 2018 by BasketBaller

[mike carey]

Thanks @BasketBaller, heart warming as usual. And thank you for removing one of the reasons I had to regret not being able to make it to the DC meeting.

[+ Gar1eth]

I’m glad the holidays were good for you and the boys. I did have one question about your narrative.

 

 

 

 

Older brother has a great roommate and they've joined others in a four-man suite, so they have their own bathroom and a little living room. I believe it's his roommate getting sexiled more often.

 

 

Is the oldest son’s girlfriend at school with him?

 

 

As for escorts, it’s too bad Andrew Justice retired. But he probably would have required an overnight as he would have been coming in from out of town.

 

Here are two guys who have been around for a while. I can only say that their reviews have been good as I’m not a bottom.

 

https://rent.men/MikeAustin

 

 

https://rent.men/BradHunt

 

 

Brad was a porn star in his younger days. I’m sure you can find some free stuff of his online. Personally I think he is handsomer now. And while Brad advertises as versatile, if the common belief that most clients are bottoms is true, and in any case considering the size of his tallywacker, I’m sure he is asked to top much more often than he is to bottom.

 

 

Gman

[BasketBaller]

I’m glad the holidays were good for you and the boys. I did have one question about your narrative.

 

 

Is the oldest son’s girlfriend at school with him?

 

 

Gman

 

Thanks! Yes, they're both at Fordham. He has said they would like to get an apartment together for senior year, but NYC prices may end that hope.

[+ nycman]

Thanks for the update Baller!

 

Glad to hear the holidays were good. The boys sounds like

they’re adjusting to adult life well. You’ve obviously done a great

job raising them.

 

If you need, I’m happy to raise a team of volunteers to take turns

coming over in the morning to turn on the showers and make noise

around the house. Just realize we expect to be feed breakfast by “dad”

everyday wearing only his apron.....grin.

Edited January 18, 2018 by nycman

[TruHart1]

...

 

As for escorts, it’s too bad Andrew Justice retired. But he probably would have required an overnight as he would have been coming in from out of town.

 

Here are two guys who have been around for a while. I can only say that their reviews have been good as I’m not a bottom.

 

https://rent.men/MikeAustin

 

https://rent.men/BradHunt

 

Brad was a porn star in his younger days. I’m sure you can find some free stuff of his online. Personally I think he is handsomer now. And while Brad advertises as versatile, if the common belief that most clients are bottoms is true, and in any case considering the size of his tallywacker, I’m sure he is asked to top much more often than he is to bottom.

 

Gman

Both Mike and Brad have links in their Rentmen ads to their reviews on Daddy's so it should be somewhat easy to vet them.

 

TruHart1

[BabyBoomer]

@BasketBaller

 

Watch the scene between Scotty Baldwin & Brad Hunt from the Falcon movie "Flashpoint", that should be incentive enough to make you want to hire Brad.

 

~Boomer~

[+ Gar1eth]

Both Mike and Brad have links in their Rentmen ads to their reviews on Daddy's so it should be somewhat easy to vet them.

 

TruHart1

 

As a side note, I had wanted to hire Mike years ago. I know he advertises as a top. But some top guys are amenable to bottoming. It just may not be something they want to do as an escort. But he was definitely not interested in being versatile. His ex-boyfriend when I met him confirmed that for me too.

 

Gman

[LoveAustinCF]

You should update more often. Love reading your posts!