*Scammed today

[redbottle]

I know I've been extremely stupid, but I'd still like some feedback.

So I approached someone on grindr; they asked if I was gen. I said yes. We negotiated a price of $300.

He came over, asked for the money before we began -- I gave it. He kept saying he was nervous. Then he claimed to be 17, and was this ok with me? He said his father was outside in a car. This is a state where 17 is underage for sex. He sort of suggested that he might be ok doing something if I was ok with it, but he wouldn't even sit down, because he was so "nervous."

I asked for the money back -- even offered him $100 for his trouble. He said no, and that we were free to call the police, that he had all the texts to show I was trying to pay for sex. I'm not sure he would have followed up on it. He seemed like this little hispanic kid who might have more to lose from the police than me. But I didn't want to chance it. I let him walk away with all the money.

Incredible.

 

(Edit: btw I had met another guy on grindr and the transaction worked out just fine)

[hungry4darkmeat]

So I’ve fallen for the okie doke many times now so don’t feel bad or think you’re stupid cause it happens to the best of us from time to time just don’t make a habit out of it and consider it a contribution to your karma. I always figure that they must be in a pretty fucked up place to go through all that to get a couple dollars so they probably need it more than I do and that’s a blessing.

I recently violated my own policy of not making deposits and not only did he play me, he kept trying to get me to send more! I was deeply disappointed but I knew better from the start. Take it as a class and learn the lesson. No money in advance unless you already know them and trust them to come through.

[maninsoma]

Well, you could have called his bluff by telling him that you don't believe his father is outside in a car waiting and that he's underage.  Tell him that the texts would reveal that he's offering sex for money, so the police would arrest him as well as you.  Then tell him that he'll be less nervous once he drops his pants and your dick is in his ass.  

Maybe that would have coaxed a refund out of him.

I'm only half joking.  Sorry for your misfortune.

[DunwoodyGuy]

Or, to quote Taylor Swift, "It's me, hi. I'm the problem, it's me."

[+ DrownedBoy]

Personally, this is why I distrust sites without powerful feedback loops. You may have hired well off Grindr before, but it is risky. You can't even trust Grindr hookups (one said he'd kiss if a sucked him off; he decided not to uphold his side of the bargain afterwards; I should have slapped him).

Some scammers specialize in these ridiculous and absurd tactics to get out of doing things. The last time someone on RentMen tried that on me, his ad was down within two weeks. Grindr is unaccountability incarnate.

[+ Pensant]

Reason #45 that I’ve never downloaded any of these dating apps.

[+ FrankR]

2 hours ago, Pensant said:

Reason #45 that I’ve never downloaded any of these dating apps.

Oh, my poor, innocent young friend! You really think Grindr is a “dating” app?? 😆 The word you are looking for is “hookup”! 😉  

[redbottle]

4 hours ago, DunwoodyGuy said:

Or, to quote Taylor Swift, "It's me, hi. I'm the problem, it's me."

Have any actually useful thoughts?

[redbottle]

10 hours ago, hungry4darkmeat said:

So I’ve fallen for the okie doke many times now so don’t feel bad or think you’re stupid cause it happens to the best of us from time to time just don’t make a habit out of it and consider it a contribution to your karma. I always figure that they must be in a pretty fucked up place to go through all that to get a couple dollars so they probably need it more than I do and that’s a blessing.

I recently violated my own policy of not making deposits and not only did he play me, he kept trying to get me to send more! I was deeply disappointed but I knew better from the start. Take it as a class and learn the lesson. No money in advance unless you already know them and trust them to come through.

Thanks, this actually made me feel better

[redbottle]

5 hours ago, maninsoma said:

Well, you could have called his bluff by telling him that you don't believe his father is outside in a car waiting and that he's underage.  Tell him that the texts would reveal that he's offering sex for money, so the police would arrest him as well as you.  Then tell him that he'll be less nervous once he drops his pants and your dick is in his ass.  

Maybe that would have coaxed a refund out of him.

I'm only half joking.  Sorry for your misfortune.

Haha, I wish I had had even half that much presence of mind! Part of it was that I didn’t know if he was a member of some weird gang that would come back to bother me if I pressed the issue. super unlikely, but I think this was in the back of my mind. 

[Nue2thegame]

I think you made the right call. I often recall the advice, “never get in a fight with a man that has less to lose than you do”. He’s picked a risky business model. If he continues, sooner or later, someone is likely to beat the shit out of him  

I am curious, though, how old did you think he was?

[Danny-Darko]

I know you asked for our feedback, but rather curious as to what did YOU learn from this experience?! THAT I think is most important!

Also, you didn't mention if you reported his profile to Grindr for misrepresenting himself, being underage beside hustling and being a scam! I believe those are terms not allowed on that dating app. 

[+ KensingtonHomo]

13 hours ago, redbottle said:

Then he claimed to be 17, and was this ok with me? He said his father was outside in a car. This is a state where 17 is underage for sex.

Did he look 17? 

[MikeBiDude]

Moderator note: let’s be careful here we have a guideline rule (#5) about discussing minors. 

[DunwoodyGuy]

1 hour ago, redbottle said:

Have any actually useful thoughts?

Yeah. Don't do what you did. It was stupid. Even if you did it once before, it was still stupid. Maybe stupider.

There. Was that more useful?

[+ purplekow]

Protocol for hook up apps.  Meet somewhere outside your home, even if it is just outside of you home.  Tell him to meet you there and do not say that is where you live.   No one that even remotely looks underage should be engaged.  The risk is all on you even if they are being the one driving the action.  No payment up front.  The more they request it, the more likely they are not going to keep the deal but they will keep the money.  In any dicey situation, casually mention your son the cop.  Early on and as an aside is better.  Something like, are you a cop, because you remind me of my son who is a cop, perhaps you know him.   Deep kiss early on and before you get to the place you are using.  If they balk at that, just say you are not feeling it and leave.  

I have only been taken advantage of once and that was while I was on vacation in Vegas.  Was an upsell, more cash for more astivities.  I since have specified with new providers that I do not do a la carte.  

[acks0104]

It's 100% the risk you take when you try to make transactions on sites where vetting isn't possible. Of course you can have some good experiences as well but at the end of the day it's about how much the risk is worth, and to me no random hookup is worth getting scammed over. 

People make mistakes. Now you just have to learn from it

[TBD]

3 hours ago, redbottle said:

Have any actually useful thoughts?

this was actually the most useful comment on this thread and it went way over your head.