Researching a new masseur (rant)

[BeefyDude]

Hello all,

First off, apologize for this rant, so bear with me please.

When I am thinking about seeing a new masseur, my first place to check around is here to get more info.  However, if there is no posts here, I will reach out to those who posted reviews.  I have found that some reviews are not totally accurate or missing details, so I reach out to the person on RM with a very friendly message.

All I'm trying to do is find out more to see if it's a good match. After all the new "normal" price seems to be $200+   I don't want to waste their time or mine if it's not a good fit (nor my money).  Also we all know here there are some masseurs whose pic is lets say not very accurate

I just got one back that said: "I'm always surprised when people reach out to other people on RM for information. My suggestion is reach out to him and ask him your questions".

I do reach out to the masseur for questions.  I find I often get vague responses to my questions

I also had a masseur reach out to me blasting me for asking questions about him followed by blocking me

I do not understand why doing your homework is a bad thing???    Let's help each other out here !!!!!

[Hu.Len]

It feels like gossip to do that. That's how I feel when people message me about my take on other providers. Just my view.

[Blvt2004]

I appreciate your post, but even more so appreciate people who have been kind & helpful when I reach out with questions. I am new here and new to the massage world so lots of questions come up and a big thanks to those who have helped me out!!

[+ GD85]

I think part of the challenge is discretion is necessary in today’s environment. The realities of  enforcement (spas being raided, individual masseurs having issues at border crossings, etc.) make everyone more leery to share openly. This has been stated by others, but I’m cautious to share openly with those who are brand new to the forums or don’t post much because you never know who is on the other end of the keyboard. Those conducting enforcement are absolutely using forums like these to gather intelligence. 

Now, regarding the original frustration expressed by the OP, I am sure some of it stems from masseurs wanting to avoid the burden of maintaining a strong reputation. The environment exacerbates the situation.

Edited 4 hours ago by GD85

[BaronArtz]

I agree with the above.  For that reason, I do offer my opinion on a provider when the question comes from an established forum member.  If the inquiry comes from.a newbie, I just won't respond.  You just never know.

[+ KensingtonHomo]

Okay, I generally leave reviews, though my usernames do not match. I do find it odd to be approached by another client via RMass for two reasons. 1) the degree of anonymity is even higher than here or RMen (where you can at least see each other's profiles), and 2) I've left my review. What else do you want to know? 

I've noticed one member here has a note in his signature that if he's reviewed someone, that's all you're getting, and don't DM him. I kind of understand where he's coming from. While I generally have a great memory, if I've only seen someone once or twice three years ago, I likely don't have much to add. I don't mind very specific questions, like does he kiss? But I'm not going to give a blow-by-blow (pun intended) run down of my experiences. It feels like I'm writing erotica. 

Lastly, the best we can get from this forum is whether a provider treats clients with respect, honors their prices, and matches their photos. All of that also indicates this provider is safe. But chemistry is unpredictable and I often feel like I'm being asked to reassure someone that they're going to have a good experience. 

[BeefyDude]

7 minutes ago, KensingtonHomo said:

Okay, I generally leave reviews, though my usernames do not match. I do find it odd to be approached by another client via RMass for two reasons. 1) the degree of anonymity is even higher than here or RMen (where you can at least see each other's profiles), and 2) I've left my review. What else do you want to know? 

I've noticed one member here has a note in his signature that if he's reviewed someone, that's all you're getting, and don't DM him. I kind of understand where he's coming from. While I generally have a great memory, if I've only seen someone once or twice three years ago, I likely don't have much to add. I don't mind very specific questions, like does he kiss? But I'm not going to give a blow-by-blow (pun intended) run down of my experiences. It feels like I'm writing erotica. 

Lastly, the best we can get from this forum is whether a provider treats clients with respect, honors their prices, and matches their photos. All of that also indicates this provider is safe. But chemistry is unpredictable and I often feel like I'm being asked to reassure someone that they're going to have a good experience. 

 I get (and respect) your (and hu.len) response

But how is doing research/asking questions considered bad or ODD.  As mentioned if there is NO or VAUGE info on a provider, why is it bad to reach out and ask some basic questions (if done in a friendly professional manner vs. tacky or inappropriate)?  Do you just run out and buy a new appliance without doing some researching (I KNOW they are not the same but still).   I don't have money to throw out the window, so yes doing your homework is ok IMHO.  The person can always NOT respond to the message or delete it.

I think this site is amazing (helping each other out). It has helped me avoid some bad characters.  I'm always happy to share info if I have been with that provider. 

Not everyone thinks the same or has same opinion.   I was merely expressing my opinion.

Thanks for listening

[TMB]

I've only been emailed a couple of times on RMass asking about a provider I reviewed (I've only reviewed 3) and it didn't bother me. I totally understand where the other posters are coming from but I'm with you @BeefyDude in that I would really like to know if the provider is going to be a fit (so to speak 😉) or not.  I think the more specific and detailed you can make your question and why it's important to you, the better. I think that comes off as a sincere question vs. fishing or other purposes. 

Side note, the thing I've found odd on RMass is that after finally having made a few reviews I've gotten a ton of what I assume are clients checking out my profile. Not much to see there, folks! 😆

[TMB]

1 hour ago, KensingtonHomo said:

I often feel like I'm being asked to reassure someone that they're going to have a good experience. 

That's a really good point. On here and on RM I've haven't felt like that was what the person asking was looking for but for sure this is an issue that can come up with these questions. We ALL know that YMMV and it has to do with the chemistry between you and the provider as much as it has to do with what they specifically provided. 

[jeezifonly]

Personally, I do not use any of the offered interaction methods on RM or RMSR. I use text msg only for client reach-out.

When the profile leaves general questions unanswered, I use COM for opinions less likely to have been placed by the provider.

I generally know what sort of experience I'd like to have at the time I'm in a hiring mood, and most profiles are written in a way that shortens the list for me if a known provider is not available. I have had private exchanges here that have proven useful to one or the other of us in search of details. 

But sometimes, a blind leap of faith in one's own intuition can lead to a great time, with chemistry that's organic, and matched to my expectations. 

[aiseeya]

2 hours ago, Hu.Len said:

It feels like gossip to do that. That's how I feel when people message me about my take on other providers. Just my view.

If someone were to ask your take on a restaurant/ cafe/ doctor/ accountant/ lawyer....is that also gossip? Or simply your commentary on your experience 👀

[aiseeya]

I always try my best to respond generically. Any question that I think touch on privacy or personal matters would simply be ignored.

[viewing ownly]

Your order of methodology is spot-on for what you're looking for. I get so many vague responses or no response on rent masseur that I don't waste my time asking clients there. Here's what I find to be consistent with accuracy.

If the guy has loads of praise on here from many different people, he's worth it. If the guy has loads of discontent from many different people, don't be a fool and think it will somehow be different with you - it won't, and you were aptly warned.

We all have different tastes, as do the masseurs we see. Not everyone will have a similar experience. I lack in areas and excel in others, so my hires can go in a multitude of different ways. 

[Mark_fl]

I didn't even realize you COULD reach out to other clients. It would just never occur to me to do so. I think on this forum, we are de facto volunteering information about providers. Just having a profile isn't an invitation to engage.

While I wouldn't be offended by a polite query, I wouldn't be inclined to reply.  This forum is a different matter entirely. 

[+ KensingtonHomo]

2 hours ago, BeefyDude said:

 I have found that some reviews are not totally accurate or missing details

It really depends on what you mean by "missing details." I'm probably not going to detail how we shifted from doggie to reverse cowgirl because that's highly specific. 

2 hours ago, BeefyDude said:

I do reach out to the masseur for questions.  I find I often get vague responses to my questions

Again, what is vague? A lot of guys are not going to get into extreme details for fear of law enforcement or agreeing to something in advance that they're not sure they can deliver. 

2 hours ago, BeefyDude said:

I don't have money to throw out the window, so yes doing your homework is ok IMHO.  The person can always NOT respond to the message or delete it.

I don't either. And I do my homework. I also hate being ignored so I try to respond to people who reach out to me. It's also why I tend to find guys I vibe with and stick with them. We currently have 4-5 guys who we see regularly so we enjoy variety but also build trust and ease. 

 

2 hours ago, BeefyDude said:

I think this site is amazing (helping each other out). It has helped me avoid some bad characters.  I'm always happy to share info if I have been with that provider. 

I agree. But I think the best aspect of this site is helping us (and providers) avoid scammers, guys being duplicitous, surprising overcharging and so on. It's less useful in guaranteeing a particular experience from one client to another. I have a couple of guys from here whom I've gotten to know IRL. I'm much more likely to go into detail and ask for details from them. Because they're giving me an opinion not only informed by their experience with the provider but also informed by their knowledge of my tastes. 

[+ JamesB]

As part of my research when considering a new (to me) provider, I usually reach out to other clients on RMass and RMen. I don’t get a 100 percent response rate, but I’d estimate around 60 to 70% from recent clients. Some take the time to provide detailed feedback, while others offer only brief, general responses. I’ve been doing this for quite a while, and over time I’ve connected with a couple of local clients who share similar tastes as mine. We now exchange information regularly. As for DMs here on COM, my response will depend on how long the person has been a member and how much information they’ve shared publicly.

[BeefyDude]

59 minutes ago, JamesB said:

As part of my research when considering a new (to me) provider, I usually reach out to other clients on RMass and RMen. I don’t get a 100 percent response rate, but I’d estimate around 60 to 70% from recent clients. Some take the time to provide detailed feedback, while others offer only brief, general responses. I’ve been doing this for quite a while, and over time I’ve connected with a couple of local clients who share similar tastes as mine. We now exchange information regularly. As for DMs here on COM, my response will depend on how long the person has been a member and how much information they’ve shared publicly.

EXACTLY

Few weeks ago I met a  provider who was NIGHT and DAY from his pictures.  If I had reached out ahead of time, this would have been good info to know.  I doubt the provider would have said No ive put on alot of weight since these pics and don't look anything like them now

Look i'm not trying to get into a battle with anyone here. I was simply expressing my opinions, which every seems to have

I have ZERO problems doing my home work on a provider, even if that includes asking someone who has been with them.  It's called due diligence. I don't understand why this is causing such a controversy or getting people worked up - if that is the case then i'm sorry i brought it up. Geez, not worth all this aggrevation.

I LOVE this site until SHT like this happens and I feel attacked for expressing my opinions.