Can anyone please clarify the meaning of the term “sub”

[hwic04]

I often see providers’ ads using the term “sub” or”sub bottom”. I understand that an escort will “submit” to being topped. In that sense I guess, aren’t all bottoms  “sub”? Or is there a difference?

The reason I ask is I hired a provider who under a few different names over the years has been a relatively well known bottom in many videos. During our session he started calling me sir, and would say things like yes sir and thank you sir. I have hired many bottoms in the past but had never heard responses like that from any other. It was quite unexpected. I have noticed he’s started doing that in his most recent videos and collaborations as well.

So my question: is this what I should expect from all escorts who advertise as “sub” or”sub bottom”? Or is “sub” a term that just generally indicates a guy is primarily a bottom?

[panpanda]

Not necessarily. Not all bottoms are "sub." There can also be a power bottom.

If there are providers that do call themselves "sub," then usually that means they're submissive and you can expect some dom/sub interaction. But always make sure to chat about the expectation before setting up your session. Just because someone calls themselves a sub doesn't mean you can go free-for-all.

[+ SirBillybob]

The topic seems rhetorical unless it’s a marine ‘wich. 

[MikeBiDude]

My interpretation is a “sub” is just a shortcut for “submissive”. Put any other word/noun after “sub” you like. Sub-bottom, sub-top, etc.

[+ Jamie21]

Yes I agree it’s short for submissive, which can usually mean they’ll bottom for you, and generally be submissive to your demands, hence the ‘sir’. But not everyone who will bottom will do so submissively. If I bottom I usually prefer to do that from a non submissive position. Whatever you see on a guys profile should be taken as illustrative; check with him what he means by it to avoid any awkward misunderstandings…

[+ SirBillybob]

I find that it’s “sir” when they are a bit abashed about not remembering my name and they haven’t yet caught on that “bitch” can acceptably sub. 

[+ Vegas_Millennial]

7 hours ago, hwic04 said:

During our session he started calling me sir, and would say things like yes sir and thank you sir.

I find that men from the South and former and active military will always call me sir, regardless of sexual position.

[caramelsub]

It’s very common in the southern United States for people to address others older or more senior than them as sir or ma’am. It’s simply a sign of respect.

[CuriousByNature]

A lot of subs are long and hard, and full of seamen.  

[+ ApexNomad]

15 minutes ago, CuriousByNature said:

A lot of subs are long and hard, and full of seamen.  

I was away for a week and this is what I come back to. Thank you @CuriousByNature 😘 

[Simon Suraci]

Sub is an attitude, a dynamic, a preference to submit; not an act or a sexual position role. While bottoming often is considered a submissive act and lots of subs like to bottom, not all penis-in-hole action happens in the context of an insertive partner “dominating” a receptive partner.

A passive, submissive top can be dominated. For example in a cuckold situation, where the dynamics are such that the bottom is performing an act of rebellion, control, or even revenge, depending on the scene. The focus is not on the bottom “submitting” to some other lover, but rather using the third party to dominate the first party, in a way.

I’ve bound tops to my table, pleasure tortured them, employed impact play, edged them, and sat on their cock, to milk their load in an act of total control and domination. This scenario is less commonly requested, but it’s definitely a thing. Submission and domination are not about who is “insertive”. It’s about the dynamics, the headspace; who is willingly (sometimes wantonly) relinquishing control, and who is actively taking control.

I should note, a switch is a thing. Someone can submit in one encounter and dominate in another. Sometimes even in the same encounter, but I seldom see these situations manifest in the same scene. Being a sub can be an identity when one assigns it to himself, however, submitting once, sometimes, or even most of the time does not define someone as a sub. To submit is a verb. A sub is only a noun when one owns the identity within the context of a finite scene, or perhaps permanently when one identifies this way. That’s up to the individual to self define.

In short: sex acts alone do not define dominance or submission.

[+ SirBillybob]

1 hour ago, CuriousByNature said:

A lot of subs are long and hard, and full of seamen.  

And often with depth charges that hinge on fluidity.

Edited Monday at 05:26 AM by SirBillybob

[LookingAround]

6 hours ago, Simon Suraci said:

Sub is an attitude, a dynamic, a preference to submit; not an act or a sexual position role. While bottoming often is considered a submissive act and lots of subs like to bottom, not all penis-in-hole action happens in the context of an insertive partner “dominating” a receptive partner.

A passive, submissive top can be dominated. For example in a cuckold situation, where the dynamics are such that the bottom is performing an act of rebellion, control, or even revenge, depending on the scene. The focus is not on the bottom “submitting” to some other lover, but rather using the third party to dominate the first party, in a way.

I’ve bound tops to my table, pleasure tortured them, employed impact play, edged them, and sat on their cock, to milk their load in an act of total control and domination. This scenario is less commonly requested, but it’s definitely a thing. Submission and domination are not about who is “insertive”. It’s about the dynamics, the headspace; who is willingly (sometimes wantonly) relinquishing control, and who is actively taking control.

I should note, a switch is a thing. Someone can submit in one encounter and dominate in another. Sometimes even in the same encounter, but I seldom see these situations manifest in the same scene. Being a sub can be an identity when one assigns it to himself, however, submitting once, sometimes, or even most of the time does not define someone as a sub. To submit is a verb. A sub is only a noun when one owns the identity within the context of a finite scene, or perhaps permanently when one identifies this way. That’s up to the individual to self define.

In short: sex acts alone do not define dominance or submission.

This. Subs always call their doms sir as a sign of respect and that the other is dominant. 

[caramelsub]

Also wanted to point out, while someone receiving oral or topping is usually the dominant partner, rimming can go either way. A person rimming someone else can be seen as the dominant one or it could be a submissive act. I do think specific sex acts can define dominance and submission. I naturally veer on the submissive side, and love to give pleasure, and feel dominated. Whether that be being verbally degraded by dirty talk, giving oral, or rimming another guy. I don’t particularly enjoy receiving pleasure, like getting oral or topping. I like the other guy to take the lead.

[+ SirBillybob]

8 hours ago, Simon Suraci said:

Sub is an attitude, a dynamic, a preference to submit; not an act or a sexual position role. While bottoming often is considered a submissive act and lots of subs like to bottom, not all penis-in-hole action happens in the context of an insertive partner “dominating” a receptive partner.

A passive, submissive top can be dominated. For example in a cuckold situation, where the dynamics are such that the bottom is performing an act of rebellion, control, or even revenge, depending on the scene. The focus is not on the bottom “submitting” to some other lover, but rather using the third party to dominate the first party, in a way.

I’ve bound tops to my table, pleasure tortured them, employed impact play, edged them, and sat on their cock, to milk their load in an act of total control and domination. This scenario is less commonly requested, but it’s definitely a thing. Submission and domination are not about who is “insertive”. It’s about the dynamics, the headspace; who is willingly (sometimes wantonly) relinquishing control, and who is actively taking control.

I should note, a switch is a thing. Someone can submit in one encounter and dominate in another. Sometimes even in the same encounter, but I seldom see these situations manifest in the same scene. Being a sub can be an identity when one assigns it to himself, however, submitting once, sometimes, or even most of the time does not define someone as a sub. To submit is a verb. A sub is only a noun when one owns the identity within the context of a finite scene, or perhaps permanently when one identifies this way. That’s up to the individual to self define.

In short: sex acts alone do not define dominance or submission.

Yeah I think I picked up on most of that watching Chuck & Wendy Rhoades’ stretched out shenanigans between them and with other characters on Billions. 

Edited Monday at 01:12 PM by SirBillybob

[Thomas_Belgium]

Warning: very naugthy stuff.

Here's an example of a sub top:
https://www.xvideos.com/video.kvvlupd0b1c/a_bubble_butt_dominant_bottom_rides_a_submissive_top_blindfolded_and_handcuffed_raw

[soloyo215]

On 8/3/2025 at 4:03 PM, hwic04 said:

I often see providers’ ads using the term “sub” or”sub bottom”. I understand that an escort will “submit” to being topped. In that sense I guess, aren’t all bottoms  “sub”? Or is there a difference?

The reason I ask is I hired a provider who under a few different names over the years has been a relatively well known bottom in many videos. During our session he started calling me sir, and would say things like yes sir and thank you sir. I have hired many bottoms in the past but had never heard responses like that from any other. It was quite unexpected. I have noticed he’s started doing that in his most recent videos and collaborations as well.

So my question: is this what I should expect from all escorts who advertise as “sub” or”sub bottom”? Or is “sub” a term that just generally indicates a guy is primarily a bottom?

I understand it's short for submissive. "Bottom" doesn't necessarily means submissive.

Then there's passive-aggressive "submissive", which are those (who I find annoying, not my thing) who claim to be in a submissive state but are in complete control of what happens in a session, even though they use a lot of "Sir" when talking.

[ICTJOCK]

There is certainly differing dynamics to this term.   Bottoms may be "all in"  on being submissive.    They may be submissive in general and feel more complete acting out their want or desire to be treated in a submissive manner.     Others may not be submissive at all.   In fact,  some may be type A dominant personalities,  but really get off on taking the role of a sub to another in the bedroom.     Other men who bottom simply roleplay.   They may be a power bottom and lead the top or switch it up and be submissive  depending on what their partner  (or client)  has requested or simply wants.

One challenge that remains is that many top men perceive a "submissive bottom"  as being a "submissive man"  in general.    That may or may not be the case.

[DunwoodyGuy]

It can mean a lot of things to different people, so beware of assuming you know what it means to the other guy. Exploration is key. Also, desiring to be dominant or submissive in sex usually has nothing to do with being dominant or submissive in a personal or professional life. In fact, the exact opposite is very often the case, the stereotypical examples of these being the ruthless businessman who wants to be dominated and the small guy who prefers to top. Assuming a sub has no will of his own is almost always a mistake, and assuming a big muscle guy wants to top everyone can also be a mistake.

Also, younger gays in this Age of Apps find it very easy to say "I want to be a sub for a daddy." What they actually mean can run the gamut from simple role-playing to classic BDSM. Again, assumption is a mistake and exploration is key.

As Shakespeare said, "There are more things in heaven and earth than are dreamt of in your philosophy, Horatio."

Edited 7 hours ago by DunwoodyGuy

[Rudynate]

Im not really into the dom/sub thing very much, but a few years ago, before the pandemic, I used to have a sub  FB who I got together with regularly.  He always addressed me "Sir," and wanted only to be fucked senseless.  He was very solicitous, always making sure he had plenty of nice treats on hand to serve me.  He stood in my presence and only sat if I gave him permission to.  I really enjoyed it but we lost touch during the pandemic. 

[+ PhileasFogg]

You’ll know it if you experience it 

[Rudynate]

To me a sub is somebody who is looking for dominant top to take control of an encounter.