Providers requiring Client photo to meet!?

[+ purplekow]

Just now, KensingtonHomo said:

 

I agree with @d.anders that it's a negotiation and you might be foregoing a possible leg up. 

I have no trouble with getting a leg up and perhaps both on a good day.  I am just not that invested in any particular someone who is new to me and if he exclusively prefers thin men under 60 with a full head of hair more than the fee for his services, I say fine.  He moves on, I move on.  No need for a photo.  

[marylander1940]

Can we make a poll on this subject?

1. Do you always send a picture of yourself when you contact an escort
2. You might send one if asked
3. You don't ever send pictures of yourself. 

[Luv2play]

When I was younger and more promiscuous, I would often have anonymous sex with men, in bathhouses, parks and other venues like outside gay bars after closing. Now I only hire and I am very discriminating. I go for what attracts me and am prepared to pay large sums if the fit is good. 
From time to time, in setting up these sessions on RM, I am asked to provide a photo. I usually do and they in turn will send me something not on the website. All good as far as I am concerned. I feel more connected when we first meet in street clothes. 
I am honest in my description of myself in preliminary contacts and anyway describe myself accurately in my RM profile. I prefer to avoid any untoward surprises and most often have succeeded in doing so. 

[+ Jamie21]

On 7/5/2025 at 1:32 AM, Archangel said:

When you become a service provider, you subordinate yourself, at least to a degree, to the client.

The relevant part is ‘at least to a degree’. The service provider chooses the extent to which they subordinate themselves. If that means they require a picture, that’s their call. It’s your choice whether to provide one. It seems to me that the annoyance is that there’s someone one wants to hire but can’t because one is unprepared to send a picture. Too bad! It’s his choice to require a picture. It’s his terms and you can choose to accept them or not. He may well find that he gets fewer clients by requiring a picture but that’s his problem not yours. 

I don’t require pictures but I have other requirements that are likely impediments to clients: I don’t do last minute bookings, I don’t travel (far), I don’t do late evenings, I charge higher than average rates, I don’t allow drugs. In my experience putting a few sensible boundaries and requirements in helps keep away the time wasters, the undesirables and the fantasists. Anyway, if someone has physical assets why shouldn’t they monetise them? 
 

[Archangel]

46 minutes ago, Jamie21 said:

It seems to me that the annoyance is that there’s someone one wants to hire but can’t because one is unprepared to send a picture.

I’m not annoyed. I’m saying it’s out of the norm and to say it is normal simply because the provider gets to set the terms, whatever they may be, doesn’t necessarily make it normal. I assure you – I’m not annoyed by asking for a picture. I have no problem passing on from that. I am annoyed by people telling me something is what it’s not and I am annoyed by people telling me I’m saying something I’m not simply because it doesn’t fit with their desires.

49 minutes ago, Jamie21 said:

If someone has physical assets why shouldn’t they monetise them? 

By all means. Again – I have no issue here. My issue is the idea that because a guy has physical assets he’s entitled to demand from me unreasonable requests outside the norm for engagement as far as my physical assets (or lack thereof) go. It’s not that he can’t make limitations on his engagement; certainly he can. The decent thing to do, though, isn’t to react in a shallow, insulting, dehumanizing way toward another person. It’s important for providers to understand they too are dealing with people as well. By asking for a picture to determine if it’s a match for a provider, it crosses into a fuzzy area. The provider understands he will be assessed at every angle when he puts his monetizable assets out there and there will be guys who don’t resonate with that. But a client goes expecting that the options are wide for him, irrespective of his physical traits, because by and large, thankfully, providers don’t discriminate based on superficial features that would be precluding outside a financial transaction. In a sense, the money lowers the bar for participation and raises the bar for success. It’s one of the primary reasons that many of us hire, in fact. Because we don’t fit the bill for free affection. So when we are simultaneously paying and expected to be conventionally fuck-worthy, that hits us twice as clients. And to be judged unworthy by an escort…”he won’t even take money to fuck me”…that stings. And frankly, to say that it’s lump it or leave it fails to recognize the humanity of the client just as much as a client who fails to recognize the autonomy of a provider who thinks because he’s paying he gets to demand unreasonable things…or said another way, that the provider isn’t just an object but is a person and neither is the client. 

Many of us clients have plenty of reminders in our day-to-day lives we don’t measure up without someone who markets himself as available telling us “just not for you.”

As far as determining that based off a picture goes, I’d say that a more polite out for an escort to decline a potential client based on physical attributes would be to come up with something other than those physical attributes as an excuse, but if the decline happens after sharing a picture, that would be patently obvious as a “lie” just to save the feelings of the other person. A step in the right direction of not telling the would-have-been client “You’re not my type,” but still the same message even if not said. I agree with @purplekow that if I give basics like I’m a 350lbs, balding, middle-aged white man, that should be plenty of information to determine physical capability if absolutely necessary for a provider. (I typically do as a matter of course; I’m saying it’s a potential pitfall for hurting the feelings of a client, but my cynical side says an escort who sets such physical expectations likely doesn’t give many fucks about his clients’ feelings.)

This isn’t about setting parameters, at least not for me. For me, this is about being entitled to meet particular standards to please an escort primarily as opposed to the escort looking to please me primarily. I’m not understanding why that’s such a hard thing to accept – that it’s the escorts job to pleasure the client and the client’s responsibility to pay for that. It’s not my job to please the escort…I may be happy to do it (I do aim to be accommodating, in fact) but it’s not my job…

[+ ApexNomad]

What this exchange reveals to me is a deeper hunger for connection that isn’t contingent on desirability—and for transactional spaces that still recognize human dignity.

And that’s a tough balance to strike.

But it’s not an unreasonable thing to want.

There’s a subtle but important difference between having the right to set boundaries and pretending those boundaries don’t have emotional consequences for others.

Yes, providers are absolutely entitled to set their terms. That includes asking for pictures, declining clients, or filtering based on whatever criteria they choose.

But for many clients, the appeal of transactional intimacy is its promise of neutrality—a space where judgment is suspended, where you don’t have to qualify beyond payment and consent. So when a provider sets criteria that echo the standards of dating apps or high school lunch tables, it can hit a nerve for many.

Not because the client feels entitled to your body.

But because the transaction was supposed to be a refuge from the brutal economy of desirability—and instead, it became a mirror of it.

Everyone has the right to protect their time and energy. That includes both clients and providers.

But kindness, clarity, and humility cost nothing—and they go a long way in a business built on something as personal as human connection.

We’re all more than what we look like. And we’re all just trying to feel worthy in a world that so often tells us we’re not.

So if you’re a client who doesn’t want to be judged by your appearance, and a provider asks for a photo—don’t send it. Just walk away. Find someone whose boundaries align with your own.

It’s that simple.

No shame. No harm. No drama.

[Nightowl]

2 hours ago, marylander1940 said:

Can we make a poll on this subject?

1. Do you always send a picture of yourself when you contact an escort
2. You might send one if asked
3. You don't ever send pictures of yourself. 

no, yes, no

[italianboyph]

I’ve stated this before, I don’t expect a client to send pictures, because I know a lot of men are discreet and or private.

[pubic_assistance]

3 hours ago, marylander1940 said:

Can we make a poll on this subject?

1. Do you always send a picture of yourself when you contact an escort
2. You might send one if asked
3. You don't ever send pictures of yourself. 

I rarely hit up escorts. 

When I do its when they are spectacular . 

Most of them ask for a photo.

I have no problem providing one.

(Tight t shirt torso + face / no nudity)

 

[Archangel]

13 hours ago, KensingtonHomo said:

"Fat", in particular, is a troubling description because it can mean anything from being "gay fat", e.g., not ripped and starving to chubby to morbidly obese. Similarly, there are a ton of hot bald guys running around our community.

I’m always assured there are guys who like “fat” in the gay community. I don’t really believe it except for a small, small niche, fetish crowd. Your lock, stock, and barrel assessment of “fat” in wholly negative terms while highlighting potential positive attributes to “issues” men may view negatively on themselves seems to validate my view that “fat” is indeed almost exclusively seen as negative, however. There may be a “movement” for “fat acceptance” or “body positivity,” but it’s largely having zero effect on wider culture. And the saying “Some guys like fat guys” as a response to someone who feels disadvantaged because he’s fat as a way to encourage him or hearten his dejection is really not borne out by reality—especially the reality of the fat guy. It would be like saying to a blind person, “Michelangelo’s David is just as impressive when you touch it as when you look at it.” There could be some potentially outlying truth instances of that for some, but not really anything statistically noteworthy. 

[Archangel]

1 hour ago, ApexNomad said:

What this exchange reveals to me is a deeper hunger for connection that isn’t contingent on desirability—and for transactional spaces that still recognize human dignity.

And that’s a tough balance to strike.

But it’s not an unreasonable thing to want.

There’s a subtle but important difference between having the right to set boundaries and pretending those boundaries don’t have emotional consequences for others.

Yes, providers are absolutely entitled to set their terms. That includes asking for pictures, declining clients, or filtering based on whatever criteria they choose.

But for many clients, the appeal of transactional intimacy is its promise of neutrality—a space where judgment is suspended, where you don’t have to qualify beyond payment and consent. So when a provider sets criteria that echo the standards of dating apps or high school lunch tables, it can hit a nerve for many.

Not because the client feels entitled to your body.

But because the transaction was supposed to be a refuge from the brutal economy of desirability—and instead, it became a mirror of it.

Everyone has the right to protect their time and energy. That includes both clients and providers.

But kindness, clarity, and humility cost nothing—and they go a long way in a business built on something as personal as human connection.

We’re all more than what we look like. And we’re all just trying to feel worthy in a world that so often tells us we’re not.

So if you’re a client who doesn’t want to be judged by your appearance, and a provider asks for a photo—don’t send it. Just walk away. Find someone whose boundaries align with your own.

It’s that simple.

No shame. No harm. No drama.

You articulated this so, so well…

Thank you! 

[crazyboy123]

I've hired around a dozen guys and only one asked for a pic, but I didn't mind providing it since the guy was established and had a huge fansite following. 

If the provider was new and didn't have established discussion here on this site, I would pass them by. 

[+ KensingtonHomo]

48 minutes ago, Archangel said:

I’m always assured there are guys who like “fat” in the gay community. I don’t really believe it except for a small, small niche, fetish crowd. Your lock, stock, and barrel assessment of “fat” in wholly negative terms while highlighting potential positive attributes to “issues” men may view negatively on themselves seems to validate my view that “fat” is indeed almost exclusively seen as negative, however. There may be a “movement” for “fat acceptance” or “body positivity,” but it’s largely having zero effect on wider culture. And the saying “Some guys like fat guys” as a response to someone who feels disadvantaged because he’s fat as a way to encourage him or hearten his dejection is really not borne out by reality—especially the reality of the fat guy. It would be like saying to a blind person, “Michelangelo’s David is just as impressive when you touch it as when you look at it.” There could be some potentially outlying truth instances of that for some, but not really anything statistically noteworthy. 

You mustn't get out much. Almost every overweight gay man I know is in a multi-year - sometimes decades long - relationship. Some with men of similar size; some with men who are average or even athletic. In the two-plus decades I've been with my husband, I've gained and lost 100 lbs while he is the same waist size he was in college. I'm now a bit heavier than I'd like but my rest heart rate is 60. I run three days a week and also strength train and kickbox. While we hire for convenience, we have no issues finding men who want to sleep with us outside of providers. 

Honestly, the worst thing about being overweight for me is how I feel about myself, which is very much tied up in the lacerating and vicious cultural appraisals of gay men who think youth and a six-pack is the sine qua non of beauty. Thankfully, I didn't find twinks or twunks appealing when I was one. Oddly, the majority of my friends who are single into their 30s and 40s are the most fit and athletic ones. Maybe there's a hint there about what makes for a stable, long-term relationship. 

[+ Jamie21]

6 hours ago, Archangel said:

I’m not annoyed.

I realised you might think that. That’s why I used ‘one’ instead of ‘you’.  

 

6 hours ago, Archangel said:

says an escort who sets such physical expectations likely doesn’t give many fucks about his clients’ feelings.

Yes, and wouldn’t you rather find that out before hiring him? You’re not going to change the fact that some guys do escort work to effectively monetise their sex life. Those aren’t escorts they’re just guys monetising their sex life. It’s not always easy to identify the guys who are proper (those who see anyone) from the dilettantes but one sure way of doing so is to receive a picture request. You could even reply with ‘ah sorry I didn’t realise you weren’t a proper escort’. 

I think it’s futile to rail against human nature. Best to use it to your advantage. It’s inevitable there will be guys using Rentmen etc as a paid Grindr gig. They’ll be awful at escorting but they’ll look attractive. There’s zero correlation though between physical attraction and great sexual intimacy but the picture requesters don’t know that! It’s brilliant isn’t it that they deny themselves the opportunity of finding it by restricting themselves to pictures they like. The proper escorts know the secret, you’re best off those guys. Don’t take it as rejection, take it as a lucky escape. 
 

[marylander1940]

9 hours ago, Archangel said:

I’m always assured there are guys who like “fat” in the gay community. I don’t really believe it except for a small, small niche, fetish crowd. Your lock, stock, and barrel assessment of “fat” in wholly negative terms while highlighting potential positive attributes to “issues” men may view negatively on themselves seems to validate my view that “fat” is indeed almost exclusively seen as negative, however. There may be a “movement” for “fat acceptance” or “body positivity,” but it’s largely having zero effect on wider culture. And the saying “Some guys like fat guys” as a response to someone who feels disadvantaged because he’s fat as a way to encourage him or hearten his dejection is really not borne out by reality—especially the reality of the fat guy. It would be like saying to a blind person, “Michelangelo’s David is just as impressive when you touch it as when you look at it.” There could be some potentially outlying truth instances of that for some, but not really anything statistically noteworthy. 

Yes, chubby chasers are an urban legend.

 

[Archangel]

4 hours ago, Jamie21 said:

You’re not going to change the fact that some guys do escort work to effectively monetise their sex life.

No doubt. Escorts aren’t going to change the fact that some guys will contact escorts with no intention to hire or who are generally uncouth. Railing against such guys happens here – by providers and clients on behalf of escorts alike – to the point it’s a trope.

If there were a sensible way to get the metric, it would be interesting to rate of unpleasant, unsuccessful interactions for clients versus escorts. By sheer volume, providers likely have more bad characters, but I’m willing ti easily believe clients face more flaking behavior, at least when seeking a particular “type” of provider.

Edited July 8 by Archangel

[Archangel]

4 hours ago, Jamie21 said:

You could even reply with ‘ah sorry I didn’t realise you weren’t a proper escort’. 

That’s actually good – 👍🏻 

[Archangel]

8 hours ago, KensingtonHomo said:

You mustn't get out much.

A variation on “Some guys like fat guys.”

 I imagine the people saying that patting me on the head like a cute lapdog with my tongue lopping out the side of my mouth. “Ahhhh, poor puppy.”

[+ KensingtonHomo]

7 minutes ago, Archangel said:

A variation on “Some guys like fat guys.”

 I imagine the people saying that patting me on the head like a cute lapdog with my tongue lopping out the side of my mouth. “Ahhhh, poor puppy.”

No, I gave you a litany of examples that anyone who is actively a member of the diverse gay community can see in their life. 

[+ Jamie21]

19 minutes ago, Archangel said:

By sheer volume, providers likely have more bad characters, but I’m willing ti easily believe clients face more flaking behavior, at least when seeking a particular “type” of provider.

Probably. The number of clients I’ve seen in my years doing this is in 4 figures. I could count on one hand the number I’d point blank refuse to see again. Maybe that’s due to my screening. Of course I get a lot of window shoppers, guys who will ‘definitely book’ but then don’t, a few who don’t turn up (surprisingly rare, but again that’s probably due to my screening), and picture seekers (fantasists). It comes with the job. You learn to deal with it and sometimes it’s even amusing. Often it’s just because guys are anxious, scared, thinking it over etc and that is all good. I’m happy to help those guys get over their anxiety about hiring if they’ll share it with me. 

[Archangel]

1 hour ago, KensingtonHomo said:

No, I gave you a litany of examples that anyone who is actively a member of the diverse gay community can see in their life. 

You’re not hearing me.

You are extrapolating from your own experience to say mine must be similar – or has the potential to be so. Bully for you that it’s smooth sailing.

[Act25]

18 hours ago, marylander1940 said:

Can we make a poll on this subject?

1. Do you always send a picture of yourself when you contact an escort
2. You might send one if asked
3. You don't ever send pictures of yourself. 

2.  Fully clothed and smiling. 

[pubic_assistance]

22 hours ago, KensingtonHomo said:

You mustn't get out much. Almost every overweight gay man I know is in a multi-year - sometimes decades long - relationship

Lucky you, and your overweight friends.

I dont have the same experience.

My gay, overweight neighbor died sad and alone always complaining he couldn't meet anyone who loved him because of his looks. Nice fellow / was a fairly well known comedian on several TV shows. I always enjoyed his company. But his appearance prevented him from having a satisfying sex life / love life.

[+ KensingtonHomo]

31 minutes ago, pubic_assistance said:

Lucky you, and your overweight friends.

I dont have the same experience.

My gay, overweight neighbor died sad and alone always complaining he couldn't meet anyone who loved him because of his looks. Nice fellow / was a fairly well known comedian on several TV shows. I always enjoyed his company. But his appearance prevented him from having a satisfying sex life / love life.

Girl, your hatred of people who are overweight is just next level. I believe you live in the Village where you would see overweight gay men in long-term relationships every day. As you've often noted, you're not part of the community, so let's assume my experience (and the data shared above) is more accurate than that of a single, isolated neighbor. 

[pubic_assistance]

10 hours ago, KensingtonHomo said:

your hatred of people who are overweight is just next level. 

You comment doesnt make any sense.

I just said my neighbor was a nice fellow and I enjoyed his company.

How is that "hatred" ? 

You are projecting.