No Action Now That I'm Thin

[Pd1_jap]

Hey guys,

I recently lost about 40 lbs.

I hired a trainer who's working me pretty hard and making sure I eat right. I'm now skinny fat. Meanig, I can fit into size 32" pants but am no where near < 20% body fat. 

So I'm not getting a lot of attention. I'm starting to feel like it's not with it. When I was larger it was much easier to get with guys. Even hot guys gave me more attention. 

Every time I go to the gym guys look at me with disgust. Even guys who I would consider pedestrian are rejecting me. 

WTF!? Has anyone else experienced this?

[MscleLovr]

Sorry to read this @Pd1_jap 

I’ve no idea of your age but the long-term benefits (of exercise and eating well combined with weight loss) are considerable.
 

I’ve always eaten healthily and I take regular exercise. Like you, I wear size 32 pants. Now I’m in my 70s, I notice many people of similar age - and some much younger - looking ill or unwell and moving slowly. It really is better to not carry excess weight.

I did have a similar experience to yours about 12 years ago. I was in better shape then and I was hit up online by a nice guy, late 20s fit. We met for a date and it went well….until he confessed it wouldn’t work. He told me he was “into Daddies” and added “but you’re not fat. And Daddies should be fat”

Don't lose heart. Keep exercising and eating well. Maybe invest in some nice new clothes that fit you well. I bet you’ll attract interest. (I did and met a lovely young man more than 10 years ago and we’re still together). If it worked for me, it can work for you.

Edited February 16 by MscleLovr

[+ sniper]

I have absolutely been there. There is a huge sexual no-man's land of too skinny for the chubby chasers, too fat for the body Nazis. My weight has fluctuated a lot over the years and I become visible and invisible to different people along the way.

[j r]

58 minutes ago, sniper said:

I have absolutely been there. There is a huge sexual no-man's land of too skinny for the chubby chasers, too fat for the body Nazis. My weight has fluctuated a lot over the years and I become visible and invisible to different people along the way.

Agree with this comment. I’m 53 and about 15 lbs overweight, so not fat but not thin. I don’t even register for most guys. I’m taking the weight off now a couple of pounds a week. The buff guys may let me rejoin their ranks but it’s not the same knowing how dependent it is on my body fat percentage. I am mostly losing the weight for myself to continue to age well and stay active, but I admit I do want other guys to find me fuckable. 

Edited February 16 by j r

[soloyo215]

4 hours ago, Pd1_jap said:

Hey guys,

I recently lost about 40 lbs.

I hired a trainer who's working me pretty hard and making sure I eat right. I'm now skinny fat. Meanig, I can fit into size 32" pants but am no where near < 20% body fat. 

So I'm not getting a lot of attention. I'm starting to feel like it's not with it. When I was larger it was much easier to get with guys. Even hot guys gave me more attention. 

Every time I go to the gym guys look at me with disgust. Even guys who I would consider pedestrian are rejecting me. 

WTF!? Has anyone else experienced this?

I have, and I still do. However, I don't take care of my body to get the admiration of others. It's good and nice to be liked and accepted, but I don't depend on that or use it as motivation. I take care of myself to the best of my ability, considering my lifestyle, preferences, age and health status. Other than the people who matter to me, I can't care less what they have to say. Gyms are there for whoever pay for them to use them, not to please the view of others. Those are the ones who are out of place, not you.

[+ JamesB]

First off, congrats on losing 40 lbs! That’s a huge achievement. It’s not easy to stay disciplined with both training and nutrition. I get that it’s frustrating when the social response isn’t what you expected, but don’t let that take away from how far you’ve come.

The "skinny fat" phase is super common when dropping weight, and it just means you're at a transition point. If your goal is to look more toned or muscular, that will come with time. Progress in fitness isn’t instant, but it’s worth it. 

As for the attention shift, try focusing on how you feel rather than external validation. Keep putting in the work, build muscle, and most importantly, embrace the version of yourself you're working toward. The right people will notice.

[CuriousByNature]

I've fluctuated back and forth by 50+ pounds over the years, and at no point has anyone ever looked twice - lol. 

But your 40-pound loss is very commendable, and hopefully you've now also added years to your lifespan.  Well done!

[samhexum]

25 minutes ago, CuriousByNature said:

I've fluctuated back and forth by 50+ pounds over the years, and at no point has anyone ever looked twice - lol. 

 

[Pd1_jap]

7 hours ago, MscleLovr said:

I’ve no idea of your age but

I'm turning 45 this year. Most of the people in my family live well into their 70s while also being overweight and eating whatever they want. 

The real issue for me is that if I'm not getting any action and I'm not enjoying the food I eat then life is twice as less enjoyable. I mean, if I can get attention while I'm fat then why not enjoy the food and the sex?

[+ Charlie]

Forty pounds is a pretty noticeable loss. It's also possible that people who were used to you when you were heavier are now thinking, "He has gotten so thin, he must be ill..." I had a friend whose husband kept telling her she had gotten too fat, so she went on a severe diet for so long that people who knew her started whispering, "She looks so thin--I wonder if she has cancer?"

[TonyDown]

Kudos for all your progress.  My opinion, keep going!

Sounds like you have a good trainer.  Does he know your goals include being more attractive to other guys?

[pubic_assistance]

11 hours ago, Pd1_jap said:

Every time I go to the gym guys look at me with disgust. Even guys who I would consider pedestrian are rejecting me. 

Losing 40 pounds quickly can be a sign of serious illness. What makes you think they are "disgusted" as opposed to concerned that you have AIDS or Cancer?

[Pd1_jap]

12 minutes ago, pubic_assistance said:

Losing 40 pounds quickly can be a sign of serious illness. What makes you think they are "disgusted" as opposed to concerned that you have AIDS or Cancer?

I lost the weight over a period of 4 months. It's not that drastic. I've also switched gyms recently so most of the guys in the new gym didn't know me from before.

[samhexum]

2 hours ago, Charlie said:

 It's also possible that people who were used to you when you were heavier are now thinking, "He has gotten so thin, he must be ill..." 

I once lost 95 pounds and people started asking if I was ill.  Then I gained back 33 and they stopped asking.  I then lost the 33 plus another 10 for good measure and wound up at the point where even I was saying I looked too thin.

I'd love to be back at that point.  I'm currently 40 pounds heavier and could really stand to lose 20 or so.  Maybe if I DID stand once in a while I might be able to manage 1 or 2.

 

[ShortCutie7]

Congrats on the weight loss!  After losing a significant amount of weight while I was in college (I had astronomically high triglycerides), I’ve been “skinny fat” for the vast majority of my adult life and also generally get very little attention from men (though I have always assumed it’s because I’m very short).  I have found that my body won’t get below a “set point” weight no matter what I do, so I have basically accepted my fate as being “skinny fat” for my whole life until I get too old to be physically active, and then I’ll just be fat and will get diabetes and heart disease shortly thereafter (as I’m genetically predisposed to both).  Anyway, getting back to the topic, I have noticed a small spike in attention whenever my weight fluctuates to either end of my range.

[pubic_assistance]

4 hours ago, Pd1_jap said:

I lost the weight over a period of 4 months. It's not that drastic. I've also switched gyms recently so most of the guys in the new gym didn't know me from before.

Ok.

But why do you have the impression people are suddenly repulsed by your appearance ?

[jeezifonly]

I have a friend who lost around 40lb w diet and exercise, at over age 50, and he felt great and looked healthy, but his skin did not snap back as it used to. From then on he was very self conscious of how new drapery worked against him when unclothed. Had a couple surgeries to deal with it, which he never anticipated. 

[+ PhileasFogg]

I’ve lost 50lbs of fat (5 in on my waist) but only reduced my weight by 30lbs - meaning I gained 20lbs of muscle.    It took me two years and I barely broke a sweat because the muscle came from low impact activities like band workouts.  The sag only goes away if you replace it with muscle.   I’m in my 60’s and feel great and look leaner than I did in my 30’s when I weighed the same.  I think I’d focus on protein consumption and weight training.  

[pubic_assistance]

The actor John Goodman lost a tremendous amount of weight and now he suddenly looks MUCH much older.

 

[+ PhileasFogg]

6 minutes ago, pubic_assistance said:

The actor John Goodman lost a tremendous amount of weight and now he suddenly looks MUCH much older.

 

That’s what Botox is for

[+ ApexNomad]

4 hours ago, ShortCutie7 said:

Congrats on the weight loss!  After losing a significant amount of weight while I was in college (I had astronomically high triglycerides), I’ve been “skinny fat” for the vast majority of my adult life and also generally get very little attention from men (though I have always assumed it’s because I’m very short).  I have found that my body won’t get below a “set point” weight no matter what I do, so I have basically accepted my fate as being “skinny fat” for my whole life until I get too old to be physically active, and then I’ll just be fat and will get diabetes and heart disease shortly thereafter (as I’m genetically predisposed to both).  Anyway, getting back to the topic, I have noticed a small spike in attention whenever my weight fluctuates to either end of my range.

What’s “skinny fat?”

[ShortCutie7]

3 minutes ago, ApexNomad said:

What’s “skinny fat?”

OP described himself as “skinny fat”, as well!  It means different things to different people, but the generally accepted definition is that you are “skinny fat” if you are technically either a healthy weight or only a couple pounds overweight by BMI standards and look relatively thin in clothes, but your body appears soft/flabby and has a higher body fat percentage than someone who appears to be more fit.  In more medical terms, if I go to the doctor, I would not be told based on the number on the scale that I need to lose weight, but bloodwork etc could come back with similar levels to someone who is obese.

Normal weight obesity - Wikipedia

EN.M.WIKIPEDIA.ORG

 

[Pd1_jap]

1 hour ago, pubic_assistance said:

Ok.

But why do you have the impression people are suddenly repulsed by your appearance ?

Several reasons. I went to flex recently. In the past when I was chubby I would get interest from several guys but the most recent trip I had no interest. I was even rejected by a cum dump. Then there are the bars. I remember going into revolver and mother loade where I would get hit on by several young cute guys but recently no one comes up to talk to me. I have to make the first move and they don't show any interest. Finally, I've only had maybe a dozen responses on the apps for the last two months. When I was chubby, I would get at least 4–5 messages a day from guys. 

I kinda wish it was all in my head but it's not.

[+ sniper]

1 hour ago, PhileasFogg said:

That’s what Botox is for

Botox just smoothes wrinkles by paralyzing muscles, won't fix sagging skin. 

[CuriousByNature]

3 hours ago, PhileasFogg said:

That’s what Botox is for

I think that horse has left the barn...