steve Posted April 11 Share Posted April 11 Looking for advice on getting back a deposit from a provider who has since ghosted me, after saying he would reimburse me. Here is the situation I am in. I contacted an escort online through RM and also through his X page. He reaches out to me and we begin to converse and after a lengthy chat, he wanted to lock in an appointment and asked for a deposit. He also told me he would refund me, minus $50 if I decided to cancel. He continued to chat me up and then asked me for $500. I responded immediately that I was not going to do that as I have had experience with providers in the past that all of a sudden had a need for money. He explained that he was sorry that others in the business make everyone look bad, but he was just trying to help out a family member...needless to say I said no. He then asked me if I still wanted to meet him and I said no, he told me he would refund me within a couple of days. It's now 3 weeks and the only resply from him was he needed more time to get me the the money he was going to pay back. All other messaages have been ignored. Do I have any recourse through Paypal, which is how I paid him in the first place? Or, will they just say there is nothing they can do? And yes, I know don't give a deposit to an escort that I've not met before...lesson learned. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trick Posted April 11 Share Posted April 11 Monarchy79, + Pensant, pubic_assistance and 13 others 6 1 4 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bobnyc Posted April 11 Share Posted April 11 32 minutes ago, steve said: Looking for advice on getting back a deposit from a provider who has since ghosted me, after saying he would reimburse me. Here is the situation I am in. I contacted an escort online through RM and also through his X page. He reaches out to me and we begin to converse and after a lengthy chat, he wanted to lock in an appointment and asked for a deposit. He also told me he would refund me, minus $50 if I decided to cancel. He continued to chat me up and then asked me for $500. I responded immediately that I was not going to do that as I have had experience with providers in the past that all of a sudden had a need for money. He explained that he was sorry that others in the business make everyone look bad, but he was just trying to help out a family member...needless to say I said no. He then asked me if I still wanted to meet him and I said no, he told me he would refund me within a couple of days. It's now 3 weeks and the only resply from him was he needed more time to get me the the money he was going to pay back. All other messaages have been ignored. Do I have any recourse through Paypal, which is how I paid him in the first place? Or, will they just say there is nothing they can do? And yes, I know don't give a deposit to an escort that I've not met before...lesson learned. Nowhere in your earlier paragraphs do you say you actually sent a deposit? And no, you generally have no recourse. Luv2play, Ali Gator, Medin and 4 others 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
robberbaron4u Posted April 11 Share Posted April 11 This is the thing referred to, euphemistically, as a "learning experience", to wit: Do not give until you have gotten". pubic_assistance, Monarchy79, + APPLE1 and 1 other 2 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NYXboy Posted April 11 Share Posted April 11 38 minutes ago, steve said: I responded immediately that I was not going to do that as I have had experience with providers in the past that all of a sudden had a need for money. He explained that he was sorry that others in the business make everyone look bad, but he was just trying to help out a family member...needless to say I said no. so you said no....... what is there to refund? your post makes no sense. Jarrod_Uncut, Luv2play, liubit and 5 others 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DMICS Posted April 11 Share Posted April 11 38 minutes ago, steve said: Do I have any recourse through Paypal, which is how I paid him in the first place? Or, will they just say there is nothing they can do? If you paid him via PayPal open a dispute claim and when they ask for evidence show screenshots of your chats, discourse with him. Include the original message where he gives you his email for payment and the chats saying he'd refund you (don't include the escort parts of course). Usually PayPal leans towards the "buyer" in these situation. Or, if you sent him the money via your credit card on PayPal just file a chargeback via you CC company. Emir 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BuffaloKyle Posted April 11 Share Posted April 11 $500 was way too much of a deposit! How long and for how much was the total session going to be? The most I would ever even think of sending a provider that I know as well is legitimate would be $50. It's just to show the provider that you are extremely likely to be real and serious and $50 should be enough. NYXboy and Simon Suraci 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jamie21 Posted April 11 Share Posted April 11 Sorry but it’s gone. You fell for his talk. There’s lots of debate on here about deposits, so I won’t add to it but I will say that if you’re given a ‘family crisis’ type story to justify sending money then the best and only sensible thing to do is say “I hope things work out for you” and then end the conversation and find a more professional provider. maninsoma, peter831, Njguy2 and 5 others 2 3 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+ APPLE1 Posted April 11 Share Posted April 11 (edited) 5 hours ago, steve said: And yes, I know don't give a deposit to an escort that I've not met before...lesson learned. What is this "lengthy chat" bullshit? I hope that was the second lesson you learned. Both parties here have the same mission: ask and answer a FEW questions and make an appointment. A provider is not your friend, your bud, or your pal. Certainly not an initial hire. The time for chit chat is after loads are shot and you're eating up the end of the session laying bed. MAYBE, after the appointment has been made in the initial conversation. Lenghty chat, ie. gaining your "confidence, " is a time tested con man technique. We repeatedly hear providers refer to chatty clients as time wasters, and say it's a red flag. This holds true in both sides of the equation. If a provider engages in chat vs getting down to scheduling, it's a big red flag, and I'm moving on! Edited April 11 by APPLE1 Clarity pubic_assistance, Gandalf, maninsoma and 2 others 2 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+ nycman Posted April 11 Share Posted April 11 Monarchy79 and pubic_assistance 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
steve Posted April 11 Author Share Posted April 11 (edited) Appreciate the comments and believe me, it is a lesson learned on my end. I will say I am most disappointed in myself for not seeing the red flags soon enough. The lengthy conversation I am referring to was through a chat app where we exchanged ideas of what our meeting should be like and then it went from there. I must admit, he was very good at gaining my trust, as he was very focused on getting to know more about me outside of the typical sex experience, and that is where I believe led to my interest (and agreeing to a deposit), he was focused on me. Now I completely realize it was all an effort to lure me in. Lesson learned for me: always be skeptical of the other's intentions and motivations when engaging a new provider. At least I spared myself from what would have likely been a disappointing encounter. Edited April 11 by steve pubic_assistance 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
steve Posted April 11 Author Share Posted April 11 Oh and for those of us in our 50's and older who don't have a partner, it is easy to let your guard down when you are being worked by someone who is very good at the long con game. + KensingtonHomo, pubic_assistance, + nycman and 3 others 2 2 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
steve Posted April 11 Author Share Posted April 11 8 hours ago, NYXboy said: 9 hours ago, steve said: so you said no....... what is there to refund? your post makes no sense. Apologize for the confusion, when he first brought up the deposit, he told me if he cancels he will give me the full refund and if I cancel, he will keep 50 and refund the rest. Another example of luring me in, as it gave me a false understanding that he was acting in good faith. Yes, I missed the signs and I admit that I was fooled into thinking that he was going to be one of the good guys in the business. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dbar123 Posted April 11 Share Posted April 11 You are never required to find a strangers family emergency. Huge sign to step away. Chalk it up to charity and forget about it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PileDriver Posted April 11 Share Posted April 11 i almlost never give a deposit because of this...too many providers just pocketing deposits and not even being in the city they claim to be in... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marylander1940 Posted April 11 Share Posted April 11 12 minutes ago, dbar123 said: You are never required to find a strangers family emergency. Huge sign to step away. Chalk it up to charity and forget about it Agreed! "The tragedy of my life" stories should only apply to sugar daddies who are likely to pay for things like that but not for potential clients. Besides the escort is a fool because he could have met you for 2 hours, get paid, and later see you again, be recommended by you on here, etc... Why cheating over a $50 when he could legitimately make waaaaay more money. It was his loss! One day he'll run into the wrong guy who after being financially screwed will go after him setting fake appointments, etc. 10 hours ago, steve said: I responded immediately that I was not going to do that as I have had experience with providers in the past that all of a sudden had a need for money. He explained that he was sorry that others in the business make everyone look bad, but he was just trying to help out a family member...needless to say I said no. Those who have their shit together have a raincheck for emergencies and that applies to ALL professions. Behaviors like this are one of the reasons I don't hire escorts who do PNP. 9 minutes ago, PileDriver said: i almlost never give a deposit because of this...too many providers just pocketing deposits and not even being in the city they claim to be in... I've only done it for guys I've met before to buy a plane ticket. 8 hours ago, BuffaloKyle said: $500 was way too much of a deposit! How long and for how much was the total session going to be? The most I would ever even think of sending a provider that I know as well is legitimate would be $50. It's just to show the provider that you are extremely likely to be real and serious and $50 should be enough. Agreed! Unfortunately, some folks might even cheat you out of $10 and feel a sensation of accomplishment about it. Sad but true! pubic_assistance 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BostonDadType Posted April 11 Share Posted April 11 Can you tell us who this provider is? Important information that future clients need to know about... marylander1940 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JamesB Posted April 11 Share Posted April 11 2 hours ago, steve said: Lesson learned for me: always be skeptical of the other's intentions and motivations when engaging a new provider This also holds true for regular providers. Some excel at long-term cons. Remember, they're solely motivated by money. It's always a business transaction; you're essentially renting a fantasy for a set duration. DWnyc 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+ BenjaminNicholas Posted April 11 Share Posted April 11 16 minutes ago, JamesB said: This also holds true for regular providers. Some excel at long-term cons. Remember, they're solely motivated by money. It's always a business transaction; you're essentially renting a fantasy for a set duration. A con is very different than a fantasy. Just like a hooker is very different than an escort. Sure, in the end it's a business transaction, but details and intent are everything. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+ DrownedBoy Posted April 11 Share Posted April 11 11 hours ago, DMICS said: If you paid him via PayPal open a dispute claim and when they ask for evidence show screenshots of your chats, discourse with him. Include the original message where he gives you his email for payment and the chats saying he'd refund you (don't include the escort parts of course). Usually PayPal leans towards the "buyer" in these situation. Or, if you sent him the money via your credit card on PayPal just file a chargeback via you CC company. Also, I'd suggest reporting the provider to RM, with those texts and proof of payment. Cons are all over the place. Best advice is to back off if you get a weird vibe from someone. This week I actually texted a new RM, and could tell from his words and tone that he was probably a con. However, he was also from Bronzeville, so I had a forewarning. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DWnyc Posted April 11 Share Posted April 11 A real provider seeking a deposit is typically not doing so for money but for leverage if something goes wrong as they see it (or if they are crooked, even if it doesn’t). That’s why you’ll find some saying something like “even just $1” or $10 etc The scammers will typically focus just on the money and seek to maximize that. NYXboy 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
socurious Posted April 12 Share Posted April 12 Deposits are needed. I talk from my experience. I already had a few bad ones where the client blocks after I travel for them. A lot of the times they just want to take advantage of us to collect nudes. Other times they just jerk at our replies because they see us as a fantasy. It's really bothersome. Now I understand why some providers have limited interactions with everyone that texts them. I'm always too nice. 29 out of 30 interactions I have is people playing games. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
socurious Posted April 12 Share Posted April 12 They should be deposits for people that ask to see nudes "o see what "they will pay for". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monarchy79 Posted April 12 Share Posted April 12 Quoting a saying from the 1990’s, you’re just going to have to “Charge this one to the game…..” + APPLE1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monarchy79 Posted April 12 Share Posted April 12 Consider this a nominal fee you paid to learn two valuable lessons: 1.) Don’t give deposits 2.) When people have long stories, explanations or exchanges, filled with “complex” matters and circumstances… it’s usually bullshit. 56harrisond, MikeBiDude, Your Man in Arlington and 4 others 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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