Do people regret escorting?

[CuriousByNature]

27 minutes ago, edinbrooklyn said:

I know many people who regret bartending and waiting tables. You encounter many more assholes for far less reward.

 

I guess there are a couple of different ways to look at regret.  One could be because the career choices prevent you from getting other opportunities due to society's opinions of escorting, while another is to have regret because the work itself isn't enjoyable, such as your example of bartending and waiting tables.

 

[edinbrooklyn]

2 minutes ago, arnemgreeves said:

doesn't have the same social stigma, does it? 

Maybe it’s a slightly puritanical streak that we all carry to some extent but I don’t see the stigma. Many probably do. “Whores” achieved great social status in pre revolutionary France. Make frequent appearances in the bible. And so on. People “debase” themselves in many ways to put bread on the table. 

[edinbrooklyn]

4 minutes ago, CuriousByNature said:

I guess there are a couple of different ways to look at regret.  One could be because the career choices prevent you from getting other opportunities due to society's opinions of escorting, while another is to have regret because the work itself isn't enjoyable, such as your example of bartending and waiting tables.

 

True. I’ve met many great men indulging in this pastime. It takes 2 to tango. If there is stigma it should go both ways.

[edinbrooklyn]

2 minutes ago, arnemgreeves said:

Yes, it's 1723 not 2023. OK. 

One can be sex positive and still note a stigma. Not everybody has to agree with a societal norm or trend, do they?

I personally try not to judge. And I have no control over others.

[CuriousByNature]

2 hours ago, edinbrooklyn said:

I personally try not to judge. And I have no control over others.

[CuriousByNature]

1 hour ago, arnemgreeves said:

Another person who denies there is such a thing as common values. and thinks that's offensive. loool. your Cali people crease me up.

Of course there are common values - nothing offensive about that.  But I'm still not from or living in California or Cali, Colombia.

[+ José Soplanucas]

I've seen this topic on my screen daily for a few weeks, and it still makes me uncomfortable. The very question is stigmatizing. 

[CuriousByNature]

8 minutes ago, José Soplanucas said:

I've seen this topic on my screen daily for a few weeks, and it still makes me uncomfortable. The very question is stigmatizing. 

[maninsoma]

For some, just being gay carries a stigma.  Look at the far right in this country that's attacking all things LGBTQIA+ to acknowledge that.  Yes, some people who look down on sex work might generally support the gay community.  That isn't my argument.  My argument is that just as some gay people come out and live their lives authentically despite cultural disapproval (and given a lot of forum members are older men, many of us remember a time where our legal and social status was even worse), I'm sure some sex workers choose to simply ignore the holier-than-thou attitudes of others who look down on them.  One can acknowledge that there's stigma without succumbing to it personally, so I think that any attempt to lump future regret regarding sex work with societal norms doesn't make sense.  I'm also not saying that no one changes his mind and comes to regret what he did in his past -- and that's not limited to sex work -- but it doesn't seem like some of our forum members who have done sex work for decades now regret their careers.  At least, that's the impression I get when I read posts from long-standing escorts.

Edited July 23, 2023 by maninsoma
correct typo

[CuriousByNature]

3 hours ago, arnemgreeves said:

Did I say something wrong? There is a stigma against sex work. This stigma imho should end. but it doesn't mean it doesn't exist. 

This topic is about sex work regret. the stigma towards sex work can form regret. And? 

Actually, according to the OP,  the original question is whether or not the business is traumatizing.  As per my first response, I still believe it's important to understand what the OP means by that word.   I agree with you that there is a stigma about sex work and that it should end, but I think that even if everything was fully legalized and regulated, the stigma would still exist in at least some circles.

Perhaps the issue isn't just about sex work, but sex itself.  There has been a stigma about sex, intimacy and identity for centuries in most of Western Europe and North America - and perhaps much more so since the 19th century, with the outwardly puritanical influence of Victorianism in Britain and across the former British colonies. 

I'm not confident that the OP was thinking about the stigma and negative consequences of sex work when he asked about trauma, but who knows?  I haven't seen any clarification yet, unless I missed it.  

As someone with no experience with either sex or sex work, I have no business opining on whether or not it is traumatic.  Only someone involved in that business could really say, and the response would be different from person to person I imagine.

Edited July 22, 2023 by CuriousByNature

[marylander1940]

On 7/15/2023 at 5:34 AM, arnemgreeves said:

Sex work is still looked down on. I’d imagine a lot do regret it in some form. 

Possibly some regret if they get caught by their families, loved ones or later on in life they lose their jobs because of their past. 

[+ jessmapex]

3 hours ago, marylander1940 said:

Unfortunately, I've met many escorts who retired with no money at all because they thought the "gravy train" would last forever and one day it was over. 

The gravy train lasts only a wee bit longer in other professions. For example, go to any tech company and you will have hard time finding a staff member over 40. 

I think sex work is more honest than gold digger men/women who marry for money. It's as simple as eating out. You don't want to or can't cook at home, you eat out. You don't have a car or don't want to drive, you hire an Uber. You don't have a partner at home for companionship/sex tonight, you rent one! 

[socurious]

Can you guys elaborate more about the "gravy train"? And why isn't forever? Aging.

Edited July 23, 2023 by socurious

[marylander1940]

5 hours ago, jessmapex said:

 

I think sex work is more honest than gold digger men/women who marry for money. It's as simple as eating out. You don't want to or can't cook at home, you eat out. You don't have a car or don't want to drive, you hire an Uber. You don't have a partner at home for companionship/sex tonight, you rent one! 

I couldn't agree with you more!!!! 

Quid pro quo! You get what you want whenever you want by someone who wants to give it to you because it's his choice and he's happy to do it.

 

[liubit]

6 hours ago, socurious said:

Can you guys elaborate more about the "gravy train"?

gravy train

noun [ C, usually singular ]

    informal

an easy way of making money without doing much work: 

be on/ride the gravy train The public should know which senators are on the corporate gravy train.

Conferences are seen as a gravy train by many organisers who charge exorbitant rates for poor services.

6 hours ago, socurious said:

And why isn't forever?

You answered  your own question: youth and good looks do not last for long. 
 

Hope this helps, @socurious  

[edinbrooklyn]

Intimacy can be transactional. Maybe gay men are just more honest about that. I put out when I was younger. Not for money. Not for a washer-dryer (grand prize for whoever gets that). But because I could . . .  . And it was always great!

[+ DrownedBoy]

17 hours ago, jessmapex said:

 For example, go to any tech company and you will have hard time finding a staff member over 40. 

That's changing, luckily. And it doesn't apply that well outside Silicon Valley.

I really do get concerned sometimes. One provider I know said he was going to quit escorting one day, but put it off because he couldn't find some other path to find. Which is difficult when you've already decided that school or working for someone else "aren't your thing."

[Thelatin]

I’ve been in a few longer term arrangements and have always encouraged them to find another career to  transition into, get some schooling.  At least a two year degree in something.  It’s always no no no as they can’t imagine working for those wages.

 

 

 

[edinbrooklyn]

2 hours ago, Thelatin said:

I’ve been in a few longer term arrangements and have always encouraged them to find another career to  transition into, get some schooling.  At least a two year degree in something.  It’s always no no no as they can’t imagine working for those wages.

 

 

 

I had a fave who was a trained underwater construction worker/diver. The man knew his plumbing and water sports. Serious and well paid profession. And he had that union thing to fall back on. 

[Vulgarii]

Coulda woulda shoulda. If it was really best for me to get a 9 to 5 then it would have happened long ago. To this day I truly hate the coworkers and customers I had 16 years ago when I last had a W2 job, so perhaps it's best for society and not just me that I'm not exposed to the general public for very long. I'm servicing the community in more ways than I thought!

 

 

I don't regret because I don't see the point in regretting and reminiscing but of course I would have wanted a much more stable and lucrative career but I am working on that now and it really is the best time. I just take not of the emotional/mental toll that I experienced in this industry. I view men and people, and sex and intimacy, in much different ways and with my experience there's just people I will not deal with. Idk if that's necessarily a bad thing.

 

I just share with very young men getting into the industry or who just carry themselves blatantly as sluts that STDs aren't the only things they have to worry about. They will encounter that threshold, after they pass it, where they are at the point of no return and can't be monogamous, can't be happy for long in a ltr, will be super selective with their partners and clients, and can't get hard for the gross ugly ones. 😂

 

 

[Vulgarii]

On 7/24/2023 at 5:05 AM, Thelatin said:

I’ve been in a few longer term arrangements and have always encouraged them to find another career to  transition into, get some schooling.  At least a two year degree in something.  It’s always no no no as they can’t imagine working for those wages.

 

 

 

Yeah the money is a trap that I also warned a friend about, and I've seen on that YouTube soft white underbelly channel where a pimp and a stripper advised women and men that after doing any type of sex work for around a year, you'll never want to work another job again because you'll compare what you'll make in 8 hours compared to one hour doing sex work. 

 

Also you'll end up hating men and sex but that really depends on the person and it's more of a problem for women. Women seem to hate being exploited but men seem to enjoy it and not take it as hard.

 

I warned a friend who was just advertising on Grindr and making a good living that the rules and laws change and the money won't be consistent. When more men get into sex work then his business will decline as well as when he ages. 

 

For most people, sex work is just for quick cash to get out of a jam or to bridge the gap between a better endeavor. At least there's more avenues for even mediocre or below average looking women when they're in a jam. It's not so easy for guys to walk the sidewalk or strip somewhere when times get rough.

[Guest]

On 7/22/2023 at 9:56 PM, socurious said:

Can you guys elaborate more about the "gravy train"? And why isn't forever? Aging.

 

[BonVivant]

On 7/23/2023 at 3:44 PM, DrownedBoy said:

That's changing, luckily. And it doesn't apply that well outside Silicon Valley.

I really do get concerned sometimes. One provider I know said he was going to quit escorting one day, but put it off because he couldn't find some other path to find. Which is difficult when you've already decided that school or working for someone else "aren't your thing."

Buying an established business is one way….

[pubic_assistance]

On 7/11/2023 at 1:12 AM, socurious said:

Is the business traumatizing? I feel like it's not really for everyone...

Any job where you are so exposed to the general public can be traumatizing. I don't even know how people work at McDonalds, when you are exposed to every psycho who walks in the door.

Escorts have to deal with a series of complete strangers engaging them in the most intimate way. This requires an incredibly well-honed sense of people skills to avoid troublemakers. I am sure many have run-ins with bad players from time to time and that surely would make someone question his career choice.

[+ tassojunior]

This is why the new facial recognition scanning of escort photos online is such a tragedy. Once these companies and governments get them into their records (that they sell and everyone uses) as a prostitute, these poor people are going to be marked for life.