Meeting and then marrying an escort?

[Luv2play]

I just repeat this story because it is true and has a possible bearing on this situation. When I was in my 40's I had a professional escort-client relationship with a 20ish escort over a period of two years. Hired him at least 50 times such that when we started he charged me $150 per session (never looked at the clock, it went on until we both got off). After about 15 sessions he was the one to reduce the fee to $100. He was a university student and very gifted top.

He met a young gay doctor( by coincidence my doctor) and dropped me as a client and moved in with the doctor in a new house which the doctor bought for the two of them. After graduation he became a real estate agent. The doctor fell ill within a couple of years with what turned out to be a terminal cancer at the age of 39. 

The doctor had left his boyfriend of some dozen years for the much younger better looking lover just as he doctor's career was becoming very lucrative. But when he fell ill he returned to his ex, who had moved away to Montreal, the latter's hometown. He died in 1999 in his ex's arms. His boyfriend inherited the big house and continued to be a successful real estate agent.  

My take on the situation? Marriage means "through sickness and health". Marriage wasn't an option in 1999 for gay couples but many of us at the time looked on commited gay relationships as a marriage in all but name. 

I was never the marrying type except for one relationship a decade earlier than when this story happened. It might have happened but we probably would have got divorced. 

 

[Statham]

On 5/11/2023 at 3:59 PM, MscleLovr said:

Trust me on this: you are not, you are in the first flush of physical lust and romantic affection. And No, you don’t know - just because he says so may mean he’s polite or he’s from a different cultural background (Hispanic?) or he may be as giddy as you are.

You haven’t said anything about your experiences and prior relationships. Perhaps you were rather alone (or lonely) before you met him. Also you haven’t said what country he’s from. 
 

I’d strongly suggest you go slowly. And in response to your questions:

Take the time to get to know him fully.
Stop paying him for his time (and services) and see how that plays out.

Do not buy him an expensive gift just because you “make a lot more money”. Rather, you should get him a thoughtful gift (maybe a book he’s wanted to read) - something that shows you’ve listened to him and thought of him. See if he reciprocates. 
 

Bear in mind the golden rule - everyone behaves at their best in the early meetings - so see him in a variety of settings, watch how he handles other people, ask yourself if he’s kind, and check online that he’s honest (there’s a lot of information online so check that what he tells you is accurate and truthful).

Thanks for all the feedback. Wow. Okay. 

I'm fully self-aware where I am, at least in my own little world. 

Your advice is amazing and I took it and got him a hat this past weekend. 

 

On 5/11/2023 at 4:01 PM, dutchal said:

+1  I mean this as gently as possible, but you're more likely at the infatuation stage.  There are lots of article around along these lines: 

Infatuation vs. Love: How to Tell the Difference So You Don't Waste Time or Energy on a Bad Thing

WWW.PUREWOW.COM

---

Things are going great. But is it infatuation or love? A relationship expert tells us how to tell the difference when it comes to love vs infatuation.

Take a look at a few and see if your recognize yourself.  That being said, it is not at all impossible for you to meet, fall in love, and marry a guy working as an escort.  But you had better have a deep understanding of what inside of him led him to become an escort and what those characteristics and values mean for his relationships with others.  To be a good escort, you have got to be very good at compartmentalizing and hiding your true feelings and good at acting like you have feelings that you really don't.  Those are talents or habits that could easily sabotage a "real" relationship if the escort does not completely shed them when he's with you.

Definitely in the deep infatuation stage here. FUCK it feels so good. 

Just to set the bar, I used marry as a word in my original post as a trigger for both myself and everyone else. Sure there is a world I see there but it's not even the first thing on my mind. It's just where it's headed. lol

On 5/11/2023 at 5:54 PM, Matt_Vancouver redux said:

Ok. As a former escort, I feel I can weigh in here 

I met my husband of when he hired me 20 years ago.:)

I was absolutely not looking for a love connection, but when it happens it happens.

We stayed professional for about 6 months before I just said fuck it and started seeing him socially. 

It absolutely can work. As long as there is NO power dynamic. You have to always consider each other as equals or it's not gonna work.

Hope this helps

Very good advice and thank you for posting. I want a real man who can stand at the top of his mountain right next to mine. That's incredibly attractive. It's insanely attractive actually. 

On 5/12/2023 at 11:04 AM, marylander1940 said:

For him to get a green card or for real love both ways? 

We touched on this last week. He has a green card and is taking the citizenship test next month, with or without me. I'm comfortable here. 

 

[Statham]

You guys all have incredible feedback. It's why I posted here so thank you so much. 

[BSR]

Allow me to share what happened to someone I know (no, not "a friend," literally just someone I know).  "John" and "Sam" meet and fall madly in love, or at least John does.  In his mid-30s, John thinks he has finally found true love.  Of course John introduced Sam to his 2 best friends, his adopted family since he wasn't that close to his biological family. 

After a few times out to dinner & drinks, John's 2 friends tried to warn him that something was off, that Sam's body language just didn't feel right.  John just shrugged it off as Sam being less demonstrative or less comfortable with PDA.  After all, he and Sam had mind-blowing sex every night, which was far more important to him than some vague intuition.  Then when Sam asked John to lend him $20,000 (to start a business or some such), the 2 friends rang all the alarm bells, but too late.  The last 6 months with Sam had been the happiest of John's life.

As soon as the check cleared, so did Sam (oh, shock!).  John got a "Dear John" letter from Australia, where Sam had gone to join his true love.  Sam was terribly sorry (uh huh), but don't worry, he promised to pay John back every penny of the $20K (more uh huh).

@Statham, I realize some elements of this story differ (significantly) from your current situation, but I notice that most of the advice given is all about just the 2 of you and how you should deal with things.  Why not get a 2nd (3rd, 4th) opinion?  Trusted friends or family members will get a far more objective read on this guy.  Maybe they'll get to know him and think he's awesome and you're hella lucky.  Or maybe not.

[+ nycman]

19 minutes ago, ThroatCummer said:

It's good advice, thank you.

[+ glutes]

Did you meet this cute guy at the gym> Drives a set of fancy cars?

[Guest]

Well, the fact that he's a permanent legal resident, just about to become a US citizen, rules out the possibility he just needs you for a green card. Yes, you should take things slowly, introduce him to your circle, and so on. However, don't dismiss the possibility that he really likes you.

[+ glutes]

Wait. Wait.

I am channelling KrisParr...

[MscleLovr]

Did you mean to reveal your ID this time @ThroatCummer?

[LookingAround]

1 hour ago, MscleLovr said:

Did you mean to reveal your ID this time @ThroatCummer?

Oops

[+ nycman]

23 minutes ago, shadowcatzxxx said:

Red flags?

Number 1:

23 minutes ago, shadowcatzxxx said:

I'm now in my early 70's…..with plenty of disposable income.

AKA “the target".

Number 2:

23 minutes ago, shadowcatzxxx said:

high-end escort

AKA "expensive"

Number 3:

23 minutes ago, shadowcatzxxx said:

He is the most amazing top I've ever had sex with.

AKA "good at his job"

23 minutes ago, shadowcatzxxx said:

very good at compartmentalizing and  acting like he has feelings that he may or may not actually have

Again….good at his J-O-B.

Number 4:

23 minutes ago, shadowcatzxxx said:

trying to figure out how to get a green card.

Seriously, you still need help on this one?

23 minutes ago, shadowcatzxxx said:

I am deep into the infatuation stage

Totally cool. Infatuation is fun. Just don’t be stupid enough to think it’s "love".

Number 5:

23 minutes ago, shadowcatzxxx said:

Both of us have been tossing around the term "love" for a couple of weeks

My mistake. You’re more than stupid enough.  

23 minutes ago, shadowcatzxxx said:

Tomorrow he is coming over, with the expectation that we'll have a conversation about whether this is/will be/can be moving beyond hiring.

Any….Suggestions?

Edited May 16, 2023 by nycman

[shadowcatzxxx]

10 minutes ago, nycman said:

Number 1:

AKA “the target".

Number 2:

AKA "expensive"

Number 3:

AKA "good at his job"

Again….good at his J-O-B.

Number 4:

Seriously, you still need help on this one?

Totally cool. Infatuation is fun. Just don’t be stupid enough to think it’s "love".

Number 5:

My mistake. You’re more than stupid enough.  

Thanks - seriously - for the wake-up slap in the face. I needed that.

[MscleLovr]

3 hours ago, shadowcatzxxx said:

Would be hiring him more often if he wasn't quite so pricey. The sex is absolutely off the charts

Remember @shadowcatzxxx you’re not paying for sex. You pay him to leave.

And as someone of similar age to you, I say Enjoy spending your disposable income while you still can.

[shadowcatzxxx]

57 minutes ago, MscleLovr said:

And as someone of similar age to you, I say Enjoy spending your disposable income while you still can

Thanks for these two excellent reminders @MscleLovr. 

Interesting point about spending my disposable income while I can. I have begun to do that when it comes to travel (business class!) and philanthropy (setting up a foundation), but somehow hadn't really included our hobby in that calculus. Really good point. Friends of mine are already surprised/impressed that I can, ahem, rise to the occasion for these protracted (and repeated) sessions at my age. I really don't know how much longer I'll be "up" to that delightful challenge before I'll have enough to handle with "more ordinary" sex.

I just need to keep my big head engaged in setting emotional boundaries while my little head is enjoying the ride.

 

[+ nycman]

9 hours ago, shadowcatzxxx said:

Thanks - seriously - for the wake-up slap in the face. I needed that.

Thank you for taking it in the light hearted spirit in which it was intended.

Despite everything I said, don’t forget to have fun and enjoy the ride!

[dbar123]

Life has few rules.

Go where they love you.

Enjoy it while it works.

[uclablueyes]

@Statham just wondering how things are going 

[MikeBiDude]

12 hours ago, uclablueyes said:

@Statham just wondering how things are going 

An update would be great...but  note @Statham hasn't logged in here for almost 3 months.

[shadowcatzxxx]

Hi all! Nobody asked for an update from me ... but here's one anyway.  😉As @nycman so wisely opined earlier, the reality (sigh) in my case is not going to be one of those heartwarming "Pretty Woman" stories.

The guy I've been hiring for the most intense, delightful, exciting, and delicious overnights I have ever experienced in my life (from either lovers or escorts) and I had a long talk a couple of weeks ago. He is setting firm boundaries, which @nycman's comments prepared me for. He is simply extraordinarily good at what he does. Absolutely and unequivocally, not just the best sex, but the best lover I've ever had. I am (for better and for worse) addicted. 😈

So, I'm grateful that with the help of this board, I managed to cut short my journey from BFE to BFD (boyfriend delusion) before things got too emotionally painful.

Damn ... I wish I was rich enough to make this guy my personal sugarman (he's 37, and significantly muscled, so sugar "baby" doesn't quite fit) ... and that is not to be. He has very good taste (in addition to tasting good) and although I might be close to 1% status, I'm not in 0.1% status, which is where I'd need to be to make that work without bankrupting myself.

In case anyone is interested, the guy I'm talking about is:

Mancare on RentMasseur

RENTMASSEUR.COM

---

View my profile on RentMasseur.com

121 Mount Vernon Street  ǀ  Boston, MA 02108

[ICTJOCK]

What a great conversation.    You never know what one is going to find in these forums.

I believe that if you click with someone,  it is really worth seeing what happens.   I personally like taking it slow and see what develops in this area,  but I also know the rush that comes from really clicking with another guy.   It's like your own special communication that you don't think others will ever understand.

Let it play out,  so long as the OP   knows the challenges and potential pitfalls of this,  his eyes have been opened (or opened more).    I think updates are crucial.   Hopefully he will return and give us the latest.

[+ jessmapex]

In the gay world, it's best to hang on to your money and a pet if you like one. Gay friendships, fuckbuddies, boyfriends, and even husbands are temporary. They will all eventually leave you. Best to hold on to your money and keep moving to the greener pastures fast. Unfortunately i learned this much later in life.

Edited August 12, 2023 by jessmapex

[LookingAround]

Such a sad, unfortunate bunch of untruths. I can point to many married gay friends (male/male) who have been married till death. Sorry you have this perspective but it’s not fact for everyone as you mistakenly seem to believe. 
Sorry to say it but there’s just so much rampant homophobia in this message board and it is reflected in the post above. I have to call it out and try to exorcise it. 

Edited August 12, 2023 by LookingAround

[+ friendofsheila]

reading this as fast as people read stuff on the internet, I was thinking just as much about Statham being in a differnet country as Statham being a client.  

I'd like to hear an update, too, but the most interesting ones always always always always always disappear!

[+ jessmapex]

5 hours ago, LookingAround said:

Sorry to say it but there’s just so much rampant homophobia in this message board and it is reflected in the post above.

How can a homosexual be homophobic? It's my first hand experience as a proud homosexual. I wanted to say it as a word of caution to people spending $$$ in search of love in unlikely places in response to the OP. Gosh queens are so judgemental these days! 🙄

Edited August 13, 2023 by jessmapex

[Bargara Leatherboy]

33 minutes ago, jessmapex said:

How can a homosexual be homophobic? It's my first hand experience as a proud homosexual. I wanted to say it as a word of caution to people spending $$$ in search of love in unlikely places in response to the OP. Gosh queens are so judgemental these days! 🙄

Yes sad but true.  I just had a discussion on FB about the reason not to eat at Chik Fil A - apparently a good chicken sandwich outweighs good self image or concern about what the profits are being used for .

You have to love yourself before anyone else can benefit from your love