Most Annoying Masseur Behavior You've Experienced

[Just Chuck]

The most frequent annoying behavior I've seen from Masseurs is to keep checking their phone during the session.  But, that's not the most annoying thing I've had happen.  Several years ago, I had a masseur keep chatterbox talking to me in . . . .baby talk throughout the session.  "We don't want any nasty old stwess in ow muscles, now do we."  

 

[+ ButchAtl]

I've been fortunate I guess in very rarely having experienced any behavior I would classify as annoying. 

But, the one handed rub while apparently texting with the other,  would probably be it.

[calstrin]

 

i had a massage recently where the masseur WOULD NOT SHUT UP.  he was unbelievably chatty from start to finish, talking super-fast and not taking a breath.  never had a massage experience like that before.  he talked about what tv shows he was watching; his night out at last week at the bar; his various hookups with porn stars; recent changes to his diet; concerts he was going to; etc.  none of this could be classified as friendly conversation, this was just him with the 'on' switch flipped.

for every song that came up on his playlist during the massage he would be like "omg, i totally love her!  what's your favorite betty who song?"  and then he would be discernibly annoyed when i would mumble something like "sorry, i have never heard of 'betty who' and i don't know any of her songs".  a similar thing happened when he brought up drag race.  "who's your favorite this year?"  and i said i don't watch drag race, and his response "you don't watch drag race!  you have to watch it to support the community!  i can't believe you're not watching it!"  and it was clear that he wasn't just surprised that i don't watch drag race, but kind of pissed off about it.

the whole experience was this horrible, nonstop firehose of words.  every once in a while he would say something like "ok i need to shut up now." and then about five seconds later he would start again.  definitely for me the most annoying massage ever.  couldn't wait to get out of there.

[BigNoiseDallas]

18 minutes ago, calstrin said:

 

i had a massage recently where the masseur WOULD NOT SHUT UP.  he was unbelievably chatty from start to finish, talking super-fast and not taking a breath.  never had a massage experience like that before.  he talked about what tv shows he was watching; his night out at last week at the bar; his various hookups with porn stars; recent changes to his diet; concerts he was going to; etc.  none of this could be classified as friendly conversation, this was just him with the 'on' switch flipped.

for every song that came up on his playlist during the massage he would be like "omg, i totally love her!  what's your favorite betty who song?"  and then he would be discernibly annoyed when i would mumble something like "sorry, i have never heard of 'betty who' and i don't know any of her songs".  a similar thing happened when he brought up drag race.  "who's your favorite this year?"  and i said i don't watch drag race, and his response "you don't watch drag race!  you have to watch it to support the community!  i can't believe you're not watching it!"  and it was clear that he wasn't just surprised that i don't watch drag race, but kind of pissed off about it.

the whole experience was this horrible, nonstop firehose of words.  every once in a while he would say something like "ok i need to shut up now." and then about five seconds later he would start again.  definitely for me the most annoying massage ever.  couldn't wait to get out of there.

Ugh, I've had the same type of Chatty Cathy. The worst was a traveling masseur who was through Dallas several years ago. I tried him and he would not shut up, and at the time I was too timid to ask him to go radio silent. Thought it was maybe a one-off, so I scheduled him another time he was through -- and got the same result. Never booked him again, even though the massage was great, with nice extras. Apparently he has since retired or found another calling because I can't find his ad anywhere.

[ketut]

leaving the room to talk to their roommate who just returned home

[+ poolboy48220]

I remember a masseur working out of downtown detroit, my first massage with him turned erotic but the subsequent trips did not. My last time with him, he was massaging my Achilles tendon and it hurt, a lot.  I said that was hurting and could he stop working there, and he did not.  I never reached out again.

[Medin]

2 hours ago, ButchAtl said:

I've been fortunate I guess in very rarely having experienced any behavior I would classify as annoying. 

But, the one handed rub while apparently texting with the other,  would probably be it.

Agree.   Masseurs checking their phones while they are supposed to be focused on the client is my biggest (and most common) complaint.  

[+ FrankR]

1 hour ago, calstrin said:

 

i had a massage recently where the masseur WOULD NOT SHUT UP.  he was unbelievably chatty from start to finish, talking super-fast and not taking a breath.  never had a massage experience like that before.  he talked about what tv shows he was watching; his night out at last week at the bar; his various hookups with porn stars; recent changes to his diet; concerts he was going to; etc.  none of this could be classified as friendly conversation, this was just him with the 'on' switch flipped.

for every song that came up on his playlist during the massage he would be like "omg, i totally love her!  what's your favorite betty who song?"  and then he would be discernibly annoyed when i would mumble something like "sorry, i have never heard of 'betty who' and i don't know any of her songs".  a similar thing happened when he brought up drag race.  "who's your favorite this year?"  and i said i don't watch drag race, and his response "you don't watch drag race!  you have to watch it to support the community!  i can't believe you're not watching it!"  and it was clear that he wasn't just surprised that i don't watch drag race, but kind of pissed off about it.

the whole experience was this horrible, nonstop firehose of words.  every once in a while he would say something like "ok i need to shut up now." and then about five seconds later he would start again.  definitely for me the most annoying massage ever.  couldn't wait to get out of there.

Sounds like you need to offer him something to put in his mouth and keep him focused! 😇

[Scott Dixon]

1.  Checking his phone. 

2.  Music stopping and having to be restarted. 

3.  Cooking something pungent. 

4.  Clicking sound coming from inside his mouth (such as clicking his tongue or maybe a TMJ issue). 

5.  Staying in one area too long. 

6.  Rough hands. 

7.  Stubble on the the forearms from shaving/waxing.

8.  Being hit/nudged by the lotion bottles hanging from his waistband "holster". 

9.  Bad breath, body odor, hands/fingers that smell like cigarettes. 

10.  Having an unkempt studio.  I've been known to turn around and leave at the sight of this, with a nominal fee for the inconvenience. 

[LostUpstate]

While not necessarily annoying, I had a professional massage from a provider in Manhattan last year and he wasn’t available at my ideal time, but he convinced me to go before he had another appointment and the whole session was rushed, he was not engaged at all, and was a horrible conversationalist after the massage. I like some conversation, not necessarily during the massage, but this guy had zero personality. I like to have a little small talk with my providers, and I’ve been very lucky with escorts. This was my first ever massage and I would never go back to this guy. 

[Guest]

It may sound weird but I don't like fingernails scratching or digging in me during a massage at all.  It may be a perfect massage otherwise, but if the fingernails aren't trimmed and I feel them, it sort of ruins the vibe.

 

The worst and most annoying massage I have had though happened a few years ago.  It was before I lost weight.  I hired a traveling masseur to come to my apartment because he only did outcalls.  That was fine with me.  He brought a table and seemed like a professional. Mind you, I always ask if they accept all body types and sizes and he said yes.  Well, during the massage he kept checking his phone.  He also kept asking me about things in my apartment that were behind him, like books on my bookshelf and such.  He seemed to be only using one hand.  When I flipped over, I realized that he was doing everything he could to turn away from me while massaging me and when he did look in my direction he literally winced in disgust.  I wish I had just stopped the massage and asked him to leave. It was annoying and very disrespectful.  I will not allow that again.  - Oh and yes, I had showered and was clean when he arrived to give the massage.

[KrisParr]

3 hours ago, Scott Dixon said:

1.  Checking his phone. 

2.  Music stopping and having to be restarted. 

3.  Cooking something pungent. 

4.  Clicking sound coming from inside his mouth (such as clicking his tongue or maybe a TMJ issue). 

5.  Staying in one area too long. 

6.  Rough hands. 

7.  Stubble on the the forearms from shaving/waxing.

8.  Being hit/nudged by the lotion bottles hanging from his waistband "holster". 

9.  Bad breath, body odor, hands/fingers that smell like cigarettes. 

10.  Having an unkempt studio.  I've been known to turn around and leave at the sight of this, with a nominal fee for the inconvenience. 

That’s an amazing list and I’m sure I’ve experienced each one many times. The worst is when a masseur invites you to savor his prodigious member and as you draw nigh, the odor about knocks you off the table.

[Njguy2]

Have experienced the massage with one hand and checking the phone with the other but not recently.

Actually taking a call during a session was the one that was the worst.  A guy who I had several sessions with before (Battery Park City NYC) back in the mid 2000's.  He was talented and was trained gave a good massage and stretching session and typically provided a nice ending.  On the last visit - the session started as normal, about 10 to 15 minutes into the session his phone started ringing he ignored it and it would ring again (repeat), he apologized and took the call.  Conversation ensued and then some strong language back and forth on the phone and said he had to go give something to a friend in the lobby (from what I overhead sounded sketchy) about 10 minutes wasted here taking the call and his redressing.  He left and about what seemed 20 minutes or so he returns.  During the interim I was ready to just get dressed and leave.  He came back and then continued with the session.  Session finished and paid, even left a tip (albeit half of what I'd normally leave).  Departed and in the cab ride back to my apt my phone starts ringing and he's calling me to say I didn't tip him enough, and that I need to come back and give him more money. Things went back and forth about the payment and I told him he wasn't going to get any more money and I just ended the call.  He started calling again, went to voice mail etc, then the text messages continued his tirade, so to end this circus I just blocked him.   I think he left the massage business not too long thereafter.  

[jeezifonly]

Phone activity

 

[+ The Big Guy]

The up sell really annoys me.

[+ glutes]

8 hours ago, Scott Dixon said:

1.  Checking his phone. 

2.  Music stopping and having to be restarted. 

3.  Cooking something pungent. 

4.  Clicking sound coming from inside his mouth (such as clicking his tongue or maybe a TMJ issue). 

5.  Staying in one area too long. 

 John6.  Rough hands. 

7.  Stubble on the the forearms from shaving/waxing.

8.  Being hit/nudged by the lotion bottles hanging from his waistband "holster". 

9.  Bad breath, body odor, hands/fingers that smell like cigarettes. 

10.  Having an unkempt studio.  I've been known to turn around and leave at the sight of this, with a nominal fee for the inconvenience. 

11. Johnson's Baby Oil being in that waistband "holster"

12. Heating up whatever lotion / oil in the microwave prior to application. (I've been burned once)

[Simon Suraci]

8 hours ago, Medin said:

Masseurs checking their phones while they are supposed to be focused on the client

PSA to clients: please keep in mind this is the most common reason your masseurs do not text you back “immediately”. You can’t have it both ways. Immediate responses 100% of the time AND their full, uninterrupted attention during the session? Usually it’s one or the other. Unless you happen to luck out on your timing, and it’s exactly that: luck.

I’m careful not to detract any attention from my client to my phone during their session. The good masseurs are focused on you for the whole session.

Have grace when inquiring and it takes a while to get a response. It’s not uncommon, for example, for me to have a two hour client appointment, plus time after (still not texting other clients) to wrap up, accept payment, walk the client out, chit chat, etc. There’s no clear agreed-upon standard regarding an acceptable amount of time to return texts. For me, it’s up to 2-3 hours, most often I respond much sooner than that and obviously within minutes if I’m otherwise free. Response times have been discussed on several other forums at length. Same with hours to contact your provider. Here’s one related thread on that topic:

 

[Simon Suraci]

11 minutes ago, glutes said:

11. Johnson's Baby Oil being in that waistband "holster"

12. Heating up whatever lotion / oil in the microwave prior to application. (I've been burned once)

Oh god, that’s awful. Someone has been watching too much porn. They usually use baby oil in those clips. It’s so bad.

Heated oil is unnecessary for a great massage, but if it’s used, it should always be in a proper oil warming device. Better yet, warm his hands before starting, or use hot stones from a proper purpose built stone heater.

[DWnyc]

The upsell usually comes from those who also blow any chance of additional or future work through their attitude during the current session.

One minute pretending like you can’t wait to be rid of me (texting etc) the next minute telling me about all the wonderful things that await if I extend or rebook, all while looking at your watch 

 

[Simon Suraci]

8 hours ago, Scott Dixon said:

Music stopping and having to be restarted. 

It seldom happens, but I have to admit once in a while my wifi connection has a little blip and the playlist ends after a song instead of continuing to play through the list. I have to start playing another list because going back and finding the right song and pressing play will take way too much time versus a few seconds playing another fresh list. 30 seconds of your masseur NOT working on you without any music feels like an eternity, much less a full minute, so I’m very sensitive to that. When it happens that odd time, in my head sirens and lights are flashing while I try not to panic as I quickly remedy the situation.

My music plays on Amazon speakers and they are utterly dependent on a constant, stable wifi connection. I can’t control the wifi connection. I apologize on behalf of others in the same boat. Depending on your masseur’s setup, it oftentimes is not his fault, it’s out of his control.

Quick note on Bluetooth. This is another (arguably) more stable option, but for surround sound multiple speakers work best, and linking through wifi seems to be the best way to do that without wiring directly to one or more devices. I’m open to suggestions.

My building has a fire alarm system. Again, it rarely happens, but a couple times a year a false alarm starts from somewhere else in the building and I have to end the massage. It’s really frustrating. Again, not under my control, at least not until I move. Still annoying though, for both client and masseur.

[Simon Suraci]

4 hours ago, The Big Guy said:

The up sell really annoys me.

For me, it’s the opposite where the client asks, demands, or begs for more services and I have to say “Yes, I can do xyz for you, but during your next session, let’s discuss details afterward.”

Instead of using that opportunity to upsell or pressure the client, I deflect to keep the client’s best interests in mind. I would much rather the client have an excellent experience and want to return, or become a regular, than try to extract whatever I can in a single visit while they’re in a poor position to make considered decisions. The last thing I want to do to a client is pause the massage to discuss additional services and pricing. That is not a relaxing state of mind to shift to when you’re trying to enjoy a good massage.

Also, just from a practical standpoint, if the client wants more time and/or more services, I may not have availability in the case of a client being booked right afterwards, or there may be prep work required like heating stones beforehand. Or what they need requires notice to offer them good service.

Plus the client may be paying cash and may not be prepared to pay more at that time. Again, not something you want to think about or discuss during your massage.

[BigNoiseDallas]

2 hours ago, Simon Suraci said:

For me, it’s the opposite where the client asks, demands, or begs for more services and I have to say “Yes, I can do xyz for you, but during your next session, let’s discuss details afterward.”

Instead of using that opportunity to upsell or pressure the client, I deflect to keep the client’s best interests in mind. I would much rather the client have an excellent experience and want to return, or become a regular, than try to extract whatever I can in a single visit while they’re in a poor position to make considered decisions. The last thing I want to do to a client is pause the massage to discuss additional services and pricing. That is not a relaxing state of mind to shift to when you’re trying to enjoy a good massage.

Also, just from a practical standpoint, if the client wants more time and/or more services, I may not have availability in the case of a client being booked right afterwards, or there may be prep work required like heating stones beforehand. Or what they need requires notice to offer them good service.

Plus the client may be paying cash and may not be prepared to pay more at that time. Again, not something you want to think about or discuss during your massage.

Thank you for your reasoned, reasonable, well-written posts -- very much appreciated!

[DWnyc]

2 hours ago, Simon Suraci said:

For me, it’s the opposite where the client asks, demands, or begs for more services and I have to say “Yes, I can do xyz for you, but during your next session, let’s discuss details afterward.”

 

Wonder if there’s a happy medium …

An upsell doesn’t annoy me if it’s done in a way that feels like I have full choice and am being respected.

And if the provider has time, and if the client is already there and has interest and $ available, it’s an impulse purchase that can be a win win. 

[MscleLovr]

13 hours ago, questbear said:

It may sound weird but I don't like fingernails scratching…me

 Not weird at all. That happened to me once when seeing a masseur in SF.
 

After the first few scratches, I politely asked if he would stop and file or buff that nail smooth. When he resumed, it was better…then I was again scratched. Repeated my polite request; he said he’d dealt with the problem and carried on; I was still scratched at times. At the end, I left no tip and he hassled me for one. 

[Just Chuck]

16 hours ago, Scott Dixon said:

...2.  Music stopping and having to be restarted. ... 

I've had more than one massage where the masseur used a free pandora account.  So, every ten minutes or so, I got to listen to a Home Depot commercial.