Is he hitting on me?

[arnie]

I'm and older married  guy .  My neighbors son is about my kids age and kind of cute.  I am in decent shape only a small gut. He does not know me that well, He is from out of town.  I have volunteered to be on call if his mother should happen to need help since her husband died. When he occasionally comes to  visit his mother, we say hello and little else if  I happen to  see him.  He knows little about me.   I have several projects going on in my yard and he always almost pushes to help me.  I always thought he was trying to reciprocate.    Anyway I was bent over on my knees shirtless working on the yard focused on the ground and did not see him.  no butt crack, no AC waist band showing..  I did not know he was in town and he walks by and says "Hi you showing off that sexy body?" my reaction to myself was WTF.  I jerked my head up, I  did not even know who it was at first.  We chatted about a minute.  He offered to help me on a project I have going and he was a bit over eager when he said I'd really like to help you I'm only here a few more days. 

So the question. 

[+ azdr0710]

is his age 18, 20, 25, 30, 35??.....or what?......

maybe he's bored out of his mind visiting and taking care of Mom and desperate to help?......

I suppose there's no harm in letting him help since there's that Mom connection and you are neighbors and all.....but keep it polite!......

does your spouse care what you do in this regard?.....

 

Edited June 14, 2022 by azdr0710

[maninsoma]

Well, unless he was joking (and it doesn't sound like that was the case), it sounds like he at least finds your body sexy.  I'd interpret his unsolicited compliment as flirtatious, but depending on what you mean by "hitting on me" that may or may not have been happening.  Sometimes people make flirtatious comments but they don't want to actually follow through with any sexual interaction.

[MikeBiDude]

Depending on your personal monogamy principles (you said you were married)…I’d encourage it and see where it goes. But that’s me!

[Rudynate]

It could be a great arrangement.  He lives out of town.  He visits mom often but not too often. 

[dbar123]

He might just want to weightlift with you or do sporty things. Sounds like he just wants a father figure. It doesn’t have to be sexual 

[+ purplekow]

You just might ask him.  A bit nerve wracking to be blunt, but it does get the job done.   So invite him to help and then at an appropriate time just ask.  Are you into guys at all?  Are you interested?   You could run around the edges but those are the questions you want answered, ask them. Of course, insure that he is at least 18 years old first.

Edited June 14, 2022 by purplekow

[+ sync]

That would be bringing it too close to home for me.  If things were to go south, it could take out the whole neighborhood.

[+ FreshFluff]

20 hours ago, arnie said:

 Anyway I was bent over on my knees shirtless working on the yard focused on the ground and did not see him.  no butt crack, no AC waist band showing..  I did not know he was in town and he walks by and says "Hi you showing off that sexy body?"

The answer to this type of question is usually, “If you have to ask, the answer is no.” But if I were a betting kitten, I’d put $100 on “yes.” Are you hot?

[+ friendofsheila]

I'd follow the advice of the people who are saying "don't even think about this topic unless he is over 18."

[Deadlift1]

21 hours ago, arnie said:

I'm and older married  guy .  My neighbors son is about my kids age and kind of cute.  I am in decent shape only a small gut. He does not know me that well, He is from out of town.  I have volunteered to be on call if his mother should happen to need help since her husband died. When he occasionally comes to  visit his mother, we say hello and little else if  I happen to  see him.  He knows little about me.   I have several projects going on in my yard and he always almost pushes to help me.  I always thought he was trying to reciprocate.    Anyway I was bent over on my knees shirtless working on the yard focused on the ground and did not see him.  no butt crack, no AC waist band showing..  I did not know he was in town and he walks by and says "Hi you showing off that sexy body?" my reaction to myself was WTF.  I jerked my head up, I  did not even know who it was at first.  We chatted about a minute.  He offered to help me on a project I have going and he was a bit over eager when he said I'd really like to help you I'm only here a few more days. 

So the question. 

How old is your kid?  

U never shit where you eat.

[+ WilliamM]

2 hours ago, sync said:

That would be bringing it too close to home for me.  If things were to go south, it could take out the whole neighborhood.

Yes,  absolutely.

Except if people frequently mistake him for a younger Ryan Phillippe!

[+ BenjaminNicholas]

Unless he's direct, which he hasn't been thus far, don't be that guy.

You run a real risk being the neighborhood pariah.

This isn't a Hallmark channel movie.  Be cautious, be smart.

[+ Pensant]

Not to mention, it could imperil your marriage and all the relationships associated with it. 

[Client1985]

When i was younger and not fully comfortable in my skin an older coworker would greet me; hey handsome.  I had no idea how to take it. Spent many hours thinking of what that meant. Many options went through my mind. I ended up processing it as a kind greeting. That kind greeting actually made me see myself differently. It gave me confidence and taught me how my words can impact people. I use that greeting as well. Its amazing on the smile i receive in return. Most people appreciate the kind words. 

With that, you live once. Be brave, if you want something more offer to grab coffee or a smoothie after working in the yard. You'll be able to gage wjere he's coming from.  Next time he says a flirty comment bring it back to him. Such as.... not as sexy as your body but thanks.... 

[Guest]

"...Next time he says a flirty comment bring it back to him. Such as.... not as sexy as your body but thanks...."

Edited June 15, 2022 by Unicorn

[Guest]

1 hour ago, Client1985 said:

...Next time he says a flirty comment bring it back to him. Such as.... not as sexy as your body but thanks.... 

Are you looking for a messy divorce AND being chased out of the neighborhood? And that's assuming he's an adult!

 

Edited June 15, 2022 by Unicorn

[+ The Big Guy]

Seems like some pretty good advice to exercise caution.  Once you cross that line you can’t put the toothpaste back in the tube.  I think a little harmless banter could be fun but recognize the boundaries that shouldn’t be crossed.  If you want a 19 year old you would be better off to hire.  Good luck. 
 

oh and yes I think he was hitting on you.  

Edited June 16, 2022 by The Big Guy

[RealAvalon]

On 6/13/2022 at 7:44 PM, arnie said:

I'm and older married  guy .  My neighbors son is about my kids age and kind of cute.  I am in decent shape only a small gut. He does not know me that well, He is from out of town.  I have volunteered to be on call if his mother should happen to need help since her husband died. When he occasionally comes to  visit his mother, we say hello and little else if  I happen to  see him.  He knows little about me.   I have several projects going on in my yard and he always almost pushes to help me.  I always thought he was trying to reciprocate.    Anyway I was bent over on my knees shirtless working on the yard focused on the ground and did not see him.  no butt crack, no AC waist band showing..  I did not know he was in town and he walks by and says "Hi you showing off that sexy body?" my reaction to myself was WTF.  I jerked my head up, I  did not even know who it was at first.  We chatted about a minute.  He offered to help me on a project I have going and he was a bit over eager when he said I'd really like to help you I'm only here a few more days. 

So the question. 

Probably not

[coriolis888]

2 hours ago, The Big Guy said:

snip 

If you want a 19 year old you would be better off to hire.  Good luck. 
 

 

He did not say how old the guy was. 

He referred to him a "kid" which could be any age. 

Danger lurks - 

[+ FreshFluff]

6 hours ago, CuriousByNature said:

Maybe a safer response would be, "Not as sexy as it was when I was your age", since it would not be a comment on his body.

OP said he the son was visiting from out of town. Is he in college? If so, I would avoid any comments that include  the word “sexy.” Remember that the neighbors still think of him as a kid. 

All this assumes that the son is an adult over 18.

 

Edited June 16, 2022 by FreshFluff

[RealAvalon]

I expect he's not flirting

[+ BenjaminNicholas]

On 6/15/2022 at 11:23 AM, Client1985 said:

With that, you live once. Be brave, if you want something more offer to grab coffee or a smoothie after working in the yard. You'll be able to gage wjere he's coming from.  Next time he says a flirty comment bring it back to him. Such as.... not as sexy as your body but thanks.... 

We currently live in a society where people routinely make mountains out of molehills.  Words are twisted and misconstrewn to suit the needs of the argument, whether right or wrong.  Flirting is no longer as innocent as it used to be.

Also, never take the brazen advice of strangers who have zero skin in the game. 

The OP has everything to lose.  We, on the other hand, do not.

As I said before, exercise caution and don't let the fantasies from guys here cloud judgement.

[+ Vegas_Millennial]

Next time the youngster says something flirtatious, say "Oh yeah, you like what you see?" then see how he responds.  Make the most of every opportunity.  Encourage him to pick you up, not the other way around!

Edited June 16, 2022 by Vegas_nw1982

[Guest davebk]

I don't know any guy in that context that wasn't looking for something who would tell an older guy he had a sexy body.  But that said, I think we need the answer to a couple of questions:

1. His age. He is legal, right?

2. What are you willing to do as a married guy? Do you get some on the side now? Would this blow up your whole life? Are you married to a dude and maybe he would want to join in?

Keep in mind, particularly if this would have to be kept an absolute secret for your marriage, that younger dudes talk and don't always have the maturity to keep things discrete.  

If 1 is no, then I would tread very carefully - doesn't mean he can't help out, but keep it outside and in public, do not have him into your house alone where he could make an accusation of something more.  Maybe invite him and his mom over for a meal or something like that if you want to foster the relationship and keep it safe.  

Assuming 1 is yes, and 2 is yes, then I think you have a couple options. If you're married to a guy who is open to something with the kid, then you invite him over for burgers and beers and see how it goes.  If it would be only the two of you, you invite him in during a break for a beer or water and see if it gets more flirtatious.  If this would mess with your life (or his) then the next time he pays a complement, you go with "well I'm married, but no hurt in enjoying the view, right?"... and be clear not to escalate.

Edited June 16, 2022 by davebk