Condom and bareback discrepancy

[Luv2play]

My view as a bottom is that escorts and tops in general, whether escorts or clients, should always supply their own condoms and while it is nice if they have their own lube, the client should always have his own as well since he is going to be on the receiving end and lube is always appreciated by him for comfort and a painless experience, barring exceptional size which no lube may alleviate much.

[+ BenjaminNicholas]

Bottom line, you want to guarantee beyond a shadow of a doubt condoms being used? Bring them yourself.

We're not all seasoned pros.

 

Fool me once, shame on you.

Fool me twice...  Learn a lesson and bring your own fucking condoms.

[+ Jamie21]

32 minutes ago, MikeThomas said:

Probably a bit of topic…

Just flew British Airways Club Europe.  What a joke.  Coach seating (3 and 3) with the middle seat blocked.  No extra leg room.  Awful.  They did manage food and drinks between LHR and AMS.  
 

I flew BA business a few years ago.  2 - 3 - 2.  To give the middle seat passenger his food, they had to reach over me after I had to lower the privacy screen. 
 

I avoid BA as much as possible.  Beware of the fine print… AA xxx operated by British Airways.

I’ll keep this on topic.

I got condoms supplied by BA in my complimentary night bag on a Business class flight to from LHR to JFK….or was that just the cute cabin crew guy hitting on me? 😉

[+ BenjaminNicholas]

6 hours ago, Jamie21 said:

I’ll keep this on topic.

I got condoms supplied by BA in my complimentary night bag on a Business class flight to from LHR to JFK….or was that just the cute cabin crew guy hitting on me? 😉

Oh, you didn't know that BA now stands for 'Banging Ass?'

[mike carey]

15 hours ago, BenjaminNicholas said:

Oh, you didn't know that BA now stands for 'Banging Ass?'

That's as may be, is it enough reason to fly with them?

[Wolfer]

On 5/27/2022 at 2:45 PM, Kevin Slater said:

By all means, keep placing the responsibility for your health upon others, despite this having not worked thrice in the past.

Kevin Slater

You're confusing posters. The three times did not happen to me. What happened to me was that they had condoms but no lube. Since then I always try to bring my own lube and condoms. To me it's akin to a masseur saying he didn't bring massage oil and asking the client if he has some. I still think it's not unreasonable to expect a professional who is being paid a premium fee to have the tools on hand to deliver the services he's hired for. 

On 5/27/2022 at 10:43 PM, jtwalker said:

Should he bring his own condoms?  Yes!

I think this applies to both clients and escorts. Basically if you're gonna be topping, bring your own condoms if you want to make sure they are a good fit. 

On 5/27/2022 at 10:43 PM, jtwalker said:

Lube, on the other hand, is something escorts really ought to have on hand (quite literally in some cases, LOL).

I once planned a session with an escort a few hours in advance. In those hours, the escort had found the time to go out for lunch and shop for a new fan for his bedroom, but not to buy lube. Which he told me when the session was well underway. 🤷‍♂️

[Wolfer]

On 5/28/2022 at 8:13 AM, BenjaminNicholas said:

Fool me twice...  Learn a lesson and bring your own fucking condoms.

Sure and I try. Except that sometimes stress, excitement and anxiety get the better of me and I still forget even if I had them lying by the door to grab when I go out because I'm not a paid professional who does this for a living.

[+ BenjaminNicholas]

10 hours ago, Wolfer said:

Sure and I try. Except that sometimes stress, excitement and anxiety get the better of me and I still forget even if I had them lying by the door to grab when I go out because I'm not a paid professional who does this for a living.

I get it. And I said what I said before with lighthearted comic relief.

However, personal responsibility for your health has zero to do with specifically being a sex worker or not.

Edited May 29, 2022 by BenjaminNicholas

[LookingAround]

I feel like there’s “real life” then there’s this message board. 
 

It’s 2022. In real life 99% of gay guys are on prep and bb. They don’t use condoms. At least Grindr hookups. 
 

On this message board, one gets the impression the ‘norm’ is condom use. That simply isn’t the case among the majority of gay men 20-45. They are on prep and bb. 

[marylander1940]

On 5/29/2022 at 4:44 PM, BenjaminNicholas said:

I get it. And I said what I said before with lighthearted comic relief.

However, personal responsibility for your health has zero to do with specifically being a sex worker or not.

Agreed! 

Make it happen and bring the lubricant you prefer!

[marylander1940]

5 hours ago, LookingAround said:

I feel like there’s “real life” then there’s this message board. 
 

It’s 2022. In real life 99% of gay guys are on prep and bb. They don’t use condoms. At least Grindr hookups. 
 

On this message board, one gets the impression the ‘norm’ is condom use. That simply isn’t the case among the majority of gay men 20-45. They are on prep and bb. 

Good point! Unfortunately when it comes to BB there's still some slut shaming going on in the community but not precisely in this thread yet.

Some folks have aknowledged they want escorts to BB with them but not with others...

[maninsoma]

12 hours ago, LookingAround said:

I feel like there’s “real life” then there’s this message board. 
 

It’s 2022. In real life 99% of gay guys are on prep and bb. They don’t use condoms. At least Grindr hookups. 
 

On this message board, one gets the impression the ‘norm’ is condom use. That simply isn’t the case among the majority of gay men 20-45. They are on prep and bb. 

Do you have a source for that data other than your hunch or belief based on men you have had sex with?  I am asking because I couldn't find anything recent with respect to prep use among sexually active gay men, and the most recent data I could find (which is about five years old) indicated around half of white men who have sex with men were on prep but far, far fewer men of color were.

I'd frankly be surprised if it's anywhere near 99% since no health initiative reaches that level of success.  We couldn't even reach that level of compliance with occasional mask wearing.

[LookingAround]

I’ll amend it to “99% of the gay guys with whom I come into contact are on prep and bb.”

[marylander1940]

On 5/25/2022 at 3:48 AM, Wolfer said:

I've been noticing more and more that escorts will bareback on their online videos (often self-produced) and with their personal hookups but only use condoms with clients. I find this puzzling. Not judging, just curious. For the filming I could understand that since they're all supposed to be professionals, they are getting regular health checks. But hookups don't necessarily.

An escort I know has an ad that says "safe only" and a BB video on it... a client contacted him and later on cancelled saying " I didn't know you BB... I just don't hire guys who do. Consider the appointment cancelled". 

For a few months I was skeptical about PrEP but later on after talking to friends and my Doctor I decided to jump in. 

[GregWillingAble]

Condoms are the initial assumption with all my bookings, but I am open to bareback requests from clients - but only following a sincere and honest conversation about our sexual health practises first. I am routinely checked very often at my clinic with a full screening and am on PrEP, which is as much about protecting myself as it is them. 

However, I will still charge a considerable premium for bareback (whether I am top or bottom). That premium definitely forces them to take the principle of bareback seriously and consider their own behaviour rather than judge mine. In my 6 years of sex work, this approach has worked very well and there has never been an issue.

Without sounding preachy... "Safe sex" is as much about clear conversation as it is condoms.   A premium charge for bareback is just a logical insurance policy for everyone. 

[+ Jamie21]

4 hours ago, GregWillingAble said:

Condoms are the initial assumption with all my bookings, but I am open to bareback requests from clients - but only following a sincere and honest conversation about our sexual health practises first. I am routinely checked very often at my clinic with a full screening and am on PrEP, which is as much about protecting myself as it is them. 

However, I will still charge a considerable premium for bareback (whether I am top or bottom). That premium definitely forces them to take the principle of bareback seriously and consider their own behaviour rather than judge mine. In my 6 years of sex work, this approach has worked very well and there has never been an issue.

Without sounding preachy... "Safe sex" is as much about clear conversation as it is condoms.   A premium charge for bareback is just a logical insurance policy for everyone. 

I agree clear conversation is important. So is regular testing. I’m on prep and I prefer not to use condoms (to top or to bottom) but I think it’s just a personal choice. If a client wants to use a condom that’s fine too. 

[BuffaloKyle]

Bumping this as I've noticed more and more often now when I ask guys on RM about BB the majority of them say I'm on Prep so sure no problem. Just amazing how much has changed in such a short time. Not even 5 years ago the majority of providers I reached out to would be condom only or want to charge a BB premium.

[pubic_assistance]

50 minutes ago, BuffaloKyle said:

Bumping this as I've noticed more and more often now when I ask guys on RM about BB the majority of them say I'm on Prep so sure no problem. Just amazing how much has changed in such a short time. Not even 5 years ago the majority of providers I reached out to would be condom only or want to charge a BB premium.

I recently chatted with a handsome young man (24) on Grindr who claimed he was on PreP for 5 years  but is now poz because he was irregular about his doses. 

[+ BenjaminNicholas]

1 hour ago, pubic_assistance said:

I recently chatted with a handsome young man (24) on Grindr who claimed he was on PreP for 5 years  but is now poz because he was irregular about his doses. 

User error is always a bitch. 

If you're going to get on prep, you need to respect what it does and doesn't do. 

[+ ThroatCummer]

On 9/9/2022 at 10:47 AM, GregWillingAble said:

However, I will still charge a considerable premium for bareback

How do you handle this?

Do you always ask this question before you quote a rate?   When quoting a rate, do you say:  $300/hr condoms, $350/hr bareback?

Typically the BB question, in my experience, comes up after rate and dates or time is settled and sometimes even in person and not beforehand.  If someone tried to add $$$ to their quote/rate after the fact, I would be really turned off. 

If this is truly your policy, and that's your choice and completely fine, I would expect that your profile description mentions the fact you charge extra for bareback. 

Edited August 25, 2024 by ThroatCummer

[ShortCutie7]

9 hours ago, pubic_assistance said:

I recently chatted with a handsome young man (24) on Grindr who claimed he was on PreP for 5 years  but is now poz because he was irregular about his doses. 

And this is why I don’t trust PreP on its own and will always rely on a combination of condoms and vetting/very rarely fucking.  I saw more than one “starred” Grindr guy’s status change from “on PreP” to “undetectable”.

[pubic_assistance]

6 minutes ago, ShortCutie7 said:

.  I saw more than one “starred” Grindr guy’s status change from “on PreP” to “undetectable”.

LOTS of "undetectable" 20-somethings out there when you look around on Grindr.

These kids are all getting a rough lesson about pharmaceutical companies. THEY LIE.

[Colton]

9 minutes ago, pubic_assistance said:

These kids are all getting a rough lesson about pharmaceutical companies. THEY LIE.

Are you saying you think Prep isn’t as reliable as it claims to be?

[DznNYC]

29 minutes ago, Colton said:

Are you saying you think Prep isn’t as reliable as it claims to be?

We’re super fortunate to be living in an era where we have things like prep and doxy pep where sex workers and clients can enjoy bareback sex with relative safety.  
 

But it’s a calculated risk.  Nothing is 100%.   And all of these protective measures - like anything - can be subject to user error.  No SW wants to have to send the hey-you’d-better-get-tested texts out to their client base, so they tend to be more vigilant.  But in the age of prep and doxy pep, it’s incumbent upon everyone to learn how to protect themselves if they want to enjoy bareback. 

[Keenan]

So the biggest issue as a provider I see these days is that there are still many clients that want bare services.  Turning down those requests mean turning down money as such many providers get on PrEP, myself included.  PrEP isn't 100% reliable so there is always risk.