Condom and bareback discrepancy

[Wolfer]

I've been noticing more and more that escorts will bareback on their online videos (often self-produced) and with their personal hookups but only use condoms with clients. I find this puzzling. Not judging, just curious. For the filming I could understand that since they're all supposed to be professionals, they are getting regular health checks. But hookups don't necessarily.

[maninsoma]

I don't find it puzzling.  There are all sorts of reasons why someone would be willing to bareback when making porn:  It sells better.  They can, if they desire, make sure everyone does a rapid test before filming.  They have an opportunity to know their partners better.  There are all sorts of reasons why someone might not choose to bareback with a client: No economic benefit to it. Don't know the other person's health/sexual history.  Don't want to have bareback sex with 100 men per year, just a chosen few other performers.

Besides that, just because someone claims he uses condoms with clients doesn't mean that he always uses condoms with clients.  I've had escorts who selected "Safe Sex Only" in their ad try to bareback me.  I've seen ads where that selection is changed frequently between "Safe Sex Only" and the other two options, "Ask Me" or "Anything Goes."  I'm not sure what that's about.  Testing the market to see if one response leads to more inquiries?  Knowing that they currently have something so they want to use condoms temporarily?  Fluidity with respect to their adherence to wearing condoms for anal sex? 

[MscleLovr]

I still ALWAYS use condoms. I don’t bother about what the bottoms say they do. I protect my sexual health. 

[Rudynate]

6 hours ago, Wolfer said:

I've been noticing more and more that escorts will bareback on their online videos (often self-produced) and with their personal hookups but only use condoms with clients. I find this puzzling. Not judging, just curious. For the filming I could understand that since they're all supposed to be professionals, they are getting regular health checks. But hookups don't necessarily.

Risk mitigation.  The fewer bareback encounters one has , the less one is at risk for STDs.  You don't know what sort of risk mitigation is involved in the porn barebacking.  And PrEP these days is exceedingly common.

[+ ButchAtl]

I generally agree about the bareback ones used in porn, however, it seems to border on false advertising when RentMen escorts show them barebacking on their RM videos, and then list "safe only" on their profiles.  Its almost the same as using photos that are not theirs, even if they are similar.  

 Barebacking or not is certainly their choice, but their RM profile is to advertise their services and not intended to be videos on a porn site. 

Edited May 25, 2022 by ButchAtl
grammar

[marylander1940]

7 hours ago, Wolfer said:

I've been noticing more and more that escorts will bareback on their online videos (often self-produced) and with their personal hookups but only use condoms with clients. I find this puzzling. Not judging, just curious. For the filming I could understand that since they're all supposed to be professionals, they are getting regular health checks. But hookups don't necessarily.

PrEP has changed the game and is no longer equal to playing Russian roulette! 

I guess they do it BB with other escorts and hookups because they know they're on PrEP and they trust each other. I don't understand why they don't also trust clients who claim to be on PrEP, especially considering is easier to keep it hard BB with someone they're not attracted to and who is hiring them...

20 minutes ago, ButchAtl said:

I generally agree about the bareback ones used in porn, however, it seems to border on false advertising when RentMen escorts show them barebacking on their RM videos, and then list "safe only" on their profiles.  Its almost the same as using photos that are not theirs, even if they are similar.  

 Barebacking or not is certainly their choice, but their RM profile is to advertise their services and not intended to be videos on a porn site. 

Maybe they simply want a extra payment for BB. Some clients still exclusively hire escorts who only play safe. 

A forum member offered CutlerX 100 extra for him to fuck him wearing a condom... The escort refused to so such behavior! 

 

1 hour ago, Rudynate said:

Risk mitigation.  The fewer bareback encounters one has , the less one is at risk for STDs.  You don't know what sort of risk mitigation is involved in the porn barebacking.  And PrEP these days is exceedingly common.

Exactly! 

[Wolfer]

6 hours ago, maninsoma said:

I don't find it puzzling.  There are all sorts of reasons why someone would be willing to bareback when making porn:  It sells better.  They can, if they desire, make sure everyone does a rapid test before filming.  They have an opportunity to know their partners better.  There are all sorts of reasons why someone might not choose to bareback with a client: No economic benefit to it. Don't know the other person's health/sexual history.  Don't want to have bareback sex with 100 men per year, just a chosen few other performers.

Besides that, just because someone claims he uses condoms with clients doesn't mean that he always uses condoms with clients.  I've had escorts who selected "Safe Sex Only" in their ad try to bareback me.  I've seen ads where that selection is changed frequently between "Safe Sex Only" and the other two options, "Ask Me" or "Anything Goes."  I'm not sure what that's about.  Testing the market to see if one response leads to more inquiries?  Knowing that they currently have something so they want to use condoms temporarily?  Fluidity with respect to their adherence to wearing condoms for anal sex? 

I agree about the risk mitigation in porn (although I wonder about the self-produced porn) but why the difference between random hookups and clients? I don't think they're taking inventory of a random guy's sexual history or practices who they fuck off of Grindr. Just wondering aloud to myself mostly. 

 

3 hours ago, ButchAtl said:

I generally agree about the bareback ones used in porn, however, it seems to border on false advertising when RentMen escorts show them barebacking on their RM videos, and then list "safe only" on their profiles.  Its almost the same as using photos that are not theirs, even if they are similar.  

 Barebacking or not is certainly their choice, but their RM profile is to advertise their services and not intended to be videos on a porn site. 

I completely agree. I once contacted an escort who had "ask me" in his profile and all his pictures were of him barebacking, he told me he only fucked with a condom...

3 hours ago, marylander1940 said:

 don't understand why they don't also trust clients who claim to be on PrEP, especially considering is easier to keep it hard BB with someone they're not attracted to and who is hiring them...

 

This is what I'm thinking too. I get the porn angle, but why differentiate bareback and condom between personal sex and clients? 

Edited May 25, 2022 by Wolfer

[marylander1940]

9 minutes ago, Wolfer said:

I agree about the risk mitigation in porn (although I wonder about the self-produced porn) but why the difference between random hookups and clients? I don't think they're taking inventory of a random guy's sexual history or practices who they fuck off of Grindr. Just wondering aloud to myself mostly. 

 

I completely agree. I once contacted an escort who had "ask me" in his profile and all his pictures were of him barebacking, he told me he only fucked with a condom...

This is what I'm thinking too. I get the porn angle, but why differentiate bareback and condom between personal sex and clients? 

Agreed!

I don't know why... especially considering clients are usually less sexually active and at the same time it would be easier for the escort to keep it hard bb with a client. 

I guess this thread was started by you because of some personal interactions with escorts, right? Have you asked them to BB with you? 

 

[Jamie21]

I do bareback in porn. It’s the self produced kind (justforfans) so there’s no certification or anything like that. It’s almost a necessity to do bb in porn. I’d get far fewer subscribers if my porn showed condoms.

All the guys I shoot with are doing bareback too. All are on Prep, and so am I.  The sexual health clinic I use is excellent and I test very regularly so I feel relatively confident to do bb. The problem is if I do catch something then I’m not able to work for a couple of weeks. 
 

As a masseur I don’t routinely top for clients, it’s not something I include or promise, and my clients generally have no expectation for that. However it does sometimes happen (with regular clients) or if I’m booked for an escort style session. In those instances I usually bareback unless the client wants me to use a condom. I think the flow of the session works better without having to stop to wear a condom, plus it’s just a better feeling. Of course there are risks, as with anything. 

[Guest]

13 hours ago, ButchAtl said:

I generally agree about the bareback ones used in porn, however, it seems to border on false advertising when RentMen escorts show them barebacking on their RM videos, and then list "safe only" on their profiles.  Its almost the same as using photos that are not theirs, even if they are similar.  

 Barebacking or not is certainly their choice, but their RM profile is to advertise their services and not intended to be videos on a porn site. 

I'm a little amused by this notion. 

Is it also false advertising if photos on their profile feature a stunning mountaintop vista, but when you meet them, it's in a plain old hotel room?

Is it false advertising if in their video they're at it for a half hour with a fit 25 year old, but when you meet them, you only last 10 minutes? 

I'm not without sympathy for clients having to sort out which information on an escort's profile is true....but if it says right there safe only, where's the issue? 

And if RM's not supposed to be a porn site...would I be correct to assume that you've never had your dick in your hand while browsing it?

[Guest]

10 hours ago, Wolfer said:

This is what I'm thinking too. I get the porn angle, but why differentiate bareback and condom between personal sex and clients? 

If I may ask, what experience or data led to your view that "more and more" escorts are having bareback sex with hookups but using condoms with clients? 

I don't doubt it happens, I'm just curious how you got the sense that it's happening more frequently than before. 

Speaking only for myself, I know I feel a different sort of responsibility for my partner's health when I'm escorting compared to my personal life. A professional responsibility rather than a shared personal responsibility, if you like. Both are important but can result in different risk tolerances. 

[Wolfer]

5 hours ago, Dante said:

but if it says right there safe only, where's the issue? 

Because it happens way too often that profiles will have conflicting info (for instance in the text say "safe only" then list "anything goes") or escorts will list things in their profile that they don't actually do (kissing is often the big culprit here). I'm sure you've thought your profile through and make sure it accurately represents all services you offer but it's sometimes very fustrating trying to figure out if what an escort is offering will be compatible with what I'd like to have happen in a session. 

5 hours ago, Dante said:

I don't doubt it happens, I'm just curious how you got the sense that it's happening more frequently than before.

Oh no, I said I'm simply noticing it myself more and more. I never made any claims that it's happening more or less frequently than in the past.

5 hours ago, Dante said:

 

 

As for where I get my data from, I've been hiring for 7 years and have also befriended a few escorts off the clock (with whom I never or no longer have a professional relationship with). I talk about these things with them, I ask about it. 

15 hours ago, marylander1940 said:

guess this thread was started by you because of some personal interactions with escorts, right? Have you asked them to BB with you? 

Yeah true. I've been more into bareback and during the pandemic a lot of guys stopped their Rentmen profiles where I live. Many of them have stayed over on the Hunqz platform, not reactivating their Rentmen. Hunqz doesn't have a listing for safe or not so you have to ask them directly. That's partly how I started noticing it. 

[+ KensingtonHomo]

As a client, I want to say that escorts are human beings. They have different preferences and tastes. Some guys excel at providing an experience under every circumstance. Some don't. 

If an escort wants to use a condom, we - as gay men who have lived through a fucking plague - should understand that. It's not just HIV/AIDS. The advent of PreP has seen STIs rise among gay men. We're now also dealing with treatment-resistant gonorrhea, which escorts may be trying to avoid. 

Now we're 27 months into a respiratory pandemic with variants that evade our vaccines. I'm recovering from COVID-19 now. If I were an escort, I'd have been out of work for the past 8 days. So I think kissing is something people are a bit uncomfortable with. I know I'm more leery of doing it with strangers - whether escorts or hook ups. 

I'm a Gen Xer who came out when AIDS was just ravaging our community. So when someone wants to take a precaution to protect their health, I'm willing to go along with it. And I think bitching about it, shows a lack of respect and solidarity for sex workers.  

[Wolfer]

2 hours ago, KensingtonHomo said:

And I think bitching about it, shows a lack of respect and solidarity for sex workers. 

I'm sorry if I came across as bitching about it, I'm definitely not. I'm just curious as to the motivations behind the difference some escorts have  between clients and non-clients regarding perceived risks. 

Gonorrhea can just as easily be transferred by oral and I know very few escorts who use a condom for that. 

If you're having sex with someone, thinking that not kissing them will keep you safe from COVID or a cold... That's not how that works. 

[MscleLovr]

27 minutes ago, Wolfer said:

I'm just curious as to the motivations behind the difference some escorts have  between clients and non-clients

I understand @Wolfer but it’s impossible to rationalise.
 

We all know that you can never be sure of what a guy is fantasising about in his head while he is servicing you (or being serviced by you). Similarly, you will find little logical coherence between what guys say publicly they do and what they’re willing to do privately either with another hot guy (possibly involving drugs) or with a generous paying customer (possibly offering more for specific acts).

[Luv2play]

I've met escorts in the recent past who show bareback sex on the RM ads but practice safe sex with condoms with their clients. They also state safe only in their ads. In both cases they told me they had boyfriends and while I didn't ask, I assumed they shot their ads with their boyfriends.

[+ KensingtonHomo]

5 hours ago, Wolfer said:

I'm sorry if I came across as bitching about it, I'm definitely not. I'm just curious as to the motivations behind the difference some escorts have  between clients and non-clients regarding perceived risks. 

Sorry if I read into your tone. I just feel like escorts are providing a service, and we should respect their boundaries. 

[jtwalker]

If there is one thing I have learned, it is to ask.  I'm shy, so it's incredibly hard for me.  Still, I work up the courage to spell out my goals while texting.  This doesn't eliminate the misrepresentation issues, but it does reduce them.  If you're looking for something specific, ask.

Ads can be honest and misinterpreted.  Kissing might mean he's good with a peck, but if you're looking for a tongue dance, that isn't going to happen.  Asking clears up these points and reduces frustration.  I'd rather get blocked for asking than invest the time, money and emotional energy into being disappointed.

[Quincy_7]

On 5/25/2022 at 8:04 AM, maninsoma said:

I've had escorts who selected "Safe Sex Only" in their ad try to bareback me.  

This happened to me 3 times.

First was the cute mexican twink who slid me in bare after the condom fell off mid-way through a meeting. I had to go on PEP because of him, not fun at all.

Second was the italian twink whose condoms couldn't fit me and so said we could do bare because he was on PrEP. This was even though in your whatsapp messages prior to meeting he told me he only plays safe.

Third was the Brazilian who "forgot" to bring condoms and wanted to slip me in bare. He also said condoms only in our whatsapp chats before meeting. We stuck to oral.

 

I suspect some escorts think it's flattering to a client to be willing to do bb but it's not.

 

[Guest]

2 hours ago, Quincy_7 said:

This happened to me 3 times.

First was the cute mexican twink 

Second was the Italian twink

Third was the Brazilian 

 

So you're really out here admitting that even after the first two times, you didn't, as a top, bring your own god damn condoms, and along the way felt it was necessary to highlight the ethnicity of the guys? 

I give up

[Wolfer]

5 hours ago, Dante said:

So you're really out here admitting that even after the first two times, you didn't, as a top, bring your own god damn condoms, and along the way felt it was necessary to highlight the ethnicity of the guys? 

I give up

If you have a bad experience with one hairdresser having bad tools (blunt scissors, faulty clippers) do you then bring your own scissors, clippers and blowdryer to every new hairdresser you go to? Escorts are hired to provide a professional service, this service requires tools. I don't think it's unreasonable for the professional to have the tools he needs to provide the service he's being paid for. 

I've had it happen twice that an escort didn't have lube. Now I always try to think of bringing my own but I often forget. 

[Quincy_7]

7 hours ago, Dante said:

So you're really out here admitting that even after the first two times, you didn't, as a top, bring your own god damn condoms, and along the way felt it was necessary to highlight the ethnicity of the guys? 

I give up

I was in London on a trip. 

[Kevin Slater]

3 hours ago, Wolfer said:

If you have a bad experience with one hairdresser having bad tools (blunt scissors, faulty clippers) do you then bring your own scissors, clippers and blowdryer to every new hairdresser you go to? Escorts are hired to provide a professional service, this service requires tools. I don't think it's unreasonable for the professional to have the tools he needs to provide the service he's being paid for. 

I've had it happen twice that an escort didn't have lube. Now I always try to think of bringing my own but I often forget. 

By all means, keep placing the responsibility for your health upon others, despite this having not worked thrice in the past.

Kevin Slater

[marylander1940]

22 hours ago, Wolfer said:

I'm sorry if I came across as bitching about it, I'm definitely not. I'm just curious as to the motivations behind the difference some escorts have  between clients and non-clients regarding perceived risks. 

Gonorrhea can just as easily be transferred by oral and I know very few escorts who use a condom for that. 

If you're having sex with someone, thinking that not kissing them will keep you safe from COVID or a cold... That's not how that works. 

No, you're not bitching! You're making a reasonable question! 

It also happens with escorts who rim other escorts in their promotional videos (and I guess hookups too) but refused to rim clients. It's understandable. USA is a bidet less country. Besides being something even more intimate than fucking... could you imagine eating the ass of someone you don't find attractive while taking chances of catching a disease? 

[jtwalker]

17 hours ago, Dante said:

So you're really out here admitting that even after the first two times, you didn't, as a top, bring your own god damn condoms, and along the way felt it was necessary to highlight the ethnicity of the guys? 

I give up

I don't see how race as a descriptive term is racist.  People are way too easily offended.  He clearly likes Latin men.

Should he bring his own condoms?  Yes!  Everyone is so picky about condoms, they couldn't supply all the variety if they tried.  Lube, on the other hand, is something escorts really ought to have on hand (quite literally in some cases, LOL).