rejection is best when it's blunt

[Smurof]

There's an incredibly stunning looking man I contacted by e-mail (perhaps these days that's an auto-fast elimination in many guys' books), explaining briefly about our matching interests. He indicated he likes men who love the look of his ass, and that he's a bottom. 

He sent me a brief reply rather quickly - "I'm not interested in you. Thanks." I don't know what I could have done differently. He is for real, as he's a personal trainer with an active website, and away from his business, he has young buff guys plow him on Only Fans - but only guys who are around half his age, and only guys who are as ripped or more than he is - that's got to be fun.

Is it natural to have or develop an attitude that lesser fit guys are a waste of time? I can count on less than two hands the providers who are stunning who treat EVERY client they have like they're worthwhile to be with. Having character and class sadly seems to be a lost art. 

[+ purplekow]

At the least you knew not to waste time with him. Ikt was not rude just direct and clear.   Secondly, if he had decided to forgo his usual standards and give you the privledge of paying for his services, it may well have been a disappointment given his clearly stated preferences.  Blunt is temporarily painful but in the long run, it is an attribute of which we could use more.   

[marylander1940]

28 minutes ago, Smurof said:

There's an incredibly stunning looking man I contacted by e-mail (perhaps these days that's an auto-fast elimination in many guys' books), explaining briefly about our matching interests. He indicated he likes men who love the look of his ass, and that he's a bottom. 

He sent me a brief reply rather quickly - "I'm not interested in you. Thanks." I don't know what I could have done differently. He is for real, as he's a personal trainer with an active website, and away from his business, he has young buff guys plow him on Only Fans - but only guys who are around half his age, and only guys who are as ripped or more than he is - that's got to be fun.

Is it natural to have or develop an attitude that lesser fit guys are a waste of time? I can count on less than two hands the providers who are stunning who treat EVERY client they have like they're worthwhile to be with. Having character and class sadly seems to be a lost art. 

Thank you for sharing this, at least he was upfront. Plenty of fish!

14 minutes ago, purplekow said:

At the least you knew not to waste time with him. Ikt was not rude just direct and clear.   Secondly, if he had decided to forgo his usual standards and give you the privledge of paying for his services, it may well have been a disappointment given his clearly stated preferences.  Blunt is temporarily painful but in the long run, it is an attribute of which we could use more.   

Yes, he has other priorities and he allegedly can afford to be picky or so it looks . 

 

[rvwnsd]

Is this individual advertising as a personal trainer or an escort?

[maninsoma]

3 hours ago, rvwnsd said:

Is this individual advertising as a personal trainer or an escort?

That's what I'm not clear about as well.  Even if the guy is advertising as an escort, some escorts are selective about how their clients look.  I purposefully rule out guys who put things in their ads about preferring certain looks or giving a discount to "young and fit" because I am older and not athletically built.  If I'm paying to be with someone I don't want to choose someone who is already sending messages that I'm a lower form of life.  However, I certainly understand that if some guy can make a living by providing services only to other "hot" men and posting videos to Fans sites then they might prefer to do that. 

As to the title of this thread, I think rejection is best when it's direct.  It doesn't have to be brutally honest (e.g., you're too old or fat or whatever for me), but a direct response of "sorry, not a match" is better than leaving a question unanswered or suggesting one is open to possibilities when that clearly isn't the case.

[MscleLovr]

6 hours ago, Smurof said:

He sent me a brief reply rather quickly - "I'm not interested in you. Thanks." I don't know what I could have done differently…..

Is it natural to have or develop an attitude that lesser fit guys are a waste of time?…..Having character and class sadly seems to be a lost art. 

It’s never nice to be rejected but given the limited information, it’s hard to comment on the young man. He may be making plenty of money from OnlyFans. He may simply not want to meet older men in real life. I’m sure you were polite @Smurof but what made you feel he’d welcome your interest in him, expressed by email?
 

When I hired, I too was an older man attracted to fit young men. I have  catholic tastes but I was very particular, even fussy, about the physical appearance of the young men. If they didn’t advertise but had an online profile, I’d politely ask if they’d like to meet up and then I sent a current, clear photo. I could handle rejection too and just move on with a “Thanks anyway”. But if I had to reject the young man because he wasn’t interested in doing what I enjoyed, I’d say “Sorry but we’re not compatible. I’m sure you’ll find a much better match”.

Edited July 12, 2021 by MscleLovr

[Nvr2thick4me]

I sometimes get the feeling that a number of men advertise as masseurs rather than escorts so they can decline providing more intimate services to clients who they are not interested in. 

[HotWhiteThirties]

Rejection is very hard. 
 

I think the directness, as most everyone has said, is actually a gift. However, there are ways to be direct without being quite as cutting, perhaps. 
 

"I appreciate you reaching out. I can tell that we aren't a match, and since I know we both want a good time, that would not be good for either of us. Best wishes on finding the right match for you."

Maybe that's a tad patronizing, but understanding that you have feelings too. It is possible to be direct and get a message across the first time while lowering the blow with some care. This is a skill, sadly, few take time to develop or see value in. 

[jjkrkwood]

Isnt life all about making choices and having preferences ?   This topic has been discussed so many times on this site....  That's why the term "Shopping" was invented..

You search for the things you like and want.  While the guy may have been a bit crude with his reply, and could have framed it better, dont give him so much heat about it.  He was simply excercising his right to "choice",  which is something WE all do when "shopping" for our companions....  While it may not seem so, YOU Mr @Smurofare "rejecting" the people you view and pass over, while it may not be as direct a rejection, IT IS REJECTION.

In situations like this where someone turns down your advances, its always best to just move on.   Where one door closes, another one Opens....  the less said the better.

[BaronArtz]

5 hours ago, rvwnsd said:

Is this individual advertising as a personal trainer or an escort?

I was wondering about that as well.  The OP doesn't say - unless if I missed something.  Did the OP respond to an escort, masseur or personal trainer ad?  Did he find his beau on other social media?  It all makes a difference.

[jjkrkwood]

3 minutes ago, BaronArtz said:

I was wondering about that as well.  The OP doesn't say - unless if I missed something.  Did the OP respond to an escort, masseur or personal trainer ad?  Did he find his beau on other social media?  It all makes a difference.

WHY does any of that really matter ?   The guy said he wasnt interested....that's his response and should be enough for you.  Why wallow in the rejection ?   You are doing yourself a major disservice.   Is obssessing over it gonna change anything ?    Geez you guys are a tough crowd.....🙄

[diehard_002]

OP - I can sense your pain. Some guys, especially the hot ones, can be quite rude and/or abrupt.  Have you spent time on Grindr ? You will probably encounter such low levels of social etiquettes that you will either toughen up or give up. I think the best way to handle rejection is to encounter so many of them that you get completely desensitized to it and just take it in your stride. This may seem counter-intuitive 😝 but it works.

 

[+ Coolwave35]

I have an engaging profile on seekingarrangement.com. Many young men message me all the time looking to meet up. I would say at least 15 a day. (The benefit of living near a populated, expensive city). I respond politely and bluntly to every message, “rejecting” about 85% for one reason or another. 7 out of 10 guys accept the rejection comfortably and move on. Two out of 10 ask for an explanation, half of those completely understand once the explanation is provided and half get really nasty. One out of 10 goes ballistic.

[+ RJD]

3 hours ago, jjkrkwood said:

While the guy may have been a bit crude with his reply, and could have framed it better, dont give him so much heat about it.  He was simply excercising his right to "choice",  which is something WE all do when "shopping" for our companions.... 

While this is true, if he's advertising himself as available to meeting and wants to be successful, he needs to develop some social skills as @HotWhiteThirtiesposted.  That not only goes for this guy, but any provider with a presence on this forum or the internet.  Service providers, regardless of industry, depend on reputation and reccommendations for their success.  Isn't that the basis of The Deli and Daddy's review site?  I've had my interest in certain providers both piqued and extingushed based on commentary there and how they conduct themselves and interact with people here.  They may just be words, but words have meaning and impact.  

I'd also add that we, as the client, make our "choice" by scrolling on to someone who matches what we want.  We're not sending a message to that provider telling him "I'm not interested." 

Edited July 12, 2021 by RJD

[+ sniper]

If you don't respond at all people get pissed.  If you respond that you are not interested(with no elaboration), a lot of people get pissed at that and respond negatively.  The OP's respondent did absolutely nothing wrong.  What would have been wrong was to provide a reason - there's nothing that can accomplish except make the other person feel worse.

[kingsley88]

at least he responded and you can now move on to the next guy. Plenty of folks out there.

[jjkrkwood]

27 minutes ago, sniper said:

If you don't respond at all people get pissed.  If you respond that you are not interested(with no elaboration), a lot of people get pissed at that and respond negatively.  The OP's respondent did absolutely nothing wrong.  What would have been wrong was to provide a reason - there's nothing that can accomplish except make the other person feel worse.

Its like when someone puts a plate of oysters in front of me, and I say "I dont like oysters, no thanks"....     Even if the oysters are FREE, I dont want them...

Come on guys, get over this inferiority bullshit, and face the fact that YOU are not everyones "cup of cum"......

Edited July 12, 2021 by jjkrkwood

[+ RJD]

7 hours ago, sniper said:

If you don't respond at all people get pissed.  If you respond that you are not interested(with no elaboration), a lot of people get pissed at that and respond negatively.  The OP's respondent did absolutely nothing wrong.  What would have been wrong was to provide a reason - there's nothing that can accomplish except make the other person feel worse.

It's not about responding or not responding.  It's how you respond. Is it so difficult to be a little thoughtful or kind even if he's declining the OP's request?  "I'm sorry, I don't think we're a match" would come across much better than "I'm not interested in you."  Again, it's a lack of social skills. 

 

7 hours ago, jjkrkwood said:

Come on guys, get over this inferiority bullshit, and face the fact that YOU are not everyones "cup of cum"......

There are plenty of us who aren't everyone's "cup of cum." If the provider is offering his paid services, then it's not a Grindr hookup. I'd bet the bulk of his clients aren't going to be his "cup of cum."  Yes, he can accept or decline any inquiry he gets, but the most successful providers never make you feel like you're not their "cup of cum."  I know for a fact that I'm not my regular's type, but when we're together he makes me feel like I am and I'm the center of his universe. 

Edited July 13, 2021 by RJD

[maninsoma]

I think it is about responding or not responding if you are talking about someone who has an ad on Rentmen that doesn't have any indication that the client in question should simply not bother to contact him.  Otherwise a prospective client is left wondering whether he's being rejected for some reason, whether his text/message went through, whether the escort was simply too busy and has a practice of not responding unless he's available or something else.  I thin it's just not good business to ignore inquiries outright.

The situation is entirely different for someone who isn't advertising to provide a service to anyone.  If someone reaches out to an OnlyFans model suggesting a hook-up, I would expect such a message to just be ignored or maybe even responded to negatively if the model isn't looking for contacts like that.  Same thing for someone on Instagram or Grindr or anywhere else a man might post photos that catch others' eyes.  I don't blame the forum members who do reach out to guys they find appealing who aren't advertising even though it isn't something I would do, but it should be done with the understanding that the guy being solicited is simply not interested for whatever reason and they might ignore the inquiry or, worse, be upset about it and reply accordingly.

[Luv2play]

3 hours ago, Coolwave35 said:

I have an engaging profile on seekingarrangement.com. Many young men message me all the time looking to meet up. I would say at least 15 a day. (The benefit of living near a populated, expensive city). I respond politely and bluntly to every message, “rejecting” about 85% for one reason or another. 7 out of 10 guys accept the rejection comfortably and move on. Two out of 10 ask for an explanation, half of those completely understand once the explanation is provided and half get really nasty. One out of 10 goes ballistic.

You better hope the ballistic types never find out you identity.

[jjkrkwood]

2 hours ago, RJD said:

It's not about responding or not responding.  It's how you respond. Is it so difficult to be a little thoughtful or kind even if he's declining the OP's request?  "I'm sorry, I don't think we're a match" would come across much better than "I'm not interested."  Again, it's a lack of social skills. 

 

There are plenty of us who aren't everyone's "cup of cum." If the provider is offering his paid services, then it's not a Grindr hookup. I'd bet the bulk of his clients aren't going to be his "cup of cum."  Yes, he can accept or decline any inquiry he gets, but the most successful providers never make you feel like you're not their "cup of cum."  I know for a fact that I'm not my regular's type, but when we're together he makes me feel like I am and I'm the center of his universe. 

That's exactly the point, you CHOOSE who YOU choose for whatever reason.  You can only control what YOU do, not what others do.  If the provider is willing to forgo making his fee, thats HIS business, not yours.    If he chooses to pass over prospective clients because they dont appeal to him, thats his right,  like it or not.... He has no obligation to service you, eventhough doing so might seem socially prudent.  He also has no obligation to be polite, providers owe you nothing unless some "contract" is actually reached. ..... If you dont appreciate how you are being treated , just move along, instead of complaining about it...  That makes YOU the bigger person.

Edited July 12, 2021 by jjkrkwood

[jeezifonly]

As my good friends, Chumba and Wamba said to me years ago…

https://genius.com/amp/Chumbawamba-tubthumping-lyrics

[+ RJD]

3 hours ago, jjkrkwood said:

If the provider is willing to forgo making his fee, thats HIS business, not yours.   

6 hours ago, RJD said:

 Yes, he can accept or decline any inquiry he gets...

 

Isn't that what I said?  I'm not arguing with his right to accept or decline clients.  I'm saying it doesn't hurt him, or any of us for that matter, to be a little more thoughtful and kind when communicating with each other.  

[Guest]

18 hours ago, Smurof said:

There's an incredibly stunning looking man I contacted by e-mail (perhaps these days that's an auto-fast elimination in many guys' books), explaining briefly about our matching interests. He indicated he likes men who love the look of his ass, and that he's a bottom. 

He sent me a brief reply rather quickly - "I'm not interested in you. Thanks." I don't know what I could have done differently. He is for real, as he's a personal trainer with an active website...

I suspect most would not have even replied. He was being kind enough just to have sent a reply at all. I'm sure that with a body like his, he gets plenty of inquiries. The only thing I would say is that it might have been a tad nicer to say "Not interested; thanks," rather than "not interested in you." I don't think the "in you" was helpful in any way. However, I don't think he needs to write a long flowery rejection note. 

[Smurof]

"In you" would make sense. I described myself, which is his body opposite in build, height, and cock size. If I were him, I wouldn't physically be interested in me, either. My interests were the same as his, however (politics, exercising, being naked). If I were smarter (or meaner), I'd have let him make those horrifying visual discoveries when we met!