We have a problem, men.

[Monarchy79]

Being attracted to someone or not should have no affect on how you treat someone outside the bedroom.

 

I’m glad you said this.

 

Unfortunately, people are not programmed to compartmentalize their prejudices and preferences.

 

For me, there are fat guys I’ve found attractive (And have had some fun with) . I have fat friends, I have fat colleagues who’ve I’ve supported in many scenarios.... It’s all inclusive for me.

 

However.... ever notice this about most “just a preference” guys: Their sexual preferences tend to match their social preferences. See a black guy who only dates white guys, and you’ll never see him in the presence of other black guys, not on his job, not at his gym, not on any of his social

Media accounts, he’s usually the only black guy, in a grouping of white guys, just like in his dating.

 

As an example, let’s say some white dude isn’t into Asians sexually... well look into is social life. He also has no asian friends or associates, and probably has never had a full conversation with one. This shows how sexual racial/body preferences trickle and spill over into other aspects of our lives.

 

So the truth is, it’s never “just a preference”. It’s far bigger than that.

[Monarchy79]

Many here are choosing to misread this.

 

I’m saying we all have a way of putting our issues with other people on other people. The problem isn’t ours. But of course, how we treat people is. And some matters aren’t acceptable things to point out as flaws, particularly character flaws.

 

Instead of saying, “Hm. Maybe I do unfairly judge people based on their body size,” we have all kinds of excuse-making for why that’s okay. And hell – maybe it is. If there were a survey here, seems that the majority opinion is that fat shaming is a-okay. It’s the fat person’s “fault” they’re fat.

 

Someone who has purple hair...Should we mock them? Body piercings? What about folks who gauge their ears? Tattoos? All things people are judged on they have control over on their bodies. What about someone who chooses to wear glasses instead of getting corrective vision surgery? Or wear contacts. Is saying “four eyes” acceptable?

 

For what it’s worth, Mr. @Guy Fawkes, I lost 110lbs and was more miserable then than I ever was in my life. Is that the goal? Slim and trim and acceptable to society’s standards but miserable?

 

Contrary to popular opinion here, I do believe we can expect people to behave a particular decent way toward people about things related to their physical bodies. Personalities is another thing altogether. But your physical body is another.

 

 

Very insightful post.

 

It shows that you can be very understanding, empathetic, and reasonable....

 

When it’s about YOU ?......

 

Now imagine if you had that same level of rationality, empathy, and understanding towards others on this forum?

 

Just like we shouldn’t shame people for their bodies, we also should shame people for how they handle and react to the circumstances that life presents to them.

 

 

Hmmmmmm?

[+ purplekow]

First, @xyz48B I didn't see Jarrod so much as fat shaming you as getting back at you for your criticism of him. Face the fact that you are his harshest critic, one who keeps reading his posts despite your obvious disdain for him. Don't get me wrong, some of your criticisms are spot on and I have "liked" some of them. But you don't stop.

If he is fat shaming, you don't have to accept it. I disagree with @purplekow above when he says (to @dbar123 ) it's a shame you wasted time being unhappy with yourself. Excess fat can be a significant health problem, and with COVID, an indicator of more risk. You can want to, and actually, lose weight because it is good for you without it implying shame. I should know, I have lost 40 pounds and did not do it because of any shame. I simply wanted to be healthier.

@xyz48B if you are happy with your body, you can let @Jarrod_Uncut's words roll off of you and not feel shamed for a minute.

Being unhappy with oneself is a waste of time. Wanting to make changes and lose weight to improve your health is different than being unhappy. One could argue that you need to be unhappy to make changes to improve oneself, but I contend you can be happy and still wish to be even better and if that was the case with dbar123 then I misinterpreted his statement.

[RandyVue]

I really find it annoying when people compare someone not being turned on by someone who is overweight, to having racial prejudices.

 

Example: A friend of mine is Indian. He is ambiguous looking and could be greek or Italian. He is hit on by a guy on Grindr who wants to hook up with him. My friend tells the guy that he is Indian, and the guy then looses interest. So he found my friend hot when he thought he was greek, but when he learned he’s Indian, he is no longer interested. That is racism and prejudice. That is NOT THE SAME THING AS SOMEONE NOT BEING TURNED ON BY SOMEONE WHO IS OVERWEIGHT SO KNOCK IT OFF ALREADY.

Edited December 11, 2020 by RandyVue

[jjkrkwood]

I really find it annoying when people compare someone not being turned on by someone who is overweight, to having racial prejudices.

 

Example: A friend of mine is Indian. He is ambiguous looking and could be greek or Italian. He is hit on by a guy on Grindr who wants to hook up with him. My friend tells the guy that he is Indian, and the guy then looses interest. So he found my friend hot when he thought he was greek, but when he learned he’s Indian, he no longer interested. That is racism and prejudice. That is NOT THE SAME THING as someone not being turned on by a guy who is overweight so knock it off already.

 

I wait for my "little-friend" to guide me.... When my COCK gets hard, I've found the RIGHT guy for me (at THAT moment) ?

[jjkrkwood]

I like an old fashioned Philadelphia Cream Cheese pie in a Graham cracker crust, no adornments. Made my first one when I was about 11 or 12 and still like them.

 

I like that too, but with ALL this time I have now being stuck in the house, I am experimenting, but still a Loyalist at heart ?

[+ Pensant]

I like that too, but with ALL this time I have now being stuck in the house, I am experimenting, but still a Loyalist at heart ?

I haven’t had cheese cake in a long time. I’ll remedy that tonight!

[jjkrkwood]

I haven’t had cheese cake in a long time. I’ll remedy that tonight!

 

Somehow everyone likes it.... When I make it I bring portions to my neighbors....I guess I've become The Golden Girls ?

[CuriousByNature]

You may not think that “preferences”, are discriminatory, but the deep rooted sources of those preferences are. No one is born with “preferences”, they are a learned set of ideas influenced from many environmental variables.

 

Ask anyone who has racial “preferences”, introspective questions behind the reasoning of their preference, and almost every time, there are layers of generalizations, stereotypes, assumptions and prejudices.

I know what your saying, but I think there are preferences that are not learned. Following your line of reasoning, a person is attracted to a particular gender because that is what they learned? I think there may be some environmental factors to attraction but a lot may come from birth. My point is that being more attracted to a certain size, race, eye colour, etc., does not necessarily mean one is sizeist, racist, etc. There are those who definitely may be, but not everyone is. I think it may be more of an issue if someone is only attracted to their own race, age, size, etc., to the exclusion of anyone else. Or if they will only associate with a specific 'type'. Attraction is far more complex.

[Monarchy79]

I know what your saying, but I think there are preferences that are not learned. Following your line of reasoning, a person is attracted to a particular gender because that is what they learned? I think there may be some environmental factors to attraction but a lot may come from birth. My point is that being more attracted to a certain size, race, eye colour, etc., does not necessarily mean one is sizeist, racist, etc. There are those who definitely may be, but not everyone is. I think it may be more of an issue if someone is only attracted to their own race, age, size, etc., to the exclusion of anyone else. Or if they will only associate with a specific 'type'. Attraction is far more complex.

I know what your saying, but I think there are preferences that are not learned. Following your line of reasoning, a person is attracted to a particular gender because that is what they learned? I think there may be some environmental factors to attraction but a lot may come from birth. My point is that being more attracted to a certain size, race, eye colour, etc., does not necessarily mean one is sizeist, racist, etc. There are those who definitely may be, but not everyone is. I think it may be more of an issue if someone is only attracted to their own race, age, size, etc., to the exclusion of anyone else. Or if they will only associate with a specific 'type'. Attraction is far more complex.

 

An attraction to a gender isn’t a preference. It’s a metaphysical-biological disposition.

 

Those other superficial features you are referencing are universal, and therefore preferences are created by a multitude of influences. Those influences could be ones upbringing, learning environment, television, music, media.

 

The beliefs shaped about people, shapes their attraction to them.

 

I’ll get deeper:

 

I was friends with an Thai guy, who is disgusted with other Asians. He only dates white guys and also states it’s “just a preference”. Once I dug deeper into the reasonings behind his “preferences”, the layers unfolded, and the foundation what was he was taught from his own family about race, and their colonialized ideas about which races are better.

[CuriousByNature]

An attraction to a gender isn’t a preference. It’s a metaphysical-biological disposition.

 

Those other superficial features you are referencing are universal, and therefore preferences are created by a multitude of influences. Those influences could be ones upbringing, learning environment, television, music, media.

 

The beliefs shaped about people, shapes their attraction to them.

 

I’ll get deeper:

 

I was friends with an Thai guy, who is disgusted with other Asians. He only dates white guys and also states it’s “just a preference”. Once I dug deeper into the reasonings behind his “preferences”, the layers unfolded, and the foundation what was he was taught from his own family about race, and their colonialized ideas about which races are better.

Right. I didn't say that all cases of preferences are absent of learned biases. Just that preferences towards certain characteristics may be more hardwired than that. I think we can too often discount the complexity of attraction.

[+ Lucky]

I wait for my "little-friend" to guide me.... When my COCK gets hard, I've found the RIGHT guy for me (at THAT moment) ?

@jjkrkwood How little is it?

[marylander1940]

I really find it annoying when people compare someone not being turned on by someone who is overweight, to having racial prejudices.

 

Example: A friend of mine is Indian. He is ambiguous looking and could be greek or Italian. He is hit on by a guy on Grindr who wants to hook up with him. My friend tells the guy that he is Indian, and the guy then looses interest. So he found my friend hot when he thought he was greek, but when he learned he’s Indian, he no longer interested. That is racism and prejudice. That is NOT THE SAME THING as someone not being turned on by a guy who is overweight so knock it off already.

 

Do you tell escorts your ethnicity upfront?

 

The story about your friend is the perfect parable of racism. Does he date Indian guys or he's mostly into white men like most SE Asian guys usually are?

[Monarchy79]

Right. I didn't say that all cases of preferences are absent of learned biases. Just that preferences towards certain characteristics may be more hardwired than that. I think we can too often discount the complexity of attraction.

 

Touché

[Lchnsf]

Fat Shaming is as much racism as it is in any other form. Whether or not you attracted to someone who is overweight is a different issue altogether. Nothing wrong with being Fappy - Fat and Happy as a client of mine calls it. The effort to get that slim physic is monumental, and to maintain it is near impossible for most.

 

Too often I hear people say they make choices based on their current weight and how they feel about their body. You are never as young and beautiful as you are today, when you look back years you from now you will want the body you have today!!!

[Lazarus]

Every single material thing that we let or put into our bodies has the potential for landing somewhere on a continuum that ranges from benefit to harm in terms of physical wellness.

 

Complicating matters is that the effects of behaviour aimed at enhancing emotional wellness, itself on its own continuum, intersect on one or the other side of a theoretical neutral point on the physical one, and there are endless factors that influence that singly or cumulatively.

 

Think the colloquialism “guilty pleasure” as one small example of the general intrinsic paradox. Throwing shade intended to land outside of one’s perceived reference group and to mediate the soup of physical-mental biochemistry is just that. Doing it on a public domain forum is conveniently gluttonous.

 

Really, how much of an audience is needed to throw down a gauntlet?

Im not sure what this means...but it sounds important! ?????

[LatinoSoldier42]

[

Fat Shaming is as much racism as it is in any other form. Whether or not you attracted to someone who is overweight is a different issue altogether. Nothing wrong with being Fappy - Fat and Happy as a client of mine calls it. The effort to get that slim physic is monumental, and to maintain it is near impossible for most.

 

This is an oddly complex topic. People who have obesity deserve to be happy, live their lives, and not receive unrequested health advice or critiques from strangers or friends. They are beautiful the way they are, and deserve to feel joy as much as everyone else.

 

But a toxic part of the BP & HAES community also claims dieting & weightloss as fatphobic. I would never give diet or fitness advice to someone who is living in a larger frame unless they specifically asked for it, but they need to accept concerns from their medical team. Not all of their ailments are caused by their obesity, but some either are or will be. They need to accept that they are worthy of happiness, and their weight doesn’t deprive them of that, but also go in accepting that statistically it isn’t the healthiest option. Much like smokers have to accept their life and habits will likely have a negative consequence on their overall long term health.

[jjkrkwood]

@jjkrkwood How little is it?

 

According to medical journals, its Average, but to me, it's little....?

[+ Charlie]

I don't know why I am sexually attracted to some people and not to others, but I am often surprised to find myself attracted to someone who is not what I think of as "my type," and not attracted to someone whom I think is "my type." ("My type" is pretty vague in terms of common physical and demographic descriptors.) What I resist is being told that I should be attracted to someone based on someone else's criteria, like size or race.

 

Social preferences, on the other hand, are something over which I do have conscious control. I would not choose my friends or professional collaborators based on whether I found them sexually attractive, nor would I treat strangers based on whether I would want them as friends, colleagues or neighbors. The criteria I use in evaluating people in all social interactions are things like courtesy, intelligence, competence, reliability, etc. I would tell a friend that he should lose weight or stop smoking or get rid of people who are abusing him; I would not offer advice on such issues to strangers unless they asked for the advice. I would not tell anyone whom he or she should be attracted to sexually.

 

A site like this one is ambiguous: are the other posters friends, strangers, or something in between? Some of them are my personal friends or acquaintances outside the site. Some of them I have interacted with so often on the site, including in private communications, that I think of them as friends or potential friends. Others are basically strangers, but often familiar strangers. If they ask for advice and I think I have some, I give it; otherwise, I may comment on what they have said here, or have linked to, if it interests me. A thread like this one is awkward for me, because it is like watching a fight between strangers, which is egged on by a crowd, and I don't know if I should just walk on by or join in. I guess I just joined in.

[Jarrod_Uncut]

@xyz48B

 

I’m calling bullshit

.

You can’t pick and choose when to be “sensitive”, and then pander to people for support, with a weak claim of “sizism”, when you initiated the insults.....

 

Let’s just be transparent:

 

You consistently troll @Jarrod_Uncut’s posts, with sarcasm, consistent snarky insults and jabs at him for his posts on his experiences as an escort.

 

The man snaps back at you, and instead of accepting that you initiated the “shade”fest, and he got the best of you.... You decide to manipulate the integrity of the good hearted nature of most participants of this forum, by trying to vilify the man, out of vengeance.... and using your insecurities as a fat dude, to do it.

 

I’ll give you credit, you’re quite clever. But you should also be ashamed of yourself.

 

This isn’t an issue of body shaming, or discrimination.

 

This is an issue of an the following old adage:

 

“Don’t dish it out, if you can take it!!!”

 

Class Dismissed....

 

I could not have said it better...

 

[Jarrod_Uncut]

@xyz48B

 

I’m calling bullshit

.

You can’t pick and choose when to be “sensitive”, and then pander to people for support, with a weak claim of “sizism”, when you initiated the insults.....

 

Let’s just be transparent:

 

You consistently troll @Jarrod_Uncut’s posts, with sarcasm, consistent snarky insults and jabs at him for his posts on his experiences as an escort.

 

The man snaps back at you, and instead of accepting that you initiated the “shade”fest, and he got the best of you.... You decide to manipulate the integrity of the good hearted nature of most participants of this forum, by trying to vilify the man, out of vengeance.... and using your insecurities as a fat dude, to do it.

 

I’ll give you credit, you’re quite clever. But you should also be ashamed of yourself.

 

This isn’t an issue of body shaming, or discrimination.

 

This is an issue of an the following old adage:

 

“Don’t dish it out, if you can take it!!!”

 

Class Dismissed....

 

I could not have said it better...

 

[Jarrod_Uncut]

Everyone is so goddem woke they can’t see their own flaws...

 

[Jarrod_Uncut]

Everyone is so goddem woke they can’t see their own flaws...