Would you tell your provider that you know his real name?

[+ sync]

I was disposing condoms and wrappers in the escort’s room when I saw his real name in the boarding pass he had thrown in the trash. I feel so guilty knowing his name, I don’t know if I’ll hire him again. I feel like I violated something.

You are taking too much onto yourself. I understand how it can make you feel a little uncomfortable, but you did nothing wrong. If he floats your boat, keep on keeping on (with Covid-19 precautions, of course).

[down_to_business]

Nothing good can come from lifting the anonymity veil if even one side doesn't want it. Sometimes it's better to just keep things to yourself. Your companion will let you know when (or if) there is a time he wants you to know his real name.

 

I usually let the provider set the pace for disclosure of PII (personally identifiable information) if it is someone I plan on seeing more than once. Building mutual trust over a long term association is healthy for both parties. I have come to share real names, addresses, phone numbers, birthdays and a host of information with my closest escorts.

[+ poolboy48220]

I'm with most - my initial reaction on reading the title of this thread was "oh god no". Many escorts will volunteer their name, some use their real name, but respect their choice on that. I was discussing one of my favorites with someone on this forum, and the forum member mentioned that he'd found my favorite's real name. I contacted my favorite & let him know, and he fixed whatever he had online that led to his real name.

[jtwalker]

My answer to your question is, "WHY?" What good could possibly come from telling him? With this hobby, best not to do anything that doesn't have a purpose.

[Islesguy]

I had one escort tell me his real name within a couple of emails of me reaching out to set up a session. It felt awkward at first, but if it made him comfortable, that's his call. Otherwise, I don't know anyone else's nor do do I care. As long as the name you want me to use is something I can pronounce, I'm good. And no, I would never tell someone I found their real name online unless that question specifically was brought up by them.

[Guest]

I had one escort tell me his real name within a couple of emails of me reaching out to set up a session. It felt awkward at first, but if it made him comfortable, that's his call. Otherwise, I don't know anyone else's nor do do I care. As long as the name you want me to use is something I can pronounce, I'm good. And no, I would never tell someone I found their real name online unless that question specifically was brought up by them.

Why would it feel awkward? What's awkward about knowing the name of the person with whom you're being intimate? I agree that for the most part it's not productive to tell an escort who's given you a fake name that you found out his real name, unless it's done in the context of trying to be helpful to the escort. For example, you might say "I just thought you might want to know that your RentMen photo is also tagged to your Instagram account, so anyone who right clicks on your photo can find out your real name..."

As for how I feel, I actually find it awkward to be intimate, even for an hour, with someone whose name I don't know. I realize that he's not my boyfriend or anything, but I like to at least be able to hang on to the illusion that he enjoys being intimate with me. For me, telling someone one's name is the most basic form of respect. This subject has been brought up multiple times before. I've also asked before of escorts of any evidence that providing one's real name leads to negative consequences to the escort, and have yet to hear a positive response.

[Islesguy]

Why would it feel awkward? What's awkward about knowing the name of the person with whom you're being intimate? I agree that for the most part it's not productive to tell an escort who's given you a fake name that you found out his real name, unless it's done in the context of trying to be helpful to the escort. For example, you might say "I just thought you might want to know that your RentMen photo is also tagged to your Instagram account, so anyone who right clicks on your photo can find out your real name..."

As for how I feel, I actually find it awkward to be intimate, even for an hour, with someone whose name I don't know. I realize that he's not my boyfriend or anything, but I like to at least be able to hang on to the illusion that he enjoys being intimate with me. For me, telling someone one's name is the most basic form of respect. This subject has been brought up multiple times before. I've also asked before of escorts of any evidence that providing one's real name leads to negative consequences to the escort, and have yet to hear a positive response.

The reason it felt awkward was he was the first escort I reached out to ever and that was after reading this site for awhile so it wasn't something I was expecting. Nevertheless, I had fantastic experience.

 

Another reason is when I was younger, I gave myself a nickname that I only used in certain settings. Only a select few people in those settings knew my real name to the point where some people actually believed my nickname was my real name and almost no one outside of those settings knew I had a nickname. It was as if I had two distinct lives. Even to this day, the people from that circle still use my nickname instead of my real name when referring to me and I as well when I am talking with them.

 

Because of this, it's easy for me to be emotionally intimate with people I find to be honest about themselves in all aspects outside of their name. A name to me is little more than a signifier. What's behind the name is the important part.

[+ RJD]

As for how I feel, I actually find it awkward to be intimate, even for an hour, with someone whose name I don't know. I realize that he's not my boyfriend or anything, but I like to at least be able to hang on to the illusion that he enjoys being intimate with me. For me, telling someone one's name is the most basic form of respect.

 

So, you’re saying it’s not intimate to scream, “oh, give it to me ‘TenBySeven’ while you’re feet are pointing at the ceiling? ?

 

https://rent.men/TenBySeven

 

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with asking a provider whose RM name is something like TenBySeven what name he’d like to be called. He better be prepared for that and can decide whether to provide his real name or an alias.

[Monarchy79]

Kinda creepy, no?

Creepy as ultimate f@&!

[RandyVue]

I find all this use of fake names rather silly. I always use my real name. What are the escorts worried about? I'd be curious to hear from an escort who's gotten into trouble because a client knew his real name. And if someone wants me to send him an airplane ticket, I will send him a photo of my driver's license, or passport if it's from abroad, and he will send me his, or it's no go. I guess if I'm just hiring someone once, I don't really care. But if I hire someone 3 times and he still won't tell me his name, I won't hire him a 4th time. We've met 3 times, and you still think I might be some loony dude? And it's so easy to find their real names, I don't consider that stalking. So you like him and have shown interest. It doesn't mean you're going to break into his place in the middle of the night.

 

It’s not as much about fear as it is about being careful. Fear isn’t the point. When I was a provider I gave out my real name to a couple of guys who needed it for the purposes of purchasing plane tickets and what not, which makes sense. But it is entirely different for a provider to feel comfortable giving their real name or sharing any other info about their lives to a client, versus a client going behind the provider’s back to find out their real name, social media accounts etc. Why do they use different names? For the same reason some clients do: to protect their privacy and information. There are crazy people out there. People who will use your real name to then find out where you go to school, where you work, where you spend your free time, blackmail you, harrass/stalk you etc.

What could go wrong? Speaking from experience of dealing with a lunatic client, LOTS can go wrong.

So it should be the provider’s decision whether he feels comfortable disclosing what his real name is to a particular client. If you don’t understand that then I don’t know what else to tell you.

Edited December 5, 2020 by RandyVue

[xyz48B]

I find it hard to believe I’d be comfortable with a guy fucking me if I couldn’t tell him my name for fear of blackmail etc. If I was worried about that, I’d never agree to the meetup. So the idea that a provider wouldn’t give a real name is sort of beside the point of the bigger issue of trust and security. If I don’t trust you not to blackmail me, I don’t trust you to fuck me.

[+ sniper]

 

 

Another reason is when I was younger, I gave myself a nickname that I only used in certain settings. Only a select few people in those settings knew my real name to the point where some people actually believed my nickname was my real name and almost no one outside of those settings knew I had a nickname. It was as if I had two distinct lives. Even to this day, the people from that circle still use my nickname instead of my real name when referring to me and I as well when I am talking with them.

 

This is epidemic in gay rugby. Less so today but 15-20 years ago when there was more fear of losing jobs, etc. we had a lot of guys who were going by a nickname. And most people didn't realize that's what those guys were doing. The only person who would know their actual names was the guy in charge of the player registration with the governing body. And some I totally missed until years later were names of fictional characters on shows I didn't happen to watch...

[+ BenjaminNicholas]

As I've said before, if you have a ton to lose, this might not be the hobby for you.

 

Having to constantly cover your tracks, fabricate and double-think seems exhausting.

 

I can't imagine it makes any of this all that enjoyable.

[Guest]

It’s not as much about fear as it is about being careful. Fear isn’t the point.... blah, blah, blah...

 

OK. One more response from someone expressing concerns and fears without providing an example of how providing your real name led to calamity. I've been hearing that for years.

[spider]

A story from me. I hired a guy for years who went by, let’s call him Joe. In one correspondence he signed himself as, let’s say Tom. Puzzled, I relied “should I call you Joe or Tom?” After just long enough a pause to know he was pondering the response came. “Well, I professionally go by Joe, but now that you know I’m actually Tom, let’s just use that.

[xyz48B]

After just long enough a pause to know he was pondering

Always love that ? regardless when.

 

[RandyVue]

OK. One more response from someone expressing concerns and fears without providing an example of how providing your real name led to calamity. I've been hearing that for years.

 

I said in my answer that I personally dealt with a lunatic and gave examples. I shouldn’t need to go into detail about how bad it was and everything that took place. Id rather not relive it by going into detail. Others who read it seem to be able to put 2 and 2 together to make 4. If you can’t, then you have bigger problems, and details wouldnt have helped you understand anyway.??‍♂️

Edited December 5, 2020 by RandyVue

[Guest]

I said in my answer that I personally dealt with a lunatic and gave examples. I shouldn’t need to go into detail about how bad it was and everything that took place.....

What you said was "What could go wrong? Speaking from experience of dealing with a lunatic client, LOTS can go wrong." That's not providing even one example, let alone "examples." If you think "LOTS can go wrong" constitutes giving examples, your imagination is pretty wild. No one needs to go into any detail as to what went wrong as a result of giving one's real name to anyone, let alone a regular client. However, absent any credible examples, I will feel quite free in believing that the only lunacy is the paranoid imagination of some people.

[jeezifonly]

I never host.

The name I give them may or may not be my real name and I assume the same is true with them.

I find I rarely hire from the lot whose name is an adjective (even if it is dimensionally accurate)

I like the anonymity, personally.

[RandyVue]

What you said was "What could go wrong? Speaking from experience of dealing with a lunatic client, LOTS can go wrong." That's not providing even one example, let alone "examples." If you think "LOTS can go wrong" constitutes giving examples, your imagination is pretty wild. No one needs to go into any detail as to what went wrong as a result of giving one's real name to anyone, let alone a regular client. However, absent any credible examples, I will feel quite free in believing that the only lunacy is the paranoid imagination of some people.

 

Okay, dear. Bless your heart.

[+ sniper]

I am aware of one provider whose sugar daddy turned on him, got him in tax trouble, and tried to get a relative who was a cop in trouble as well. So yes, stuff can and does happen.

[Quincy_7]

I am aware of one provider whose sugar daddy turned on him, got him in tax trouble, and tried to get a relative who was a cop in trouble as well. So yes, stuff can and does happen.

 

I'm curious, what led to the breakdown of their relationship?

[+ sniper]

I believe the sugar daddy basically fell on hard times and tried to take the provider down with him. I only heard one side but I believed it.

[alrajee]

I'm friends with a photographer who does quite a bit of work with IG jocks and fitness "models." (Models in quotes because fitness models they're not.) He did some shots with one guy who I found out later on had a Rentmen profile.

 

I didn't want the opportunity pass and got in touch with him. After initial introductions, I told him that I recognized him from my photographer friend's work. I then said that if our close connection is too awkward, he is free to stop replying to my inquiry.

 

We had one meeting and eventually became Facebook friends.

[Guest]

I am aware of one provider whose sugar daddy turned on him, got him in tax trouble, and tried to get a relative who was a cop in trouble as well. So yes, stuff can and does happen.

I believe the sugar daddy basically fell on hard times and tried to take the provider down with him. I only heard one side but I believed it.

 

There's a huge difference between a sugar daddy relationship and a client-escort relationship. Obviously in the former it's a given that everyone knows each other's names, and the relationship is much more long-term and intimate. And it's very dangerous only knowing one side of the story. How could you know if he sugar baby didn't rip off his daddy? You don't think that happens? To get someone into tax trouble, you would have to know quite a bit more about a man than a client would normally know about an escort (though, of course, it certainly wouldn't surprise me if most of the escorts I've hired don't report 100% of their income).