jimbosf

This is about as personal an attack as I have ever seen here. It really should be deleted.

Guys need to have thick skin to post on here. I was nearly assaulted when I called a new provider “fresh meat”

I remember some other forums with members who had novels as their signature lines; 20 or so of their favorite quotes.  It was distracting seeing those over and over when they'd post multiple-one line responses to a topic. 

It’s still there, but only legitimate companies are going to adhere to it.  Scammers don’t give a shit about a no-call list.  Blocking calls doesn’t do anything because they just spoof a different number.  My rule is if you’re not in my contact list or I don’t recognize the number I’m not answering.  

We're coming close to a year following the loss of our beloved Daddy (@Guy Fawkes).  His efforts in running this place that many of us call home was nothing short of heroic.  He was the "one man band" who not only kept the lights on, but also helped keep us in line, managed the review site, and played mentor to many of us.  I know from first hand experience that it must not have been easy and that it was truly a labor of love for him.  
Part of what made us love him so much however was ultimately a challenge that almost cost this community its survival.  By taking on most everything himself, it left us in a spot where his death nearly meant everything he loved so much was almost lost.  When I agreed to help take over the technical operations of the site, improving the resiliency of this community was one of my top goals.  
I wanted to take a moment and share a brief update on where we stand with regards to ensuring the site goes on no matter what happens to anyone here.
Fixing the People Problem
Having a single person with the "keys to the kingdom" creates a single point of failure scenario.  In order to reduce the likelihood of this happening, the following changes have been made.  
We now have multiple full site admins.  Today, that is both @Cooper and myself.  Eventually I would like to expand this to one additional person so that should something happen to any of us, there would not be a significant amount of effort needed to cover for that person's loss.   You most likely by now have seen that we've grown our super moderator and moderator ranks quite a bit over the last year.  This was done intentionally for several reasons: It provides additional moderator coverage around the clock for the site.  We now have people on the west/central/east coast of the US and even someone based outside of the US.  This gives us better coverage to handle issues such as spammers or other important issues that might happen while part of the world is sleeping. It provides additional thoughts and view points as we debate our values and our guiding principles.   It reduces the workload of handling reported content for each of us while also ensuring if someone needs a break we don't end up in a "short handed" situation where the loss of someone means the rest of us end up overburdened.   Continuity of Operations
In the event something happen to me, I have documented all of the critical site components and usernames/passwords.  This information has been shared with @Cooper who is storing it offline should something happen to me.   In the event the site is unable to find someone who has system administration experience, I'm developing a plan where the site could be transferred to being hosted by Invision (the people that make the IPB software) as a managed service.  This is more expensive than the setup we have today, but it removes the hosting requirement as well as finding someone that knows how to manage servers, etc.  I'm still working on this documentation as the original version is outdated from when the site was moved to the cloud.   Fixing the Technology Problem
This past year has seen a number of scenarios where we've had "teething issues".  From times in which the server could not handle the traffic to the site, to bugs that have introduced unintended consequences, to "oops" moments where someone (*cough* me *cough*) fat fingered something that broke a part of the site.  
To provide additional scalability, the site is now hosted in Amazon EC2 (aka "the cloud").  When the site was first moved off of Daddy's server, I placed it on a VPS which worked, but did not have as much resources as we needed as the site began to grow.  As a result, I moved the site elsewhere and none of you even realized it!     The workload has been split into multiple servers in a manner designed to allow us to be able to scale as needed.  (We have a separate web, database, and search tier that can each be grown as needed.) As we grow, I can add load balancing and split the work among multiple web servers, database servers, etc.   Storage of files/uploads/attachments has been rearchitected to allow us to not worry about running out of space.  Anything uploaded to the site (gallery images, file attachments, etc) is independent from the site files themselves and won't effect the site operation. I have setup a development area that I can use to test/stage major changes to reduce the risk of problems as a result of updates and other feature changes.   Improving Security / Protecting Data
I have implemented TLS (formerly known as SSL) to encrypt the traffic between you and the site.  Not only do we leverage TLS, it's configured to the same standards used by banks to ensure someone does not sniff the traffic between you and us. In order to access ANY of the site's servers, you must first connect to a VPN.  There are no remote "back door" access areas to ensure someone cannot take over the server or do something catastrophic to the site.   I have implemented two factor authentication (2FA) for anything not directly behind our VPN such as the IPB admin area.  Even if someone guesses a password, they would also need to have a one-time password that changes every 30 seconds.  This reduces the chance of someone brute force attacking the site to try and take over control of it. I have setup multiple daily backups of all critical infrastructure components.  Specifically I have setup cloud-based snapshots that make a backup of the site daily that allows for quick restoration should something happen.  And in the off chance Amazon entirely disappear from the face of the earth, I have a separate daily backup that runs that stores files off-site in a different location.  That backup would take much longer to restore, but it would only be needed if we lost our primary site AND we lost our primary backups. Financial Continuity
This site has primarily been funded through member donations.  I sincerely appreciate EVERYONE'S contributions to this site.  We've had folks who have given their time and others who have given with their financial support and even some that have done both.  Each of these areas have been critical to being able to manage and grow the site.  (THANK YOU as well to each of you for your gifts!) In the coming weeks, I'm going to be adding a feature that would allow someone to setup a recurring donation if they don't want to have to remember to do so.  This is not meant to be a way to "push people to give", but instead be a convenience to those that would like to do so, but not need to remember to do it.   I'm looking at ways to try and monetize the site.  If you've accessed the site while not being logged in, you might have noticed ads embedded into the site.  These are shown only to guests, and disappear once logged in.  While the ad revenue does not provide all of the funding the site needs, it does provide a nice supplement without impacting our logged in members.   I'm also looking at potentially adding features or data to the upcoming review site that might be available as part of some sort of "premium" tier.  I don't have details on how or even if this would be sustainable, but it's something that I'm considering.  

BuffaloKyle my reasoning is quite simple.  I'm arrogant enough to believe that if an escort doesn't care enough to post his telephone number I don't care enough to pursue him.  As far as I'm concerned there are many, Many, MANY other fish in the ocean to pursue. 

Administrator’s Note:
Gentlemen, Let’s stick to the subject of the thread and stop the bickering. Btw, this is my only reminder. 

Who is marketed as breathtakingly gorgeous and hunky when you absolutely have zero interest in their physical appearance?
For me, it's a lot.
Ryan Gosling, Johnny Depp, Tom Cruise, George Clooney... none of them are attractive to me.
And yet who's more attractive?  Someone like Joseph Gordon-Levitt.

Not at all considered one of Hollywood's sexiest hunks but gorgeous imo.  I'd rather go out with him than Ryan Gosling.

Learning how to properly socialize is knowing how to disagree without taking a gigantic shit on the overall discussion.
You're a bit of a storm cloud here.  You don't have to be.  
I do hope you find a way to fit better into the mix.

I like the idea of speaking to your mother and father about being gay.  If seems important to you that they know and making a video or writing a letter to them and reading to out loud, may give you some of the closure you need.
28 is such a great age.  I known you life is heavily burdened with your mother's passing, but that was the end of her time on this earth, not yours.  Reevaluate what it is you want and do not give up on getting it.  Your thoughts of marriage and children being impossible for you is just not true.  You can try to make those things happen.  If you are not in a physical space where that can happen, you have the opportunity to change your life.  You are not beholden by tradition.  You are only beholden to yourself to make for yourself the best life you can. 
Condolences on your loss.  I hope to congratulate you soon on the gains you have made from this low place your are in now.  

Condolences to you, and thank you for sharing.  I would only say that it is important to give yourself time to move through your grief.  The process is different for everyone.  Try not to burden yourself with concerns about the future and possible loneliness - you have suffered a significant loss very recently and this will no doubt colour your current thoughts.  Let time bring some healing and then consider how you might wish to be involved in various groups or communities at your own desired level of comfort.  Take care of yourself.

Since you indicated your work circumstance is a source of significant stress, let me offer an insight. I was a manager in a Fortune 500 company for many years and had numerous occasions to evaluate performance of those who reported to me; not all of those evaluations were complimentary.
When individuals disagreed with my evaluations, I pointed out that these were my perceptions of their performance, and that if they wanted to change my perceptions, they should look at changing their performance. I didn't mean that as a smart-ass remark, but as a jumping off point for a suggestion.
You wrote that "some employees had concerns about [your] leadership approach," but didn't provide any details. I assume these concerns are of more recent origin as opposed to older complaints. Given all the changes in your family dynamics over the last two years, spillover of stress from home to work environments is understandable. I suggest that, as best you can, analyze how your interactions and communications with others at work may have changed over time, and why, because a problem defined is a problem half-solved. Then look at ways to retrofit the best of you to become the boss you once were. The gist is that something's changed, so find out what, how, and why, then fix it.
Sounds simple, and it is. But simple doesn't mean easy. Climbing Everest is simple; put one foot in front of the other and keep going up. Easy? Not so much.
If you can resolve some degree of workplace tension, things might ease up overall.
Also, remember you can do anything, but you can't do everything, and certainly not at the same time. Custer might have been president if he'd gotten the Indians to attack him over the hill one at a time. Make your "Indians" line up and attack them one at a time.
Hope this wasn't too folksy and best of luck in your efforts.

Antonio, thanks for sharing your challenges with us.   As I read your post I thought "this was me 20 years ago" (I'm 58 now).  At the time I was newly in a Director position, caring for my aging grandparents, going to school at night and renovating our first house.   I felt overwhelmed with all of the stresses, the elderly grandparents being the most stressful of all. 
A few suggestions, hopefully they will help.
A common thing emerging leaders need to learn is how to empower their staff, and delegate.  This means having conversations with them about their aspirations and interests, and giving them work even if they are "stretch goals".  If you are working that many hours...you are not delegating enough.   Staff are willing to take on additional work if it interests them, the work is meaningful, and you reward them.  Oh, and how does your calendar look?   If it's full of meetings all day....you are not delegating enough.  To lead effectively, you need free time to plan, organize, think about how to lead, and manage your relationships with your peers and other leaders.   How are you managing your time?   Use the Covey time management matrix.  Many emerging managers/leaders equate being busy (even too busy) with success.  If you are too busy doing tasks to lead your team, something needs to change. Get help where you need it.  There are agencies who help with elder care, even advising families like yours.  These are heart-wrenching decisions and especially difficult for the inexperienced.  Sounds like you are getting some help from other relatives too, that's good, but they all have their lives to live too.  Make the hard decisions.  It is difficult to manage relationships with aging parents, in many ways the roles have reversed....you are the adult and they are the child, but they are not willing to let go.   It's a balancing act for sure, but don't be afraid to make hard decisions if they are in the best interest of your parents (and your sanity).  See a counselor or a coach.  Managing aging parents includes real life, grown up, and complicated decisions.  Because many gay men are grownups without children we have been spared some of these "adult" responsibilities which makes them weigh even more heavily on us; and we lack the experience to work through them.  Most ppl in your shoes have already raised a family. Take care of yourself first.   Make sure you are getting your sleep, eating well and working out (if you like to).  You can't take care of others if you aren't taking care of yourself, and it sounds like you are reaching that breaking point. I hope this is helpful and I haven't crossed any boundaries.
Good luck on your journey, this is all fixable.....not overnight.   One day at a time my friend, and be kind to yourself along the way.
Jack

@xyz48B baby, take it from someone who has been there…..
When you post 5 times in one thread without anyone else replying in between your threads….
You’re obsessed. You’re only talking to yourself like a madman and it’s time to let this one go. 

Pepperoni with mushrooms!

The moderators will be huddling this weekend to do some planning for the site over the next several days. 

As a result… replies to emails, contact us messages, private messages responses, etc might be delayed. 

While we plan to work hard, I’m also of the mindset that we should play hard as well. So we may or may not possibly be partaking in stuffing dollar bills into the underwear of good looking male dancers. 

This means I’m also counting on y’all to behave while the moderators are otherwise occupied.  I’ll have my iPhone/iPad/laptop with me so I can absolutely be back here if needed.  But if y’all take me away from said stuffing of monetary denominations… I will not be a happy camper!
So to sum up what I’m saying here…
BE GOOD!
Rob 

I think people are confusing fitdavid with fitmusclexx

Honestly, I also found this comment to be rude, as well as unnecessarily nasty.  I'm glad that @Andie40 felt comfortable sharing his experience because I found both his account and the discussion it sparked interesting.  If this comment was meant as a joke, it bombed.
PS:  I'm going to take a piss now.  Oh, maybe I didn't need to announce that.

Dude, that is an extremely rude comment. What the fuck, man. 

Her appeal (or lack thereof) isn't my issue in this thread.  Singers are subjective.  Totally get that.
It's the staggering amount of misinformation presented as fact.

Eriss Rubio is the name.  If you do a search, several old threads will pop up dating back from 2007 until around 2012.  There was another young man very similar, also from LA, named Oliver who was active around the same time.  

I don't know what "dark side" this docuseries will show, but I am frequently perplexed when some models complain about how they were treated after entering the world of pornography.  Attempting to limit someone's outside success is deplorable.  Forcing someone to have sex is deplorable.  But sometimes the complaints seem to be more akin to regret about having gotten involved in pornography.  Assuming the person was of legal age and sound mind to consent, their decision to enter the pornography business was their own.  At any point -- again, assuming they aren't being forced to do things against their will -- they can decide they don't like what they are doing and leave the business or work for a different studio or, for that matter, themselves now that Fans sites have taken over the industry. 
Did anyone not involved with Playboy really think that Hefner was just some grandfatherly figure to these models?  I certainly didn't.  I assumed he had sex with most of them. 

Over the past few years many threads have been started on health issues. Most have gotten buried in the Lounge. Those threads are currently being moved into this Forum giving them the attention they deserve. Here you can ask questions and discuss health issues that currently concern us. Please post all health information here. Stay well! 

For me..
No provider can provide me a service that is worth $2000/night. Especially “for time.”
Who else here makes $2000 for 8 hours of work, of which some of it’s sleeping, potentially?
Unless it’s someone who I’ve booked before and knows me, and they probably already sort of enjoy our time together. And they give a break. 
 
I would potentially consider at this point $1500/ON for a porn star. Nothing more than $1200 for someone who’s not. I’m going to start saying no. But for an overnight, my limit is $1500…
Comment? Thoughts?

Or this: