Aaron_Bauder

False assumption, blanket statement, and mind reading in one sentence is pretty impressive lol

False assumption, blanket statement, and mind reading in one sentence is pretty impressive lol

Do escorts use Rentmen because that's where the clients are, or do clients use Rentmen because that's where the escorts are? Why not Friendboy, Mintboys, or Hunqz...or do in-the-know providers/clients use those websites as well?
 
Rentmen's monopoly is a bit frightening. Lack of robust competition does not strike me as good for an industry -- we all saw what happened due to the over-reliance on Rentboy. Rentmen's customer service is often non-responsive, and certain features, like RM Messenger, are pretty botched.
 
I also find it scary for (most) providers that one website can control their livelihoods.
 
Am I the only person who is wary of this website -- and its global collection of personal data and financial information from legally-vulnerable populations?

I agree Rentmen's monopoly is troubling, hence why their customer service is crap. It's also bad for the industry. If Rentmen ever goes down, that will be very disruptive. Never good to have so many eggs all in one basket.

My two best friends call me, "He From Whom No Secret Escapes." I believe my discretion has allowed me to maintain a good reputation with people in all areas of my life, including clients. For me, that includes allowing clients whatever degree of anonymity they want, as long as I feel safe. If I feel unsafe I trust my gut and move on -- declining, ignoring or blocking as warranted. I'm not offended when clients do the same when it comes to me, in fact I tell them to. Sometimes I misjudge them and miss out, sometimes they misjudge me and miss out. Unavoidable, as everyone has different biases and boundaries, and sometimes these conflict.
 
I've lost clients because there's certain nights when I don't feel safe doing outcalls, or because there's certain information I withhold until we confirm, or because there's certain communication methods I require to pass what I consider to be sensitive info. Most of it is basic stuff that nearly all serious clients don't think twice about, but some don't like it and that means we're not a match. Oh well.
 
On the flip side, a client canceled today because I refused to provide him with information he says his other hires readily give. I responded, "That's good, it means you have many other options and will be fine. So do I and so will I." He thanked me for being direct and wished me a nice day. It's all good!
 
I would never want the drama of blackmail in my life. Before we meet I usually only have a (possibly fake) phone number and go on to learn nothing more than clients tell me, definitely nothing about their finances. All emails and text messages sent and received are eventually deleted, and only a handful of consistent regulars are even saved phone contacts. My good reputation is such that I think I'm doing something right, but holding boundaries regarding my own privacy does come with a cost.

This.
 
It's a little too glib to say "well if escorts had setup like a proper business they'd be better off." One, the legal issues, fluctuating demand, and lack of support for sex work and workers reflected in the Rentboy and FOSTA attacks place barriers to business incorporation. Two, small businesses of all kinds are struggling right now, not just sex workers.
 
Unemployment is going broke and unemployment systems are crashing, affecting all unemployed workers. In addition, most non-W2 workers are waiting for the new unemployment process specific to them. Not just sex workers.
 
Due to the 2008 crash, our current economic safety net was redesigned to quickly help Wall Street financial markets and large corporations, but we still have not created a way to quickly help Main Street shops. The IRS is overwhelmed with stimulus and tax chaos, so banks were used as a middleman to help the SBA rush out loans. Banks didn't stop to consider the money wasn't meant for the "low-risk," high-capital, large-profit applicants banks prioritize in normal times. Thus most freelancers, sole proprietors, independent contractors, and mom-and-pop businesses with less than 100 employees ended up shut out of SBA Round One, not just sex workers.
 
And outdated SBA rules from decades ago excluded "purient" adult entertainment businesses (sex shops, strip clubs, porn studios etc) and their employees (porn stars, strip club waitresses/doormen/bartenders, porn actors and admin staff) from SBA and PPP. Traditional corporate structures did not help them.
 
I *am* one of the ones setup fairly professionally as a sole proprietorship and have, for years, paid taxes accordingly. The small business Facebook groups I'm in have frustrated people across industries.
 
I agree though on learning the "diversify income streams, spend less, and save more" lesson. I was already stepping in that direction due to the post-Rentboy, post-FOSTA/SESTA recession. Those steps are the only reason I'm not starving rn. I'm seeing why my Depression-bred grandparents were so frugal and savings-obsessed.

This.
 
It's a little too glib to say "well if escorts had setup like a proper business they'd be better off." One, the legal issues, fluctuating demand, and lack of support for sex work and workers reflected in the Rentboy and FOSTA attacks place barriers to business incorporation. Two, small businesses of all kinds are struggling right now, not just sex workers.
 
Unemployment is going broke and unemployment systems are crashing, affecting all unemployed workers. In addition, most non-W2 workers are waiting for the new unemployment process specific to them. Not just sex workers.
 
Due to the 2008 crash, our current economic safety net was redesigned to quickly help Wall Street financial markets and large corporations, but we still have not created a way to quickly help Main Street shops. The IRS is overwhelmed with stimulus and tax chaos, so banks were used as a middleman to help the SBA rush out loans. Banks didn't stop to consider the money wasn't meant for the "low-risk," high-capital, large-profit applicants banks prioritize in normal times. Thus most freelancers, sole proprietors, independent contractors, and mom-and-pop businesses with less than 100 employees ended up shut out of SBA Round One, not just sex workers.
 
And outdated SBA rules from decades ago excluded "purient" adult entertainment businesses (sex shops, strip clubs, porn studios etc) and their employees (porn stars, strip club waitresses/doormen/bartenders, porn actors and admin staff) from SBA and PPP. Traditional corporate structures did not help them.
 
I *am* one of the ones setup fairly professionally as a sole proprietorship and have, for years, paid taxes accordingly. The small business Facebook groups I'm in have frustrated people across industries.
 
I agree though on learning the "diversify income streams, spend less, and save more" lesson. I was already stepping in that direction due to the post-Rentboy, post-FOSTA/SESTA recession. Those steps are the only reason I'm not starving rn. I'm seeing why my Depression-bred grandparents were so frugal and savings-obsessed.

Disgaree with every word.
 
(Except enjoying the video of Vermont Jesus having to renege on his overpromising.)
 
Banks and corporations have the same social responsibilities as every other individual and entity in society. The jig is up. They cannot argue to courts that they are allowed to flood elections with money and lobby politicians for favorable regulations like people, run to taxpayers for bailouts, use the roads and infrastructure society has built, then claim they have zero responsibility to anything but their own bank account. That outdated Reaganite Boomer philosophy has failed and been exposed.
 
We don't live in a Vulcan society, but we don't live in a purely Darwinist one either. The American constitution is a social contract; it opens with "We the People" and starts off talking about "a more perfect union," "common defense," and "general welfare." It's not either/or, it's both/and. The needs of "the People" and the rights of individuals both have value and need to be respected, and no individual or incorporated entity operating under our constitution is exempt. The zero sum game Ayn Rand bullcrap era is over.
 
We have two very distinct parties. One wants to do something about climate change, the other denies climate science. One is controlled by a rage tweeting, pathological lying birther bigot leading a white identity politics and white grievance cult; the other reflects the diversity of America. One is arguing in court that businesses be allowed to cherry-pick from the Bible to discriminate against gays in commerce and employment, the other is fighting to protect US elections from foreign meddling. One wants tax cuts for billionaires and unrestricted gun violence; the other wants universal healthcare and sensible gun reforms.
 
The only people who pretend not see these differences are those whose privilege means they are fine no matter who is elected. Fortunately, an increasing majority of voters knows better, which is why one party has lost 7 of the last 8 popular votes, can no longer rely on vote suppression and the electoral college alone to win, and will soon have to start working for the people if it wants to continue to exist.

I'm certain I'm misunderstanding this, because I *know* you wonderful humans are tipping your deliveryfolk well given that they are 1) taking time to deliver your food/goods, 2) costing gas and vehicle wear and tear to do so, 3) essential workers putting themselves at risk, and 4) probably not wealthy, hence why they are taking the risk.
 
I'm guessing the actual meaning here is that you good folk are tipping some other amount, just not 20%. Right?

THIS. One of the few threads where everyone makes solid points, but Stu synthesizes all the emotional intelligence shown by many others here.
 
Ya, rescheduling happens all the time, but not 'on-the-fly' for professional appointments like, say, for a dentists' appointment or a job interview. Many forget escort/masseur appointments are similar because the service provided is intimate and the communication informal. You don't get to text your doctor an hour before your 5pm, "Hey, can we do 30 minutes early?" then "Actually, 40 minutes early." You might check in, but you likely wouldn't ask to be seen 30 minutes early, then just announce "I'll be there at 4:20" as if assuming they should be ready.
 
A 40 min difference in prep time *might* be the difference between you having a good and a crap one, depending on what else if going on in the escort's day that you don't know about. Good providers give professional service in an personal way *that hides the professionalism* and the transactional reality of this service. If meeting at 5, there's a list of things to do -- hidden from the client -- to create conditions for magic to happen: showering, cleaning up, meditating, Viagra timing, erasing from your psyche the weirdo you met with earlier...whatever. On top of day-to-day responsibilities, errands, and self care (like eating lunch). And as Stu points out, Rentmen don't have waiting rooms, receptionists, and assistants to help out. We do it all.
 
Most try to be accommodating, but in a poor moment I've gotten snippy with a well-meaning client who was the last straw in a pile of flakes, time wasters, and others who constantly devalue our time. That reaction is not okay; patience is required for this work, period. I just wish more clients were mindful that, like any other livelihood, our schedules are not endlessly flexible and the magic usually doesn't just happen out of thin air even when the best make it seem so. Probably most who need to hear that aren't on this forum.
 
I also agree with those who think sharing the alleged verbatim contents of a private escort interaction is inappropriate and unnecessary. It's dangerously close to a review, which is not allowed here.

THIS. One of the few threads where everyone makes solid points, but Stu synthesizes all the emotional intelligence shown by many others here.
 
Ya, rescheduling happens all the time, but not 'on-the-fly' for professional appointments like, say, for a dentists' appointment or a job interview. Many forget escort/masseur appointments are similar because the service provided is intimate and the communication informal. You don't get to text your doctor an hour before your 5pm, "Hey, can we do 30 minutes early?" then "Actually, 40 minutes early." You might check in, but you likely wouldn't ask to be seen 30 minutes early, then just announce "I'll be there at 4:20" as if assuming they should be ready.
 
A 40 min difference in prep time *might* be the difference between you having a good and a crap one, depending on what else if going on in the escort's day that you don't know about. Good providers give professional service in an personal way *that hides the professionalism* and the transactional reality of this service. If meeting at 5, there's a list of things to do -- hidden from the client -- to create conditions for magic to happen: showering, cleaning up, meditating, Viagra timing, erasing from your psyche the weirdo you met with earlier...whatever. On top of day-to-day responsibilities, errands, and self care (like eating lunch). And as Stu points out, Rentmen don't have waiting rooms, receptionists, and assistants to help out. We do it all.
 
Most try to be accommodating, but in a poor moment I've gotten snippy with a well-meaning client who was the last straw in a pile of flakes, time wasters, and others who constantly devalue our time. That reaction is not okay; patience is required for this work, period. I just wish more clients were mindful that, like any other livelihood, our schedules are not endlessly flexible and the magic usually doesn't just happen out of thin air even when the best make it seem so. Probably most who need to hear that aren't on this forum.
 
I also agree with those who think sharing the alleged verbatim contents of a private escort interaction is inappropriate and unnecessary. It's dangerously close to a review, which is not allowed here.

Yes. 20%+ had gotten to be a factor in going out anyway. Somehow delivery seems more of a lower-set-tip business. Getting away with a $5 or $10 tip on a $100 meal seems a bargain. I usually do carry-out and having just a tip-jar is really a bargain.

I have learned from experience to never suggest that I might be early. Too much pressure for the provider. Unlike business meetings and doctor offices, it is not as though they have a waiting area. They are a one-man show with a lot to do...eating, showering, cleaning up and prepping table or bed. It is such a personal service that I want them as relaxed as possible.

Even if I arrive 40 min early I don’t ask to change the time of the appointment, I just wait in my car watching YouTube videos. I assume escort is busy or maybe getting ready, etc.

My take (I realize with the benefit of reading about what happened).
 
You should have just stuck to 4:30p and not sent that additional text.
He should have handled the communication much better.
You should NOT have publicly called him out on this. It's not like he did something terrible like rip you off or hurt you.
 
I might think twice as a hypothetical client about hiring an escort if I knew he communicated like this. But I definitely would not want you as a client if I was a hypothetical escort after the shameful behavior you have demonstrated taking this minor disagreement public.

I prefer passenger pigeon.
 
They have gone extinct, so text is second-best. For those who dislike texting, a phone call is fine. I find that clients who follow good text/phone etiquette (polite, succinct, clear, direct) are most likely to actually book.
 
Bad texters (demanding, long-winded, those who want me to recite my ad again through texts, pic collectors) rarely follow-through with booking, phone call follow-through is also spotty, I wonder if my voice is too intimidating or if its because the clients who call me are typically the most paranoid, an observation based on voice tone. I can usually tell within minutes of texting or talking whether we'll actually meet or not.

Welcome to the world of escorting, trying to be Goldilocks for hundreds of different personalities a year.
 
Can't be too eager, can't be too distant. Can't be too expensive, can't be too cheap. Can't be too niche, can't be too vague. Be into me, but don't lie to me. Know what you're doing, but don't seem like you have too much mileage. Be professional, but don't be transactional. Be a sex god hooker, but be the boy next door. Give me exactly what I want, but read my mind.
 
Everybody is a critic. C'est la vie.

Welcome to the world of escorting, trying to be Goldilocks for hundreds of different personalities a year.
 
Can't be too eager, can't be too distant. Can't be too expensive, can't be too cheap. Can't be too niche, can't be too vague. Be into me, but don't lie to me. Know what you're doing, but don't seem like you have too much mileage. Be professional, but don't be transactional. Be a sex god hooker, but be the boy next door. Give me exactly what I want, but read my mind.
 
Everybody is a critic. C'est la vie.

Fear of haggling is another of example of these forums being a self-selected minority sample that differs from the majority of clients/escorts who don't post here.
 
Most of my clients don't have a problem with it. I feel it's best, if you have a budget, to be upfront. But I think it's best to give as much info as reasonable in the first 1-2 texts: "Married, discreet, 60s here. Looking for bf experience, you top. Available tonight 9pm, my hotel in Tribeca? Can do 280 roses for hr of your time. Privacy/discretion important. Thanks."
 
The who/what/when/where/how is thus out of the way, and now you can do the personality and compatibility dance for a bit before confirming. Don't understand why w can't just save everybody's time and energy by being direct, clear, concise, and complete.
 
Radio silence is perhaps the worst form of this poor communication, both rude and unclear at the same time. I block clients who do it, and have had some circle back months to years saying, "Been texting and calling, can't get through." When I tell them they were blocked because of having ghosted, then it's "Oh, didn't mean to, something came up." Okay, well just send a text saying "No longer interested, maybe another time" or "No longer available, will check you next trip." How hard is that?

I've inquired with other escorts about off-clock play, and gotten a yes because they found me mutually attractive
Hired other escorts (not often, a few times when traveling)
I've asked escorts for off-clock play, and been turned down (no more upsetting than being turned down anywhere else)
Played off-clock with other escorts I first connected with via a client who put together a group session (so, so hot)
Turned down escorts I've met in a client-organized group, who were convinced by my in-session acting/performance that I was super duper into them when I wasn't really (awkward)
I've been contacted by other escorts for off-clock play, and turned them down because they're not my type (some get really offended I'm not automatically into them, which is hilarious)
Hooked up with guys, then later found out they escort, then worked together

All sorts of scenarios happen. I would love to date another escort, active or retired, because sex work is a barrier to dating the kind of Ivy League/military "I work a desk job" boy next door type I'm drawn to. But I wouldn't date someone who's not my type just because he escorts too.
 
Very few would turn down a free hookup with a guy they find really hot.

I've inquired with other escorts about off-clock play, and gotten a yes because they found me mutually attractive
Hired other escorts (not often, a few times when traveling)
I've asked escorts for off-clock play, and been turned down (no more upsetting than being turned down anywhere else)
Played off-clock with other escorts I first connected with via a client who put together a group session (so, so hot)
Turned down escorts I've met in a client-organized group, who were convinced by my in-session acting/performance that I was super duper into them when I wasn't really (awkward)
I've been contacted by other escorts for off-clock play, and turned them down because they're not my type (some get really offended I'm not automatically into them, which is hilarious)
Hooked up with guys, then later found out they escort, then worked together

All sorts of scenarios happen. I would love to date another escort, active or retired, because sex work is a barrier to dating the kind of Ivy League/military "I work a desk job" boy next door type I'm drawn to. But I wouldn't date someone who's not my type just because he escorts too.
 
Very few would turn down a free hookup with a guy they find really hot.

Fear of haggling is another of example of these forums being a self-selected minority sample that differs from the majority of clients/escorts who don't post here.
 
Most of my clients don't have a problem with it. I feel it's best, if you have a budget, to be upfront. But I think it's best to give as much info as reasonable in the first 1-2 texts: "Married, discreet, 60s here. Looking for bf experience, you top. Available tonight 9pm, my hotel in Tribeca? Can do 280 roses for hr of your time. Privacy/discretion important. Thanks."
 
The who/what/when/where/how is thus out of the way, and now you can do the personality and compatibility dance for a bit before confirming. Don't understand why w can't just save everybody's time and energy by being direct, clear, concise, and complete.
 
Radio silence is perhaps the worst form of this poor communication, both rude and unclear at the same time. I block clients who do it, and have had some circle back months to years saying, "Been texting and calling, can't get through." When I tell them they were blocked because of having ghosted, then it's "Oh, didn't mean to, something came up." Okay, well just send a text saying "No longer interested, maybe another time" or "No longer available, will check you next trip." How hard is that?

Fear of haggling is another of example of these forums being a self-selected minority sample that differs from the majority of clients/escorts who don't post here.
 
Most of my clients don't have a problem with it. I feel it's best, if you have a budget, to be upfront. But I think it's best to give as much info as reasonable in the first 1-2 texts: "Married, discreet, 60s here. Looking for bf experience, you top. Available tonight 9pm, my hotel in Tribeca? Can do 280 roses for hr of your time. Privacy/discretion important. Thanks."
 
The who/what/when/where/how is thus out of the way, and now you can do the personality and compatibility dance for a bit before confirming. Don't understand why w can't just save everybody's time and energy by being direct, clear, concise, and complete.
 
Radio silence is perhaps the worst form of this poor communication, both rude and unclear at the same time. I block clients who do it, and have had some circle back months to years saying, "Been texting and calling, can't get through." When I tell them they were blocked because of having ghosted, then it's "Oh, didn't mean to, something came up." Okay, well just send a text saying "No longer interested, maybe another time" or "No longer available, will check you next trip." How hard is that?

Thanks for the luck and prayers lol
 
People are different. I once told a friend who kept demanding another friend come out to certain people to please stop it. I explained why it was not safe (physically, financially, and socially) for said friend to come out yet, or maybe ever depending on certain variables. I counseled him to have the maturity to know that not every gay man enjoys the exact same privileges as he and I did, to live openly.
 
I have made the choices on what's best and what's right for me and my background and circumstances, with relative success -- recognizing that there are gray areas and no perfect choices. I'm talented, smart, and blessed to be good at many things and great with people. I'm excited to be old enough now to trust my decision-making ability, and I am fully confident that I will thrive. Thank you for the well wishes.

Your example is not "out of desperation" and not applicable to my statement. I didn't say, "No client wants an escort who will shave $100+ to provide a simpler service."
 
I typically ask clients what they're into and whether they want full escorting or something else. If my escort rate seems exorbitant for the "something else," I do offer a massage-type rate instead. Not out of desperation, or even just fairness alone: many of these clients are now more reliable regulars, meaning I end up with more donations overall.
 
Goes back to the original question of smart/good business practice. I know some escorts think being flexible on rates is a dead end slippery slope, but it works for me. Again, sometimes I'm not in the mood, and no I don't ever sell myself too short or sacrifice my dignity, but why settle for 0% instead of 70%?
 
I have a favorite local healthfoods grocer that noticed I was visiting less and less after a competing big box chain opened up nearby. Owners offered me their pretty significant employee discount. Wasn't until budgeting months later I realized I was spending more there with the discount than I ever had before. Clever!