Limiting to One Provider

[PVink]

I recently had an amazing time with a new provider I found on MintBoys (pleasantly surprised!). He checks every box and even boxes I didn’t know I had. He’s local as well. I have contacts in multiple cities and am thrilled I found a local guy that I really enjoy and can see often.  I REALLY like this new guy and don’t feel the need to see anyone else.  I want to establish a regular thing with him. He meets all my expectations, so why bother looking for anyone else? I think the experience will be even better the more we get to know each other. Has anyone tried this before?   Basically committing to one provider? How has that worked out?

[NJF]

My gut tells me this infatuation will end sooner or later. 

[PVink]

I suppose there is a risk of becoming too infatuated as well. This could blur the lines of the provider/client relationship. And end negatively. 

[+ JamesB]

I’m all for having regular providers but I don’t believe in having just one. In my experience, relying on a single provider comes with several potential problems.

What happens when he’s unavailable or traveling? What happens when the “new” eventually becomes routine? What happens when he becomes so confident in your loyalty that he stops putting in the effort to keep you as a client? And yes, I think the chances of that happening are pretty high. Then there’s the possibility that he decides to leave the business altogether or moves to another city. Having to start from scratch at that point is a PITA.

Having a regular is great but I think keeping at least one or two good alternatives in the rotation is always a smart idea.

[jackcali]

I think having a regular who you see exclusively (or almost exclusively) is great.  That's my regular arrangement with my hires.  If I find someone I like a lot, I see them every week or two when we're available.  Many of my arrangements have lasted several months and a few have lasted between one and three years. 

BUT, as always, there are some caveats.  Some are mentioned in other comments, and I'm sure others will be added.  Here are the ones I've experienced:

1.  Don't forget that it's an arrangement.  It's not a romance.  While I guess it's possible that it develops into something more emotionally committed (there are many stories -- mostly in fiction -- about a man falling in love with a whore and making an honest woman out of her), it's not likely.  You'll be better off remembering at all times it's a transactional relationship, however close or emotionally intimate it becomes.

2.  These arrangements usually have a lifespan.  On the escort side, he may get into a relationship that precludes his continuing to escort (one of my regulars got married and his husband objected to his seeing me), his career circumstances may change so he either doesn't have the time or need the money to continue the arrangement, or he may just move away.   Or he may get bored with the arrangement or start to take it for granted, and if you're at all perceptive you'll notice the change right away.  

3.  Exclusivity on my part doesn't apply when the escort is unavailable for an extended period or if I'm traveling for more than a couple of days.  Exclusivity on an escort's part is not expected, of course, though I've had arrangements with non-pros who have told me that I'm their only client.  I have no way of knowing if that's true and honestly don't care that much as long as it doesn't interfere with our arrangement.  

4.  There is no way in my experience for the relationship NOT to become 'routine' after a time.  'Routine' can mean boring or it can mean comfortable, and you don't know which it will be until it happens.  If you're often excited by the new new thing, boredom can happen pretty fast.  If I'm feeling an arrangement is no longer providing what I want from it, I sometimes find it difficult to extricate myself, especially if I'm seeing a non-pro, as I worry that they're dependent on my patronage.  

To the OP, give it a try and see how it feels.  It's not like you're getting married and need to worry about financial or other consequences if it doesn't work out, but see him exclusively as long as the exclusivity makes you happy.  It often has with me.  

 

 

[+ RyanDean]

I had something like this evolve with one gent. I didn't intend to stop hiring others, and I didn't "establish" anything in any way, but it kinda just happened over a couple years. At some point, though, the situationship hit a glass ceiling of sorts, where each of our "real life" constraints began to impinge on what I believe to be an actual friendship growing between us. I took a step back, which wasn't easy for him to understand, but we stayed friendly over text and recently enjoyed our first "meetup" after more than a year. 

So I guess that is a long way to say: expect there to be bumps in the road, as there should be in any evolving, longer-term relationship.

[DMonDude]

You can hire just the one till suddenly you want another one. And that other one can be in place of or in addition to this one. It doesn't actually have to be a "commitment". Just do what ever you want and can afford to do in the moment. Keep it simple, it doesn't have to be "a thing".

Edited 10 hours ago by DMonDude

[jmichaeliii]

I tried this once when I first started hiring, then I experimented and figured out I like trying new things.

It will eventually happen.

[Mark_fl]

You said it yourself.  You are happy with this guy and don't feel the need to see anyone else. You aren't limiting yourself. You found what you like and are sticking with it. At the risk of being flippant, it's not all that much different from being loyal to a car brand or a style of shoe that's comfortable. 

You know what you like,  so why risk money on something there is a 95% chance you won't like as much?

I'm the same way. I don't like the stress of meeting a new provider. I'd love to find that local regular that checks all my boxes. I likely wouldn't go anywhere else when in the same location. 

I had a few I felt that way about, but sadly only one here in Orlando, and he was only here a short time.

[+ SirBillybob]

I am reluctant to pathologize infatuation, lest Gilead require a bail out.

I think that monogamish is less something you try than what you already are, within the confines of any given minute.
 

Edited 8 hours ago by SirBillybob

[PVink]

10 minutes ago, SirBillybob said:

I am reluctant to pathologize infatuation, lest Gilead require a bail out.
 

Are you saying we are like the men of Gilead?  

[+ SirBillybob]

51 minutes ago, PVink said:

Are you saying we are like the men of Gilead?  

Gilead Sciences, not the dystopian one. Aunt Lydia’s Gilead division has a rather disturbingly different business model with respect to reproductive health. Rape prep school vs PrEP. Though you may eventually discover an extraordinarily prolonged character feint, not unlike your new fave go-to. 

Edited 7 hours ago by SirBillybob

[+ SirBillybob]

19 hours ago, PVink said:

Basically committing to one provider? How has that worked out?

For me, quite well. Once locally for years. Currently abroad with my celibacy structured between visits; less ideal, and totally related to my satisfaction rating and not anybody else’s expectations, but maybe the distance itself is a factor. I should add that the latter single preference simmered over time, as comparators were sampled with no particular disappointment. 

The smouldering part is my lust, not remotely loyalty; I wasn’t born yesterday. But if it ain’t broke don’t fix it; it’s just that the unbreakable at that high level is rare. And Zane Phillips is unavailable. 

Edited 6 hours ago by SirBillybob

[PVink]

2 hours ago, SirBillybob said:

Gilead Sciences, not the dystopian one. Aunt Lydia’s Gilead division has a rather disturbingly different business model with respect to reproductive health. Rape prep school vs PrEP. Though you may eventually discover an extraordinarily prolonged character feint, not unlike your new fave go-to. 

Wow, I went in a completely different direction didn’t I? Freudian slip? 
 

I do believe I am programmed for monogamy, or at least whatever the opposite of random casual sex is.  Perhaps my own puritanical upbringing has influenced that mindset. 

[+ PhileasFogg]

20 hours ago, PVink said:

He meets all my expectations

It’s not about just meeting expectations.  I had one like that - nearly exclusive - and then he let me down seriously when he fell off the wagon…to a point that I’ve had to sue him on a civil matter.

The best way to protect yourself against emotional attachment (which will likely be a problem for him) is to have multiple guys.  It gives you both freedom 

[nomad]

8 hours ago, jackcali said:

there are many stories -- mostly in fiction -- about a man falling in love with a whore and making an honest woman out of her)

Hold up.  That wasn't real?! 😆

[nomad]

43 minutes ago, PVink said:

I do believe I am programmed for monogamy, or at least whatever the opposite of random casual sex is.  Perhaps my own puritanical upbringing has influenced that mindset. 

Try out without any preset conditions on either of you.  It's a little give and take which is natural.  Don't put unneeded pressure on you by labeling it anything.  Who needs that?  Focus on getting what you want out of it.  No harm done as long as your eyes are wide open about things.  There is something nice and comforting about a known thing versus rolling the dice on someone new and hoping it might work.  If at some point, you find you're no longer getting what  you need out it, you have the freedom to step back or move on.  Nothing wrong with that at all.

[Rayphactor]

12 hours ago, JamesB said:

What happens when he ... stops putting in the effort to keep you as a client?

I experienced this when I thought I had found the "perfect" provider and didn't see a need to hire others. He was so exceptional at his craft and checked boxes I hadn't even considered - he set the bar high on what I seek from providers. But it was a short whirlwind because the provider did exactly that ... didn't put forth an effort when I attempted to book our next session.  So, after giving him some runway, I had to walk away.

2 hours ago, PhileasFogg said:

The best way to protect yourself ... is to have multiple guys. 

Some of the best advice I've received. I'm on the search to find a handful of providers instead of just one or two.