Asian exclusion

[francisssgorg]

43 minutes ago, JamesB said:

I’m sorry you’ve been having these kinds of negative experiences.

I don't consider it as a negative experience now. Initially, I felt bad for myself. But overtime, I realized and I know for a fact that I have tons of other options. And thank you for your answer. These types of answers are the ones I am looking for. Non judgmental. 

[+ APPLE1]

@francisssgorg You are making an assumption about the other reditor's mindset and motives. YOU feel like you 'just found common ground.' No matter what HE said, he may have been looking for more, even if it was just pic exchange of each of you in cfnm scenes.

He certainly may have made assumptions about how Asians, and therefore you, look like physically. If the fantasies that get him hard are a power dynamic with some  dark haired, extremely furry, beast of a man towering over some woman who makes him get naked, then statistically most Asians I have known get a plus for dark hair, but likely fall short on furry and towering over.

And to be clear, my intent is not to support his silent exit from your  conversation.  

Edited April 2 by APPLE1
Punctuation

[Vulgarii]

On 3/31/2026 at 7:46 PM, Lucky said:

In my experience, it was lack of knowledge. I grew up in the Midwest where, then, there were few Asians. When I moved to San Francisco, that changed. It took me a while to realize that I was quite popular with Asians. One thing led to another, and I now prefer Asians.

Please don’t sell yourself short over the lack of experience many whites have when it comes to different races.

Are you White though? It's not a surprise if you moved to an area with more Asians and "became popular" as they are very open about preferring White men and women. 

I always found it funny that Asian individuals will talk about exclusion but they are the only ones besides whites that will still write on their grindr or hookup ads "whites only/whites A++++/whites to the front." 

...yet if a white person wrote that or if anyone else said no this or no that, they would scream racism and bloody murder.

[francisssgorg]

40 minutes ago, Vulgarii said:

I always found it funny that Asian individuals will talk about exclusion but they are the only ones besides whites that will still write on their grindr or hookup ads "whites only/whites A++++/whites to the front." 

...yet if a white person wrote that or if anyone else said no this or no that, they would scream racism and bloody murder.

I, for one, have never noticed that in hook up apps, primarily because I don’t really use them as much, but whenever I’m seeing asians on grindr or sniffies, I don’t really remember anybody putting “whites only” etc. I think to be honest, it’s more prevalent with straight couples, specifically asian women hunting for white men, not really in gay men community. But anyway, as I’ve said, I barely use those apps so I don’t know if my answer is accurate. But going back, that idea actually I think, was brought about by the westernization of some asian countries. Main stream media or tv etc., have taught asian countries and some other non western countries that the “ideal standard” is the western culture. Whether it’d be food, people, material things like cars, business brands etc. Like for example, in common porn sites, you would always find a lot of white men or western porn content options. You barely can see any other ethnicities unless you specify the search. It boils down to “western is the standard”. At the risk of getting bashed, I would use the word “glorifying” that standard too much. That’s why asian people think choosing the white/western option is the best option. But again, if that’s their preference, then people don’t have the right to incriminate them for it.

Same way as white men prefer only other white men, it’s preference, so nobody should ever relate that to racism. 
 

Side note: again, just to reiterate, the topic and the OP (me) NEVER intended to present the idea of racist or RACISM. None of those words were entered in the post. The question/observation is to enlighten asian gay men/asians in general as to why westerners PREFER other westerners MOST of the time. NOBODY IS ATTACKING ANYBODY ❤️ have a blessed day 🤗

[+ sync]

I believe it is helpful to recognize the divide between racism and preferences for personal intimacy.  I'm quite sure that many of us here have, and are having, very positive interactions with individuals of different ethnicities while having no desire for personal intimacy with them.

I'm African-American with an insatiable appetite for Asians, and I can report that during my lifetime I have had many very pleasurable intimacies with very attractive East Asian men.

It was some time ago when I was gorgeous (more gorgeous) while living and working in NYC, which is blessed with a sizeable Asian population (Chinese, Japanese, Korean, Filipino).

[Manhattan]

OP, I'm going to give my speculation in answer to your question. I know that you were not trying to bring up racism - just asking about habits and patterns.

It's only my experience and many of you might disagree, but twenty or thirty years ago there was a perception that gay Asian men in NYC were clingy and pushy. There were far fewer Asian men in town and many were living in fairly closed communities. Homosexuality was so shameful in most Asian cultures that it seemed like the only gay Asian men you encountered were men who could never pass as straight. Stereotypes about being small of frame and penis were reinforced by my experiences. Communication could be difficult as the language barrier was still quite strong.

Now NYC has a large population of Asian students and graduates thanks to NYU and other educational institutions. Due to improved nutrition, Asians are rapidly gaining size in all areas. And of course the internet made communications much easier. It's no longer unusual to meet a straight appearing, tall, well-hung Asian and for better or worse, those are qualities a lot of gay men find attractive.. However, assumptions take time to fade and I think the idea of Asians as "other" is still around for some.  

As for racism and fetishization - these are just words that people use to judge and control the behavior of others. 

People should associate with, and have consensual sex with whomever they want. for whatever reason they want. Excluding any group means missing out on a lot, but that's a choice.

[marylander1940]

On 4/1/2026 at 12:19 AM, BSR said:

I think you’re onto something.  Even though I’m Asian myself, but for a few exceptions I was never really into Asian guys.  But now that I’m living in Manila, holy sh!t, my head is on a swivel checking out all the cute Filipinos.  I’m sitting at Starbucks right now trying (but failing miserably) not to be too obvious while staring at one of the most beautiful men I’ve ever seen.  Not the most beautiful just in the Philippines or Asia, but anywhere.  Oh gawd, security is about to kick me out for stalking, eek!

Once you get past the imprinting, there’s a whole wide world out there.

I agree, there's something about Filipinos maybe because they're slightly different, they tend to be taller and of to a degree of mixed race (Spanish and American). 

 

[marylander1940]

On 4/2/2026 at 3:59 PM, Vulgarii said:

Are you White though? It's not a surprise if you moved to an area with more Asians and "became popular" as they are very open about preferring White men and women. 

I always found it funny that Asian individuals will talk about exclusion but they are the only ones besides whites that will still write on their grindr or hookup ads "whites only/whites A++++/whites to the front." 

...yet if a white person wrote that or if anyone else said no this or no that, they would scream racism and bloody murder.

I've noticed that too.