Provider Cancels on Weekend Getaway at the Last Minute

[FaustOust]

I recently hired a provider I’ve frequented to join me for a weekend getaway following my business trip.   Our trip had been planned for quite some time in advance. The day before we were scheduled to meet, he cancelled via text message. Apparently, he had just returned from another excursion, I presume with another client, and was delayed getting back.  That delay gave him less than a 36-hour turn-around before having to go away with me. He cancelled because he felt that he would not have sufficient time to decompress from his previous trip, and he would be too tired “to give me the kind of experience I deserved” and hoped that we could reschedule.   However, when he cancelled, I was already at the destination, had booked the hotel, had invested in concert tickets and other reservations, and was essentially stranded for a rendezvous that never occurred, which was not the experience that I thought I deserved. The amount of time between his travels was always a known quantity, and something he could control when scheduling.

Am I being unreasonable by thinking that he could have made this work if he really wanted to?  A bouquet of flowers would have been a classy apology — but there was none.  I get the impression that cancelling in this manner was no sweat off his brow. Should I not hire him again, or is being stood up in this manner a risk, and cost, one assumes when travelling with escorts? How should I respond, if at all?

[+ ApexNomad]

1 hour ago, FaustOust said:

I recently hired a provider I’ve frequented to join me for a weekend getaway following my business trip.   Our trip had been planned for quite some time in advance. The day before we were scheduled to meet, he cancelled via text message. Apparently, he had just returned from another excursion, I presume with another client, and was delayed getting back.  That delay gave him less than a 36-hour turn-around before having to go away with me. He cancelled because he felt that he would not have sufficient time to decompress from his previous trip, and he would be too tired “to give me the kind of experience I deserved” and hoped that we could reschedule.   However, when he cancelled, I was already at the destination, had booked the hotel, had invested in concert tickets and other reservations, and was essentially stranded for a rendezvous that never occurred, which was not the experience that I thought I deserved. The amount of time between his travels was always a known quantity, and something he could control when scheduling.

Am I being unreasonable by thinking that he could have made this work if he really wanted to?  A bouquet of flowers would have been a classy apology — but there was none.  I get the impression that cancelling in this manner was no sweat off his brow. Should I not hire him again, or is being stood up in this manner a risk, and cost, one assumes when travelling with escorts? How should I respond, if at all?

Everything comes with its risks.

While it’s commendable that he prioritized your experience, the timing of the cancellation is concerning, especially given the significant commitments and expenses you had already incurred. In situations like this, clear communication and accountability are reasonable expectations, especially with a provider whom you’ve already frequented. 

If you believe this cancellation was avoidable, it may be worth considering whether this provider’s reliability aligns with your expectations for future arrangements. Ultimately, you deserve to work with someone who truly values your time and investment. The choice to respond is yours.

[livelovereset]

Per your account and what you've expressed it seems is though you already have a strong command of the situation. Given how you've outlined the scenario and subsequent interactions it appears that your time wasn't prioritized and you weren't offered a suitable alternative. If you truly believe that the provider could have made a necessary adjustment to ensure to honor the commitment and it's probably best for you to not seek audience with them again.

[MscleLovr]

My advice is different.
 

These things happen. And travel sometimes involves delays (cancelled flights, lost baggage etc). The man’s explanation was straightforward, and my guess is that you wouldn’t want to have started your weekend with a stressed and tired date.

Since you obviously enjoy his company, I suggest you see him for another date of an hour when you want. Towards the end of that date, you might calmly discuss what happened and how you felt. This would help you judge better whether another weekend would work.

I’d have liked more specific detail. From what you wrote, @FaustOustyou were there at least a day before your weekend date was due to start. Did he know your travel plans? Had you discussed your bookings of concerts, dinners etc with him in advance?

I always enjoyed longer dates when I was single. And when I discussed the options with a man, I’d be sure to get the details bolted down - not only flight times, concerts or plays we might see, the hotel etc, but also what time I’d pick him up, what sort of clothes he might need (eg beach resort casual but dinner one night at a Michelin starred place) and what sort of time we’d return and I’d drop him off at home.
 

It may seem ‘anal’ or ‘obsessive’ to go into all the minutiae but many young men have never booked their own vacations or an overseas trip, so they might not consider their passport validity. And it helps the young man to focus on all that’s required for him to be ready to go when you want to leave for the weekend. 

 Nonetheless, doing all that I suggest is necessary, I too have been disappointed. One time, a guy I’d had a lot of fun with on overnight dates was very excited to come with me to Africa. I’d given him times, dates etc but only on the day of travel, he found his passport had expired. Another time, I arranged a weekend date with an LA guy who was hugely popular and raved about here. When I called to give him the hotel-room number the first afternoon, he made a weak excuse to cancel - I called him back an hour later using a phone unknown to him, and found he was available that evening - surprise!

[+ JamesB]

I’ll be the bad guy here. If the roles were reversed and you had to cancel, he’d likely expect compensation from you. The fact that he only gave an excuse without offering anything for your time and expenses says a lot. I’m not big on second chances, almost every time I’ve given one, I’ve regretted it. I’d just move on.

[Occasional]

4 hours ago, MscleLovr said:

The man’s explanation was straightforward

That doesn't mean it was true!

[BuffaloKyle]

I echo @MscleLovr pretty much. I tend to believe that the provider did encounter delays returning home and just was not feeling up to another trip so soon. To turn down a nice weekend rate payment would tell me he truly couldn't make it. I know you were stranded then having to basically go solo to a concert which totally sucks. If you enjoy spending time with him though just hire him for hourly sessions from now on. I hope perhaps too you found a provider local to where you were to spend some time with.

Edited February 26 by BuffaloKyle

[maninsoma]

He only had 36 hours to "decompress."  Poor guy.  Does he realize that most 9 to 5 working people have only about 60 hours to decompress each weekend, and they have to do that week in and week out?  I realize that 36 hours is different than 60 hours, but I think that 36 hours should be sufficient between clients.  Hell, one time I was with a provider for a few days who had a subsequent week long appointment immediately after mine.  If an escort actually enjoys being with clients, I don't see how having a day and a half in between clients is insufficient to resume work.

At any rate, the big problem is that the escort took control of the situation without any input from the client.  Whether it's because he assumed he was doing the right thing for the client (his stated "I won't be my best") or because he simply only cared about his own feelings, I think a smarter provider who wanted to cancel an appointment like the one described would have had a conversation with the client along the lines of: "My return from a previous engagement was delayed and I'm afraid I won't be able to give you my best this weekend.  Would you rather I come anyway or can we just reschedule this for another time?" 

I wouldn't hire the guy again.  At the very least, he should have realized that his last minute cancellation likely caused some financial loss for the client and he should have discussed some way to address that (reduced fee for a different appointment, splitting the cost of a hotel that cannot be canceled, reimbursement of airfare, whatever).

Edited February 26 by maninsoma

[FaustOust]

5 hours ago, MscleLovr said:

Did he know your travel plans? Had you discussed your bookings of concerts, dinners etc with him in advance?

He was aware of my plans and we had discussed all the activities that we had planned, as I had solicited his input. He seemed to be looking forward to it, but apparently was indifferent, at best.

[SirBillybob]

I don’t know.

[BrickBuilder]

I view this experience the same way I would view a last minute cancellation of just a couple of hours.

Things happen and some situations are unavoidable.   Giving a reason is 1/2 the discussion.  Providing a followup alternative or resolution is the other 1/2.   If a provider cancels on me last minute and says ABSOLUTELY NOTHING else, I end up writing him off.  It is no longer worth it for me to chase guys that do not seem to want to meet me half way.    If he includes an alternative resolution such as "hey I have time ...<and gives some alternatives>" or "can we meet tomorrow same rate but longer period", it tells me that he wants to try to build some rapport.   

Have I cancelled on a provider last minute or within a day or so?  Yes I have....medical issues, weather/business issues that delay or cancel a trip, the provider is 2 hours late and now I have to be at a different engagement (like dinner, a show, etc).  I try to always offer to meet at my next available time and or my next trip.   Sometimes I am ghosted, called a time waster, but most of the time (especially if I have hired him before) we figure out a workable solution.

For your case, it does not seem like he would even show up a day late after resting....I may not know all the detailed discussion, but I for one would re-evaluate my future engagement with him.  

[+ BenjaminNicholas]

16 hours ago, FaustOust said:

Am I being unreasonable by thinking that he could have made this work if he really wanted to?  A bouquet of flowers would have been a classy apology — but there was none.  I get the impression that cancelling in this manner was no sweat off his brow. Should I not hire him again, or is being stood up in this manner a risk, and cost, one assumes when travelling with escorts? How should I respond, if at all?

No, you're not being unreasonable.  He makes his own schedule.  He knows the risks he's taking when it comes to the very real possibility of flight delays.

What he should have done is suck it up and gone through with your engagement.  We all do it when we have to.

Sure, there are times when a previous delay makes it impossible to get to your next client, but this was a case where he chose to cancel on you.  What's worse is that he didn't do it in a business-savvy way to keep you less disappointed.  

Like you said, flowers, a heartfelt phone call, a bottle of wine delivered from room service, etc.  There are a million little things you can do that would soften the sharp edges.

What should you do now?  That depends on how forgiving you are and how much you enjoy his company.

[+ Jamie21]

14 minutes ago, BenjaminNicholas said:

What he should have done is suck it up and gone through with your engagement.  We all do it when we have to.

Exactly this. He’s not professional. He should offer you some alternative, 50% discounted next booking (if you want to take that risk). Sounds like he just said ‘sorry I can’t come’ and made it sound like he was doing you a favour. Very poor form. Move on from him. 

[JeffsterLA]

I love how you all refer to the guy as a “provider” rather than a hooker or escort. It’s like referring to an amateur porn maker a “content provider.”  Let’s all whitewash smut by giving it respectable names lol. 

[JeffsterLA]

53 minutes ago, Jamie21 said:

Exactly this. He’s not professional. He should offer you some alternative, 50% discounted next booking (if you want to take that risk). Sounds like he just said ‘sorry I can’t come’ and made it sound like he was doing you a favour. Very poor form. Move on from him. 

You’re dealing with a hooker. It’s the same as dealing with a drug dealer. Both illegal trades and not “professions.” You’re not shopping at Nordstrom, Karen. 

[CuriousByNature]

1 hour ago, BenjaminNicholas said:

What he should have done is suck it up 

Perhaps this is exactly what the OP wanted him to do

[CuriousByNature]

Just now, JeffsterLA said:

You’re dealing with a hooker. It’s the same as dealing with a drug dealer. Both illegal trades and not “professions.” You’re not shopping at Nordstrom, Karen. 

Oohhh.  That's unnecessarily harsh, isn't it?  And not exactly apples to apples...

[JeffsterLA]

4 minutes ago, CuriousByNature said:

Oohhh.  That's unnecessarily harsh, isn't it?  And not exactly apples to apples...

How so? He’s an escort right? It’s prostitution. No?

Edited February 26 by JeffsterLA

[+ BenjaminNicholas]

8 minutes ago, JeffsterLA said:

You’re dealing with a hooker. It’s the same as dealing with a drug dealer. Both illegal trades and not “professions.” You’re not shopping at Nordstrom, Karen. 

Not professions, eh?

Yeah...  Tell that to my investment portfolio.

Don't be a dick.

[marylander1940]

18 hours ago, FaustOust said:

I recently hired a provider I’ve frequented to join me for a weekend getaway following my business trip.   Our trip had been planned for quite some time in advance. The day before we were scheduled to meet, he cancelled via text message. Apparently, he had just returned from another excursion, I presume with another client, and was delayed getting back.  That delay gave him less than a 36-hour turn-around before having to go away with me. He cancelled because he felt that he would not have sufficient time to decompress from his previous trip, and he would be too tired “to give me the kind of experience I deserved” and hoped that we could reschedule.   However, when he cancelled, I was already at the destination, had booked the hotel, had invested in concert tickets and other reservations, and was essentially stranded for a rendezvous that never occurred, which was not the experience that I thought I deserved. The amount of time between his travels was always a known quantity, and something he could control when scheduling.

Am I being unreasonable by thinking that he could have made this work if he really wanted to?  A bouquet of flowers would have been a classy apology — but there was none.  I get the impression that cancelling in this manner was no sweat off his brow. Should I not hire him again, or is being stood up in this manner a risk, and cost, one assumes when travelling with escorts? How should I respond, if at all?

 

Some folks get home at night and wake up early the next morning to go back to a shitty job they don't like, some even have 2 jobs the same day! 

If this is true it shows a lack of work ethic! 

[JeffsterLA]

9 minutes ago, BenjaminNicholas said:

Not professions, eh?

Yeah...  Tell that to my investment portfolio.

Don't be a dick.

Are you a hooker? What does that have to do with your investment portfolio (which, btw, 95 percent of us here have one, so your attempt at elitism fell flat)?

[marylander1940]

16 minutes ago, JeffsterLA said:

You’re dealing with a hooker. It’s the same as dealing with a drug dealer. Both illegal trades and not “professions.” You’re not shopping at Nordstrom, Karen. 

Drug dealers get you hooked on a deadly habit, escorts make our lives better, give us joy, etc. At least that's my experience! 

12 minutes ago, JeffsterLA said:

How so? He’s an escort right? It’s prostitution. No?

and that makes us Johns, right? 

8 minutes ago, BenjaminNicholas said:

Not professions, eh?

Yeah...  Tell that to my investment portfolio.

Don't be a dick.

I couldn't agree with you more!

Part of the profession is knowing what to do with the money and that's what makes the difference between gentlemen who escort and others. 

 

[+ DrownedBoy]

This boy acted completely unprofessional, and his excuse was just laziness. You lost money because of him, and he should have pushed himself.

Give his information on the deli so we can avoid him.

[+ Jamie21]

30 minutes ago, JeffsterLA said:

You’re dealing with a hooker. It’s the same as dealing with a drug dealer. Both illegal trades and not “professions.” You’re not shopping at Nordstrom, Karen. 

Well you certainly made it clear to everyone about who you are didn’t you. 

[marylander1940]

Gentlemen: