When to tell a provider I’m a virgin?

[ShortCutie7]

2 hours ago, d.anders said:

Sounds a little too exuberant to me, but it's been a long time since I experienced a sexual first. Or maybe I'm just too old now to get overly excited about anything. When I hear someone mention "unlocking the gates of heaven," I think about death. Not a visit with Simon Suraci.

I had a similar exuberance after my first time, and in fact just this past week after an amazing encounter with a provider.  Those of us who are less experienced are also less desensitized.

[Peter Eater]

On 1/26/2025 at 5:26 PM, BenjaminNicholas said:

This is also what I would recommend.

An escort is only going to exacerbate your social issues by making it too easy. 

You need to force yourself to make friends, go out, be social, fail, succeed.  This is life.

Live life. 

Live life now.

Shorter version: Come out. The closet kills.

[Peter Eater]

On 2/6/2025 at 3:38 PM, 246sbsslc said:

No longer lost; No longer lonely (even though still alone); My soul has been salvaged; The gate of heaven has been unlocked; Let the wild ride begin + continue

Congratulations! Sounds great. Next time, try fisting. That’ll really open you up. 

[d.anders]

2 hours ago, ShortCutie7 said:

Those of us who are less experienced are also less desensitized.

That's probably true. But here's the ugly truth, experience brings forth the good and the bad. An inexperienced gay guy needs to get smart about the bad, so he can make better choices for himself.

1 hour ago, Peter Eater said:

Next time, try fisting.

I'm all for sexual exploration, but when we're talking about the extremes, I highly recommend an inexperienced guy does his research, like having a conversation with a gay doctor if you can find one (not easy). I have too many gay friends in my age circle (over 50) who are now experiencing serious health issues with their rectums. Some of these guys are in agony, and most people don't want to talk about this stuff. Be careful what you wish for.

[ShortCutie7]

3 hours ago, d.anders said:

That's probably true. But here's the ugly truth, experience brings forth the good and the bad. An inexperienced gay guy needs to get smart about the bad, so he can make better choices for himself.

I'm all for sexual exploration, but when we're talking about the extremes, I highly recommend an inexperienced guy does his research, like having a conversation with a gay doctor if you can find one (not easy). I have too many gay friends in my age circle (over 50) who are now experiencing serious health issues with their rectums. Some of these guys are in agony, and most people don't want to talk about this stuff. Be careful what you wish for.

To be clear, I am inexperienced in terms of great, recent, and/or anal experiences.  I had my share of neutral oral-only experiences back when I was more active, and was never really into anal (until now, which is why I’m trying to get more experience topping providers since I find bottoming uncomfortable and don’t want the rectal issues you mentioned).

[jazeboy]

23 hours ago, Peter Eater said:

Shorter version: Come out. The closet kills.

In an ideal world. But it's so hard ... and all the more so the older you are. I wish I had the courage when I was younger. I wish the world was more tolerant / accepting when I was younger.

[Peter Eater]

On 2/9/2025 at 6:53 AM, jazeboy said:

In an ideal world. But it's so hard ... and all the more so the older you are. I wish I had the courage when I was younger. I wish the world was more tolerant / accepting when I was younger.

It would help if you were more tolerant. Start there.

 

 

[Grey3588]

Some people actually say in their posting that they like working with inexperienced people. And i bet they mean that, sincerely, and that they are fun and attentive as a result. 
 

but i dont think people will have aaaannny issue with it. Most likely itll be a major net positive. I would definitely bring it up thoug , especially if you plan to bottom at some point, be cause if youve never done so, i feel like its better for the top to ease into a bit because it takes some mental rewiring to not let all your muscles seize up on confusion lol

[Wings246]

It’s been 8 months since I started this thread and I realize it was resurrected recently.

I was a silent bystander on CoM for a long while before I summoned the courage one day to create an account to pose a question.  I did (still do) benefit from reading others’ Q&A so I feel somewhat obligated to answer my own questions to shed some light on the subject I created myself.

1.     I did end up telling all the providers I met about my (lack of) experiences beforehand.  I am extremely lucky in that they are all kind, understanding, and receptive professionals who accommodate my needs.  It is true that there isn’t anything they haven’t seen or heard before.  It was silly of me to think that they would be surprised by my full disclosures.

2.     All my appointments have been 2-hour long.  I am not the bang-bang, hit-and-run type — at least not yet (Who knows?  I may evolve into one eventually).  I still need the time to gradually ramp up the temperature.  So to me, 1 hour would be too rush and stressful.

3.     A few providers told me they never hosted for the 1^st appointment to prevent letting psychopaths and serial killers/rapists into their homes, which is totally understandable.  They prefer to meet in a 3^rd party location (e.g. hotel) to assess the sanity of the clients first.  Thus, in-call versus out-call is not necessarily the client's choice.

Lastly, I do sincerely appreciate everyone’s inputs here.  I even find the ones that appear to be sarcastic, bitter, or toxic somewhat amusing and eye-opening.  Thanks for your contributions.

[jeezifonly]

As a client of 20+ yrs, I make a regular practice of telling mine just as they're about to stick it in. Almost always gets me an additional 10m on the house. 😂

[GentJ]

On 1/26/2025 at 8:26 PM, BenjaminNicholas said:

This is also what I would recommend.

An escort is only going to exacerbate your social issues by making it too easy. 

You need to force yourself to make friends, go out, be social, fail, succeed.  This is life.

Live life. 

Live life now.

I couldn't disagree more with this. For those who are starting off a bit late, those who haven't found their way through using the bars or the apps. Escorts make great 'training wheels'. People are fucking mean on the apps. And let's be honest, bars aren't the places to meet new people that they were in decades past. Start on 'easy mode'. Gain confidence. Then do the platforms/bars/apps. 

[Wings246]

On 10/6/2025 at 2:23 PM, GentJ said:

Escorts make great 'training wheels'.

This is my exact thought.  I was hesitant to use the phrase, “training wheel,” because it may sound a bit abusive, condescending, or offensive to some.  I am glad to hear a provider describing it this way.  I can almost liken the relationship to that of having a personal trainer in the gym: he helps me to start the engine and once I feel comfortable enough, I will go out to drive on my own.

I guess it may be difficult for the majority to understand the minority — the middle-aged novice.  I bet most of you can’t even begin to imagine how tough it was for me to express myself anonymously here, let alone to place everything in real-life context.  To me, at the very least, the providers I met have helped me take the first steps to free myself from my psychological prison.

[Nightowl]

7 minutes ago, Wings246 said:

This is my exact thought.  I was hesitant to use the phrase, “training wheel,” because it may sound a bit abusive, condescending, or offensive to some.  I am glad to hear a provider describing it this way.  I can almost liken the relationship to that of having a personal trainer in the gym: he helps me to start the engine and once I feel comfortable enough, I will go out to drive on my own.

I guess it may be difficult for the majority to understand the minority — the middle-aged novice.  I bet most of you can’t even begin to imagine how tough it was for me to express myself anonymously here, let alone to place everything in real-life context.  To me, at the very least, the providers I met have helped me take the first steps to free myself from my psychological prison.

I for one understand.  You’re in good company.