Asking for fun outside the session

[Michael PhD]

Hello,

 

I have been seeing a masseur for about 7 years. At first it was professional with the standard sensual elements at the end… mutual touch, happy ending. 
 

After a few visits, he began blowing me. When scheduling sessions thereafter, we would flirt a bit via text and I commented on his great ass and the next session he asked me to top him. Since then, he bottoms for me after the massage is over almost every time. We have never played outside of a session. 
 

Early on after I started seeing him, I met his husband. We hit it off and had a great conversation. Every time I get a massage, if he’s there, we chat for 20-30 min at the end. 
 

I saw my masseurs hubby on Grindr and connected there. We talked about wanting to play (open relationship) years ago but couldn’t figure out our schedules to make it happen. We both ended up in Las Vegas for work in mid 2024 and played then and have met a couple of times since then.
 

My masseur doesn't know and even though they’re open, they don’t talk about stuff they do alone. My masseurs husband wants me to bring up the idea of a threesome to my masseur so that we can all play together and potentially have more opportunities to see each other but he doesn’t want me to mention that I’ve already played with his husband. 
 

Curious to get peoples opinion? I was thinking if I brought it up casually I could just see his reaction and determine if I should pursue the issue? I mentioned this to a bud who posts here regularly and he thought it was a bad idea. I don’t want to miss out on seeing my long time masseur but at the same time I’m very intrigued about seeing what can happen? 
 

I imagine some may think it’s a really bad idea and I find this forum to be very helpful so appreciate hearing any perspective from those willing to share. 

Edited January 6 by Michael PhD

[+ BenjaminNicholas]

Let sleeping dogs lie.

If the guy wants to bring a third in and it's his relationship, he needs to man up and do the asking.  Not you.

If this goes South, you could end up losing  D) All of the above.

Edited January 5 by BenjaminNicholas

[Michael PhD]

Just now, BenjaminNicholas said:

Let sleeping dogs lie.

If the guy wants to bring a third in and it's his relationship, he needs to man up and do the asking.  Not you.

If this goes South, you could end up losing  D) All of the above.

Appreciate the quick response. That’s what my gut tells me also… your perspective has always been helpful Benjamin. Thank you. 

[+ ApexNomad]

16 minutes ago, Michael PhD said:

Hello,

 

I have been seeing a masseur for about 7 years. At first it was professional with the standard sensual elements at the end… mutual touch, happy ending. 
 

After a few visits, he began blowing me. When scheduling sessions thereafter, we would flirt a bit via text and I commented on his great ass and the next session he asked me to top him. Since then, he bottoms for me after the massage is over almost every time. We have never played outside of a session. 
 

Early on after I started seeing him, I met his husbands. We hit it off and had a great conversation. Every time I get a massage, if he’s there, we chat for 20-30 min at the end. 
 

I saw my masseurs hubby on Grindr and connected there. We talked about wanting to play (open relationship) years ago but couldn’t figure out our schedules to make it happen. We both ended up in Las Vegas for work in mid 2024 and played then and have met a couple of times since then.
 

My masseur doesn't know and even though they’re open, they don’t talk about stuff they do alone. My masseurs husband wants me to bring up the idea of a threesome to my masseur so that we can all play together and potentially have more opportunities to see each other but he doesn’t want me to mention that I’ve already played with his husband. 
 

Curious to get peoples opinion? I was thinking if I brought it up casually I could just see his reaction and determine if I should pursue the issue? I mentioned this to a bud who posts here regularly and he thought it was a bad idea. I don’t want to miss out on seeing my long time masseur but at the same time I’m very intrigued about seeing what can happen? 
 

I imagine some may think it’s a really bad idea and I find this forum to be very helpful so appreciate hearing any perspective from those willing to share. 

I agree with the sentiment that it’s best not to be the one to initiate this conversation. If your masseur’s husband wants a threesome, it should come from him—it’s his relationship, and he knows how to navigate those dynamics better than anyone else.

Another thing to consider is that you’ve already been with your masseur’s husband, presumably, without his knowledge. Even in an open relationship, that dynamic can get tricky. It’s one thing for them not to share details about what they do separately, but if you initiate the threesome conversation without that being disclosed, it could feel like you’re keeping a secret, and that might create unnecessary tension.

This is why I’d suggest letting the husband take the lead if this is something he wants to pursue. It keeps you out of the middle and avoids any potential fallout that could harm your relationship with your masseur. Sometimes, leaving well enough alone really is the smartest move.

[Michael PhD]

11 minutes ago, ApexNomad said:

I agree with the sentiment that it’s best not to be the one to initiate this conversation. If your masseur’s husband wants a threesome, it should come from him—it’s his relationship, and he knows how to navigate those dynamics better than anyone else.

Another thing to consider is that you’ve already been with your masseur’s husband, presumably, without his knowledge. Even in an open relationship, that dynamic can get tricky. It’s one thing for them not to share details about what they do separately, but if you initiate the threesome conversation without that being disclosed, it could feel like you’re keeping a secret, and that might create unnecessary tension.

This is why I’d suggest letting the husband take the lead if this is something he wants to pursue. It keeps you out of the middle and avoids any potential fallout that could harm your relationship with your masseur. Sometimes, leaving well enough alone really is the smartest move.

Thank you. You make a lot of good points. 

[polythome]

7 years leading to a first blowie must have been quite a build-up and quite some sexual tension

[pubic_assistance]

35 minutes ago, Michael PhD said:

I imagine some may think it’s a really bad idea and I find this forum to be very helpful so appreciate hearing any perspective from those willing to shar

I second the opinion of  @BenjaminNicholas 

[Michael PhD]

6 minutes ago, polythome said:

7 years leading to a first blowie must have been quite a build-up and quite some sexual tension

Not sure I was clear on timeline… thanks for input. 

[MikeThomas]

5 hours ago, Michael PhD said:

Early on after I started seeing him, I met his husbands.

How many husbands does he have? Is he in a thupple, a quadruple, etc?

[+ BenjaminNicholas]

1 hour ago, MikeThomas said:

How many husbands does he have?

She'd like a quick word about that...

[Michael PhD]

1 hour ago, MikeThomas said:

How many husbands does he have? Is he in a thupple, a quadruple, etc?

LOL. I edited my OP to fix my grammatical error. 

[viewing ownly]

Michael - they DO know about you with one another. They're being coy with it because you're content with the fun masseur and the great side sex with the hubby. All is well. They're content with their open relationship (I LOVE guys who have these, BTW), and you're getting the best of each of these guys for you.

There's nothing to ask - be thrilled that you're a fun ride and a not-so-secret additive. 

[Oakman]

Ask yourself if you really enjoy being a character in a soap opera. 

[+ Jamie21]

I’m guessing that the masseur and the husband don’t have a physical relationship together (any longer). You are potentially being used by the husband to restart that relationship but he’s reluctant to initiate that conversation with his husband so he’s asking you to do it. That could turn out badly for you and them. 

 

[ShortCutie7]

8 hours ago, viewing ownly said:

Michael - they DO know about you with one another. They're being coy with it because you're content with the fun masseur and the great side sex with the hubby. All is well. They're content with their open relationship (I LOVE guys who have these, BTW), and you're getting the best of each of these guys for you.

There's nothing to ask - be thrilled that you're a fun ride and a not-so-secret additive. 

This is what my gut says as well- they both know the full story and everyone wins.  They get both money and good sex from you, and you get to feel extra desirable.

[+ PhileasFogg]

So wait!  He’s bottoming for you while his husband is in the other room before you finish and then chat it up with hubby?

If that’s the case, I’m not sure it matters who tells whom (or is it whom tells who?)

 

[+ Vegas_Millennial]

1 hour ago, PhileasFogg said:

If that’s the case, I’m not sure it matters who tells whom (or is it whom tells who?)

 

You were correct the first time.  "Who" is the subject. "Whom" is the object.  "Who" did the telling; and, "Whom" was told. 

You could have also said: "I'm not sure it matters who is told by whom" or "I'm not sure it matters by whom who is told".  At least you did not use a preposition to end the sentence.  That is nonsense by whom up with which who shall not put.

Edited January 6 by Vegas_Millennial

[Michael PhD]

I don’t think they both know. I think that my masseurs husband assumes that I mess around as the masseur does advertise as having options for sensuality. I haven’t said anything and don’t get into details about our sessions but have made comments that would be hot to play with both. They both have Grindr amd Scruff and are linked to each other on Scruff and mention playing solo and together. 

With the masseur, the massage room is in an area removed from the living room and it’s pretty isolated. His husband is usually not there as I schedule during the working day. 
 

I think many bring up great points about potential downsides so decided to move on from this fantasy unless it’s initiated by one of them. 
 

Thanks guys. 

[soloyo215]

23 hours ago, Michael PhD said:

Hello,

 

I have been seeing a masseur for about 7 years. At first it was professional with the standard sensual elements at the end… mutual touch, happy ending. 
 

After a few visits, he began blowing me. When scheduling sessions thereafter, we would flirt a bit via text and I commented on his great ass and the next session he asked me to top him. Since then, he bottoms for me after the massage is over almost every time. We have never played outside of a session. 
 

Early on after I started seeing him, I met his husband. We hit it off and had a great conversation. Every time I get a massage, if he’s there, we chat for 20-30 min at the end. 
 

I saw my masseurs hubby on Grindr and connected there. We talked about wanting to play (open relationship) years ago but couldn’t figure out our schedules to make it happen. We both ended up in Las Vegas for work in mid 2024 and played then and have met a couple of times since then.
 

My masseur doesn't know and even though they’re open, they don’t talk about stuff they do alone. My masseurs husband wants me to bring up the idea of a threesome to my masseur so that we can all play together and potentially have more opportunities to see each other but he doesn’t want me to mention that I’ve already played with his husband. 
 

Curious to get peoples opinion? I was thinking if I brought it up casually I could just see his reaction and determine if I should pursue the issue? I mentioned this to a bud who posts here regularly and he thought it was a bad idea. I don’t want to miss out on seeing my long time masseur but at the same time I’m very intrigued about seeing what can happen? 
 

I imagine some may think it’s a really bad idea and I find this forum to be very helpful so appreciate hearing any perspective from those willing to share. 

Propose, and one of the three of you is not on board, then it won't happen. My guess is that this might not be the first time than people in an open marriage come across a person they have both met separately. If they really are that in sync with each other, chances are that they might already had that discussion about crossing paths with the same person

[+ ThroatCummer]

You miss 100% of the shots you don't take.  It really depends on how much it might go south and you risk never seeing or talking to either one of them again.  If you're okay with that -- well, you miss 100% of the shots you don't take.