"In love" how long it lasts?

[wanderlust307]

We've all been through this wonderful feeling in love phase. How long does it last? I read between a few months and a couple of years. What is your experience? And since we are on the topic, a second question, how often?

[pubic_assistance]

The early stage of Love is called cathexis. There is no guaranteed length of time where it may linger but here is a description of what we feel and why.

How Freud Says Cathexis and Anticathexis Control Psychic Energy

WWW.VERYWELLMIND.COM

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In Freud's theory of drives, he described a cathexis as a release of psychic energy. Learn more about...

 

[+ DynamicUno]

That's highly subjective.  Of course, never "fall" for a guy for hire, since you will inevitably regret the consequences when reality breaks in.

[liubit]

I fell in love 20+ years ago with my now husband and I am still in love with him. As far as providers are concerned, I fall in love for the exact duration of our session, and the feeling ceases the moment he walks out my door. 😉

[wanderlust307]

4 minutes ago, liubit said:

I fell in love 20+ years ago with my now husband and I am still in love with him.

But are you in love, or love him? Being in love, for example can't wait to see him, doesn't last that long. 

[wanderlust307]

1 hour ago, DynamicUno said:

That's highly subjective.  Of course, never "fall" for a guy for hire, since you will inevitably regret the consequences when reality breaks in.

Subjective, but we know when it happens. And providers or not, very often we face consequences.

[wanderlust307]

1 hour ago, pubic_assistance said:

The early stage of Love is called cathexis. There is no guaranteed length of time where it may linger but here is a description of what we feel and why.

How Freud Says Cathexis and Anticathexis Control Psychic Energy

WWW.VERYWELLMIND.COM

---

In Freud's theory of drives, he described a cathexis as a release of psychic energy. Learn more about...

 

Thats interesting.

[liubit]

7 minutes ago, wanderlust307 said:

But are you in love, or love him? Being in love, for example can't wait to see him, doesn't last that long. 

You make a good point. I understand the difference and I can say that I am still in love with him, or that I intensely love him….Your choice. 

[viewing ownly]

What can be complicated is finding the difference between love and obsession. Obsession leads to restraining orders. Love sucks when it isn't mutual. I feel for people who fall in love and when over time love is blossomed from the other person, the love waned or completely dissipated because it took too long. It also makes it difficult to ever want to find love again. 

For my mother, her love is eternal for my dad, now over 50 years divorced. For my dad, love ended when she refused to get an abortion with me. 

[BonVivant]

Ah love. Fickle master of our fates. In my case, it was always unrequited from my side. I loved; but never got it back in full measure. Or it came from someone I didn’t feel the same for.  Bad luck? My fate? I am told, As per my horoscope, it was either love and marriage when young (<23) or when old (>54). The former was true in the sense that I had opportunities. Then they all went away.  Will they come back? Maybe. Let’s see. 

[+ nycman]

On 7/18/2024 at 6:50 AM, wanderlust307 said:

How long does it last?

About 35 min, or until I cum.

Whichever happens first. 

[caramelsub]

On 7/19/2024 at 5:16 PM, nycman said:

About 35 min, or until I cum.

Whichever happens first. 

This is actually pretty valid. Through out the day I notice I am super horny. Especially when I go to the gym, I just want to have sex with all the hot guys I see there. But as soon as I go home, watch porn, jerk off and cum, I lose interest in men and sex very quickly… Until the next day when the cycle starts all over again.

[+ Jamie21]

On 7/19/2024 at 10:16 PM, nycman said:

About 35 min, or until I cum.

Whichever happens first. 

Ha ha, yes. That’s lust though. 

King Charles knows what love is now…but he didn’t when he replied to the question about being in love with Diana “yes…whatever ‘in love’ means” in 1981. 
 

[+ WilliamM]

I am in love right now with an older man who is retired college professor .

 

Not sure how long it will last.

  But guys our age  have a good chance 

 

[Rudynate]

What people call "being in love," to me, is infatuation.  For me, infatuation lasts for a few weeks to a couple months.  With my husband, things were different.  We didn't become infatuated.  Anyone would agree that he's drop-dead handsome, but the thing that really got me about him was the dignified way he conducts himself. From the very start of our relationship, I was pretty sure I wanted to spend my life with him. 

[jeezifonly]

I’ve heard this early stage of obsessive romance called “limerance” and I think it’s especially apt for gay love because it sounds less diagnostic and more sparkly.

It’s always meant as the lure into bonding. Meant to give way to some other connection. Anything from nothing, to partnership, friendship, FWB, life-long marriage. It’s magical and I love that I got to have it with my husband, and others before him. I never really had it with the obligatory college girlfriend.

I think those with long relationships who still have that “can’t stop thinking about you, can’t keep my hands off you” aspect unchanged, are few and far-between. 

[+ WilliamM]

On 7/25/2024 at 9:50 PM, WilliamM said:

I am in love right now with an older man who is retired college professor .

 

Not sure how long it will last.

  But guys our age  have a good chance 

 

Thanks for the previous responses.  we live in the same  building , which has been a plus.  Surprised he never been outsider the United States. Any suggestions on where we should go.

I have been to Australia, Russia and Brazil 

 

[wanderlust307]

6 hours ago, WilliamM said:

Any suggestions on where we should go.

 

Obviously Europe. London, Paris, Rome, Madrid, Barcelona, Athens, Copenhagen, Amsterdam, Munich, Hamburg, Vienna, Istanbul and the list goes on. Pick one city max two. Don't do the Grand Tour of Europe in a week 😅

[+ WilliamM]

15 hours ago, wanderlust307 said:

Obviously Europe. London, Paris, Rome, Madrid, Barcelona, Athens, Copenhagen, Amsterdam, Munich, Hamburg, Vienna, Istanbul and the list goes on. Pick one city max two. Don't do the Grand Tour of Europe in a week 😅

He taught  college British Literature for many years, so probably London. I believe hebelieve he also taught Jewish literature 

[+ Charlie]

5 hours ago, WilliamM said:

He taught  college British Literature for many years, so probably London. I believe hebelieve he also taught Jewish literature 

I can't imagine a college professor who taught British literature and never went to London! If that's true, you should definitely go there.

[+ WilliamM]

1 hour ago, Charlie said:

I can't imagine a college professor who taught British literature and never went to London! If that's true, you should definitely go there.

That is true, my friend 

He is not very talkative outside the classroom 

[wanderlust307]

5 hours ago, WilliamM said:

That is true, my friend 

He is not very talkative outside the classroom 

You may consider combining London with Edinburgh for a day or two.

I'd love to see how the English professor copes with the Scottish accent. 😅

Edited August 6, 2024 by wanderlust307

[SD_Exec]

I've been seeing the same provider for over 3 years now, and we still spend lots, lots of time together, and we say I love you to each other all the time. We have an amazing chemistry. Real love can exist even when you're paying the guy. I am married (no sex with my husband), and I have kids. I'm happy with my long term relationship with the provider. 

[SD_Exec]

On 7/19/2024 at 4:44 AM, BonVivant said:

Ah love. Fickle master of our fates. In my case, it was always unrequited from my side. I loved; but never got it back in full measure. Or it came from someone I didn’t feel the same for.  Bad luck? My fate? I am told, As per my horoscope, it was either love and marriage when young (<23) or when old (>54). The former was true in the sense that I had opportunities. Then they all went away.  Will they come back? Maybe. Let’s see. 

You have many people who love you and you might not even know. Whenever I need to have some faith again, I take some time to work on myself, maybe work on some personal project or business. There can be love without marriage

[moonlight]

2 hours ago, SD_Exec said:

Real love can exist even when you're paying the guy.

I haven't been on this site long, but this seems like a common delusion here. Take away the cash payments and you'll see how much mutual "real love" there is. I'm glad you're in a situation you're happy with but it seems like a dangerous mindset to me.

That's not to say there can't be mutual admiration and respect among provider and client. But that ain't real love. Maybe it's just semantics.

Edited August 10, 2024 by moonlight